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I wouldn’t put someone I’ve known for less than 3 yrs as my beneficiary let alone my employer. Bf doesn’t know how to count back using his gf age to figure out the year of birth?
Some may disagree, here but I understand your POV:
I told her if they in engage in sexual activity I wouldn't take her back no matter what. Which she called me immature for.
Its a nail in the coffin for you, it provides you with proof that you two are officially over. All this time you've been clinging onto that last piece of hope, finally cut by sleeping with another.
She's free to make her own choices, you have to respect that. And you're always within the right to respond with your current position
Why would you be weak for trying to make it work? You would be if she was a cheater. Outside of that, you have children here, a relationship that worked one day and could be repaired if work was put it. There is enough value in return. So, don't think yourself as a weak man.
A strong man would step up to the plate for the challenge. Doing whatever it takes to make it work.
But you two need to lay it all out there. A serious deep heart to heart. This is no game. Are we going to put our all into this or not?
Regarding the other guy… if she does go through with it, it will complicate your relationship if it was repaired. So, fingers crossed that she doesn't go through with it. You need to allow her to make that decision on her own accord.
Lets say you two reconnect. You need to take it in baby steps. Start by enjoying the others company. Focus on the overall connection first. And layer these things in moderation:
Some issues we had in our realtionship was her not respecting me, being aggressive, and an extreme lack of sex and Intimacy. Our realtionship went stale and it felt like roommates.
Dumping that all at once, with have negative effects. Your connection will be fragile, so be delicate with it. Do not get work up about those things, they need to be address when its safe to do so.
But for the time being, you need to decide for yourself what you truly want. You want it to get it another? Okay, well you better come up with a game plan and pour everything you have into it once put in motion. You need to be up for the challenge.
I commented over when you put this on r/sex but here’s my opinion again because i have been thinking of your situation.
I think you need to talk with your current bf and talk about this issue, and thats going to be super uncomfortable. You need to try to put it behind you and talk about all the uncomfortable feelings he may have so that they dont linger and persist over time.
Secondly i think that you unfortunalty you may need to recognize that this is the beginning of the end. Things will likely not go back to the way they were and i regret to inform you that.
Thirdly, absolutely take your piece of shit ex to court over the damages. As other comments said, revenge porn is illegal and he should be held accountable for the damages.
This! Thank you! The people saying “he's already decided who is more important are idiots”. If he chose the ex-FWB he wouldnt have said “I have to think about it”, he would've said “I'm going.”
Me personally, I would've asked if the friend if you can come with. Ask if you can go to. If he doesn't want that, or the best friend says you cant come…then you know there's a problem.
She was freshly traumatized and heavily medicated and just left the hospital she couldn’t consent. He definitely needs to re learn consents because if what he says is true then his wife is right
Fuck NO. His house his problem. The only way you pay for anything on that house is if your name is also one the mortgage. Until then tell him to kick rocks.
The fact that you have to have a disclaimer for us not to judge that she's a stripper shows your inherent aversion to it and that speaks volumes about you. You knew she was a stripper when you met, she makes great money in a short time, she is a wonderful girlfriend. What's your issue? If you are not comfortable with it and can't be supportive then let her go to find someone who won't look down on her for what she does.
I’m 8 months pregnant. Have an older kid, home and dog. Lot to think about
It will depend entirely on the guy. Some guys enjoy giving head for Its own sake, and don't consider it a quid pro quo.
Yes there are plenty of situations out there. However, I am not seeing your specific example in OP’s situation. Where are you seeing that OP’s roommate owns the home? I am seeing that they are roommates living in an apartment, not that the roommate owns the apartment and is allowing friends to live! there…
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“Dickful thinking” is when your dick convinces you to believe someone is into you when they're just being polite or friendly. Occam's razor: you're reading into this something that isn't there. You will cause problems for yourself if you do anything to “pursue” what you think is reciprocated interest
Well according to every man in this thread when he watches porn he’s imagining fucking that girl so tell me how that’s not supposed to make me feel uncomfortable
Because it's in his nature to cheat. This is who he is, this is what he does.
It sounds like your fiancé’s brother is jealous of the attention you’re taking away from him and your fiancé enables him.
Is this what you want to deal with the rest of your life?
And it doesn’t get better after you get married if it’s not already good. It gets worse with people like that
Do you have anyone with autism around you? Do you know how their brains work? Are you generalising that everyone has the same level of understanding about how things work without having done them before?
Perhaps there are other ways to approach this situation. I am just making suggestions. There is no harm in having another approach suggested.
People are more motivated by rewards or challenges than they are punishments, that is generally true of most people.
Just because someone has a job does no mean they suddenly have life skills.
He may never have seen mash being made, have no idea that there are resources for doing this, have a rigid set of rules about being perfect in doing something or not trying unless you can do it right first time. We don't know his particular set of skills or challenges or what areas he feels comfortable with or struggles doing.
As I suggested the OP test what is going on and find out if this can be a teaching moment instead of going straight to being fed up there is a chance to improve the relationship encourage him to explore with the right set of motivations.
It isn't the only way to approach this, but a different viewpoint doesn't hurt anyone.
Comment from Reddit: Dude, I think your girlfriend might be using you for a place to stay.
OP: I bought a house and she came with.
That's exactly what the other commenter referred to. She only agreed for counselling once she had to start searching for a place of her own to move out to. You asked her to move out and now she wants to work on your relationship but hasn't made any effort. You're either naive or dumb. If you wanna keep on getting played, then it's fine as that's your relationship.
You keep the condoms and regularly count them but you don’t fuck? K.
