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Birth Date: 1992-12-27

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Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite

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633 thoughts on “MiaDowell__live sex stripping with Live HD

  1. Thanks, I do see couple counseling I'm our future. I'm sure I'm not perfect and want to be supportive, it's hard sometimes when I feel like the connection is lost.

  2. I would say, yeah, he knows what he is doing. The text thing is clearly not his personality as he made you believe. He is simply managing your texting behaviour while he is free to text whenever he feels like it. Also, I don’t think he is that nice to text you even tho he knows you have developed feelings. It’s almost like he gets to have a relationship without commitment…

  3. You did the right thing here, with respect and explanation. You have to be okay yourself to grow and be the best you can in a relationship! Best of luck!

  4. I'd give her a 30 day notice, have cameras recording for your safety and for anything else that could go wrong and call 911 if she goes bat shit crazy, tell them she's a danger to herself and others and they'll have to come get her. While she's out, pack her shit up and make sure you block any family members not willing to support you. This will be hell and you don't need them giving you shit when you finally put an end to this hellish situation. Good luck!

  5. Wtf is with these comments? People have the right to end a relationship. This guy isn't a monster or a bad person, and I don't understand why everyone is making him out to be. He broke with OP as kindly as he could. What exactly should he have done differently?

  6. I could understand you staying and trying to wait it out if it was just a health condition. But she is literally telling you that she has no emotional attachment and feels no love for you. In sickness and in health is one thing …but emotionally devoid of any love or affection is a whole different situation. Don't feel guilty for wanting to leave.

  7. I would never bring this up with my bf just because I think my extremely sexual side would weird him out.

    Really? Which do you think would disturb/hurt him out more? You asking him for a threesome, or you cheating on him to get a threesome? You are so full of shit, lol.

  8. How would it come back on you? She can deny service, that’s her right, but that doesn’t mean you have done something wrong.

    If you want to end the relationship, end it. If she tantrums, fine. If you know it’s likely, plan ahead for how you will ride it out. Set up a bed in another room or sleep on the couch. Get earplugs or noise canceling headphones. Panic attacks suck, I on-line with them too, but they shouldn’t be used as a reason not to break up. That does all of us living with mental health challenges a disservice

  9. I admit that what I said was wrong, but it unfair for him to make arrangements and decisions on his own and expect me to support him

    But that's what you do. You also only give him money on what you think is fair to you. You are abusing your husband and if he is smart he is looking for a way out.

  10. Not wanting other people to see you partner as only you should isn't an unreasonable thing to ask….here's the thing they say they do it for themselves but really just want the people to comment and like and get the endless stream of dms from random men she probably won't give the time of day to unless they're at a better station in life than you…shes fishing for attention and all I can say is run.. posting a Halloween picture over a month after definitely is definitely out of left field, also you've let her go along with posting revealing photos of herself with no push back at all shes seeing what you limit is.. imo she sees you as a doormat she posted it because she knows you're going to stay while she gets the attention and validation from droves of losers shooting their shot until she sees that one profile that looks like the grass is greener in…

  11. Not drinking at home doesn’t cancel his alcoholism!

    Don’t have a child with this person unless he gets help he needs. But he won’t do it until he admits that there is a problem.

  12. If you need to ask Reddit if this is “grounds for a divorce” then you need to get some fucking help because you clearly are a shell of a human. Not divorcing somebody over incest and rape makes you a disgusting enabler (just like his entire family). Divorce this man and seek help for yourself.

  13. I don't know what it means, but that's some mixed signal's for sure.

    He said: I like you, and if we continued to get to know each-other, we could be serious… but I don't know if I am ready something serious.

    So… that's complicated.

    What do we do with complicated? We seek answers. And we don't date people who cannot offer direction.

  14. She got caught lying and contacting an ex behind your back. She can't unring the bell.

    She destroyed your trust. People divorce for loss of trust more than the related infidelity.

  15. My question is.. why’d you get with a smelly dude ? but also, my advice: I was with someone for a little over 3 years who had bad hygiene. I’m talking sucking his thumb while taking a shit and not washing his hands afterwards type of gross. He also got mad at me when I told him it bothers me when he doesn’t clean himself. His bad hygiene eventually caused me to get a bad kidney infection that nearly killed me.

    Ask yourself this. Are you sure he’s an okay guy? Is this the only thing that he has said “cool, I don’t care” to? Does he frequently shut down your emotions like that?

    IMO, he sounds like a Manchild. Throw him out, girl.

  16. Exactly!

    My gf… 100% a priority. But the social life aspect (her events with friends) are done in moderation. Optimized to the point where it makes it enjoyable to participate in and something I look forward to.

    Like I said, it depend on the person you're with. People like us, tend to go unnoticed. And when the right person get's a taste of it, its refreshing for them. We're calm, collected, understanding… at peace with the world. You have much to offer.

    So, this woman you're interested in from the gym, ask her out 😉 You'll never know if she is a right fit unless you try for it.

    Good luck!

  17. I'm sitting on my chair and laughing like a stupid teenager xD

    There was no need for her to tell you that she is attracted to you, like no reason except the fact that she is an extremely horny person and might knock on your door one day xD

  18. You are a garbage human being. It’s going to hurt her either way. Just rip the Band-Aid off and tell her. There is no right time. I hope she dumps your unfaithful ass.

  19. Then get me another one. At least he doesn’t insult me and decide that I deserve to be criticized and judged without empathy. Try telling your own therapist how you’ve been talking to me on-line and I can guarantee they will tell you that YOUR behavior is more inappropriate and disrespectful.

  20. Then get me another one. At least he doesn’t insult me and decide that I deserve to be criticized and judged without empathy. Try telling your own therapist how you’ve been talking to me on-line and I can guarantee they will tell you that YOUR behavior is more inappropriate and disrespectful.

  21. The policy was taken out in his name and the payout is legally his money. She took said money and kept it for herself, depriving him of said funds and thus it is at his expense. Also, from a legal standpoint even when she paid the premiums it would count as marital funds.

  22. Oh please. I dream all kinds of shit. Everything from being batman to my husband cheating on me with gay furries. I definitely do not fantasize about that. Okay, maybe the batman part.

  23. I'm glad I helped. But please please please get out of that relationship. You are not being treated well, it is harming your self esteem, and you know you can do better.

  24. First, get a paternity test. If the baby IS yours, then you and baby mama need to have some serious conversations. If it's not yours, go about your life. Once all of that is done, check with your doctor to make sure your vasectomy worked. Good luck!

  25. He tells everyone I'm his gf and texts me all day every day. I have autism (but high functioning) and I struggle to understand relationships in general ?

  26. Then why is he fucking dating new people. If he wants “his family”, go get it back. Not rebound with OP and play husband to his ex and happy family to his kids. Fuck no

  27. Exactly, the reason he's delaying is cos he was looking for only s*x, he's realised he's not going to get it easily, & cannot be bothered putting in the effort for you.. sorry op but this guy is just not into you.. ditch him

  28. So he’s a sexual predator and an emotional manipulator. Those are two very good reasons to use your questioning on him rather than yourself.

  29. Her: “Take my sister.”

    You: “No thank you, I’m going with xyz friend instead.”

    Is genuinely all you need to say. She should accept it here and let it go.

    Her: “but I want you to get to know her.”

    You: “I’m not looking to do that with her in this setting.”

    She really should let it go now.

    Her: Why?!

    “This is my event that I paid for and I’m going to choose the person to go with.”

    Orange flag.

    Her: “But whyyy isn’t that my sister.”

    You: “I don’t appreciate being pushed to give an in-depth breakdown behind my decision. Please stop.”

    Red flag that you’ve had to repeat your decision so many times and she’s not taking no for an answer.

    Her: “Do you not like my sister or something? What did she ever do to you?”

    You: “I don’t appreciate how you’re handling this. I don’t know your sister and therefore I’m not taking her. You’re being disrespectful, I’m putting a stop to this conversation.”

    If things reach this point, she’s just being distrespectful and causing unnecessary drama in an attempt to wear you down and get her way.

    If you reach the red flag zone, take it as a warning that this chick has un self aware, doesn’t listen well, and doesn’t really respect others (your) choices/opinions.

  30. He doesn’t own your boobs. I had a dr appointment the other day where three separate people saw my rack. It is mine and I choose who sees it. Furthermore no one with a working brain would consider that to be cheating or a red flag. But his reaction is. I find his response to be alarming. He seems to think he is the only one entitled to see your boobs. It possessive and immature

  31. When I was younger and dumber and more insecure, I thought of that sort of thing almost like cheating in a weird way. Like, you'd rather use toys? Wth.

    Nowadays I don't give a fuck. I think of it as a great way to spice things up, and I feel silly for ever having cared so much. Sex is a magical thing, and I think ppl should just… Feel good. Who cares how, as long as everyone's consenting and it's fucking legal obviously.

  32. I think you’re reaching by quite a bit here. The dude seems anxious at best.

    Chill out with the sexual trauma. You wanna know what he’s about? Go talk to him and have a real conversation. Don’t psychoanalysis the guy. Be a human and just see who he is. I’m sure it’s anxiety.

  33. What you are describing is absolutely not swinging within a marriage. That’s going with a partner for meaningless sex with other couples. You know, like what you agreed to, even if you didn’t really want to. What you have been doing is an affair, even if you met them at a swingers party.

  34. This situation perfectly highlights the issue with swinging. Your husband insisted on throwing out the normally accepted standard for a marriage (not having sex with other people) and replacing it with an arbitrary standard of his own invention, which he failed to actually explain to you. He is trying to draw an unrealistic line between physical sex and the emotional connection that comes with it. He's okay with you sleeping with other men, but if you feel anything, then it's cheating. That's obviously not a realistic standard.

  35. She shouldn't even be hanging out with the kids this early on, let alone describing herself as a stepmother. It's recommended to introduce a partner to children 6-12 months into a relationship. You want to make sure that the relationship is stable first because bringing a revolving door of strangers into their lives is very destabilizing.

    It sounds like this dude is trying to expedite the relationship so he can insert his hard young thing into a mother role immediately and his daughter is reacting poorly to that (reasonably so).

  36. Yeah some people think that just because you're polite, you're immediately interested. I don’t want to say that but you didn’t cheat but honestly i don’t know if your partner would believe you after 2 months. Did you told someone what happened?

  37. He can skateboard but has chronic lower back pain? And can bend and lift laundry? But can't do anything that requires thinking? Either he's severely depressed or he's using you. What kind of work does he do? Plays games, boards, and vapes. Don't think you'll ever get much more out of him, to be honest.

  38. I feel like he's been showing you his true colors. I'm not sure you realize this but you have jumped off into a super toxic situation with a man that you would better of if he does walk away. As far as the baby that's your call. You were irresponsible enough to not prevent the pregnancy so yeah there is a baby. What you do now is up to you. Either way I feel like the best thing for you and your other kids is letting him go. Far away. And no contact. Ever. You wanna have the baby, have him sign his rights over, because you have found you a narcissistic a**hole and that isn't going to change. You need to think about what's best for your family and clearly he is not it.

  39. That's quite a big ask. And you can't be mad at your mom for not wanting your gf to move in, regardless of the circumstances.

    Explain the situation to her, but if she's uncomfortable by it don't push it.

  40. Thank you. And the thing is, my girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. She's always loved me a lot. But, she has told me that she is not the type of person to get back into a relationship once a breakup occurs. So i know if we were to officially break up, there would be no possibility in which we could get back together. And the thought of that hurts, but i feel like i should leave to fix myself. She's stated that its not fair to leave someone to fix yourself, because if we got married you can't just do that. I fear she's right, and maybe a no contact break is the best option at this point.

  41. So he can keep the house when he divorces you. Everything thing about him is a red flag. Finances are a big deal. Especially when one person holds more leverage over you. He seems very controlling already with some MAJOR relationship issues.

  42. Been there. Almost 5 years he did not punch me and shout/break things instead. Until one day he got really angry and we were alone in one room. He finally did it.

    Run.

    Not your duty to make him change.

  43. Sex Panther® is a cologne which is illegal in 9 countries.

    It is also made from bits of real panthers.

    60% of the time, it works every time.

  44. Told her before the relationship started?

    “Hey there stranger. I've seen you around, wondering if you'd like to maybe go grab dinner and drinks sometime? BTW I have severe erectile dysfunction. Sooo…. you have any plans for next friday?”

  45. I’m sorry this is happening. It sounds heartbreaking, and I’m sure you’re going through a tough time. When loved ones show that they don’t care or love us, it’s understandable to break down. You were dealing with a lot, and now your heart has opened up the space for you to deal with things from the past.

    Unfortunately, there isn’t many answers you can get from your friends as they’ve moved on. You’ve been the best you could to reach out and get answers, and sometimes people choose not to reciprocate, and that’s where we learn to deal with uncertainty.

    I suggest you write a heartfelt letter to your friends about anything that you want — whether it’s an apology, reminiscing old memories, writing regrets, etc. You can choose to send it or keep it to yourself, but the purpose of it is to let all your feelings out. It’ll help you move on, and let you learn the lessons you need to learn. Think of it as a learning opportunity, and find friends who are more emotionally mature, and capable of confronting you when there’s issues.

  46. Your mother is never going to understand. She has been like this her entire life so she is not going to change now. You are lucky to have your fiancé, your father and your grandparents. Stop trying to convince your mother. If you can’t stop seeing her, start ignoring her. She is making you worse and you need all your strength just to get through the day. Tell her you can’t discuss it with her or tell her she’s right and you will see about a Walmart job then tune her out. In a way she wants what is best for you, but you need to have the other adults in your life back you up. Have your father and grandparents tell her she is making your health worse. Hopefully that will relieve some of the pressure she is putting on you.

  47. When you feel ready. Do take it slow coming out of a relatively long term thing though…but a flirt and maybe a date is a wonderful idea.

    If it was someone close to both of you, it is trickier, but this sounds nothing like that.

    Enjoy being single xx

  48. Geesh…..it really is an invasion of your privacy to have a camera.

    I’d try to talk with her again. Tell her your intention because she’s going to know what’s up as soon as you do it. Let her know it’s a huge invasion. Keep an eye out for her to hide a camera anyway, I suppose.

    I’d also suggest that she keep the dog in her room while she’s not home. She can put a camera in there and you probably wouldn’t care. The do would be fine in her room for hours at a time.

    What a terrible idea she had.

  49. Then I guess you have to decide if you can on-line with a partner who doesn't want to work. He can afford not to do so for the rest of his life so the question is whether or not that's cool with you in a relationship and if not, he's not the person for you.

  50. Ok, I didn't even need to finish your post, the fact that he took more nudes of you after you had told him not to says you need to cut him off. You are young, and naive. You're lucky it's just photos because this type of behavior leads to performing sexual acts against your will. Now we can't assume that, but that's the type of behavior that's known for that.

    You on-line with your mom so you don't need to worry about moving out. Tell him it's over, he can't seem to control himself when you told him to not take nudes without your consent and that is a major violation of being able to trust him

  51. Stop being jealous of your husband’s sisters. This is a family dynamic that existed long before you came into the picture and it’s not going to stop just because don’t believe in favoritism. Keeping track of which adult sibling gets more money is futile. Since Christmas is important to you, create a new tradition with your husband and make him feel that he is your priority. Follow his lead on how he wants to interact with his family. Be thankful that you have enough money to pay for his education and still go on a vacation. That’s what savings are for anyway. And you and he can break the cycle of favoritism with your own children.

