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3 thoughts on “pretty-babes

  1. I think that you two went about this the wrong way.

    It is clear that you are very, very knowledgeable when it comes to stones and minerals. As such, I feel like “surprise me!” was a very bad thing to say, even if you provided him with a lot of resources and ideas. You need to recognize that you are simply harder to please than most others because you know so much.

    I personally have no clue about accent stones and if someone can really see the carat value if you look at a diamond or whatever. Zero idea. You, however, know so much more – and it seems that, with all the resources you gave your partner, you sort-of thought he would make an equally informed choice than you would have made.

    But I think that was asking for way too much. Instead, he went with the “safe choice” of diamonds, went with your favourite designer and went with a cheaper model since you were the one ready to “skip the pomp” and he might have thought that cheap was even preferable for you.

    You said you send him in-depth info. But have you considered that it was too in-depth? Too many stones and cuts and designers, too many choices to make for him to be sure that you would like the ring? And that that's why he focused on the things which are easy? Favourite designer? Easy. Diamonds? Safe and easy. Cheap? Easy, just look at what the designer offers and pick something in the cheaper range.

    It feels like you should have either limited the information more for your partner if you wanted him to do his own research, given him a choice of specific rings to pick from or outright went ring shopping together. I doubt that even with all the research, your partner had any chance to pick something that would have ticked all of your boxes for sure. I know I wouldn't have.

    So please, sit down with him. If he said that he had several other rings he considered, that's a great opening to talk about. I personally am such an unconventional person that I personally would even be up to buying a second ring together (with my own money, even) and keep the diamond ring as a reminder of the seemingly otherwise amazing proposal, but that likely isn't everyone's thing.

    Overall, though… I think you need to make up your mind first. You say you “don't want to get rid of [the ring]” and “I wouldn't want to change it at this point”, but at the same time, you say that your disappointment is growing and that you even fear it may turn into resentment. That's two very, very different things. Either you want to keep the ring and made peace with it, or you want to change it to not be disappointed anymore. You need to pick something first. If you pick to keep the ring, then it needs to be with a feeling of wanting to keep the ring and thus being happy with it. If you decide that you are too disappointed, then sit down with your partner.

    In the end, if your partner is such a great guy, then yes, he may be very sad about having made a wrong choice and “causing you anguish” (which is, as a quote from you, so telling about how you feel about the ring). But do you really think that he would feel better if you keep the ring and keep feeling horrible and maybe one day resentful about it? Pretty sure he would prefer the short-term sadness and then picking something for you and with you that makes you really happy. Because that's what he wants – he wants you, his love, to be happy. And given how you are feeling right now, I don't think you should take that opportunity from him and from yourself by bottling your emotions up.


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