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I’m not going to lie to you, after reading this I’m not sure how you could want to go back to him. After being in a relationship for 3 years and I presume being in love, I can’t understand how they wouldn’t spend every moment they could with you while you were there, my step mom was hospitalized for almost all of November because of a condition that arised from her pregnancy and my father spent literally every minute with her, never left the room unless he had too. That in and of itself is a big red flag, I know all to well of having insecurities in relationships and having fear of not having someone’s support just isn’t healthy at all. I would look for someone else that will treat you correctly without that fear. I’m sorry if this was really blunt and sounded rude, I genuinely do not mean it to be that way and I wish you the best of luck!
I have never met anyone who put a pre-determined time limit on a relationship. They last as long as they are going to last.
There will be a man that thinks you’re the most beautiful person on the planet. The way he speaks and his friendship with his ex doesn’t make for a meaningful relationship. I’d just leave lmaooo even if it is for a “trivial” reason.
Oh hell no. Good for you for going home. He’s either still too into her or still too immature for an actual relationship. Don’t sell yourself short. Plenty of men who will think you are gorgeous, sexy, and smart, no matter who they dated before.
As an Indian, let me tell you this is very common. But just because its normal in his life, doesnt mean you have to accept it. You have every right to be angry and sad. He should have told you this when you started dating.
You should put an end to this relationship NOW. He wont object. He wont fight for you. But know youre worth so much more than a guy who just follows the life planned for him with no questions raised.
Right, because lesbians looooove marrying men, having sex with them & faking everything for years JUST TO have a few kids lololol. This is stupid.
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Now, knowing that they had sex, I can't put out the image from my head of him and my girlfriend. Can't help but think that she doesn't have any criteria whatsoever, and that I'm currently here just because I'm an option not a choice if “anything goes”
Yeah you need to stop this. People do stupid things in their early adulthood. With that said her lying to you does call for some action. Perhaps ask her to stop any contact with him and do not entertain him when they meet (by which I mean do not give him fake number, but refuse giving him any number and tell him you don't want to talk). Not because you are jealous, or that they have slept at one point, but because she has lied about it. It's seems like a reasonable way to make up for her lying.
i know the real meaning, and i know i wasn't a victim of gaslighting in this circumstance. i just know emotional abuse when i see it, and specially when i suffer it
The number of times I think that on here is astounding. I know Reddit gets a bad rep for the whole “just leave them” advice but, my god sometimes there isn't anything else to say.
You’re only 40. So many great years left to online. He sounds exhausting. I’d cut my losses and divorce.
OP can sleep on the couch or she can pay for her own room. She doesn't have to go. It's pretty simple. Sounds like OP is “keen” on using this poor guy. If she doesn't want to hook up fair enough but she should not complain to him about sharing a room. It comes off like she expects him to pay for a separate room for her. Also if he is interested in OP she should be upfront that she isn't Interested so he doesn't invest time and money in trying to date her.
get some help..
Females… am i right!?
It's 2023. She can talk to someone on the internet. There are plenty of self help apps she could be using. Online therapy is more economical and accessible than in person. There is plenty she could be doing
Okay to address your edit.
You are lying.
Read your post again to yourself especially this part “we work together and sneak occasional glances at one another”
So you have feelings for the friend, and have been flirting with the friend, and have been emotionally cheating on your BF, even if it was one sided (apparently).
So before you lie to your BF, start by actually telling yourself the truth, and then decide what you want to do about it.
If you decide to try to stay with the BF you need to cut the friend out of your life ASAP
Loool some of your guys’ posts are killer ? Not a shortage of men, I am effectively emotionally gorilla glued to him for various reasons having to do with trauma and do not anticipate leaving him until I can literally move away (which is not now as I’m in school). I’m just trying to deal with it as it is. It takes a lot of effort and time for me to form trust/new relationships and it’s something I’m working on but not something I can commit a lot of energy to right now. I will eventually but I just started a new job and am about to graduate so now is not really the time for me to thrust myself into that situation bc it has a cascading effect on a lot of mental health-related things for me.
after seeing him for a few days he asked me about moving in and starting a family ?
Run. Run like the wind.
No doubt he is used to disappointments if he catfishes people and tries to wife them up as soon as he meets them. Thats on him OP you cant fix it.
The3 conflicts are not good for your children to witness. Believe me I know. Your child is imitating her mother and thinks this is the way to treat people. Better to divorce and co-parent. Talk to a lawyer first. Then move out somewhere else.
I don't get you! You started as an open relationship couple then closed it down to a manogamous relationship. Now you're freaking out when your gf asks your opinion about swinging? Is something missing here? Swinging is part of 'open relationship' but restricted to only sex at occasions as parties. So what got you shook when she asked about swinging since you had a very more open relationship at the start than swinging?
yeah. I held off on asking while we were talking the past 2 months because I'm scared of the answer. If I were to ask I'd want to do it in a casual passing-by kind of way. I don't know how/when/where the right forum to ask is.
Don't buy a house with him because you aren't married yet. Don't marry him until y'all are on the same page about money. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
Yeah, she has moved on from the relationship, otherwise she would still be in it.
And you can accept her reasoning for breaking up, or you can refuse to believe it. Doesn’t change the outcome. The fact remains, she didn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore, so she ended it.
It sucks. It hurts. But it is what it is.
Yeah it matters because everyone knew but him. He said he was ok w her being active and knew she was but she lied to keep him in the relationship. Now he knows the guys all screwed her and he has to look at them all now knowing they all knew except him for 5 years. . Making him look like an idiot because they all thought he knew.
She took his choice to stay away from him because she lied about her sleeping w their guy friends. It’s the lying that’s at the heart of the situation here. Then it’s being the last to know your GF has slept w all the guys in your close friend group. Now he’ll be the joke of the group
Age gap etc etc
he hasn't grown up . BUT planning to cheat with a prostitute!? that's the cherry on top.
“In those messages my fiancé said that if he lived alone, he would have brought a prostitute over to sleep with him.” – that's already intent & planning to cheat.
confront him & be prepared for all the lies spewing out to defend it. ignore the lies & stand your ground.
thiswomanneedsafish – comment is spot on. who cares if he is upset you snoop on his phone coz if he is loyal he will not care about it.
You must be a good wonderful person as God just send you a “highlight” of the person you intend to marry. You just dodged A MAJOR BULLET.
I hope you kept the proofs – cancel the engagement & leave him (keep the ring & sell it later LOL). I don't think you “intend” to online your married life with a lying cheating toad.
Okay I’ll definitely tell him that an give an update but thank you because I’ve been trying to figure out what to tell him without sounding like an a**hole or just overall insensitive.
Geez why do women get along with men like this