  52. Call the police in his area and tell them what he sent you.

    This is NOT your fault. He is a manipulative abuser and is trying to make you upset so that you do whatever he wants.

  53. I think morning sex is the best, especially if I don't have to go anywhere. The thing is what to do after the sex? Do you leave or go to breakfast/brunch?

    Make it seductive, edge each other all night then the morning sex. Set his expectation that you have plans to hang with your mom or sometime in the afternoon. That way there isn't the stress about what to do later in the day.

    Also consider it you are looking to change the situation from a hookup to something more emotional.

  54. You deserve to feel safe in your home.

    He is doing things that make you feel unsafe, and your ma isn't listening to you. Go to your teachers or your school counsellor, sooner rather than later.

  55. Her confessing because you forced her is not the same as her confessing because she is remorseful. It would not really help and it would not give the whole picture to your father.

  56. She needs to masturbate!! She will be a better lover and be able to communicate her needs and wants for you. Masturbation is key in knowing her body. It’s not a gross thing! It can be beautiful.

  57. Yeah that’s a horribly inconsiderate joke of him to even make, especially when you’re carrying his child. The further you get, the more uncomfortable sex might get for you and you may not want it as much and he needs to come to terms with that now and stop being insensitive.

    I will say this, though, during my pregnancy it was like my emotional state just amplified a million times over— and even though my frustration was valid it was hard to keep a lid on it. Just maintain your boundary of “this makes me uncomfortable and would rather talk you about other things”. From what it sounds like, it is an innocent work relationship and he’s excited to have made a new friend. Don’t take other peoples experiences and correlate it with yours or your going to being really paranoid and drive a wedge in your relationship that doesn’t need to be there.

    You and baby need to be as stress free as possible. You got this!

  58. Not until you’re married or if he signs a contract that if you break up you get paid back. Otherwise you could spend 30k, get dumped and have no recourse to get that money back and he gets the equity

  59. Depending on where you on-line it existing is illegal.

    Delete it for sure. If you're interested in her just tell her no to the videos or pictures for legalities sake to keep you both safe.

  60. This is why she’s asking you to do it.

    You’re already considering your friend over your wife’s feelings.

  61. Nice idea. Better be slick though. What if he says, “don't wanna go there”. Still worth a try. To be really devious you could bait with, “I think it's fine to keep touch with exes”.

  62. Idk if writing this letter would be a good thing.. unless you make peace with yourself, truly accept, that she might not respond. I feel like the letter would be your last attempt at getting her attention and affection, and, if/when you don't hear back from her, you'll be completely crushed. Not every woman is mother material, and it's not your fault. It's hard, but you have to understand that this is on her. It's her demons that prevent her from being the mother you deserve and you've done nothing wrong. This is her battle, not yours. You're very lucky to have a great, supporting father. It's hot, but take the good times you've had with her as good memories, and move on with your life following your interests and passions. Accept that you can't have a relationship with her if she's not also actively trying. No matter how perfect that image in your head is. She'd need to want and fight for that, too. She's been absent your whole life and you've done well! You'll be ok without her. It's better to not have a parent, than to have one that only brings you down.

  63. OP… she is NOT THINKING ABOUT HER KIDS OR BEING RESPONSIBLE! I am honestly more disappointed in you that you will not do the right thing. This “friend” has crossed a line and is starting to exhibit predatory behaviors or manipulations to get what she wants. You tell and it take a lot more for CPS to generally take kids away. If they are, then there was more going on than you knew

  64. The reason I'm so scared is because of the age gap.

    I wonder why your bf isn't more scared about the age gap. Anyone 30+ usually would not engage with a 20 year old due to being in a different life stage, having a different timeline, there being a maturity and life experience gap.

  65. You’re right too. I also think it’s dumb because of course your body is gonna be addicted after a year of nonstop smoking all day. Of course if you’re out for a day or two it’s gonna be uncomfortable. You would have to give yourself weeks, maybe months to feel normal again.

  66. Then I suggest you talk to a therapist about increasingly intrusive negative thoughts. And before you tell my why this isn’t an option now because of money, location, time, etc. let me point out that there are free services, self-help books of decent quality and public libraries.

  67. Her eating (or not eating) habits are going to put her in the hospital. I worked as a personal trainer and nutritionist for many years, however you don't need credentials to see she's hurting herself. She's taking in zero nutrients so she's probably deficient in several things which is causing harm to her body. How do your organs function properly when they're not getting what they need to do their job? Her body is likely using its reserves to supply basic energy needs because she's no longer supplying nutrients to her organs on her own. Using reserves includes using fat to supply fatty acids and muscle to supply energy (don't forget, the most important organ in your body is a muscle-the heart). So these breakdowns cause people to feel very tired, which is probably why she's consuming so many energy drinks. Energy drinks on their own are terrible for you, when you drink them and ALSO don't eat anything they're so so much worse. I'm talking permanent damage to your heart, stomach, liver, kidneys. Add that to the damage she's causing to those organs with her diet, it's so much worse. Does she ever feel weak? Or grouchy for no reason,does she have insomnia or gastrointestinal issues? Does she ever feel cold when she shouldn't or feel lightheaded for no reason? I realize that everything I just said sounds alarming, but so many people really have no clue how much they're actually harming their bodies when they don't eat enough. Our bodies depend on us to give it nutrients so we can depend on it to make us function, it can't do it on its own. She should be taking in at least 1200 calories a day and those calories shouldn't be coming from energy drinks. And yes, buying her clothes is a cute idea, you could say “I saw these and thought they'd look great on you” or “I love the way you look in [whatever color she looks best in]” and get a few pieces in that color. I like the date idea also. I'm sorry I hijacked your post and my comment wasn't even related to the question, but when I saw what you wrote about your gf's eating habits I was immediately concerned. Hopefully you can get her to understand this is not a sustainable way of living, and her body needs her to give it the nutrients it's not getting.

  68. Would you be able to provide the cultural background and education level of this individual? It would help to better assess the situation. Like are his parents Eastern European?

  69. Probly because they’re tired of him too after 30 years. They want him at OPs Christmas so he’s not being a rude asshole at theirs lol

  70. And that he doesn't know if he wants a relationship with me because of how different our worlds are and that he's away for work often.

    because I thought we had something more? Like

    He's been upfront about not being interested in a relationship with you. Hence, it's time to move on.

  71. I think you and your boyfriends reaction where very normal. Given that she said that your bf is hard (kinda weird compliment to give a friends boyfriend) and the following actions. The I was drunk card dosen't work here. I think she should apologize for her actions. Maybe talk to her that what she did and said where very inappropriate and sexually assaulting your boyfriend (exposing boobs and dancing sensually) is not acceptable. If she sees the light and gives you a proper apology I can see you forgiving her. But sometimes friends just outgrow each other and maybe you guys are just not a fit anymore.

  72. In my experience with anti depressants, they can blunt emotional experiences and even lower sex drive, but the alternative to it was literally wanting to die most days then not and cutting myself. So really think about whats healthy for the both of you. Maybe consider consoling yourself because it seems as though you might only be seeing things in black and white and that your own anxiety might be getting the best of you.

  73. It sounds a lot like you need to have a talk with her. She needs to sit down and take a look at her future. She can't strip forever, no one wants a 55 year old stripper on the pole. She obviously knows this, what she needs to decide is what she does want. It doesn't have to be a regular job, but then she needs to look at health care coverage and all of that.

    If you truly love her, help her. She is struggling and has little direction. Maybe she just needs a push to start finding something. It doesn't have to be immediately, but she should be thinking about what do I want from life.

  74. Dont worry about coming across as a nagging wife. You just asked a question he didn't like to answer. Thats not nagging. Thats just asking for clearification. If he thinks you nag… So be it. Never refrain from doing something/asking something because you are afraid of nagging. If he cant handle it he shouldnt be married.

    His reaction on the other hand says everything. You clearly caught him doing something he didn't want you to see. Thats not because he didn't want to hear you nagging but because he knew he was wrong. If it would be me I would have give him his phone and let me look myself. And I am not the snooping kind. Refusing wouldnt be an option. That would tell me he is hiding something more serious and if he refused he could pack his bags and leave

  75. Both me and my fiancee did this when we were in the military. Basically to minimise any information about our privacy eventually followed by not having social media at all. In this case I guess there is no such explanation.

  76. Both me and my fiancee did this when we were in the military. Basically to minimise any information about our privacy eventually followed by not having social media at all. In this case I guess there is no such explanation.

  77. Both me and my fiancee did this when we were in the military. Basically to minimise any information about our privacy eventually followed by not having social media at all. In this case I guess there is no such explanation.

  78. As most are saying here, her behavior sounded reasonable and forthright. The key here is making sure that this is a one off situation and not a new “norm” of him visiting her and staying alone often. I’m not trying to plant a seed in your head but stay alert and be aware if they are interacting more than you realize. Right now, everything seems to be above board but clarify your boundaries and what you are and aren’t comfortable with.

  79. u/Practical-Escape-454, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  80. Oh gott, das hört sich echt nach einer Geschichte wie aus einem Buch an. Denkst du denn er könnte dir was tun? War er jemals aggressiv dir gegenüber? Ist er allgemein eher ein strenger Typ?

  81. Why should you even care about that? Why do you think you owe anyone any explanation about the class/age gap? It’s so irrelevant.

  82. The only read flag here is that you don't care about his feelings and think your feelings are the only thing that matters.

  83. The only read flag here is that you don't care about his feelings and think your feelings are the only thing that matters.

  84. The only read flag here is that you don't care about his feelings and think your feelings are the only thing that matters.

  85. Sounds like you're being a badass new mom & he's showing his immaturity.. From the comments, it seems you're finally seeing this too

  86. Being happy should be your first priority, life is so so short. You aren’t happy and while change is scary, you shouldn’t settle for something that will never make you happy. You can find love at any age, and while it sucks to hurt someone so bad, if you aren’t happy now this feeling you have will only grow into more negative feelings. By not being honest with your partner about these negative feelings isn’t fair to your partner or you. Your unhappiness will only grow, the longer you stay.

  87. Being happy should be your first priority, life is so so short. You aren’t happy and while change is scary, you shouldn’t settle for something that will never make you happy. You can find love at any age, and while it sucks to hurt someone so bad, if you aren’t happy now this feeling you have will only grow into more negative feelings. By not being honest with your partner about these negative feelings isn’t fair to your partner or you. Your unhappiness will only grow, the longer you stay.

  88. u/Caroot-io, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  89. I was trying to grind down a handrail down about 8 steps and dinked it up real bad and basically rode down 3 feet of rail on my crotch. I thought I was fine but after the swelling didn’t go down for 3 days I went to the er and long story short the tubes connecting them were crushed beyond repair and they went without blood for too long and I’ve been on TRT for around 11 years now. Get your stuff checked out if you think something’s wrong immediately.

  90. Your actions says other wise you can put in words all you want but emotionally cheating in my eyes is the worst of the cheating. Because men and women put time and effort everyday in relationships just to end up find out their partner has their mind on someone else and wants to progress that relationship instead of working on theirs. Like I said your boyfriend deserves better. Don’t use panic attacks as an excuse for cheating everyone has something going on in their lives but cheating is a choice you put boundaries up that they can’t cross to protect your relationship. Go with Sean he has helped you by the sounds of it during your panic attacks and it looks like bob has done nothing so you prefer to keep Sean around so you when you get emotional instead of going to your SO you rather go to a friend. Let your boyfriend go so he can find someone who also knows their is more ways to cheat than just physical

  91. You do not need to apologize and make it up to him for not having sex when he wants to. He didn't cross the line when he said you “owe him” anal. He crossed the line when he convinced you that an apology or “making it up” was in order for not having sex when he wanted.

    Sex isn't an act you do for someone to make a relationship functional. It's an act you do together because you both enjoy it.

    You don't have make anything up to him for not having sex when he wants to. And you most certainly don't owe him sex. If you felt offering anal was a way to calm him down you've already been in an abusive relationship for months.

  92. Absolutely unacceptable. Your girlfriend has no reason to have a relationship with your abuser. Cut them both out of your life.

  93. “And I'm getting downvotes hahaha”

    I don't understand it either. If both of them literally want to fuck other people. Why even be together?

  94. I would say that's a tough thing to find even for folks who do meet Eurocentric beauty standards (not to invalidate your experience at all, just hopefully offering some comfort that it's not you specifically). 29 is a weird age because you're at the end of the “let's just have fun” phase of your life but the men around you may not have entered the “I'm ready to settle down” phase. I personally found dating in my 30s a lot more fulfilling because I was meeting men who were more serious about long-term partnerships. It may be that you have the same experience. I hated being 29 but loved being 30 lol.

    Can I ask which app(s) you've tried?

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  96. Oh hell no.

    Dude, I know you are only 19 but you need to start recognizing batshit crazy behavior and then avoid it. THIS. THIS IS batshit crazy behavior. Run.

  97. If you want, do sent her the statements. Just redact everything, descriptions and amount, and add a note saying “non of your business. Good bye”. And then break it off with her.

  98. How about having a clear understand on what’s going on because it appears that you both have a different viewpoint

  99. Your so young. There's lots of good advice here but one thing I'd like to mention is that people's bodies change. It could be childbirth, a car accident, depression… many reasons why a woman's body can change. It's important to understand that realistically and not get so held up on the way someone looks… I'm sure there are a lot of other amazing qualities to love her for. People change.. always, get used to it.

  100. Hello /u/ThrowRAAccound,

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  101. There is literally nothing you can do.

    Of course she isn't going to move closer to you for your convenience. You are just some guy she hooked up with, she has her entire family there and she wants her son to grow up French.

    Of course you aren't moving to France; there are all sorts of problems with that for you, it wouldn't be easy legally and you already have a life and child where you are.

    Nobody in the world would expect either of you to do anything different from what you are doing. Many men wouldn't do as much as you are doing right now in seeing him monthly.

    This child will grow up largely without his biological father, and you know what? That's ok, most kids will be fine with that (I was). She will eventually meet a decent guy who will take her and your child on and be a father figure, and you can still be his bio dad from afar and need to keep showing your interest as he grows up.

    It's one of those things. Keep your hand in, keep doing all you can but don't expect that either of you can realistically do more in this situation

  102. Yes, my mother has tried nude to try and form a relationship with her because she knows we intend to get married someday.

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  104. Leave him baby girl. You can do better, and you don't need his drama right now. Let him block you, embrace it even, and take that excuse to never message him again. Focus on your mum and making beautiful memories while you still have some time. Do your favourite things with her, tell her all those words you might've forgotten to say when you were younger, laugh and love with her. Don't make that man a part of any of it. Don't let his drama taint the memories you can make. I am so sorry you're going through this, and as a mother I can say that it would be my worst nightmare to have my babies watch me suffer and not be able to change it. You want to be able to fix everything for your children, and when they're hurting it hurts you too. So let there be smiles, hugs and warmth, so that at least for a blissful moment nobody is hurting and your memories become beauty. Your mum is so strong, and so are you OP. I wish you nothing but the best, and you're stronger than you think you are. ❤️

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  106. Hmmm I disagree that it’s impossible to blackout from drinking and still form coherent sentences. People have very different reactions to booze so I don’t think it’s possible to make blanket statements like that. I used to blackout frequently (but now pretty much don’t drink unless it’s a rare champagne toast). It reached the point where my body practically prepared itself for a blackout when I’d only had a few drinks. I didn’t have to be the drunkest person in the room to blackout. I would often match the drinking pace and volume of my friends and be the only person who blacked out, but I wouldn’t appear to be in this state. My good friends tell me it took them a long time to detect when I’d blacked out as I was still engaging as though I wasn’t quite so drunk. The giveaway was apparently that my eyes would have a kind of glazed appearance and I wouldn’t appear as focused. Someone who didn’t know me probably wouldn’t notice, especially if they were also drinking. It was so dangerous as I would never remember parts of the night, but those around me might not know this, so I would often appear rude or standoffish if I forgot having met someone or, god forbid, copped off with someone. There are some people to whom I reintroduced myself on many occasions, which obviously doesn’t give the best impression…

    I’ve spoken to many people who have never ever blacked out from drink, but not because they have never drunk as much, simply because their body doesn’t react that way. Some of them are far more likely to throw up instead. I’ve met some people who have only blacked out once or twice in their life- these people probably have to be extremely drunk (try paralytic) to reach this level.

