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  1. That could be worth a try, although I wonder if she'll really be humble enough to recognize her wrong. She's already doubled down on it once so i feel like her pride will get in her way.

    But it's better to try than not! Good luck and update us if you want

  2. Did your in-laws just get the kids gifts? Or did they get your partner a gift as well but nothing for you?

    In my family, we only do gifts for the kids. There’s so damned many of them that it’s expensive enough as it is. Adding the parents (my siblings and their partners) is just too much for the budget.

  3. It is understandable that you feel stuck between a rock and very hot place in this difficult situation. It sounds like you’ve experienced profound hurt from your parents, especially the experience of being sent away to Africa and not having the same life experiences as your siblings. You absolutely have every right to no longer seek their approval or be at odds with them if they refuse to apologize or try therapy/counseling in order to address any underlying issues.

    Although it appears that reasonable conversations are off the table at this time, it may still be worth talking with them again when possible; respectful communication can potentially spur some understanding about what everyone is going through during this strained period for the family dynamic. Meanwhile, holding onto forgiveness does not mean condoning past wrongs from others; rather, you can acknowledge hurtful events but also move on from them by allowing assertiveness and kindness towards those who caused pain without necessarily expecting an apology from them as well. If any outside support would help assist in processing these heavy feelings related to all of this, consider seeking counseling services or starting a talk forum such as 12-step meetings for further guidance (both virtually).

  4. You clearly aren't presenting it well. Take her to dinner…after dinner order dessert and before it arrives tell her you “want to let her know how much you love her but wanted to write it down so she could always carry it with her”. Then present the letter to her and as she realizes what it says propose to her with the ring.

  5. Idk did you hear the whole conversation? Did she trash talk him first? When my friends and I play with eachother we can be a bit toxic but it’s all in good fun and no one gets offended. If you’re all good friends, as long as it’s a mutual understanding and you don’t really mean it, you can make jokes at eachother’s expense

  6. Hello /u/notthisagain56789,

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  7. This is no way to live your life. You need to learn to love yourself before you can even think about loving somebody else, and I don't mean the garbagecan next to you in the bed.

  8. My mom is actually 5'10″ – so at 225 pounds she's technically about 50 pounds overweight. Her medical team says that even if she doesn't lose a single additional pound, this amount of weight will have a “negligible” effect on her long-term health if she sticks to a healthy diet and stays physically active – so given that she's only 42 it's likely she'll have 30+ more healthy years.

  9. Update to this post. We got in a fight about this and I said he needed to talk to his family before we can move forward. We didn’t speak after that and it’s been about a week (he said in the past he needed time to do this so I was giving him his time). Today, my grandmother who I am SUPER close with, and he’s spent a lot of time with, was hospitalized and we were called at 2am as they did not think she’d make it through the night. I called one person on the way there, and it was him. Long story short, after me texting him an update that wasn’t good, he didn’t respond. I waited 8 hours before reaching out and saying I was disappointed he couldn’t even respond to that. We spoke and I said I couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to support me through this and fly back to support me. Later I texted him and called him because I needed support. My last text to him says “can you respond to me, I really need support right now.” 6 hours later and I never got a response. Come to find out, he blocked me. He blocked me on the day we almost lost my grandmother. I’m confused, sad, and hurt. But mostly confused as to why anyone would ever do that.

  10. My Mother in Law, a smoker at the time, visited my no-tobacco-use-in-the-house-per-terms-of-the-lease home. We consulted with the landlord and set up a smoking area for her on the patio. But it was cold, so she “snuck” smoking in our bedroom (where she was staying), thinking we wouldn't be able to tell. I literally had to clean the carpets and scrub down the walls after she left & we were STILL smelling the cigarette smoke in thre six months later. Fortunately, by the time we moved out 2 years later, the smell had dissapated enough that we didn't get hit with a fee for it.

    When you smoke, you really have no idea how strong tobacco smells are to the non-smokers of the world. Add pregnancy to the equation and you are literally, well, the opposite of the word I was going to use in your case. Maybe take yourself to a spa with a steam sauna & see if you can get the stench out of your pores? You may just have to hang in there until such time as the your body has purged all traces of tobacco from your skin, mouth, and hair.

  11. This is similar to how I found out my husband was cheating. Wish I’d investigated before asking him as it just gave him more time to lie and make an idiot of me.

  12. After that second comment about keeping her in a box I would be worried. She's either going to end up cheating or she'll leave you to get out of that box.

