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  1. This one is weird. Did she specify why? Did he cheat? Is he drinking too much? Is he not spending enough time with her?

    If she's coming to you, then maybe going to your buddy wasn't working out between the two of them and she had to escalate it. But it's also a them problem. I'm not sure I'd act on this one if I didn't get more reasoning from the wife.

  2. You fool. Prepare for fatherhood. I’m a woman. Birth control pills are taken regularly no matter what state a woman’s monthly cycle is like. The pills are regular even if the periods aren’t – not the other way around! She wants to get pregnant, and congratulations, you’re the sperm donor. How far & how long are you going to be her puppet? Will she drag you down the isle because you got her pregnant? Will you spend the next couple of decades paying through the nose in child support? It will be your own fault for being so stupid. Grow a spine and get some condoms. If she won’t let you use them, throw her ass out of bed.

  3. Use your words. If someone is doing something you don’t like, tell them instead of running to the internet for advice.

  4. The thing is, they have always been this way. I mean, my wife has been through this since she was a child. So it doesn't come to her as a surprise.

    They do this to her even now, and she lets them because she has to otherwise hear even more bs.

    She understands the damage it causes, she is hesitant to take concrete steps because it's her mother and little sister and she does not want to bring about conflict in relations.

    I have tried to drive at the point many times, but they never own up. They consider it harmless banter to poke around with the kids mind and laugh at the innocent reactions they get. In one instance, the little sis said she will keep doing it and I had no business to poke around the relation between her and her nephew.

    I think it is time i give them the ultimatum. Shit people deserve shit behaviour.

  5. So, you have to leave out information, otherwise he looks like an asshole. You know that means he’s an asshole, right? Seems like everyone can see this but you?

  6. u/Mammoth-Honeydew-227, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  7. How is she the only one with this information? Also…you called her a “not so nice word” and I'm assuming that's probably only the sanitized half of the story. Wonder WHY she backed off twice and now wants nothing to do with you…

  8. You’ll never impress her and you’ll never change her.

    Because of that, no-one can tell you what’s right here as long as you know whatever you choose is right. If you decide to put up with the comments you know will come for all the other things you love about her, then that’s right. If you decide you can’t handle it anymore, that’s also right.

    Sounds like grandma is a mixed bag of racism, love, homophobia, and more love. That’s a real shit combo and I get why you’re conflicted since there’s real love there, but also some real dark streaks.

    Since you have your dads support, I’d just start talking loudly and slowly when she does the marriage stuff. GRANDMA ARE YOU FORGETTING STUFF AGAIN?? YOU KNOW I DATE GIRLS. DO YOU WANT A NAP AND SOME PORRIDGE? but that’s just immature and makes me laugh, it won’t actually be productive in real life.

  9. Hello /u/Typical-Football6673,

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  10. Of course he isn’t interested in just being a friend. If he was then he would be including you because you are now part of Liz’s life. He isn’t. And he’s obviously courting her. Yes two friends can catch up and go out together. For a coffee or a lunch. Where he’s taking her is places you would take someone when you are dating.

    Liz has to stop enabling him and she needs to draw some boundaries. You are a couple. You are going to meet him as a couple. If he doesn’t include you then she shouldn’t go out with him, no matter how much she’s wanted to go to wherever he’s taking her. She should return the latest gifts and make it clear that she won’t accept any more. She doesn’t have to be rude or hurtful, just make it clear it makes her uncomfortable. Maybe say something like if he insists on giving her gifts she’ll be more comfortable donating them to charity. And she should definitely go low-key in terms of contact.

    And like others have commented, I’ve deliberately said that SHE needs to do these things. You telling him to back off won’t mean shit. If anything it’ll spur him on because he’ll interpret it as the jealous boyfriend lashing out and if you’re jealous it must mean she has feelings for him. So she’s the one that has to say all these things and make it clear it’s what she wants. Be there when she does it, for safety reasons. But it’s her that has to do it. I hope she understands why she needs to do this and I hope it works out with minimal drama. Good luck.

  11. Gaming has ruined many marital lives, my sister included. Not usually just gaming but added with other things like manipulation or weaponised incompetence and/or porn addiction.

    Our policy at our house is that the gaming computers are in one of the connected living rooms. None of this locked away teenager nonsense.

  12. Don't marry her. If i read this, she has no respect for you, uses you and will even get worse if you both get married and she can be sure, you won't run away. I'm pretty sure that she will start to cheat on you when you work and the child is in school, if she doesn't do it already.

    You have 50 years infront of you. You are already miserable. Why marry her? Get a lawyer for your child.