    My theory as to why I blackout so easily is that it’s something to do with my insulin resistance. But I might be way off!

    I do agree with your theories that it’s possible he’s saying he can’t remember in order to test her interest or just because he might regret the events. It can be quite mortifying in the sober light of day to discover you’ve hooked up with a colleague. Or it’s actually possible he’s telling the truth and can’t remember.

  107. Hello /u/ActuatorOk2521,

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  108. You didn't ruin the relationship by over sharing. Your boyfriend ruined the relationship by having some pretty shitty opinions, objectively speaking. Describing your boyfriend is where the term misogynist is very accurately applied.

    To be perfectly fair. It's ok if he had a problem with your body count, having an opinion on body counts is not the problem here. The problem here is how he is approaching this situation and treating you. He doesn't see you as a person with thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You are a commodity, something to be bought, traded, possessed, owned. You exist to him for fulfilling what he wants and what he wants is sex.

    It's honestly pretty heartbreaking that you keep getting into bad situations and now here you are in another bad situation.

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  110. Unfortunately so many peoples fatal flaw in these situations is their ignorance. She may have prepared a whole case against you already and will fight for full custody. I wish you the best.

  111. Hello /u/Some-Property-9350,

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  112. I hate how people get the most energetic needy breeds of dogs from breeders because they are “so smart and cool” and then disregard their needs like this. There are so many dogs in shelters who would be suitable to OP's needs and put down just because they can't be housed.

  113. Nor could the hubby survive a grocery/retail job. Fucking arrogant coward. The lack of pay isn’t an indicator of how difficult those employment sectors are.

  114. What is insane is a grown ass woman putting a diaper in her husbands lunch box.

    He didn’t disparage her lunches, he just commented that someone’s lunch looked good. She overreacted majorly.

    But if she was so upset about the comment she could have just stopped making him lunch. There’s no reason to embarrass him like that. And now she got what she presumably wanted, him making his own lunch, and she’s upset about it?

  115. Thank you! Someone who is reasonable. Also he is an 18 year old kid with a weapon, chances are OP is now in more danger to be hurt.

    Why the hell doesnt OP just put locks around the house, ask the neighbors to watch over it while OP goes over to a family member house while their partner gets back?

  116. Lol haven't you ever been in a sketchy gas station where they sell like weird star trek Klingon swords and absurdly menacing looking novelty knives and stuff? America has like a weird bladed weapon fetish. Machete is par for the course!

  117. Idk why you’re getting downvoted. But I understand having a budget and plan for the amount of gas in your car. And an unplanned two hour excursion could seriously fuck up your budget for the week/month. People can be so insensitive sometimes.

  118. “just feel very down and I know it was petty but isnt he taking it a bit too hard?”

    You just basically told him to go eat shit, while providing said shit.

    I imagine it was also probably frustrating for him to sit down to eat when he was hungry, only to discover that there wasn't actually any food.

    If I had to guess, I would say this wasn't just about a lunch, but rather what the lunch represents to him. Maybe he was complimenting the coworker's wife because he sees her effort as a gesture of love.

  119. I have overcome a lot in the past tbh. I guess you’re right I need to put my big girl pants on and handle life as it is. What do you mean by self parenting please?

    Thank you

  120. Hello /u/Icy_Astronaut_1107,

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  121. Pain during sex, smell, discharge change, could cause burning when going to the bathroom. Kind of like a year infection but worse. Though i had no symptoms other then sex hurt

  122. Hello /u/imfutilekididc,

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  123. I'm sorry to say, but this isn't something that he will just get better at with age. He's learned a pattern with you. It will be very hard for him to unlearn it.

  124. The catch is that he doesn't want to lose me bc he knows I will never be able to forgive him.

    So, he knows what he wants and he knows what you think about it and he still asks?

    He says girls and guys see sex differently and uses that as an excuse to justify why it would be meaningless too him since to him sex means nothing apparently to guys while to girls it's more than nothing.

    So, when he has sex with you it means nothing? That's a nice compliment from him. /s

    Oh, and it is also bullshit. There are men and women for whom sex can mean nothing and there are men and women who need a connection for sex to happen.

    I just don't want our relationship to go to a waste.

    Find someone for whom you are enough. Your current boyfriend isn't the one.

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  126. Those 7 girls lied to this man ?

    Good for you for not doing that. Us women out here that have been lying to men to boost their ego or spare their feelings have created generations of men who don't know what they're doing and are convinced YOU are the problem due to the lifetime of false feedback we are dishing out.

    I hold my hands up and admit I am one of those liars.

    I recommend you maybe explore some alternatives that may help you get closer than just the standard in and out approach. You said that you don't come from penetration.. not that you don't come at all. Tell him if it bothers him so much, try something else.

    The man is 30.. he really should have figured out by now that there's more than 1 move.

  127. Hello /u/No-Cartographer-5203,

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  128. Did you want to stay friends? Does she being anything to your life in terms of friendship, be it support, joy, positive experiences? Or are you just being friends with her because she’s not ready to let go?

    She was friends with a person who kissed her when he knew she was in a relationship, she likely ended the relationship to be with him. An emotional affair could have happened before the dates or anything physical. She doesn’t really seem to respect you.

  129. You think it’s acceptable to have a GF that would go, otherwise you would choose someone you feel more comfortable dating.

    You aren’t forced to date her. Pick someone that reflects your values.

  130. Break up. Stay friendly. Get therapy. If you are meant to be together it will work out. If not, you will get help.

  131. Do you want the rough patch to turn into a divorce? If yes, then go for it, you might be doing your wife a favor that way.

  132. After a point we realize you are never going to stop ruining our lives about a thing that did not even occur, so we cut you loose. Bye.

  133. I mean you definitely have issues and need to work on your jealously….but at the same time i don’t get why people keep acquaintances around like that when they’re in a relationship. You’re dating someone so why entrain a conversation/friendship with someone who’s into you. He’s 30+ he doesn’t need friends of the opposite gender in there 20’s who slide in their dm’s at 4am. People like that are just drama imo.

  134. I am annoying and I know that, not everyone can be not emotional and annoying like you. It must be lucky to be not annoying

  135. Kindness does not equal being strung along. That is misogyny talking. His mom is a word that starts with c. No wonder she raised a world-be rapist.

  136. Dude. Take some of that money you’re spending on buying her dinners and get yourself a therapist. You’re insecure as heck, and you’re going to lose her if you can’t get your head straightened out and drop the chauvinistic nonsense.

  137. Your husband is a bit out of touch. I’ve had a vasectomy done and it was super simple and non invasive compared to other operations I’ve had (ACL, minuscus)

    I’d read thru the comments hear and pick your words wisely but get the point across that saying those things hurt and upset you and no excuses for it. Like others said take sex off the table if he’s being a moron regardless of your tubes being tied or not.

  138. Your husband is a bit out of touch. I’ve had a vasectomy done and it was super simple and non invasive compared to other operations I’ve had (ACL, minuscus)

    I’d read thru the comments hear and pick your words wisely but get the point across that saying those things hurt and upset you and no excuses for it. Like others said take sex off the table if he’s being a moron regardless of your tubes being tied or not.

  139. Your husband is a bit out of touch. I’ve had a vasectomy done and it was super simple and non invasive compared to other operations I’ve had (ACL, minuscus)

    I’d read thru the comments hear and pick your words wisely but get the point across that saying those things hurt and upset you and no excuses for it. Like others said take sex off the table if he’s being a moron regardless of your tubes being tied or not.

  140. 1) he refuses to wear condoms

    Then stop having sex with him. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide that birth control is off the table. Quit fucking him. Full stop.

  141. 1) he refuses to wear condoms

    Then stop having sex with him. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide that birth control is off the table. Quit fucking him. Full stop.

  142. 1) he refuses to wear condoms

    Then stop having sex with him. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide that birth control is off the table. Quit fucking him. Full stop.

  143. 1) he refuses to wear condoms

    Then stop having sex with him. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide that birth control is off the table. Quit fucking him. Full stop.

  144. 1) he refuses to wear condoms

    Then stop having sex with him. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide that birth control is off the table. Quit fucking him. Full stop.

  145. 1) he refuses to wear condoms

    Then stop having sex with him. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide that birth control is off the table. Quit fucking him. Full stop.

  146. 1) he refuses to wear condoms

    Then stop having sex with him. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide that birth control is off the table. Quit fucking him. Full stop.

  147. 1) he refuses to wear condoms

    Then stop having sex with him. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide that birth control is off the table. Quit fucking him. Full stop.

  148. you’re taking my words too literal, i didn’t say she was toxic bc of it but that it stems from it. things happen in your childhood and can change your life and the way you act etc, ofc the serial killer isn’t a good person, you can’t paint her out to be the bad person, she’s not playing nice if you knew her like i did i feel like you’d get it more, however i do value your opinion maybe later down the road you’re right but love makes us blind right?

  149. Your husband is a bit out of touch. I’ve had a vasectomy done and it was super simple and non invasive compared to other operations I’ve had (ACL, minuscus)

    I’d read thru the comments hear and pick your words wisely but get the point across that saying those things hurt and upset you and no excuses for it. Like others said take sex off the table if he’s being a moron regardless of your tubes being tied or not.

  150. Okay, thank you for you input. It's really appreciated. Sorry, I interpreted what you were trying to say incorrectly.

  151. Your husband is a bit out of touch. I’ve had a vasectomy done and it was super simple and non invasive compared to other operations I’ve had (ACL, minuscus)

    I’d read thru the comments hear and pick your words wisely but get the point across that saying those things hurt and upset you and no excuses for it. Like others said take sex off the table if he’s being a moron regardless of your tubes being tied or not.

  152. Okay, thank you for you input. It's really appreciated. Sorry, I interpreted what you were trying to say incorrectly.

  153. Okay, thank you for you input. It's really appreciated. Sorry, I interpreted what you were trying to say incorrectly.

  154. The answer is it varies with every relationship.

    What do you realistically want from your ex? Did you end on good terms? Are they someone that will bring value into your life now that you're platonic? Boundaries also will change over time. You can be friends with them in the short run but long term, you realize you need more distance.

  155. The answer is it varies with every relationship.

    What do you realistically want from your ex? Did you end on good terms? Are they someone that will bring value into your life now that you're platonic? Boundaries also will change over time. You can be friends with them in the short run but long term, you realize you need more distance.

  156. The answer is it varies with every relationship.

    What do you realistically want from your ex? Did you end on good terms? Are they someone that will bring value into your life now that you're platonic? Boundaries also will change over time. You can be friends with them in the short run but long term, you realize you need more distance.

  157. The answer is it varies with every relationship.

    What do you realistically want from your ex? Did you end on good terms? Are they someone that will bring value into your life now that you're platonic? Boundaries also will change over time. You can be friends with them in the short run but long term, you realize you need more distance.

  158. If you weren't dating her when you were going through these “issues” one wonders why you'd have expected her to be there for you. Unless you have a special one-on-one relationship with someone it's not ordinarily expected that you'd take it onto yourself to intervene in their life. But if your idea of a romance is that someone will cater to your every emotional need and always know exactly what to say (you know, as if they were a trained psychologist) you might want to stay single until you can sort some of this out with a professional. We all owe our partners our healthiest selves precisely so that we don't overwhelm our SOs with all of our problems. Much easier to resolve our problems before we start dating someone (who's likely to have their own problems to contend with). Good luck

  159. Did you just say that some guy who lied about THREE WHOLE CHILDREN was 'baby trapped' by his poor ex?

    You had better wise up or you are in for a miserable life.

  160. Did you just say that some guy who lied about THREE WHOLE CHILDREN was 'baby trapped' by his poor ex?

    You had better wise up or you are in for a miserable life.

  161. Did you just say that some guy who lied about THREE WHOLE CHILDREN was 'baby trapped' by his poor ex?

    You had better wise up or you are in for a miserable life.

  162. Did you just say that some guy who lied about THREE WHOLE CHILDREN was 'baby trapped' by his poor ex?

    You had better wise up or you are in for a miserable life.

  163. I feel like the idea of open-relationships is pretty new to people outside of reddit (I mean this is where I learned about this) so when they hear about it, people think it's a free hall pass to bang someone while keeping your current relationship while not having to sneak around.

    And like you mentioned if you're exclusive and your SO just brings that up- it's over. Almost never works out when you bring it up like this and if it “does” it's because the other person was peer pressured and the person that brought it up will say “everything is great and they like it too” even though deep down they're so is miserable.

  164. I feel like the idea of open-relationships is pretty new to people outside of reddit (I mean this is where I learned about this) so when they hear about it, people think it's a free hall pass to bang someone while keeping your current relationship while not having to sneak around.

    And like you mentioned if you're exclusive and your SO just brings that up- it's over. Almost never works out when you bring it up like this and if it “does” it's because the other person was peer pressured and the person that brought it up will say “everything is great and they like it too” even though deep down they're so is miserable.

  165. It's time for you to take charge of what you want. If you want a romantic experience, walking through one of the places you've described, perhaps with a picnic, plan it. Do the work. Invite your partner along. You can be romantic, too. It's not all your partner's responsibility.

  166. You are prolonging it. Adding to the game. Your communication style is all other the place. I hope its better in person, but i doubt you're managing to act like you say when you are behaving like this to me. Like if i got such a reaction its doubtful he's not getting a bigger one. Would be more entertaining for the loser with how you are trying to come off. I commented mainly to add my voice because the other commenters are being very helpful. Its the kind of advice I'd follow in my life which is kinda rare on here.

  167. Lies of ommission are lies! If she had told you this after you started dating would you have persued her?

  168. He is afraid that he will not perform well and that will cause you to dump him. Or at the least be embarrassed in front of you.

    Be sexual with him, but do not put him on the spot. Touch him. tease him, but tell him you dont have any expectations of sex unless he cannot help himself.

  169. He is afraid that he will not perform well and that will cause you to dump him. Or at the least be embarrassed in front of you.

    Be sexual with him, but do not put him on the spot. Touch him. tease him, but tell him you dont have any expectations of sex unless he cannot help himself.

  170. Yeah, it's an awkward spot in the middle. My sister also went minimal contact with our father, and I always get comments from him about how she didn't contact him for his birthday or whatnot. My only response now is “Hmmm” or maybe a “hmmm, weird”.

    Your sister is absolutely correct btw

  171. Yeah, well I guess that's why the ONE guy has been trying to go out on a date with me for MONTHS. But I'm not going because I know he's full of sh*t after looking at his profile.

  172. At arenas people usually pick a locker room based on how many people are in there and most aren't gendered at all. They have about 7 of them in a row labelled by number. All “family” locker rooms. Then there is one male only and one female only. Lol so how can you not choose co Ed? That's just normal here in Ontario

  173. I will for sure. I'm giving her some help for some incoming tests so I'll probably go to her apartment or she'll come to mine. Will see how that goes.

