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If she had just been with your friend before you, then I would say that the past is the past and you can't fault her for dating other people before you met.
She, however, has demonstrated the following:
She has no issues being with a married man, showing a lack of ethics (although the biggest fault for the adultery obviously lies with the man in this case because he was the one who was married) She hid the fact she was with your friend from you and came up with a bullshit excuse for why it ended. This 'small dick' thing is bullshit meant to stroke your ego to dampen your reaction to it.
She doesn't sound like someone I'd want to date. You know the facts. Make your choice.
My ex-husband used to pressure me to have sex. It only served to alienate me further. The real problem was that he wasn't as thoughtful, caring, and attentive as he was in the past. Women are different than men: foreplay starts long before the clothes come off. Women need to feel secure, loved, and genuinely cared about.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this right now it must feel like you've had the rug pulled out from under you. Of course your wife deserves to be happy and follow her own desires but it's a huge adjustment for you. I don't have any great advice because there's nothing you can do to change someone's preferences and choices, you have to just accept it which is incredibly difficult so honestly I think therapy is the way to go as you process and work through this. Dating again after marriage can be scary but there are so many people your age who are currently going through the same thing or have gone through it and currently single so dating at 40 is not impossible although daunting. Definitely consider therapy as I said, perhaps couples therapy if your wife agrees, it might help you navigate the new stages of the relationship you are entering into with her and ease the changes.
Did he know he was sexually coercing her at the time?
Maybe you should ask your son why he doesn't want to online there?
He could just not want to listen to the baby cry at night….
It’s totally fine to have an issue with it. Don’t let Reddit tell you otherwise. If you can’t move past it you’ll just have to move on from the dude
100%
Nothing that affects me or my fiancé. He had a hit and run recently that my fiancé might not be pleased with.
Again. Have a chat. You need to a. Tell her how you feel about her. B. Get clarity on where she sees this going. And c. Stop beating around the bush. Be a man and do the thing.
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How would this situation work? How do I be with him without being with him?
Yeah, great questions. I didn’t want to make this too long, so I said the gist. Honestly, I’m not sure since they eat around the same food as all of us in the household but only became moreso after starting high school. Elementary and middle school were not bad. Not saying we’re athlete healthy, but average. We have consulted both doctor and therapist. Doctor says they don’t see any issues that would cause it (like thyroid) although did mention body fat concerns, and therapist did not mention any diagnoses. They also were annoyed by the doctor since they felt fatshamed (and I know it’s a very hot topic in medicine so I’ll leave it at that). Teen also wasn’t receptive since they felt everything the therapist said or suggested they knew or tried and didn’t work. I’ve suggested therapy again and they don’t want to go since they feel they’ll say the same things.
She does always know where I am and whose with me
Yes it is. He liked you at 13. He was a position of authority over you. I'm sure he told you how “mature” you were and how you “weren't like other girls”. He was a grown ass man getting with a 16 year old. He's a pedophile.
You're a textbook picture of a victim of grooming by a pedophile.
It sounds like your partner is anxious about your son going to school for the first time. That’s understandable.
I would suggest giving it a month or two after your son starts school, just so you and your partner can both see that he’s settling in nicely. Then maybe you could begin actively searching for work around that time.
That way you’re still actually at home if your son should need you, and that should reassure your partner too. And you would also be meeting your own need to adapt to the new circumstances.
Maybe don’t post your stupid life decisions online and expect everyone to treat you like the poor, helpless victim your mind wants to believe you are. People are being rude to you because you’re transparent af. You’re a shitty person, your kid is fucked.
So you're saying men should be able to “opt out” of their bad decisions. Yeah, no. That's absurd.
But women can opt out via abortion ,vwhich involves killing a developing fetus? Is that not also absurd?
That’s really, really tough.
He’s gaslighting you into believing you are the gold digger but it’s really him that is. Def keep your money separate and you should split everything in half.
It's 2am here and freezing cold outside. So, no thanks.
Your friend is stupid as hell bro
You didn't ask her out. You assumed she would date you and demanded a time. You need to adjust your approach. Listen to your friends, don't bring it up again. You caught the poor girl off-guard.
If he is not an actor or has any other key attributes that are needed for the video, the question “why him and noone else” is in my option 100% valid.
Also: He asked you for your approval and now is mad because you said no? Something is not right here.
It smells like some kind of setup.
She believes I was swapped with a dead baby and illegally put up for adoption. She believes the hospital complicit.
If the internet seems like the best place to get relationship guidance, rather than trusted people in your life or having a straightforward conversation, odds are good that the relationship is bad and the advice is fine.
Jesus Christ that is absurd
Sounds like he’s drifting away from you because of the workload and making friends which he is naturally very invested in.
Uni work is so much more intense than school work. And he probably wants in person downtime with his friends to discuss the coursework and chill.
Sorry to say but you’re no longer first priority now you’re long distance rather than close by.