  13. People getting drunk are free to do whatever they like.

    I do shake my head watching grown adults behave like children. Perhaps too many alcoholics in my life. It all stopped being funny years ago.

  14. Exactly my thoughts. She had to point out that he's a minority as if there's a known difference in how minorities treat the police. And doesn't she know that “white” people are becoming a smaller percentage of the population.

  15. Lying can become a pattern out of necessity to protect oneself: OP seems unable- or unwilling- to realize she's not wanted so the twins have to lie to spare her feeling and keep her out of their hair.

    They shouldn't have to do that: that is learned behavior that OP reinforced at some point by not knowing when to quit.

    She just wants to understand why. Which is fair.

    No, it's not fair. The twins don't need a reason beyond: we don't want to hang out with OP.

    Imagine you turn someone down when they ask you out on a date but they continue to dog your every step because they “just want to understand why.” That's stalking.

    No means no. Being related doesn't change that.

  16. Giving you a list of names is kind of strange, and might be a manipulation so you subconsciously know you can be replaced.

    Ask him if he's told them that he's involved with you. He wants there to be no misunderstandings, he should be telling the co-worker and all the other multitudes that he'll continue to flirt with them but they have to know that he's in a relationship so it won't go anywhere. If he balks at this suggestion, then you know he's prioritizing them or his need for ego stroking over you.

    Ultimately if it feels wrong, it doesn't matter what the story is.

  17. Sometimes no one does anything wrong and things still don't work out. That can be really naked to accept, especially if there's nothing objectively wrong with the other person. Love is a mix of feelings and choices – without feelings you're friends, and without choices things are toxic. You can change choices but you can't force feelings.

    How often do you see each other? Do you still date or do you just hang out? If the answers are rarely and hang out, I'd try actually dating and seeing each other a few times a week before giving up. If you see each other often and date or if you try that and still feel really meh about him, it's likely not going to change. You should address that sooner rather than later; he deserves someone who really wants him back, not someone who's just killing time with him and looking for something better. If there's nothing he can do to change the situation (like you're not asking for any changes, you just don't actually love him) and he's looking for something serious that you aren't interested in, then you owe him ending things yourself. If he's good with killing time with you, then you two can do whatever you like.

  18. Thank you. We haven’t gotten to future goals at this point. It’s still early, but we have shared our past experiences (which have many eery similarities) and our past relationship disasters. I’ve shared very personal things with her (not all of them relationship things) that are very telling and have molded me into the man I am now. All good things and I use all of my experiences as positive learning experiences. Our relationship values and standards seem to align very well, as we have both been on the receiving end of some pretty egregious things

    I just worry I’m coming across as “too eager,” but seriously, at 42, I know what I want and at this point, it’s a relationship with her. I’m also really focused on not coming across too much as the overly excited me that I feel right now. Lol

  19. What is up with all the people justifying this controlling behavior, you shouldn’t lose self autonomy just because your SO becomes unhinged?

  20. You did the right thing. Not sure why you’re getting downvoted. Maybe too many people on here think a man shouldn’t get what he wants, but a woman should. Just find the right match. Plenty of fish in the sea.

  21. yeah thats the thing too if i didn’t check her messages then i probably would’ve never found out anyway thanks for this

  22. Good idea. I'll probably give Dan a heads up. I just don't want a repeat of what happened with my ex.

  23. Abusers often start out great and don’t show their true colors until you’re more locked in in various ways. Because you’re isolated from your support system, or reliant on them financially, because of marriage/kids, or sometimes just by the sunk cost fallacy of time spent.

    If they were abusive from day 1 or even day 50, everyone would just leave.

  24. honestly, I think it’d be a really REALLY good idea to reach out to your friends right now. I know it’s probably naked and feels bad, but this is exactly the sort of situation to be putting out the bat-signal to your closest people.

    when you get in the habit of hiding what goes on in your relationship from your friends, it’s a pretty big sign that whatever is happening isn’t okay and your ashamed of it. getting outside perspective is the right instinct, but don’t limit it to strangers. bad relationships cause people to be isolated, keeping strong connections with friends is insurance against getting lost in bad relationships

  25. Yes. She started by saying she wasn’t looking for anything romantically. But the last 2 months she was strongly hinting at a relationship. She even introduced me to one friend of hers as her boyfriend, but she told me she didn’t know how else to describe me when we left.

    That’s actually what my brother gave as a reason for lashing out at her. She strung me along for months and then not even have a conversation about it when i confessed. I don’t agree with that though, she should have been able to take as long as she needed.