  174. Exactly – When I played hockey as a kid in the nineties there really weren't any girl's leagues and I had to play with boys, once I turned 12 or 13 I had to go change in the referee's room alone which was far away from where my team was and meant that I had no friendships or comradarie with them at all

  175. Maybe not, it was about 15 years into my marriage when my partner finally made specif statements about past events that clearly stated what had happened. Before that, it had been weird comments and some tough behaviors. He never turned on me but he was very damaged. But a wonderful guy.

  176. Have they been confronted about going back to the material? It may be good to try and set a plan to help him limit the consumption. Getting all of their logic can help you identify where they are stuck at. From experience, it is really easy to be compulsive because of the chemicals and feelings you get. If they don't think they have a problem, ask if they can log the times they do. Sometimes the physical proof can help really show what's happening. Their sex drive may decrease from not viewing the content. It truly is a cycle

  177. This right here.

    When I hear someone make a joke out of a serious situation I slowly ask them to explain it showing NO emotions. You find this funny? Explain it. Even the most simple joke is easily explained.

    If this upset you, someone asking you to explain why a joke is funny maybe it’s not a joke and you feel “exposed” for being a jerk. ??‍♀️

    I’ve rarely made jokes that offend people, and when I have and was called out on it I absolutely realized I was wrong when I considered why the other person was upset.

    There are ZERO circumstances where I would find it funny for my husband to question my sibling about their sex life. It’s not a joke to cross a boundary, it’s disrespectful.

  178. You can still have the big gesture of love.

    Then sit down in the shop later.

    Tell her not to buy the ring herself, but still do a big romantic proposal.

  179. Yeah, if he doesn't like the division of labor while his wife is pregnant, he's not going to like it after the baby either. And he's certainly not going to want to be a single dad.

    My money is on him being a visitation dad, returning the kid to mom after a few hours of candy and all the “fun stuff” he thinks fathers do. At least until he gets his new wife or family and disappears, showing up only for the important events to tell himself he's a great dad.

  180. Punctuation, girl. Learn to use it, and you might get more responses. Too hard to read that wall of uninterrupted text.

  181. Just be honest, it’s the best thing you can do for both her and yourself.

    It would probably be best in person, but once you’ve made up your mind you need to be firm with it. Deciding to stay together because you feel bad will only make getting out of the relationship later more difficult.

    Also, the “we can still be friends” thing isn’t exactly wise. At least not at first. There is tension, and the same problems that you had while dating still would be there.

  182. Big difference between calling your teacher mom- when you’re a kid your teacher can be the closest thing to your mom experience outside of your family. Pretty natural as a kid to accidentally call them mom when you’re asking for help with something

    Calling your partner mommy as a grown adult while having sex and ejaculating inside them is a whole different kettle of fish.

  183. Well, as relationships progress, compromises DO sometimes have to be made. But you can't agree to compromise until you know what exactly you're compromising on. So until she comes to you with a concrete idea of what she wants to do, you can't really agree to anything. Because you may not want to move to where she plans to move etc. Sounds like she's just anxious about the future and wants some kind of sign that you're in it for the long haul. As long as her definition of the word compromise isn't “I get what I want”, you should at least think about it when the time comes.

  184. Speak for yourself. I'm a woman and I've always enjoyed porn. I watch it when I want to masturbate. I don't care if my boyfriend watches porn, I know he does, and I don't care. I don't police what he watches because I'm not jealous and insecure that he might find women besides me attractive.

  185. You're only ever responsible for your own actions. No way to control the actions of someone else.

    Break up and let a close friend or family member of hers know what's going on. That way people know that she's going to need some observation, and that she's threatened to commit suicide. Close friend is a better call if her family is unaware of the mental health stuff.

    Do what you can, but you have 0 control in this situation. You'll have to let the chips fall where they may.

  186. i care about my wife a great deal – we are always out doing things – she wants to go away for weekend i get up and take her, she wants to go to pictures we go – she wanted to go away a few weeks ago we went – i text my girl “got stuff on” and i went away for weekend so yes i do a lot for my wife to keep her happy.

  187. I can't seem to see anyone's replies besides the RA guy there and I ain't sure why.

    So may need to respond to this comment for me to see it.

  188. Then something weird is going on. Especially if the daughter and BF don't know that she is doing that. I am not saying that your wife and him are doing anything but it looks like your wife has an unnatural obsession with him. It almost seems like a crush.

  189. I mean is there a medicine reason he needs to keep a list? Like for stds or is this just a bone list? This behavior seems very immature in my opinion. I think that you should work on making some power moves to get out. That is kinda ew and creepy

  190. You woke up

    You felt the situation was weird

    You wanted to leave

    Then you two cuddled and sex for some hours (you couldn't have felt that weird)

    You said he had no game and proved it during your leave taking. What did you expect?

    Frankly, it sounds you wanted to leave and if he sensed that, he just played it straight and let you go, instead of begging for your approval.

    Sorry, this sounds as much about you not understanding how you got so wild and unrestrained with this guy, the guy with no game, who treated you a a person first.

  191. Yes, it is, and we're fine now. I got the money back and she's taken a loan to cover her needs for the house.

  192. it’s not that deep really

    But it is. He continuously lies to you. You said you hated lies and this happened again. And this isn't some kind of white lie. This is a very big one. Because yes, you are okay with this, but he didn't know that. He had information that could be a deal breaker to you and he chose to lie about this. He thought this information would be important to you and still chose to lie and not tell you.

    I don't see how you can trust him because if he lies that much on such big things how can you trust him not to lie again? How do you know he isn't lying right now?

    Also, this “friend” of your actively lied too. If she was really your friend she would tell you about this. Because yes you could be upset but at least you would know the truth and it would be something you could work on.

  193. Take photos of your face and the broken glasses.

    Depending on where you are, a domestic violence organization can provide you resources including legal help in filing for divorce AND getting a no contact order against him and his family.

    Good luck

  194. Why do people care about these kinds of things ? Focus only on yourself and the woman will run towards you my friend! Women can't stand the fact that a guy can enjoy being alone by himself and they'll start begging for it themselves.

  195. Get out while you can. This is how my sister’s relationship was for a long time. He’d be sensitive and blow things out of proportion, lose control over his actions, and then start hurting himself or things around him as a way to gain control of the situation. (He also broke his hand punching a door.)

    It was escalated to a police matter because they fought and this time he decided that instead of hurting himself he was going to hurt her. Who knows what would have happened beyond what he managed to do before the neighbors got involved and had the police come out.

    Don’t let it get to that point. This man has painted himself in red flags and it’s time to wake up to them and leave before things get worse.

  196. You will only get over them by breaking up and going no contact.

    If you still have feelings, staying together just won’t work.

  197. Switch the genders if a man did what you SIL did to you everyone would agree it was a type of assault. I would say sexual assault. Explain it that that context to your wife and honestly you should tell you SIL a your going to report her. She can’t just grab people and start kissing them. Again genders reversed no one would question you saying it was against your will and a huge issue. Cut off the SIL now and tell your FIL\MIL to force SIL to get help. Clearly something is wrong with her

  198. Just like any other addiction, this is going to be a really nude habit to break. He has to be the one who realizes it's a problem and wants to stop. Since he dont think theres anything wrong its probably will only get worse. Honestly dont think this relationship is worth saving.

  199. You’re a very confusing lady. Do this. Ok, now I feel bad, you shouldn’t do that. Well now I don’t like this either. Make the world a better place for me but I don’t know what I want or how you should do it.

    Regarding your problem, think of the other girl. In any romantic comedy that girls best friend always says to shoot their shot. Otherwise they’ll never know. Can’t hate her for it. So you’re doing the right thing in asking him to set boundaries but also make sure that you two are on solid ground together so that you can be confident if she is also confident enough to show up after not getting what she wanted.

    Seems wordy. I’m confusing too. Good luck.

  200. The alternatives aren't a magic fix to the problems of monogamy, even if it might seem that way.

    Negotiating a relationship is complicated. It's not any less complicated because it contains three or more instead of only two. It introduces issues like how to split your time, whether one person gets priority, it can introduce jealousy and insecurity, and problems like what to do of two people fall out with each other but a third still wants a relationship with both. There's questions like whether new partners should be introduced to your current one(s), whether current partners' approval is needed, whether new partners should be strictly casual or not.

    All that stuff has to be discussed and agreed upon in advance or what happens can amount to plain old regular cheating anyway. At the same time it's creating a dynamic in which all the important aspects of a monogamous relationship are still there (communication, honesty, commitment) so if you sucked at it in monogamy you won't suddenly get better in polyamory.

    For polyamorous people that dynamic might be what they want or need but it's not a way to fix problems with yourself, it's something to do because that's how you see romantic attraction and it fits your values and desires lifestyle.

    The reason I choose monogamy is simply because that's what I want and that's what works for me. It's no better or worse.

  201. No probs. Yeah, it didn't look particularly fun for the men to have to face rejection at every turn. It's even worse when the person you on-line with is getting literally hundreds of messages a day.

  202. Cause it’s my wedding too. And I don’t want someone there who’s been with her romantically. There is nothing past that reasoning. I get that it’d be controlling to say don’t ever see ex partners, and so I don’t. But at my wedding? I don’t want to be reminded about her past partners. I definitely don’t want to have to interact with them.

    The difference is her life isn’t mine but my wedding is fuckin half mine you know

  203. I did specifically state that she needs to see compromises from him.

    I was reassuring her that it want a lack of love but a mismatch of love languages.

    I wasnt excusing his lack of effort. We all need to make an effort to bridge these gaps in our relationships.

  204. I was just like your boyfriend. I dated someone for five years who was not a great person but we were up, down, hard, cold, hate, love. It wasn’t electric; it was dopamine. It took me a long time to calm down when I met the true love of my life because I thought relationships were supposed to keep you always off-kilter and my new guy was so dependable and honest and honorable. I grew up with a lot of chaos, my first guy was chaos and I didn’t know how to be calm. It felt boring but it was calm. Luckily, I started to realize I was just looking for that dopamine hit and I calmed myself down and learned to love sanity.

  205. I'm sorry for you both, but you can't trust him. Never let him into your place again, never be alone with him again. He needs years of therapy before he can try having a gf or bf again.

  206. You know how people show up on this sub and say things like:

    “I've been with so-and-so for 10 years and now they are abusing me”

    “We have been together for 8 years — I can't believe that they are cheating on me”

    etc…

    Every time I read one of these things, I wonder how you can be with someone for years, observe them treating others poorly, and not realize that they will eventually treat you poorly as well.

  207. Yeah this is really gross of her. She is indirectly and directly harassing somebody 12 years younger than her bc of something she “just knows” like wtf.

  208. Honey, you are not ready to date until YOU COMPLETELY HEALED FROM YOUR TRAUMAS.

    IF YOU ARE NOT HEALED, YOU WILL SEEK OUT MEN THAT HAVE THE SAME PROFILE OF THOSE THAT ABUSED YOU.

    Please, end this relationship. Get therapy. Join a support group. ONCE you come to terms with everything. Learn to cope with your feelings, your triggers…..THEN YOU ARE READY.

    CURRENTLY YOU ARE NOT READY.

    I'm sending you hugs ?

  209. Sounds like in the past, when you liked someone you were hurt or betrayed in some unexpected way. So now that you like him, you fear the same thing happening. So to deal with that, you need to get better at telling if you can trust someone or not. When someone is trustworthy, they may hurt you or you may hurt them but it’s accidental and they work to fix it, they don’t betray or cheat and if things do end it’s because you talked about it and couldn’t solve it, it doesn’t hit you out of the blue unexpectedly. If working on telling if someone is trustworthy interests you, let me know and I’ll share more. As for playing nude ball, what do you do exactly?

  210. Wait until it's February. Don't do it during the same month as his birthday and don't tell him for at least 5 more years, if ever, that you delayed because of him. I absolutely love your intentions here but telling him that this was part of your thought process might either make him feel responsible on some level or might come across as defensive and manipulative. I know that's not where you are coming from but, as you are already well aware, this is going to be some upheaval and when there's chaos, it's super easy to make the most painful possible inference.

    How old is he?

    In any case, I wish you all the best in the next chapter. (Be sure to listen to the bands you loved before you met your soon-to-be ex- it's very helpful in remembering who you were when you were you)

  211. What you said about matching their level is spot on! When I played board games as a young teenager with little kids I was babysitting, I’d play at their level. I wouldn’t make the most strategic play because I knew a 5 year old wouldn’t make it, and so there was an equal chance for them to win.

    Beating your kid in every game isn’t going to help him learn how to play chess better, it’s going to demoralise him, and likely damage your relationship with him OP. Match his level, then go a little higher every so often to help him learn. Teach him, explain your moves and why you’re making them.

    Your wife is either already doing the above, because she recognised that you’re damaging your relationship with your son, and doesn’t want you to be mad at her for changing her mind (just from this post you come across as a bit stubborn, so it wouldn’t surprise me if shes worried about your reaction), or she’s losing her ability to play to a higher level.

    Play your wife. If she smokes you, she’s being kind to your son. If she doesnt, bring up concerns about her faculties. Overall, just talk to your son about how he feels about your actions.

  212. I speak from experience. I had my daughter at 19 and broke up with her father when I was 23. He never wanted to be in her life after that so we grew up together and I know now that is. We did a lot of things together and were close, but I never involved her in my social life and made sure to stay out of hers, especially when she was a teenager and boys would tell her they wished I could be their Mrs. Robinson. With a son it’s the opposite. He looks at your friends like that and that is not healthy for him. He sounds somewhat immature but it’s not too late to teach him boundaries and help him develop into a respectful man. Still, you did a good job but parenting is a lifelong job. It doesn’t end at 18 so be prepared to guide him when he’s 50. He will still need you.

  213. this is definitely rape her husband is an accomplice get a restraining order talk to the police talk to a lawyer about a civil lawsuit therapy for both of you

  214. I’m glad you responded! I’ve continued to think about your post today, and I have a different thought. If you haven’t already, I would recommend reading “Tiny Beautiful Things” by Cheryl Strayed. In it, she addresses a reader who is unsure about leaving their long-term partner, and shares her own experience of divorcing her first husband. What stuck with me was her description of her first marriage – there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Her husband was kind and handsome and patient. But nonetheless, there was a voice in her head that kept whispering, “Go.” She tried to ignore it, but it grew louder and louder until she finally blew up her marriage in spectacular fashion. She eventually remarried, and has never heard “the voice” with her current husband.

    This story resonated with me because I know the voice she is talking about. I had a few serious relationships before my husband, and at least two of these men would likely have been great husbands and fathers. But ultimately, I always felt like something was missing. With my husband, I have never felt this way – no matter what, I’ve never heard “the voice.” I can’t tell you exactly why it’s different. I could list all my husband’s wonderful qualities, but that doesn’t really explain it. It’s just a feeling that’s always been there. He’s home to me.

    It’s very possible that your boyfriend, as wonderful as he is, is just not your person. It’s heartbreaking to have to explore that possibility. But its also great that this is coming up now, before you get married or take any more major life steps together. If you’re on the fence, I would recommend couples counseling as a safe space to explore the future of your relationship. Wishing you the very best of luck as you sort through this!