What do you mean you don’t know why she amass a divorce? She doesn’t want to raise your exes child. This is perfectly reasonable of her. She’s not trying to stop you seeing your son. She’s being reasonable about that part of it. Personally I’d not have put myself on that situation either. Looks like your ex reached out to you because of money and it will be a messy situation. Your wife likely feels she’ll be better off out of the drama, as will the children you share with her.
As for all the other stuff you need to speak to an attorney.
By reading everything below, I am sure you can see how you were wrong. I would like to take a moment to give a shout out to the now ex. That girl produced zero drama for herself. Clueless now ex-bf asks her to pick out a gift for his female friend (who has likely been an issue in the past and in every one of this guy’s relationships). Then she is told they are gonna get drinks, etc and apparently she is not invited. Clue now ex realizing she is worth more. She does the task requested, then proceeds to get her stuff and exit this toxic relationship. Her walking in on them was likely a coincidence as she likely assumed they would still be out. Good for her, more people should be this aware
and I responded “well I hate you”
First of all, don't feel sorry for your feelings, however, whenever someone tries to bait you, you don't have to take the bait.
I have family members like this and while they are bigger I used to absolutely get up there and scrap with them. Now at an older age, i just don't interact with those that don't treat me well. I don't have to put up with bad behavior anymore, family or not.
I maybe have forgiven myself and some of my family, but that doesn't mean i'm going to forget the continual and persistent abusive behavior.
If you feel that you need some time apart, do it. You have or may not come back, that is up to you. However don't feel back about cutting off abusive and hurtful people, whomever they may be.
It doesn’t logically make sense the time stamp can’t change, also even if it was old that would definitely be an ick to me I’m sorry this is happening to you I just hope whatever decision you choose you’re happy with it
My husband and I have separate accounts. We both we were in financially abusive relationships prior to our marriage. It never occurred to us to combine incomes into a joint account, especially since it’s easy to transfer money to each other. That said, my husband doesn’t spend any large amounts without me knowing and vice versa. Your fiancée’s casual behavior is alarming.
If he loved you he wouldn’t say he was going to have a threesome “whether you’re a part of it or not.” He not only wants you to do something you’re not comfortable with and is willing to manipulate you into it, he is literally threatening to cheat on you to get it.
Dump him.
He might have been embarrassed? Not that what he did is ok.
If they are a reasonable people, this will become a joke/story. If not, they are aholes that you shouldn’t worry too much about.
I agree that could also be the meds – mania
really don't make a big decision without professional advice
Id put a very hot foot down and say either we both gotta smell good for bed or you let ME make my own decisions about my personal care and back off.
why tf has ur bf of 3 months moved in already. with ur child.
U NEED TO WATCH HOW UR SON IS REACTING TO THIS STRANGE MAN.
u need to make sure he is not shy and stand offish because ur bf is mistreating him when u arent around. OP, get it tf together. do not leave this man alone with ur son.
and u need to take a step back. U MOVED A FUCKING STRANGER, OF 3 MONTHS INTO UR HOME WITH UR CHILD. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH U. OFCOURSE UR CHILD IS STANDOFFISH AND WEARY. who wouldn't be. he seems to have more sense then u.
put a camera in ur sons room and don't tell this bf of urs. because it may not be that he's just shy, BUT HIS BEHAVIOR IS SHOWING SOMETHING ELSE.
By moving on and dating other people.
I've never really been one for self pleasure and I don't usually feel attraction to anyone else so I can't really say but it might be in general?
Exactly. This is his warning. A year from now if he sticks around he can’t blame her for simping.
You know, I think she has forced this drama on purpose. She wasn't cheating on you… before this, but she wanted to. She wanted you to profess your jealousy for this coworker, so that she can attack a strawman, and get upset that you suspect her of cheating, This is relationship sabotage 101.
Now she can feel excused to do things with this coworker, because you have “pushed” her into doing this by your “unwarranted” jealousy. Absolutely detestable.
Whether she has cheated on you physically on you already I can not know, but I would bet my head emotional cheating is going for a while already. In any case, if she hasn't cheated yet, she will soon enough. You should come to terms with this reality.
There is nothing you can do to save your relationship. Personally, I would write her message, reiterating my conclusion to her behaviour. Then follow it up, by writing that you can't tolerate this situation, and as much as it pains you, divorce is probably the only solution.
It is sad, but sometimes that is how life goes. What you can still do it is to get out of this mess with dignity, as you can't for your wife to be faithful, and love you enough to stay that way.
There is low, but not zero chance she will try to repair things with you instead of deflecting your (true) accusations. Personally I don't think agreeing to work things out is a good idea, but considering how long you have been with her I will understand if you want to try. In which case, her quitting her job asap and cutting all contact with that guy is first condition. Do not bother thinking of other conditions since this one is likely to be rejected anyway. In which case there is no hope what so ever, and regardless of what she may say, you should follow with divorce.