So for someone to be persuaded to believe in religion, they should not talk to someone who can provide evidence and research to back their claims?
Makes sense.
Do you have complete amnesia to all of the events that happened after? Your actions have consequences. You were UN-invited.
There is a very simple and easy answer to your question. Fucking ask the bride if you should come to the wedding. That way you’ll actually know how she feels directly instead of playing all of these guessing games in your head.
I don't get the general sentiment in the comments. If one of the guys had brought a crazy one night stand girl, no one would suggest he should stop altogether because “he demonstrated poor judgment and has to live! with the consequences”. It happened once. Also, I see no one addressing the fact that the behavior of the roommates might have caused the escalation in behaviour. Did they barge in angry and ready to fight, or did they came in and try to deescalate? The story doesn't say.
>I need to bring it up with my girlfriend of course but I don’t really know how to bring something like that up. I know this is pretty specific, but does anyone know how I can bring this up?
Here's what I would do. I would sit down with your girlfriend and say “I need to tell you about a conversation I had with your father the other day. He said…”
Get her advice and input. She might have more information to share.
You deserve so much more than this, not only from your girlfriend but also from her family. They've never met you, yet they cut off their daughter financially for dating you? This makes zero sense to me.
Perhaps it is a cultural or religious issue, but even if this is the case, you should be getting more out of a relationship than incredibly insensitive comments like she's been making. I wouldn't forgive her either, and I don't blame you one bit for still being upset.
I think you should move on from this relationship. It might be really hot, but in the end, I think you will be so much happier with someone who loves you and has a loving and supportive family – to you both.
Yeah, that’s not how courts operate. He kindly won’t be on the hook for child support, but the fact that his two teenage step kids have shitty attitudes will have nothing to do with it.
Yeah clearly she's hiding something. I think she was looking through your phone to get some dirt on you which she can fling back if/when you find out whatever she's hiding. Best to have a serious talk.
This is straight manipulation. You need to be selfish and watch out for yourself.
That’s.. why I’m here. To move towards that because I know I’m in the wrong.
Okey dokey. ??
Not an eating disorder for sure. She literally told me her whole medical history. She even apologized to me for “trauma dumping” but like I said she gets weirded out by me wanting to drink at a brewery that’s known for its beer not food?
I'm Bi, but this is absolutely not ok. Some couples are ok with this kind of thing, but obviously not everyone is, and it should be clearly and openly discussed BEFORE anything ever happens.
Your girlfriend cheated and broke your trust. I'm so sorry.
your worried about her feeling when she does not care about yours?
Part of a relationship is supporting each other emotionally and I can say my wife is one of my biggest supporters in my life.
You are young and have too many years ahead to settle on this. Address it with her and see if it helps and if nothing changes than move on and do not wast your years to come.
Giiiiirl you are way too young to be dealing with this drama. Not to mention he hid it from you for so long. Who’s to say he won’t get lonely next to you argue and go over to his baby mamas place. This sounds like a mess you don’t need. I get you care about him, but do you really want the responsibility of being a step mom figure at 23?…
Do you know his home address? If so, you could call his local police and ask them to do a wellness check.
Love the oxymoron, but your advice still holds with what others say – speak with my partner honestly – thanks ?
There's probably a good chance that the reason you felt like he was ignoring you, was because he was seeing another woman at the time.
No the discussion should be why OP feels he shouldn't play games with women. I have friends that are women and It doesn't make sense to cut out friends just so because they are women and OP is insecure. That's disrespectful.
Thanks for this :*) this made me feel a lot better. I’m also extremely upset bc they hate to acknowledge anything I do right or that I work hot & get good grades. I got an award for being top 10% of my cohort at a top 10 law school in the UK & my dad said it’s not that extraordinary bc lots of other people got it too… and blamed it on video games…
Girl… he's not worth it. Next time block him back and move on with your life.
Seek grief counseling. It is a long process, but will help tremendously. Sorry for your loss. Sending you prayers.
I understand. I’m trying not to be sensitive but this language is extremely difficult.
It’s not a checklist. It shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s neither. It’s not your ex
By your description, you are being considerate of her feelings. She's being clingy. And you basically need to tell her “you are being too clingy” without trying to dance around it.
Its something she has to work on. You've done all you can.
When I was younger I was in a similar situation. I was back and forth between two girls, and trying to make a decision before either of them could get hurt. I was leaning towards girl number 1, because my 18 year old brain told me she had bigger breasts and that’s what I wanted.
Anyways they both found out, and broke the news to me by inviting me to a group chat they had started. It was a huge mess and a bummer for everyone.
Almost ten years later now, I wish I could’ve married girl number 2. She was one of my best friends and we still remained friends. But she never looked at me the same after everything, and eventually got married to some one else.
Hope this story helps.
dump him
Postpone the wedding! Couple's therapy.
You agreed.
And if multiple people had responded that they had gone out with the guy, or if the post had shown up after they had started dating then maybe there would be something to it. But there was a single post with no comments from two weeks before they got together. Nothing about that is unusual or incriminating.
Yeah, not into games and the ones he is playing are about control and manipulation. At best he is a super needy person, which is so draining, and at worst he is a jealous, controlling person. You seem strong, inset and confident. You don’t need him brining you down.
This sounds like it's going to be a disaster.
This girl already has a kid she's still in the process of getting divorced, and she's already in a serious relationship with you. She's just jumping from man to man. How long have you been dating that she's already introduced you to her child?
They work at the same restaurant, there's no way that word of it didn't spread around. You're being a bit paranoid here, if he lied she'd have heard about it from her other coworkers or her boss.
Nice.