  215. A week later she tells me she is feeling sad about the situation with Sean and that she isn’t sure if that decision was genuine or not because I set some of her trauma triggers off and when that happens she tends to agree and appease with whoever it is that she is arguing with. She also explains to me that she is afraid to tell her friends and family that she is no longer friends with Sean because they might think I’m abusing her based on her past abusive relationship. I tell her that I don’t care if she tells her friends or family about the situation with Sean and that I’ve also reached out to friends and family about the situation to ask for advice and make sure my concerns are rational.

    I have another serious conversation with her and tell her I don’t want her to fear me or lie to me just to stay in the relationship. I explain that we need to go back to that decision and make sure it is genuine for both of our sakes. She explains how she still misses him and it’s going to take time for her to get over not every talking to him. But that’s she understands that he most likely does have feelings for her and that genuinely agrees to my boundary of her not being friends with him anymore. We all feel a lot better after that conversation until recently when I noticed something was bothering her.

    Last night we talked about what was bothering her. She said that she found out from her mom that Sean had visited town and Sean had talked to her mom for a bit. My gf hasn’t told her mom yet that she has cut ties with Sean but we both know that eventually she is going to find out since Sean is like a son to her mom. My gf doesn’t know how her mom will react to her finding out out my gf is no longer friends with Sean. My gfs afraid that her mom will panic and have serious issues with me or that She will make my gf decide to stay with me or being supported by her family emotionally and financially (being disowned).

    I didn’t know the mom and Sean were as close as they were until we talked last night about it last night. I told my gf that I trust maddi to explain the situation with Sean to her mom as she likes and that I will acept all those consequences and that if we were to Stay in the relationship that it would be best to tell her mom sooner rather then later even tho it is my gfs decision at the end of the day. She tells me that if the decision comes down to me or staying supported by her family that she will choose her family. I tell her that I understand and that if it came down to that then I’ll make sure she stays with her family since she already suffered being separated from them once and they pay for her college. She wants to become a doctor. She says she really wants to stay with me tho and I tell her that I do too but that she needs to be completely honest and think about if she wants to tell her mom about Sean and if so when.

    We decided to not talk about it again until today. I really want to stay in this relationship I love her with all my heart and I know she loves me. But I want some advice on what things I should talk to her about today and if it sounds like im being abusive. The last thing I want any girl to feel towards me is fear especially my partner and I feel a little dirty because I set some of her triggers off and I feel like she might be fearful of me in some type of way. Any advice, insights or questions would be appreciated. Sorry this was so long.

  216. I mean… no, it does not. What’s her plan if it “works out” with her boss? What does “work out” mean in this case? Sounds like she would leave you for him, therefore detracting literally all her “love” from you.

    How can you be so naive?

  217. It is fair to be annoyed when someone doesn't appreciate an effort you do. Just important to remember the difference with a repeated pattern or a single incident. People fuck up, it is normal. If someone keeps making the same fuck up, it is something else.

  218. It's like crossing the street as a pedestrian. Yes the cars are supposed to stop for you, but YOU bear the greatest risk for their failure to do so, so you better look both ways.

    You as a woman bear the greatest risk of pregnacy, so you bear the greater responsibility for BC.

    Having said that, he certainly isn't a non interested party. If you 2 cannot have an adult conversation and figure out what the plan is, then you ARE NOT mature enough to be having sex.

  219. Am i taking crazy pills here? They have been together for two months and she essentially wanted him to say i love you. She said he doesn’t like the label gf/bf. Not that he was against being exclusive. I wouldn’t call OP manipulative but totally out of line.

  220. So you already spoke too the guy, cleared up what he meant(and what you meant) and have made peace with the situation…so why are you posting this again?

  221. Her father is kind of guilting me into staying with her saying “you saw how she was. She’ll be that way for the rest of her life. I guess that’s something I’ll have to deal with…”

    I read this as her father liking OP and not wanting to feel guilty if they ever do get married. I think the old man wants you to reconsider because he likes you and knows his daughter.

    Run while you can. Will be harder to even crawl away if you get married.

  222. She would feel more comfortable in her current relationship if she knew she wouldn't have to worry about money after it ended? Does that make sense to you? If she wanted to stay with you, wouldn't the money you have and spend while with her be enough?

    Be very careful she's not trying to get you to agree to something with the plan of leaving you afterwards. You might care for her, but you're not obligated to give her the life she wants, and this situation seems very odd.

  223. Lesson 1: Well, you could get a time machine and keep your actual wife invested in your shared life from the beginning? Like you should have…

    Lesson 2: what you wrote here was pretty good. Open or end with an apology for not going straight to her regardless of outcomes. And then go from there.

  224. What mutual friends are saying about it? They may like you both, but living in between two (recently?) broken up exes sounds like a suffocating nightmare. Even if you veto the idea, having a talk with them before telling her no would avoid making you look like a tyrant. You have the lease and thus the final say, but you don't want to create a weird power imbalance with your buddies right off the bat.

  225. Nope. I bought a house with someone I wasn't married to. No common law marriage either.

    When we split, it was exactly like a divorce. With lawyers and everything. So idk why people think you have to wing it if you aren't married. Single people are still legally protected.

  226. Nope. I bought a house with someone I wasn't married to. No common law marriage either.

    When we split, it was exactly like a divorce. With lawyers and everything. So idk why people think you have to wing it if you aren't married. Single people are still legally protected.

  227. Breakups are forever. At least until you actually get back together.

    I would view this as permanent right now and work on moving on.

  228. The stupid thing is buying a house with someone who is still married to someone else, not buying a house with someone you're not engaged or married to. My partner and I are not married but we sorted everything out on paper, all our property is in both our names, with our share of everything going to the kids when we die.

    But then I'm not the kind of partner who would expect my ex to pay my bills either.

  229. Why are you with a guy who asks random women on games comms if they squirt? You've got some shit to work out, hun.

  230. Yeah that sucks, and I am sorry you are going through that.

    I hope you move on and find someone else though. There are more guys out there willing to date a trans person, I hope you find one.

  231. oh WOAH he put VIAGRA in your drink?! Just to SEE YOUR REACTION?!!?

    Quick (fun?) fact about Viagra – it was absolutely NOT originally developed as an effective treatment for ED… that's actually a lovely little side effect that was discovered once it was already on the market. Sildenafil was originally developed to treat high blood pressure and specific forms of cardiovascular disease. And you said you already suffer from seizures??? He could have literally killed you.

    I'm curious about what he was expecting you to do once you took it. Sprout a penis and pitch a tent while chasing him around?

  232. She's always been a very anxious person and I don't hold that against her, I have anxiety too. But she never really had any interests in anything, activities, sports, hobbies, music, movies, etc…

    She's a severe asthmatic so the gym is a no go in her opinion– I tried. And I've tried to tell her I can watch our son while she goes out and does anything she'd like. She never really takes me up on anything though because she doesn't really have any friends and her family is kinda crazy and she doesn't want to deal with that on her free time.

  233. Keep the cat get rid of the controlling bf. If someone told me to get rid of my cat, I'd laugh in their face

  234. This sounds really scary. If y’all want to do consent play, rough sex, or BDSM, it’s good to discuss it beforehand, make sure you both know what you’re okay with and what’s off limits, and to have a safeword.

  235. You are asking to to end your relationship. Seems your husband is correct. You’re on a path to training him not to answer honestly in the future. These people suggesting you talk to him about talking to him about how his answer hurt your feeling are setting you up for failure. You need to reconsider how clever you think you are. Educated does not equate to intelligent.

  236. Ditch the girlfriend, keep caring for your sister like a brother does. You are a great brother. Your girlfriend is mentally a 5 year old with the body of 22 year old. She is simply too immature to deal with adult responsibilities. That she does not recognize that you are a great caring guy is just a shame. You deserve so much better. You will find the right girlfriend.

  237. A lot of subs on this site viciously hate porn for some reason and will jump at the chance to blame it for literally anything.

  238. This is part of life and happens pretty much everyone to some degree as they start to focus on building their own families. Sorry they're mad at you, they will probably get over it.

  239. Thanks for this blunt and helpful advice. I will pass this on to her. I especially appreciate you sharing your own experience.

  240. There a few remedies that hinder hepatitis. And even reduce it I would say ya life is over just be cautious and looking into things with your doctor. I take colloidal silver sometimes. It kills over 600 types of viruses. It definitely can hinder some infections. Follow the instructions on the product if you do get some of it. They usually sell it at supplements shoppe vitamin store.Study up on stuff you can learn a lot on biological stuff. Good luck bud try not stress to much. Check in with your DR see what can be done might be surprised.

  241. Are you paying the same amount?

    I would say your requests are reasonable. But it’s also understandable if she doesn’t want to change things. It’s like you have grown and neither or you are in the wrong but you either have to decide if you wanna stay with things the same or move into a new place/phase

    Also a lot of people would say 9 months is too soon. You’re friends! She should be able to share her opinion. There is a lot of dangers when moving in with a romantic partner. What if you break up? What if someone cheats? Not that these things wouldn’t happen in a 3 year relationship – but typically you know the person better -you’ve gotten into a bad fight and have learned how to deal with it. Ultimately it’s whatever you wanna do! Some people get married to strangers. Everyone knows what is best for them.

  242. My daughter and her fiancé rent my house with two roommates (3bedroom) her and her fiancé pay 1/2 the total rent and the other two each pay 1/4 of the rent. Same with utilities.

  243. He wanted a happy family with other people of his choosing and according to HIS rules, which he never intended to include you having other people.

  244. Your bf doesn't have a very refined palate. Don't get upset by it. He probably can't help it.

    But this thing about inviting guests without clearing it with you first? That's a no no.

  245. Dump his toxic ass. This is an unhealthy manipulative relationship and I guarantee you no matter how good the sex is (if you’re having sex if not substitute for cuddles hugs kisses literally anything) it’s actually not that good and it’s not worth the emotional trauma. You can and you will find better once you leave this man

  246. It’s not about an intellectual incompatibility. It’s a MORAL incompatibility. He and his family are racist, sexist, xenophobic, that’s why you’re upset, not because of his education,

    You’re being condescending and ignorant. You’re in a way making excuses for his behavior based on his education. You also seem to have some poor views on people with lower level of education than you, since you seem to think these opinions are normal for those people. Let me tell you, I know a ton of people who didn’t finish school but are none of these things. And I’ve seen another ton who are highly educated but still sexist, racist, and xenophobic.

    You also don’t seem all that against racism etc since you are still with him and making excuses. Fix your moral compass and don’t date men who are clearly awful people

  247. I think it would be incredibly horrible to put any other man's name on your body when you're in a relationship with your spouse- this is any all ex's. Any other partner infact regardless. The only time a name may be acceptable is family like parent/sibling/close cousin/kid etc

  248. We talked weeks ago i told him let’s meet in person around 11Pm and he was quick to reply and i messaged back got nothing. double messaged days later still nothing. it’s like he hates me now ever since he found out

  249. You love her as much as you say you do, you’ll love her with body art. If you can’t bear to be intimate with her anymore after she gets her tattoo, if it repels you so thoroughly you don’t want to touch her or talk to her anymore, you’ll end up feeling pretty confident about breaking up with her and finding someone who is also this unattracted to tattoos.

  250. I wish- it’s just my parents, b & his wife, my youngest brother, myself and my partner, R & his husband, and R’s sister & her husband

  251. I’m sorry but I think you completely have the wrong idea. I only talked about all of this stuff and tried putting my finger inside her for the first time that night because she has literally told me unprovoked she wants to have sex and do everything with me eventually but wants to continually try more things. I’m willing to wait a long time and I told her that, I’m just scared in the future that she won’t end up enjoying it at all and my first time will not be a good experience for me and her. I just want advice if girls are usually afraid about doing stuff like this and have the same worries about their first time my gf has.

  252. You need to be talking to a lawyer, not us. Although make sure you screenshot everything on her phone which proves she's been having an affair and is planning to lie in divorce proceedings.

  253. Hey, I wonder why no one reads the account bio but this is a throwaway account for anyone who uses the share house computer.

    You are right I can never accept him after all. I don't agree with what you think that verse means. They do deserve to be forgiven but I don't think it means to accept them as an equal because everyone must carry their sins as long as they on-line and it is only up to God to decide what sins are to be forgiven and what are to be punished. I will do neither

  254. Good question, actually. We did click right away when we first met but after years of being together, I notice I have super motherly traits (which I’m fact I am a mother, I have two kids) and he has a super addictive personality. Maybe I should’ve just stopped it from the beginning but it seemed so perfect at first, when I look back on it.

  255. Honestly, she pretty much gearing up to getting them “fixed” that’s why she’s being vocal about them and vulnerable. She’s pretty much hinting at the fact that she’s pretty much made her mind up that she’s going to get them done. All of the info you’ve provided just makes me sure she’s 100% set on getting them done. I’m a female and do extensive research and get pretty open and vocal about things I don’t like because I’m getting ready to tell people I’ve decided that I’m going to do it.

    You may think she’s perfect as is and sexy but she’s set. Just tell her you love her as is but 100% support her decision to feel the same about herself, the way you do. I don’t care about her health or history. If getting her boobs “fixed” in her mind helps her, then I think it’s the right thing to do. Don’t try to change her mind, go through it all with her while reminding her that she’s so sexy and fuckable to you. If she is stuck on two doctors or styles of boobs that she likes, help her decide. Honestly, she’s an adult, and she deserves to feel good in her own skin. Just support her and enjoy her new confidence. She’ll be even more into you because you supported her the entire way.

  256. my father got married to my mother very early too, 29yo, he ended up cheating her and they got separated for years before they got back together, Idk if this (or even his death) made me so ephemorous for love. I'm in fear that I make a decision and is based on just trauma.

  257. Your boyfriend obviously isn't stable right now. Whether he actually hears voices or if it's all a lie so he has an excuse to be rude to it, it doesn't matter. No one deserves to be treated like this. You've had problems with him before, and it seems like this relationship isn't going anywhere. You two should split up. By the way, him throwing that ice cream is a sign that he's willing to be physically aggressive too. If he's already having other mental health issues, you should be really cautious of his outbursts.

  258. We have moved to a new city for her to be able to have this job. I have spent some time looking for a house and learning about interest rates and stuff like that. She told me that she felt she couldnt talk to me about how hard she thought it was to take care of the kids. But I also felt a responsibility that we both cant be dragged down by this, becasue we need to stay above water. She also claims to think its normal that couples with small children not have the connection all the time. Her reaction to this stress was partly connecting with another man. I only turned inwards trying to do whats best for our family. Maybe I victimize myself too much.

  259. Good riddance. The things you did were cute and really thoughtful, the right person will appreciate your efforts and do the same for you.

  260. Hi, I'm happy to share.

    For several years I was the power of attorney for a distant relative (my husband's mother's cousin) with dementia. She also has a disabled adult daughter (age 52) who lives with her. The daughter was diagnosed with autism, but seems to be highly functioning. Unfortunately, the daughter seems to have other issues that have never been addressed, which complicates matters.

    I'll address the daughter first. She claims to have severe anxiety and depression, and that she is unable to function because of this. She has tried herbal remedies, acupuncture, energy healers, and pretty much everything except for consulting a mental health professional. She would constantly ask for my opinion, and when I would say that perhaps she needs medical intervention if her anxiety ad depression are that severe, she would immediately accuse me of not understanding her, that's she's different, and that she is not going to take medication. She also states that talk therapy is useless.