  26. Not wanting your partner to have an ex as a friend isn't manipulative or controlling. It's a fucking boundary and a normal one at that. If he wants her fuckin let her have him. He won't ever be happy.

    You can do better and you will. Don't let boys play these little games with your life.

  27. The only benefits I can think of are the tax breaks.. I hyphenated my last name when I got married but my SO and I discussed it long before we actually married and our children all have his last name. Considering she was literally holding your ability to see your child over your head over a name I have to wonder what her issue is and it's not being a “modern woman ” because the rest of us modern ladies aren't that cruel to our SO.

  28. Oh my god girl he is a horrible controlling asshole who needs dumping. How can you not see that?? What kind of man doesn’t like his girlfriend going out with her friends? What kind of man EXPECTS his girl to not share a bed with their female friends when they are staying in a hotel? Why would t you be allowed to post a picture of you and the girls? He is gaslighting you and he is stopping you spreading your wings and having fun and he is a marvel bum boy. Go find yourself a real man and leave this boy baby to his own insecure controlling mind. ? good luck

  29. Words of affirmation and quality time. He is perfectly to sit together and do nothing. I also enjoy this but I like to try new things and I feel like it is a chore to ask him to do new things with me (he himself would not intrinsically want to do this)

  30. Sounds really exhausting.

    It could be sensory issues but it is strange to me that he doesn't exhibit this behavior in front of other people…. it is teetering into sounding like manipulation. I think he should go see a different doctor.

  31. Put a lock on the door so you can lock it when you leave the room. Lock it when you are home as well.

    Or you can put a silly alarm on the door that goes off when she wonders in.

    Figure out her phobias and of possibe place them in the room or items that look similar.

    Start really uncomfortable & weird / emotionally draining convos each time she enters the room. Make direct eye conntact.

    Ask her for favors each time she enters (like washing a window)

    She'll associate the room with uncomfortable/ awkward & might start to avoid it.

  32. You've only been together a year and a half and you're not married.

    Is this lack of commitment to shared goals? Cold feet?

    You should be sitting down and asking him these questions. If you can't communicate with each other effectively on something like this, then it's a clear sign you shouldn't be doing it.

  33. National Domestic Violence hotline

    800.799.SAFE (7233)

    Call and talk to them about control and pressure by a partner and what you need to do to leave this relationship and be solid in your boundaries about photos that you share.

  34. He know this is a dealbreaker, and he doesn't care. He's 50 and set in his ways. You're 30 and there to be young and stroke his ego and entertain him and occupy his time when he doesn't have something more interesting to do, such as spend time doting on his daughter.

  35. If people are communicating, then hopefully needs that aren’t being met can be worked upon in someway. Communication is the key. People cheat because their needs are being met. They don’t cheat just for the hell of it.

  36. We don’t live together and we’ve been in a relationship for 2 almost 3 years. I haven’t been cheated on but I am his first girlfriend. I get accused of cheating all the time due to my location not being accurate. I’ve been at home and it’s put me in a houses/streets 5 minutes away so he has been adamant I have and never believed I’ve been home or accepted technology can sometimes be wrong. Our sex life is very good and theres no issues there lmao.

  37. This sucks my guy. You have been cheated on, but it is being cloaked in polyamory.

    Seen it too many times to count.

    If this relationship makes you uncomfortable, you need to bow out. If you two still want to have sex as friends, fine. But at this point, she is not your girlfriend.

    She is honestly taking advantage of you. Your best option is to end things amicably and leave her be. Dont take her to school or engage with her beyond the minimum required by your life.

    At your age, your efforts are better spent on finding a real partner. If you are monogamous, your partner should be as well.

  38. He is a controlling asshole.

    Being in the right social groups and making connections is the primary reason why you go to college. It is even more important than getting a good education.

    NOBODY should ever limit your potential.

    Tell him that this is important to you, and that you are not changing your mind. If he cannot handle that, he should be leaving…

  39. That’s what I feel will become a pattern… my first response to someone being late no matter who is to ask if everything is okay and be genuinely concerned for their well being, and that’s if they don’t give me a heads up. I can’t comprehend this type of response especially with me telling him ahead of time and updating him..

  40. I don’t know… talk to her? Maybe she has no idea he’s resenting her for her lack of creativity because he’s never brought it up. Maybe she thinks he’s happy with their sex life so why change it?

  41. Yeah, you need to figure it out or break up bc if you think your resentful now, wait until sex becomes even more scarce and boring. And it will.

  42. If you wanted to talk to him during your vacation you would have seems pretty clear to me

  43. Being a parent is a full time job. You've got to ensure the kids are safe before taking a nap, even if you are in pain. What if they'd had an accident?!


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