  13. I married the absolute love of my life in spite of feeling like his mom all the fucking time. He is an absolutely wonderful person, and we were best friends for four years while we were together. but I felt like his mom in very similar ways to what you describe: having to pick up after him, delegating if I wanted to get anything done, having to manage the household by myself. We are no longer married and it has been the most heartbreaking, exhausting, terrible thing I've ever lived through. Get out now, while you can.

  14. Dude this is so heartbreaking and frustrating. There is a very thick wall between having your own space and sexting women live. It's a habit he cant control? Really? He is not doing a major favour on you and humanity by “not following through, not meeting them personally” What the actual fuck? He is having affairs. That's the word. He is cheating on you. WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN. How desperate is he that he has to do this with others? He asks for space from you, lies to you and says he can't control it? Cheating does not begin only when you meet them and do stuff with them.

    You need to stop wedding prep till this is sorted. I am Indian 30F, I also don't want kids and I have a high enough drive as well. But if I was in your place, I would definitely see if I can sue him for emotional damages and compensation for having invested so much into this relationship. I would take screen shots of everything and make a slideshow to show to my family and his. And show stats of exactly how many women he is talking to. Let his mom then defend him. Selfish hypocrites.

    Can you even trust him going ahead? There are many people in our generation who don't want kids and are more sorted in their lives by 30 for work, priorities and their own issues. Don't settle or adjust for this shit excuse of a human being because he never left his mom's pallu and is a spoilt, entitled man-child. Take your time, don't rush.

  15. I work with the trans community, children are not being pushed into taking hormones. A lot of the anti trans movement is paid actors and misinformation.

  16. Because sex is something both parties are ment to enjoy, not something one party endures. She does not want anal. It does not turn her on, she is appalled by the thought of having anal sex. “Giving anala second chance” is not going to be an enjoyable experience, especially not with someone who does not seem to respect her boundries.

  17. So many red flags here… he is pushing you and not respecting you

    Talking to his buddy about it and then wanting it to happen next week

    He is not listening to you

    He doesnt get to decide if you have sex with anyone else and you are clearly not interested

    Lay down the law.. tell him no and to NEVER bring it up again, this is a very hot limit

    Your question of how can i be ok with it is so telling, dont give in OP stand your ground, his needs do not trump your needs and a NO is always more important then his yes

    Let him be angry, it just shows his lack of respect for you and draw your conclusions about what kind of shit husband he is

  18. Would his mother consider trading with your boyfriend so that he owns the house and she lives in an apartment, in exchange for living with his brother?

    If she did this, how would you feel about it?

  19. I didn't say he doesn't deserve a relationship at all, as long as he gets his shit together and stops cheating and hanging out with cheaters. I don't believe he deserves someone that he's cheated on. I don't view cheating as a “mistake;” he went through with it because he wanted to, or else he wouldn't have done it. That is not a mistake. And he wasn't so drunk that he couldn't have avoided the situation; he says himself he went along with it and he fully remembers it. If she ever makes such a “mistake” like you suggest she might, I would hope the relationship wouldn't last. By that logic, all cheaters should be forgiven the first time. And at 23 years old, the man knows cheating is wrong.

    I wouldn't view him as trustworthy or a better partner as long as he keeps people around who cheat with no remorse, either, and continues to help them do it, or while he's drinking and evidently unable to make good decisions while drunk.

    How do you know that it's better for his happiness? He claims to feel extreme guilt now; how do you know that it'll eventually disappear? How do you know it won't cause him a lot more emotional harm as time goes on? If he truly feels remorse, it isn't something that he'll forget or that he'll stop feeling pain over. It could just as well make things worse for his mental health. And for her, it's not safe to assume that she would be okay with it down the line or that she would not want to know. The majority of people would not just shrug cheating off; cheating is a dealbreaker for most, regardless of how much time has passed or how good life is. She's been cheated on before, as OP states, and she's not with that ex anymore for a reason.

    More often than not, cheating doesn't remain hidden. People break up and find out long afterwards that their ex cheated on them somehow. People find out years and years later and leave. Some people find out very soon after. Considering that OP's got friends who know he cheated, which will likely make the rounds to other friends and may end up in writing when he discusses it with those friends who know, the chances she will find out are not zero.

    Relationships are meant to be built on trust and honesty. In what way is it ethical to hide something like cheating from your SO? How does that create a stable foundation of trust and a strong history of honesty? Her trust may already be flawed in some ways that OP hasn't seen yet. Even if he does change, I don't see how that magically erases what he did.

    Sorry, but I don't see how hiding cheating is ethical or fair to her.


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