    The daughter also has grandiose plans for her future, such as becoming a concert level musician (she takes private lessons but has never performed), a film director, a writer, a fashion designer, etc. Generally, these plans all involve becoming fabulously wealthy without doing the actual work to achieve her goals. She refuses to get a degree, or attend any classes other than her music lessons. She also has tried to relocate several times, but fails because she doesn't want to get a job to support herself. Her mother enables her by giving her money for all of this.

    For quite some time, the daughter insisted on calling me every night and talking for hours about her issues. I had to start cutting her off, because it was the same conversation over and over. And if I wasn't available, she would start posting on my social media accounts, texting, and trying to get other people to call me to insist I call her. I finally had to block her on all of my social media accounts, and my email. I shut down the calls as well because it was the same thing, over and over again.

    I primarily dealt with the mother. Her dementia is getting worse, and she does acknowledge that she is forgetting things, but is adamant that she will not go into a care facility. Throughout my tenure as POA, whenever the daughter didn't get what she wanted from me (primarily her mother's money), the mother would call and yell at me to just give her daughter whatever she wanted. When I tried to reason with the mom, it went nowhere. I did everything I could, but I could not stop the mother from draining her finances to fund her daughter's dreams. If I wouldn't write a check, mommy would go to the bank and get cash for the daughter.

    Neither of them think there's anything wrong with what they are doing, even when confronted by others (such as the mother's financial planner) who try to explain that their behavior is harmful to both of them. They think it's all perfectly normal.

    The demands from these two kept increasing, to the point that they were taking up all of my time, and not caring/listening/understanding that there were times I would be unavailable. Not only that, but I worried about my own liability because of the finances, and the mother's inability to understand her financial situation.

    There's a lot more, but some of it just isn't for publication. Let's just say that both mommy and daughter can be quite nasty when they don't get their way.

    I am the type of person that won't do less than my very best, and trying to deal with the two of them, my full time job, my own health issues, keeping up my own home, and trying to maintain a healthy relationship with my husband was just not possible. You just can't be everything to everyone. I spoke with a counselor because I was becoming a very negative, angry person, and that's not me at all. It took some time, but I made the decision to prioritize myself and my health. I had to enforce some serious boundaries and not let anyone push them. And part of that was walking away as a POA.

    Both of them have tried to draw me back into this situation, and I have been holding firm that I will not be involved.

  261. You don’t need to drink everyday to be an alcoholic, you drank so much that you were running from a certain feeling or chasing one. You got so drunk you blacked out in public in a very unsafe place. Did you get in the front seat of the Uber? Why not the back? Distance yourself, I mean especially with Covid. If your able to make the proper decision of the Uber driver and to get out why were you unable to make the conscious decision to not drink as much while less drunk.

  262. Did we not read the post of the partner about to tell their partner this earlier this week??

    I think you deserve better. People will pick up and loose weight throughout their lifetime. If your partner cannot be sexually aroused because of a 20lb difference, you certainly deserve a better partner.

    Honestly I find it ridiculous.

  263. You’re 30 and you move in with someone after a few months?! You don’t even know the guy yet. If it’s only a few months, just forget about the guy and move on.

  264. “ she might not want a baby but she might want the experience or being “let loose” inside or her. “

    This ALL day! His plan is that he gets to lie back and enjoy, she has to stop whether she’s also climaxing or not and help him finish.

    I’m amazed he’s surprised. Sex is very powerful, hormones are involved. Like geez, wear a condom. The pull out method directly leads to frustration and pregnancy. Also, getting carried away and committing sexual assault in this case. Super avoidable.

  265. I’m going to ask again, what does the right kind of conservative mean?

    How can you seriously think that the only person you could have ever agreed with on your values is your cousin?

    And what happens if he “gives you” a non healthy baby? You can’t be certain just by looking at the health of the parents that the baby will be 100% healthy. So what happens if your supposedly good genes create a child that is less than your ideal version of good. You married your cousin to ensure your kids had good genes but what happens if your children end up having some kind of disability? Is that bad genes? That’s a really messed up way of talking about children

  266. If you are in need of constant reassurance from your partner (to the degree he is getting frustrated) and acknowledge that you suffer from “relationship anxiety” you may want to consider going to therapy to talk to someone else about it so that you can address your issues. It takes self work so that you don’t bleed out on those who haven’t cut you.

  267. guys don’t “joke” by sucking cocks in thailand. he’s cheating and definitely doesn’t seem to be into your anatomy, or a certain part. staying with him will only cause upset. leave him hun, you deserve better

  268. TBH, none of my friends or family know my user name, and though I'm sure one of them might figure it out sometime, I certainly won't volunteer the info. I'm not even posting anything weird, I just don't want someone I know watching everything I post.

    That said, I'm also not someone who has actively cheated on my GF via web communication tools. So… sometimes you have to suck it up if you want to fix stuff. I don't know.

  269. Yes, I agree, he wasn’t able to keep his boundary. But if his boundary is incompatible with the relationship she wants or the level of closeness she wants then…is she more at fault than him? Shouldn’t they just communicate these differences beter than they have and just break up? If I have boundary against something my partner considers perfectly normal he’s not a bad person for not immediately understanding the extent of my feelings on that issue. It’s give and take

  270. FWIW my then-girlfriend and I both went abroad to different countries with this same “light open” set of rules. BOY DID THAT NOT GO WELL. Turns out the gap between “no I have a bf” and kissing is significantly wider than the gap between kissing and having sex.

    Anyways worked out great for me in the end as I met my now-wife the day I got back from abroad. Would not recommend replicating though.

  271. Surely no-OP is actually this dense, they must be playing mind games and want GF that basically think being his PA and live-in maid is advancing the relationship.

  272. Are you really sure that she does not want a relationship? It has to be messing with her as well. Sounds like she has changed her mind. She sounds like she would want a relationship but does not want to get hurt. She might still not think you are relationship material, so you need to let her know that a relationship is an option (of course if it is for you) if she wants.

  273. That sounds lovely, what a great dynamic!

    I don’t recognise any of that, so I think my situation is very different… my fiancé is always the one stepping back, trying to stop his friend from being too pushy or clingy, and constantly complains when she messages him to meet up or have a phone call. Meanwhile, she has never expressed interest in getting to know me one-on-one.

  274. You'd better tell your husband before he finds out himself. If that happens I don't see it ending well for your BIL, or yourself…

  275. Dude, she has already told you her mind is made up. All the self-improvement in the world is not going to change her mind. And you might be a bit delusional in how much you have really changed – interpersonal behavior is mostly habits of dealing with others, and although your core beliefs may have changed, that doesn't mean your habits and communication skills have caught up.

    You'd be better off trying to bring your new self into a new relationship. This one is over. You aren't getting it back. Move on.

  276. Discuss these concerns with her first. And then I’m sure if you can’t reach a mutual decision or solution that it will be clear for you that you need to end the relationship before things get messy.

  277. I agree about the 180 angle, doesn't really change much that it has not been one week, but 2-3, but I see what you are saying. I do indeed see a therapist. I also see how you (and her most likely) see this as a way too drastic of a shift.

  278. Why did you have to spend 4 years apart? Who decides to do that? It is nothing short of sabotaging your marriage.

  279. If you know for a fact that you want to stay with your girlfriend, then minimize the contact you have with V. Ideally, get a new job. Don’t entertain fantasies, don’t communicate with her unless it’s for work and you absolutely have to, preferably only at work and never during off hours. Put as much distance between you and V as humanly possible.

  280. I do not want a baby right now nor am I ready for one. Couples should have to talk about that if it did happen and that’s why I asked how he would feel about it because my body isn’t okay on birth control it doesn’t make me feel right it’s not an easy decision either way and you don’t know your facts or the history we have together I’m not trying to tie him down to me the last thing I want is to have a baby that is unwanted in this world who would ever want that. That’s why I’m asking for help

  281. Probably not. It’s very hard to trust someone who cannot be trusted, when the consequences of being wrong are absolutely crushing.

  282. In 2 weeks they're going to come visit us for my fiance's birthday and I'm considering just not drinking all weekend.

    I think that's probably the best move. Don't give them ammunition. I smoke but even at 42 I don't smoke in front of my parents. I also took the “boo you smoke” conversation off the table permanently in my late 20s. Might be harder for you as they're your in-laws but your partner can make that move.

    Also, not relevant to your question but it stood out, your mum isn't an alcoholic, she's recovered, she doesn't drink. One of the worst things some cessation programs do (whether drugs or alcohol) is convince someone they're permanently broken. She's recovered, not an alcoholic, she just can't and doesn't drink.

  283. Any one of us could be her. I’m fairly healthy, but I could be hit by a car tomorrow. This is the most terrifying thing to me, that I could give somebody half my life, then they abandon me because it’s hard to be there for me.

    OP, this isn’t me trying to guilt you about your decisions and feelings, I’m just getting introspective.

    I guess I would suggest that you consider this; no body stays healthy forever. At some point your body will fail you too. Your wife’s body, no matter who she may be, will fail her. We all get old and arthritic, dementia takes over and your memories fail you. We all have to deal with it at some point.

  284. Who does it hurt though. I randomly collected toothpicks for no particular reason when I was a teen. Some people collect things just for the fuck of it, OP's bf sounds so stuck up and dramatic fr

  285. Smokers almost never realize how the smell sticks around and how vile it is. I have gifts from smokers that, years later, still reek if you sniff them. Luckily they're figurines so they can on-line behind glass.

    Also, you aren't smoking right now. Are you going to continue abstaining after she gives birth? Because those baby lungs will ultimately be more important than getting your dick wet. … speaking as someone whose father smoked. He quit when I was 12, and I was in college before I got my sense of smell back, although it's dysfunctional.

  286. Your fiancee is cut from the exact same cloth as her father.

    I would not be with this person and I DEFINITELY would not even consider having children with this woman.

  287. Hard to tell but if you can’t help but snap at her after knowing her for three days why would you want to pursue her? And why would she want to pursue you? You couldn’t be nice for 3 days.

  288. Fuck… the only thing I can say is therapy togethet and seperate. Do that paternity test people advice. I am so sorry for your wife and you OP.

  289. If my partner called it depession like a idiot child I'd be out the door. I wouldn't be able to stand such laziness and stupidity. How old are your children? .Could you divorce her and share custody?

  290. Sometimes it fails to update after you leave somewhere. So she was there but didn’t update her location after she left would be the most likely explanation of the gps really fucked up.

  291. Where do you on-line with those kind of costs? Most of my experience is from major cities where costs are extremely high.

    Not questioning, but it seems like maybe there's an incredible difference in costs between different parts of the UK.

  292. You don't. Just have the chat and if he leaves he leaves. Be prepared to be nothing more than a friends with benefits

  293. the texts for a while seemed like friends. and I even talked to the ex and she said it was friendly. but once things blew up and a ton of drama happened, it turned out he was talking to her as if they could possibly get back together. Keeping both options open which was hurtful.

    I don’t know what happened but over the past two weeks (I said I was going to break up with him) he decided to fix his shit. but he expects me to get over it so quickly.

  294. He’s embarrassed about you. You don’t meet his parents standards. Red flags everywhere leave now before he leaves you for the wife his parents want him to have.

  295. So are we gonna skip past the compulsive lying and him admitting that he intentionally did this while you were high?

  296. NO WAY he has to respond!

    Don't counsel adding insult to injury, please!

    Delete the messages unread!

    What is there to say? For whom? For what?

    The group KNOWS what she did and can't even explain.

  297. Right. He really needs to hear you’re not his babysitter/flatmate and he actually needs to act responsibly. Ask to go to couples therapy sessions and if nothing improves, sounds like you’ll be less worried on your own.

  298. Your fiancée needs to tell her entire family if he shows up in a clown suit security won’t let him in the venue. If they complain then he will be completely uninvited. He’s a 35 yr old baby. If he can’t show some respect to his sister on her wedding day then he can’t attend.

  299. Most parties are just shooting the shit and playing beer pong. Is there a reason that’s a nude line in the sand. Honestly, a rule against going to parties with friends is very strange

  300. also we have met in person, been on dates, and hung out this is not a virtual thing only. we’re “exclusively” talking bc i turned down being his gf bc it was to fast in my eyes at the time. Just for clarification!

  301. Yeah tell him to take yoga and blow himself and he can swallow his own cum. I’d send him packing.

    I mentioned being gay and always asking casual hookups if it’s okay to cum in their mouth. Like I don’t know them and might never see them again, so therefor I don’t have feelings for them, but I’m still more respectful than OPs dog man.

    Yeah his friends sound like assholes too. Maybe they should blow each other if they’re so into it.

    If it’s between bros it’s not gay! /s

  302. Lotta “RUUUUN” comments, but maybe now that you know what he means talk to him about it. If you love him and he loves you and you want to salvage the relationship discuss this issue and let him know if that's what he wants he is now free… after you move yourself out. He may only want to make you jealous so you will give him more attention.

  303. You mother is scared for you and scared for her potential grandchild. There is nothing you can do to turn that very valid fear into support.

  304. I was thinking the same ngl , maybe she just wants sex? But she has told me she’s interested in a relationship? And wants to build towards that

  305. “”Comment Rule 2:** Keep it civil. No insults, no threats of violence, no encouraging violence, no harassment, no trolling, no advertising other subs, no spam. You will be banned. All bans in this sub are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  306. I'm so sorry you've been through what you have and what you are currently going through.

    He is also abusing you though.

    You deserve better than being someone's secret.

    Do you on-line together? If not, I'd bet you're not the primary partner in his life.

  307. Sure, family is important but they’re now owed unconditional love and support after certain age. She’s a 24 yo throwing tantrums like a 3 year old. She’s also freeloading and mooching off of you without having a care in the world like a moody, hormonal pre-teen.

    Your bf seems to not only accept her abuse but also is “deeply hurt” that you’re not willing to be abused by her. I don’t like this dynamic and given the history, if it comes to taking sides in the conflict she’ll choose her. She might be wrong but sHe’S FaMiLy!

  308. True but he is one sandwich short of a picnic, and I wouldn't want to on-line or sleep under same roof as him. The other women's fiance is a cop so she will be fine with him when it all comes out.

  309. I also want to add I received the gift in the mail a day after he did this and there was a love note in it..

  310. Where the thing having a gut feeling is neither here nor there but when that gut feeling comes with alarm bells then definitely means something

  311. I’m always amazed when people come here outlining an abusive relationship asking for advice but make it clear they have no intention of leaving.

    Obviously you know this is inappropriate behavior. He’s totally fucking with you and trying to make you think you’re nuts.

    Is this behavior you want modeled for your kid(s)?

    Unless you’re truly having some life of cognitive dysfunction, he is being horrible and this isn’t okay.

  312. I can understand that fear, but it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person, and would you want your children to grow up feeling the way this man makes you feel? You are still young and there are lots of men out there looking for a good woman.

  313. So you're suggesting that when this man was behind bars (leaving his teen son alone at an age when guys really need their fathers) he became a better person? Because that is how our prisons work?

    He committed fraud. He cannot get a normal job.

    I actually am a strong supporter for reform and for community support for convicts. I just don't have them over for dinner.

  314. Unless he can tell you why he reacts like that, it's all armchair guesswork, really. He may not even know why he reacts that way.

    But it may be a defense mechanism of some sort. Our society does such a number on men and not allowing them to have or express emotions other than anger…

    Or maybe it's nit a defense mechanism, and he may just need some time to think whatever you've presented to him as a topic of conversation through- before he actually has thoughts to share in return.

  315. Why would you be talking to her about her relationship? Did she ask for your advice or are you planning to have this discussion unprompted?

    This is between her and her partner. Stay in your lane. This has absolutely nothing to do with you.

