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DUMP HIS ASS.
Tough situation. You want to believe the victim, but also want to respect the “not guilty until proven” too.
I suggest waiting to see if more evidence shows up. Maybe camera footage may prove his guilt or innocence. Have you asked him if there are cameras at his work? And there’s probably bound to be other workers/ witnesses around to notice if she was in distress or not, or acting normally that day. Does he know where the cameras are, and where they aren’t…?
And some people can have a dark side that their partner knows nothing about. Not saying that’s your bf, but people have fooled their partner before.
Now he says he's telling me all that because he wanted me to be better
That's what a lot of abusers say, to mentally justify their own abuse. It's still just abuse, I'd be seriously weighing if I still wanted this person in my life or not.
no skin off your bones if you dont want anal but its not “gay shit”
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The something you need to work on is…a new boyfriend. He’s not 14 and being little jerk, he’s a grown man with homophobic beliefs and sexist behavior and passes it all off as joking. I would be embarrassed to have him in my inner circle and never even fathom dating him. You’re nervous about what he’s talking about with his friends, why? What are you missing? You seem to want to know because you want to have a chance to defend yourself or who they are making “jokes” about, especially if they are about you. You can’t control that and WHY TF would you want to be apart of that? It’s gross immature and embarrassing.
He doesn’t want to settle down. He’s been told that he has to by other people and just parrots it back because it’s what he’s supposed to do.
I'm not sure what advice you are looking for, exactly. The man doesn't seem like he wants children. He's probably not going to change his mind anytime soon. If children are very important to you, it's time to think about other options.
It’s certainly very nuanced yeah, but I feel like the fact that her hookup was Italian (like OP) would make me think she had some long term or relational interest in the hook up as well and quickly chose to jump to the next step to speed relationship development even or for whatever reason. Of course you would really have to ask her to know that though, but all of it is just grounds for overthinking honestly; they need to sit down and have a proper convo abt this where she doesn’t reject his feelings.
Yep, you are indeed behave like a teenager but it’s not a recent phenomenon. You don’t mention at all that you are father, it’s actually your kids as well but instead you’re jealous of all the attention that shifts from your person to them. Are you helping her with kids or just assuming that it’s her solo responsibility? Do you actually being a parent and partner to her or just adding more pressure? Because after you have a kids it’s never going to be just a 2 of you. It’s always four with rare exceptions of date nights. And this emotional affair is yet again your way to escape from reality where your wife is not solo yours. We are just a random strangers from Reddit and can’t get a real picture but from the look of it you need a therapy help to get into roots of this issue. Until then it’s will be just another unhealthy coping mechanism like cocaine before.
You’re a good friend. I think the same as the first commenter, but I know a lot of people who wouldn’t have taken care of it even after being asked.
Bc I'm replying to the comments under MY comment section…… make it make sense
Get a new boyfriend. This is such a weird thing to suddenly develop
Really close friends and family know, we haven't posted anything on social media about it, but since the banquet will be my fiancee's first big public appearance with her visibly showing.
Um… He used to text her, but ever since we decided to get married, he hasn't texted her.. That's good, right?
If he was 22-23 I could chalk it up to him just being dumb and new to being in a relationship, but at 31 he knows what he’s saying. And now you know why he’s with someone so much younger and inexperienced, because most women his age wouldn’t put up with that shit.
Exactly you understand
She is an asshole
Again, say you know nothing about Judaism. Plenty of reform Hebrew schools have a high proportion of atheist students. If you knew anything, you might know that Hebrew school usually refers to ‘Sunday school’ for Christian’s. It’s usually not day school.
I wouldn't want him staying at my parents' house. No, you do not pretend all is well, that is lying. He should stay home and allow you to grieve the relationship with your family.
I actually think it is weird that you are considering letting him go.
He loves it!
As a bi person with many friends I have the potential to be attracted to, who also have the potential to be attracted to me, the problem isnt having those type of friends, the problem is your lack of boundaries and your inability to make your partner feel secure.
Giving them a key and access to your phone doesnt automatically equate to feeling safe. Your actions towards her and other people does. You making your ex fix a gift for your friend, who had lied to get you to come out with them and invited herself back to your house after drinks? Having dated for that short of a time, and with your assumption that she is the one with a problem and insecurities that actually you dont want to deal with anyway, automatically putting it all on her? I wouldnt feel safe in your ability to be a good partner I could trust to make good desitions on their own either.
Even in the comments, you continue to do it. It went from my ex is insecure, no fault of my own. My friend might actually be a problem, I probably should have seen the signs, but instead of working on myself I'll just not have friends that could be attracted to me. At 34 you seem to have the emotional intelligence of a pet rock.
it's one thing to have feelings for your friend and not tell them because you know it's not reciprocated. It's a whole other thing to keep notebooks about your feelings. Yikes.
Did you ever find out why the other friends never showed up that third night?
ty for the comment and yes- she had a huge crush on him for a while!
I have been attending counselling and seeing a physiotherapist to address the sexual issues. But it’s been slow progress and I haven’t been able to get to a point yet where I felt comfortable being more sexual. I get where you’re coming from. It would have been unfair to him to continue in the relationship when the physical intimacy was missing. I wish I could have sped up the progress but it’s tough to work through all of these factors. Maybe I just naturally have a low sex drive and that’s ok, but I’m trying to work on accepting myself. It’s just tough when I think of the “what ifs” and wonder if I could have changed anything.
After all her lying/gaslighting I would set up a hidden camera. She's at the very least having an emotional affair. And an EA + proximity often leads to a physical affair.
Would recommend both of you read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass.
Ot sure how long they have been seeing each other but, they are not just talking. She's have a sexual affair with this guy.
Buy little csms to catch them
Be prepared to find out it been sex the whole time. That she's been lieing to you
Are you prepared to divorce her for cheating?