  316. Honestly I think I would have exploded and bailed at the “sore wrist”. This woman is so. much. patience.

  317. He’s not doing anything to help with your first child or your recovery, so he has no grounds to get pissy about you not wanting a second.

  318. My mom did this for me and my brother. Every holiday we'd get something for our hope chest. I hated it, until I moved out at 22 and had everything I needed and it was great quality, since she bought it piece by piece. Highly recommend.

  319. Aw man, I feel you. It’ll be okay, talk to your wife about this again without blowing it out of proportion. She is 35 so if you guys want bio kids, my guess is the clock is ticking to its end. For some people having kid is like the fantasy you described, at least the decision making part, and for some people it isn’t. It looks like a good time to let go of that fantasy and have a realistic conversation about possibly having children. It’s okay, sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way we imagine, and it’s okay to be in the feels about it. Once you make your peace with it, think a bit more about how having kids might look for you in a realistic scenario, I’m sure there’s plenty of things remaining to be excited and dreamy about.

  320. I think your message is fine. But do you really need to send it?

    Personally, I would just get tested and stop. contacting him. And if he tried to contact me, I would just reply with the screenshot of his Twitter bio.

  321. Exactly! I don’t get why people give me dirty looks while reading Playboy on public transport? I’ts arrrrttttt guys. Jeez

  322. I think that’s naive. I’m making an assumption this is in America, but I could be wrong. In America, nudity is highly sexualized and you’d have to be naive in the extreme not to know it’s likely a husband doesn’t want their friend seeing their wife hard.

  323. Are you nuts? No. I'm sure that is not the only ring on the planet that she would be happy with. Surely you can steer him towards a ring of similar style that's within his budget. Leave the 5 carat rock for him to purchase as an anniversary gift later on down the road.

  324. Physically no, I sent some texts to another girl that obviously shouldn’t have been sent and she found them when she went through my apple watch.

  325. You can't. This is HIS problem, and he needs to get help for it. He needs to recognize his issues are his, and it is not okay to treat you this way or project his crap onto you. Tell him you will not be ending your friendships, and he needs to get help for his issues with it. If he doesn't, then he's not the guy for you. This kind of control will only get worse with time.

  326. Children, they drive us insane, and then do something to remind us that we do in fact love them and will put up with it.

  327. Ham, your H's strong abandonment fear — as well as his anger issues — may be due to his having very weak control over his own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills he had no opportunity to acquire in childhood). My exW has this problem. If that is an issue for your H, you likely have been seeing 3 other warning signs.

    First, you would be seeing him rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein he tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.

    Because he also uses B-W thinking in judging HIMSELF, he would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in his mind, he is “all bad.” He thus would blame nearly all misfortunes and mistakes on you and view himself as “The Victim.”

    Further, to validate his “victim” status, he would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend himself in the smallest, most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in his frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”

    Second, you would not see him expressing his anger to casual friends, classmates, or total strangers. He usually gets along fine with them. Rather, his temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, his sibling, or his parents).

    Third, you are convinced he truly loves you. But you often see him flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing you), frequently making you feel like you're “walking on eggshells.” Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do.

    Ham, have you been seeing strong occurrences of these 3 red flags?

  328. Some of these comments are weird….stand your ground, move into the guest room, don't let him get away with this…the reality is, he doesn't have much ground to stand on. If he goes extreme, bio dad will just take the kid and disappear or kick him out. He is in a very delicate situation that really isn't his fault. Are you ok with this being a hill to die on and possibly ending the relationship? And losing the child? I'm not sure what I would do…

  329. Your son is your family too. YTA.

    And it’s creepily suspicious you won’t disclose your new wife’s age. Sounds like a typical midlife crisis.

  330. Tell your mother it's not your place and if she has an issue with your father she needs to address it with him. They aren't required to sit next to each other, correct? They need to learn how to be adults and not put you in the middle on things. Either they start acting like adults or they can sit it out but that will be their individual choices and wouldn't be yours.

  331. This is not „rape“, it‘s rape. He is an asshole, and you should break up and report this to the police. This is sickening and I hope this person who has done this to you rots in jail.

    A person who does this to you doesn‘t love or respect you. Leave. Please do it for yourself.

  332. He do remember though and thinks I souldnt have hit him because we are friends.

    This fight just feels like a hussle to me I dont want it I have nothing to gain from it.

  333. 3 weeks post sex is definitely not too early, if you know exactly what you’re looking for implantation wise. (Personal experience, I knew what I was feeling for), but that wouldn’t show up on a test for potentially another week, and the sex has to be specific to the ovulation date. It sounds like either bullshit on OPs part entirely if fake, or bullshit on the girls part if real and I doubt that it was a legitimate pregnancy.

  334. You said communication with her was easy.. Time to have a conversation, she may very well be telling you the truth and she's just going through a lot right now. You won't know until you talk about it with her.

    You owe it to yourself to have the conversation before ditching her and moving on.

  335. Tell him you don’t date hypocrites and dump him.

    Never ever EVER accept that your boyfriend can have opposite-sex friends but you can’t. Not under any circumstances.

  336. This is my life right now. 16 years together and I think about it everyday single day. It's all worth it, but no you never recover

  337. You sound like the kind of guy that would be secretly relieved she only found that convo instead of all the porn and/or cheating evidence that’s on there. But because you only barely got away with it, you jump to extremes and gaslight the other person to “teach them a lesson” about privacy.

  338. Even if your daughters trust him now, that could change drastically once you’re all living under the same roof.

  339. Not yet, but maybe you don't need to drop her altogether, just expand your friends group. Give yourself time to make a decision if she's ok with it, maybe she's having doubts too.

  340. That’s the thing idk if we grew apart cause we are very similar people idk what happened but we just don’t talk anymore really like friends and have jokes and enjoyable conversations or care for others interests. I feel like most of that is coming from me tho it’s just gotten to the point where she tries to have engaging conversations with me but I’m the one that kinda doesn’t try back it just feels weird and forced idk how to explain it I wish I didn’t feel this way tho

  341. I let my 5 year old step-son determine if he wanted to change his name to mine when I married his mom. And he had that option ever since.

    The big thing is not forcing or even manipulating him into doing it.

  342. Several months ago, I encountered a man who said he could kill by magic. I called him a fraud every time he tried to get a client and told him I'd keep it up until he left or I died.

    He gave up in two days and I promise I'm not posting this from beyond the grave. Don't take her threats seriously and she'll break.

  343. I can't either. I feel so pitiful but I'm just devastated. In any other situation, my MO would've been to pack my things and load up the dog, change my number, and leave.

  344. I’ve literally seen girls cheat on their boyfriends and then call them insecure when they put boundaries up

  345. Dude, you can't be her emotional punching bag OR her her emotional crutch. She isn't healthy enough for a relationship. No wonder you feel smothered & frustrated.

  346. You dodged a bullet, my friend. Life is too short to spend it with a guy who gets kicked out of his home over snacks, needs you to pay his debts, and is stupid enough to think he should be a father when he hasn't got a roof over his head.

  347. Sure, but you made a blanket statement and I was pointing out that it's not a topic that you can make such a blanket statement on.

  348. No she didn’t ignore. She gave him her snap. Well it definitely seems like that through Reddit. But like i said I make sure never to be controlling and never show my jealousy outwards. It’s really an internal struggle in my mind. That was just confirmed by the test.

  349. You go to work. . . . Cheaters will find time, and it doesn't matter if he is or has he's actively seeking it. Fucking leave. Complicated or not, figure out a plan to break up and follow through. HE clearly doesn't respect or love you. He loves himself.

  350. Agreed and I truly appreciate your honest comment. It's a cumulus of factors that led to this point, obviously, that is why I feel so down and I know it feels so wrong. I was being secretive because I don't even know what to do, and it's not like something like this happens to me on a regular basis and didn't even knew how to manage this situation. This is completely on me, I've let it build up, because I don't even know how it happened. But, as I said in another comment, this is something I will now discuss with my boyfriend and be open about and try to shut it off before it degenerates. After that, it's on him if he will understand and we'll make it work further. And I will shut all contact with my coworker, except our professional setting. Thanks again, really eye-opening.

  351. Considering your post history, and the fact that you seem to refuse to leave him despite all his BS, I don’t know what you want from us. He’s emotionally abusive, according to previous posts, he’s an alcoholic, according to previous posts, he is weird with the baby, according to previous posts, and now he’s also a misogynist. How many red flags do you need shoved in your face to realize it’s KINDA NOT WORKING OUT? Kick him out or leave.

  352. I know you are terrified. I’ve been there. In my case I also decided I wasn’t going to on-line like that. So I ended the relationship and he said some vile things to me. I stayed my ground and am so happy I did. I also vowed never to be treated like that again.

    Do not let this go on. It’s scary and he is manipulative, but end it and don’t look back.

  353. I really want to let him know I see through the facade and he didn't just get away with a major deception undetected

    Well, to point out the obvious, you didn't see through his facade, and he did get away with it.

    it's not OK to treat a partner like this and endanger their health.

    This is completely valid.

    TBH, I wouldn't reach out. I would not be surprised if he reaches out to 'reconcile' or to try to get you to be his side piece while he cheats on his new partner or his affair partner. At that point you can let him know that you know everything and all of the other stuff above.

  354. I personally would never say anything just because sometimes what you did in the past is not something you want brought up now. Further more the adult industry is not like it is today. Women didn’t have as much control over their body’s back than, abuse and being treated like garbage was common. Best to never say anything to anyone. She might talk to you later but you don’t want to bring up possible trauma.

  355. He's insanely manipulative with zero empathy. He's straight up using you. You may never get an answer from him, but if you are confident then trust your instincts. Leave.

  356. Have some self respect and leave. Dude's actively and regularly disrespecting you and insulting you. And even if that weren't the case, he's a guy who wants his partner as an item to “show off” in front of others. That's a messed up childish behavior that no one should enable.

  357. This is actually incredibly helpful! I think the real things I should be talking to him about have less to do with age and more to do with what he’s current looking for in life – eg. Is he looking to get married sometime really soon? Then maybe we aren’t compatible. Is he looking more to just seeing where things go? Then maybe we are more on similar pages. Very insightful

  358. Dude, he’s never going to admit it because he has successfully been gaslighting you into staying. It’s like the Shaggy song “It Wasn’t Me.” Except it seems like your husband gets off on you catching him and being able to gaslight you into staying.

  359. Dude, he’s never going to admit it because he has successfully been gaslighting you into staying. It’s like the Shaggy song “It Wasn’t Me.” Except it seems like your husband gets off on you catching him and being able to gaslight you into staying.

  360. Just goes to prove my original point, even faced with incontrovertible evidence you still can't accept or tolerate an opposite opinion. Yet you continue to call me ignorant. If it wasn't so pathetic it would be funny.

  361. Maybe she doesn't want anyone to see her as the step-parent of a teenager or is from a family background where a very dim view is taken of those people who are divorced/single parents by choice/parents unmarried at the time of their child's birth.

  362. It’s only been happening recently. When we first got together he would always be affectionate. I’m guessing that he’s tired of doing that?

  363. Yeah I think first step is realizing that this isn't a you problem and it's not your job to fix her. Just be kind, honest and a decent boyfriend.

    She may conquer her demons and you can certainly be available to give her support on this, but it's definitely a her task. And there's a good chance she will fail. She's 43 and she still hasn't figured it out.

    I've found a lot of women try to pile on a long list of things they fail at as tasks for you… the man, then blame you for it failing when really it's their list of stuff to do. So don't try to take on her stuff.

  364. So your partner plans on becoming a hermit that lives in a cave? Better cancel your internet service because he might see a cow chunk on a restaurant ad or stream a movie where people eat meat. He's going to be quite lonely as people are not going to humor his nonsense. Obviously you're no longer compatible with each other.

  365. Thank you so much for the support I was scared coming here, thinking it would end up being me who’s in the wrong. Like another user said, what did I think was gonna happen? Well, I thought he wanted the best for me. Turns out I was very wrong.

    I think I already knew the answer, I just needed someone to confirm it, if you know that i mean

  366. Your boyfriend is verbally abusing you. And he has no emotion when you are crying about it. He is cruel. Please leave him. Find someone who loves you, supports you, lifts you up, and is excited to see you in lingerie.

  367. The only person who knows what happened is him. Obviously now that he would’ve realised I blocked him and didn’t attend a lot of events, he must know something is off. But who else is going to give me the information. I know I want to talk and get all the info so I can feel some relief or accept what has happened, right now this doesn’t even feel real because I only have flashes of what happened that night. I know I won’t contact him.

  368. Wow, definitely ditch your gf. I would take time off work to help a friend after surgery that might get them walking again, no questions at all, wouldn't have to be a bf.

  369. This is the stupidest shit I have ever heard in my whole life. It’s selfish to not wanna put yourself through bodily trauma..??

  370. Thanks!

    Only after I replied did it occur to me too – she was fucking unkind to OP, it took a while for it to sink in for me; what she said was so cruel to her own partner, like, damn gurl, there's being honest and there's being an emotional bulldozer with complete disregard to the effect of your words.

  371. While you are still intensely emotionally invested that doesn't have to be the same thing as love. After all, love is built over time, it is a term you can reserve for a connection deeper than just longing or infatuation.

    Because in my eyes while the draw to her is strong a lot of years have passed. You are not the person you were and I am sure she has changed as well. You can be nostalgic, you can feel the same vibe, but the idea things would necessarily be the same, for better or worse, can't be confirmed.

    Yes, you need closure. but I think at least part of that will be stopping yourself from idealising her so much. You went through something pretty messy with her, I would wonder if it's as much about anxiety as anything.

  372. Its not your job to know if he dropped it. Its not your job to fix this for him or hold him accountable.

    If he is 21, he is capable of dealing with his issue.

    I say this as someone who found out my under 10 child discovered porn via youtube – it popped up in one of the side bars when he was watching some minecraft crap (when i thought he was watching a cartoon). Then he went back and searched for it using words appropriate to his age in google. It made me physically ill as a parent to find out that my young child was exposed to it because I screwed up and didn't have the parent controls on my device. It made me sicker to discover he searched it out and how bad the stuff was he actually saw. We now have all devices locked down. So, I get how he easily could have stumbled on it and how it triggered something to become addictive.

    But it is NOT your repsonsibility to fix this for him.

    It IS your responsiblity to on-line your life with self respect and dignity and to uphold your very appropriate boundaries. Do not allow him to try to rope you into some co-dependent crap.

    You are 20. You don't need mind games or manipulation.

  373. i don’t, ig what really bothered me is how easy it was to speak down on be to his friend when his friend only actively talked good abt his gf

  374. I agree. OP stop doing this to yourself! You gf clearly still have feelings for this guy and that's not going to change anytime soon. This guy is never going to be out of the picture, you need to break up with her for good! A relationship can't survive without trust! She clearly doesn't care about your feelings or she wouldn't be meeting up with him or sexting. Walk away and don't look back. You don't need to be with someone that's just going to keep toying with you. It will hurt as hell right now, but it's nothing compared to a lifetime of heartbreak.

  375. Dude, waaaaaay too much investment for one date, ghosting is shit, but damn dude “emotionally moving on from her”, your layered metaphors, your deep gushy adjectives. This post has strong days of summer vibes. Million reasons, excuses and events that could describe her lack of comms, but man your energy is HUGE for one date.

  376. Maybe he did watch too many youtube manosphere stuff about tearing a woman down and then love bombing her.

    I would seperate for a while at least. Go and work on yourself and your dreams.

  377. Wow, I love this comment! Thank you so much for your perspective, it’s honestly so helpful. I’m on the same page- it seems weird to keep someone like that in your life when you’re trying to start a serious relationship with someone else. Hopefully if I talk to him about this, he’ll be open to hearing what I have to say. Thanks again 🙂

  378. But does that mean you don't tell your family either? Surely both families know at this point, including siblings?

  379. well, the next guy is getting that treatment, and you're not willing to stand up for him, so it'll work out the same way

  380. She absolutely wanted the best out of me to benefit her. She told me to quit so much and the truth was aside from a few things I gave up most of my life for her. She never once made me feel accepted when I did something that she disagreed with. She complained until I changed it. She would always play victim and she was so good at manipulation to the point where she had me thinking I was the worst bf in the world. Again, I know why I broke up with her and I’m very happy about it. I just miss those memories, but even then they were created because she was getting what SHE wanted. I was not loved for ME, I was loved because I gave her what she wanted. Looking back, it’s heartbreaking. I’m extremely proud of myself for getting out of that

  381. Say this… “Honey I love you to the depths of the earth. But if you make a comment about sexual favors from me again, you have to understand that it will upset me. I have endured the greatest pain that I could have imagined, and when you make comments like this, it makes me feel unseen.”

  382. This to shall pass. It may be painful to get through but it WILL pass and you will be able to on-line again. Babies are never a bad thing. Look at the good, you don't already have kids with your wife so you got a head start. You CAN do this. It WILL be hard. You WILL come out stronger and a better person if you own up to your mistake. If you don't, well then you won't have a live! to live to find out how good things can turn out after this passes if you follow through with your thoughts.

  383. You’re 22. You learn and grow. This is your lesson for your next relationship – be sure to absolutely know everything about the person you want to be with within the first month or two so no big surprises show up years later.

  384. Divorce papers. And then when he says “hold on,” you don't. What I'm saying is this relationship is dead, just get a divorce.

  385. He claims that he has been over his ex for a long time, but I do know that he has a deep rooted hatred and sense of betrayal with her. It’s like he can’t let go of his negative emotions and told me that he will never forget it and never forgive her or her family. I talked to him about it and said that by doing that, you’re keeping her in your mind.

    As far as the idea goes with wearing whatever I want, I think I might start doing that.

  386. I have so many colleagues that complain about their toddler/kid (up until the kid is 5 or 6) being bad sleepers. When I ask them about sleep training they usually say they think it’s too early for that, or they’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work.

    I don’t know. I’ve had two babies. My first has ADHD & ASD and was a bad sleeper, but I also didn’t know what I was doing. I stayed with him until he fell asleep. He would always wake up as soon as I tried to stealthily sneak out his room. The second (no Neurodivergence that we know of) was the best sleeper but that was perhaps because by then I was a much busier mom and I mostly put him his own crib and let him fall asleep by himself. He slept with a newborn hat on, which always seemed to roll over his eyes, making him fall asleep easy that way.

    I might be old fashioned but sometimes we coddle these babies too much. Haha

  387. it’s because you’re trying to enforce your “core values” on the people who just want to attend your wedding and celebrate you, and you do it with so much contempt and disdain that it’s offensive to people who do actually care about these things. it’s okay to have different values, but it’s not okay to look down on or shame others for not having said values.

  388. Honestly it does after a while especially when repetitively. And the fact that a lot of it is common occurrences. He has a family doctor that’s the same one he’s been with since growing up, and the doctor isn’t really much help.

  389. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

    Me and her have been through a lot in the short 6 months we've been together. We've broken up a few times and gotten back together a lot. The most recent breakup was because I walked in on her and her ex (Tom) at her house, when she had told me that she was just doing homework. After all that, I talked things through with her and we ended up back together. Honestly, the past few weeks have been really good between us. She's been more attentive and loving towards me, listened to me more, we've been on a lot of nice dates.

    Recently she asked me if I could move in with her (check my post history for the full story), and I basically declined. Well just this week it turns out that her mortgage increased by a few hundred dollars and now she's been stressing about finding a new place to on-line. She asked me to break my lease and move in with her, but I told her I couldn't because of how expensive it would be to break. She then told me that she was gonna ask someone else if she could move in with them, I said sure go for it.

    Well today, I get home from work and call her. I ask her how she's doing and she says she's been stressed about everything, which is understandable. I asked what she did today. She tells me that she went to lunch with Tom (her ex) to talk about moving in with him since he has a room. After she tells me this I kind of go quiet and tell her I need a few minutes, then hang up. My head was kinda spinning, it just felt like I was going to be sick. I called her back and asked her if she saw anything wrong with what she did, and she said “no? we talked about this last night, I told you I was gonna ask someone else” and I didn't really know what to say. She said that she couldn't believe that I was upset with her because she did nothing wrong. She then told me “okay fine, I can't take this anymore, you always make me feel like I did something wrong and I can't handle it right now. goodbye” and then she hung up the phone.

    About an hour later she texted me “Sorry I upset you but I can't deal with you right now on top of my living situation. Have a nice life”. I haven't responded to it but I really am trying to think of what to say. I don't even know if I'm being unreasonable for being bothered by what she did. I feel like I'm going crazy. What is the best way to respond to her?

  390. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

    Me and her have been through a lot in the short 6 months we've been together. We've broken up a few times and gotten back together a lot. The most recent breakup was because I walked in on her and her ex (Tom) at her house, when she had told me that she was just doing homework. After all that, I talked things through with her and we ended up back together. Honestly, the past few weeks have been really good between us. She's been more attentive and loving towards me, listened to me more, we've been on a lot of nice dates.

    Recently she asked me if I could move in with her (check my post history for the full story), and I basically declined. Well just this week it turns out that her mortgage increased by a few hundred dollars and now she's been stressing about finding a new place to on-line. She asked me to break my lease and move in with her, but I told her I couldn't because of how expensive it would be to break. She then told me that she was gonna ask someone else if she could move in with them, I said sure go for it.

    Well today, I get home from work and call her. I ask her how she's doing and she says she's been stressed about everything, which is understandable. I asked what she did today. She tells me that she went to lunch with Tom (her ex) to talk about moving in with him since he has a room. After she tells me this I kind of go quiet and tell her I need a few minutes, then hang up. My head was kinda spinning, it just felt like I was going to be sick. I called her back and asked her if she saw anything wrong with what she did, and she said “no? we talked about this last night, I told you I was gonna ask someone else” and I didn't really know what to say. She said that she couldn't believe that I was upset with her because she did nothing wrong. She then told me “okay fine, I can't take this anymore, you always make me feel like I did something wrong and I can't handle it right now. goodbye” and then she hung up the phone.

    About an hour later she texted me “Sorry I upset you but I can't deal with you right now on top of my living situation. Have a nice life”. I haven't responded to it but I really am trying to think of what to say. I don't even know if I'm being unreasonable for being bothered by what she did. I feel like I'm going crazy. What is the best way to respond to her?

  391. Good Lord the amount of mental energy you spend tracking your girlfriend's movements and quizzing her about her friendships has got to be exhausting for both of you. If my boyfriend insisted I text him at every step of my night out I wouldn't be dating him. You sound insecure and it could ironically drive your girlfriend away. If you don't trust her or have a problem with her lifestyle, just break up with her and let her find someone more compatible.

  392. Dan's choice to not spend time with his female friends outside of a group setting is his own. If you were like spending a ton of time with Mike in your apartment and getting intimate dinners at fancy restaurants or something that's kinda different… But you and Mike are in a public place? Eh, I digress.

    But you still prefer to work out alone and that's totally fine, it works in your favor and you kinda get two birds with one stone, but I want to just affirm for you that you do not owe anyone any justification or reasoning.

  393. Unless the new job is murdering puppies your family needs to relax and realize you’re doing this the right way. You have no allegiance to these companies because for the most part they will only be there for you until they aren’t one day. It’s smart to me to at least know you have employment while still looking for better

  394. There is an actual reason why people have to put used menstrual products in the trash bin. Pads and tampons will clog the plumbing if flushed. At least in US (where OP has said they on-line), toilet paper is completely fine to flush down the toilet.

    Also, human shit stinks wayyy worse than menstrual blood and is more of a health hazard if someone comes into contact with it. I understand that some parts of the world don't have the plumbing infrastructure to allow for the flushing of TP, but I'm pretty sure most people would avoid keeping poop-stained paper in their house if at all possible.

  395. Not enough information. Its one red flag among some green. He could have been a little put off by the semi-silence over the weekend and (wrongly) thought you were the one doing the ghosting. Or maybe it is (mostly) just about sex for him?

    Go on a few more dates.

  396. I was really put off by you choosing to wait up for her and then attacking her for being “selfish” by keeping you up. You kept yourself up.

    Is there context we’re missing? Or are you just a suspicious and kind of aggressive guy?

    If my partner were to offer to drop off friends I wouldn’t look for a hidden motive. I wouldn’t look for a hidden motive in the order they were dropped off either.

    So either we’re missing a lot of context or you came out of the gate swinging and on the offense.

    You sound controlling, insecure, and problematically suspicious.

    Of course your wife got defensive and doesn’t want to adhere to your “boundary”. From what you’ve said she hasn’t done anything to deserve this treatment.

    Are you projecting?

  397. I think you're approaching what happened in a strange and counter-productive way.

    Your drunk boyfriend was disrespectful and crass.

    This isn't about where you went or who was there. This isn't about your looks.

    It's about a boyfriend who got drunk even though you asked him not to. Were you planning to meet him at this mutual friend's house before he got drunk and went there or did you reach that arrangement once he realized that he could not drive?

  398. It sounds like you know what you’re doing.

    I’m cheering you on and reminding you that the boundary isn’t a boundary until you are willing to leave.

  399. This isn’t exactly the same. Pants are removable, tattoos are permanent. If OP likes being perceived as attractive by her husband then I cannot fathom why she’d want to do something that would change how attracted he is to her.

  400. I dunno what to tell you for advice, but I don’t think you’re overreacting. That’s messed up.

  401. I wouldn't end a 7-year friendship over one conversation that included a possibly bad joke about sharing my partner. We all say some crazy things now and then.

    But I would let a long-term friendship die if the other person was regularly cruel to me, was disinterested in my feelings, and capped things off with a quip about my partner needing a learning disability in order to desire me.

    Don't end the relationship over the “sharing” comment. End it because of all the other shitty things she's done.

    People sometimes outgrow a friend from a darker era…

  402. Go anyway.

    my spouse tried that, and for a while – I caved. Not anymore. I save up, and off I go for a week…ish.

    he doesn't want to be alone with the kids. too bad.

    go.

    enjoy yourself

  403. I’d laugh so hard, make exaggerated gagging sounds then wish them well in whatever they wanted to do. I just don’t understand caring about what my bestie and bro do with their genitals.

  404. Not only can he easily gain the weight back, but if he’s a drinker now it’ll likely just get worse.

    I have been surrounded by men like this my entire life. Either a close friend or family member could have an adverse health issue pop up or he could. That’s typically the only way they’ll finally go in. Or they get real lucky and have a one and done.

    People who are larger around the upper body are difficult to try to resuscitate because there’s so much fat in between your hands and their heart. You really have to work hard for it to have an effect and keep it up until help arrives.

    Make your peace with the fact that he’s being selfish because he’s afraid of finding out bad news. And that, like anyone, he could also get hit by a bus tomorrow.

  405. I think your wife has PPD, and she likely needs more support from you.

    Maybe look into hiring someone to come in and clean? Or someone to nanny a couple of days a week to give your wife a break? A one year old is really demanding; your wife’s probably exhausted.

  406. Summary: I did not judge. Other commenters did. I asked questions rather than leap to a decision based on one person’s testimony, and only a few scant facts presented. Those facts frankly should prompt many a follow-up question in non-judgemental people.

    Not you, though. You do you.

  407. Yes. This is an understandable reason to break up over.

    Or at minimal, treat it as inexcusable and correct.

    He is competing against you… and using you as a form of self-gratification.

    I am better than you in xyz, see… I am just better than you overall.

    Its a form of bullying and has no place in a healthy relationship.

    So, you stand up for yourself… by either:

    Leaving. Telling him to cut the shit out. Have higher expectations from your partner and you won't stand for less.

    Using you as a tool to feel good about himself at your expense… that is highly toxic and should not be tolerated.

    If it were up to me, I would say its a loss cause. You would be better off with someone where you don't have to correct this behaviour.

  408. I'm kinda curious why if you're a moderate muslim and don't really have a problem with your partner not being muslim, why does it matter so much if your child isn't?

  409. Sounds like your both on the same page with this. But bear in mind you guys seem to be in a long term relationship, this could affect this.

  410. Being a Nazi and having Nazi views and DISSEMINATING THEM TO CHILDREN is harmful. Nazi’s are disgusting should all be lined against a wall and shot. There’s no such thing as a “non harmful nazi”

  411. It's really not. “Healthy communication” involves letting someone know that they've said or done something that has in some way materially caused offense or otherwise caused harm. That certainly happens.

    I also have no particular motivation to fraternise with someone who has just taken a giant steaming shit on my feelings.

    Are you suggesting I need to get over things instantly and ho back to being besties? That I'm not allowed to be so annoyed that I don't actually want to talk to someone?

  412. Geez..get everything u and the baby need and GO..AND YOUR COMMENT IS SPOT ON..he is not going to stop to consider that baby is there…too young? NO..NOT TOO YOUNG U IDIOT

  413. He's controlling your via your phone. He trying to keep you from reaching out to someone when you realize how bad this relationship is. He's literally old enough to be your Father. He's a gross predator. He's also reading all your texts and checking everything you're doing on-line. Get your phone back and leave him.

  414. Urine stinks and is revolting to me and some girls seem to not wipe after going pee or something and then it just sits and ferments during the day and it's hard for me to go down on someone at the end of the day unless it's right after the shower or haven't gone pee since the shower. But this case you have a deadbeat boyfriend who almost sounds like he's projecting himself onto you and I think it's best you find someone else who loves you for you and treats you with respect and what the absolute fuck 2 weeks without a shoulder his junk would smell so fucking bad because I'm sure his diet is utter trash if anything he's the one to make you stink after putting his grimy ass dick inside you it's not a you problem it's a him problem

  415. Someone you like that is saying a bunch of racist shit to you daily?

    Someone you like that talks down to you?

    Someone you like that makes you feel ashamed about your culture and heritage?

    Someone you like that invalidates how you feel after you've told them you don't appreciate how condescending they treat you and you dont appreciate the comments? Because he doesn't like you enough to stop?

    What is there to like OP?!

    Let me ask you this… would u be comfortable introducing him to your family? Will he say all of this infront of them or is the abusive and belittling language only a special treat for when you are alone?

    Would u be happy having kids with him? Because he's gonna make them feel ashamed of who half of them is. That they should ignore that side of their culture because Japanese people are silly? You want him to teach your kids that your customs and things that are probably important to your family traditionally is ridiculous because japanese people just think in a silly way?

    That's who you want to have a family with?

    Jesus… please get an ounce! A literal ounce of self respect and think about all of this. This dude is a major asshole. He doesn't care how u feel. He just likes treating you like trash! If he found Japanese or any asian culture so fucking ridiculous why the fuck is he dating someone who comes from it???!

    How long will u put up with this?

  416. isn't your partner living proof that having a sibling isn't always that great? having an only child is totally fine. i see why he wouldn't want to go through another risky pregnancy just to essentially flip a coin on whether the siblings will like each other or not.