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My stepdad could have posted this back in 2011.
Just GTFO, dude. There’s no point quibbling over semantics – the marriage is over.
What in the world are you talking about?
how do you forget you have those videos on your phone? i've been in a couple long term relationships and have 0 photos of my exes even if it was on an app i never used.
The insecurity is a bit too obvious from the post. Nothing new here
So she wants to enable the behavior by saying nothing and letting it continue.
He has assigned you a limited role in his life. That, more than the amount of money spent, is a big red flag for the future of the relationship.
The majority of women are not completely hairless everyday.
Did you read the part in which the husband only worked 3 days a week, and then spent the whole week playing video games? He didn't even help with the baby and asked her parents to do nights, etc.?
Just host Xmas at your house and invite everyone. That way, you’re not choosing, they are. They can come and see the grandkids or stay home.
Thank you so much for your reply, that really helps. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this. I think I just feel guilty because even though they were both obviously totally on board, I still feel like I like got in the middle of someone elses relationship. Like I've only ever been in monogamous relationships, and I don't think I would ever feel comfortable being in their position, if that makes any sense? I just know I would feel jealous in that situation, even if they aren't, so it makes me feel sort of weird. Also, about your last comment, I actually just had a conversation with my brother today about how I think I'm gonna try to stop drinking for a while, cuz that's definitely been an issue outside of this specific incident too
Thanks you, I appreciate it! I’m going to chat to her when she’s back from vacation 🙂
It's the father of her son get out of your feelings, that child deserves to have both parents in his life.
Block them. Leave it alone. If the dad wants to tell Rose when she’s older than that’s fine. But for right now. You have to protect her. That was her mother’s last wish. Going back on that is fucking bad bad juju.
Just break up with him, I had to re read it the summary again. I don't think he deceived you, I think you over estimated what he brought to the table.
That’s horrible. He definitely has no excuse for what he did so don’t listen to that. Ultimately it is up to you and how you feel. Id say try couple counseling to get more clarity. If i lost all love for this person id report the two of them having sex in the office and get them fired and tell all their friends and family about tearing apart a marriage but that’s a revenge no path of return
I was thinking they are being overdramatic in this regard by calling it a “wife problem.” It's most certainly not in my opinion. That's why I'm disagreeing with their suggestions of “getting” my wife to do it.
I'm considering doing this as a united front rather than having her do it. And this is simply because it is more about my finances in question.
Kek
Why are you defending her so much? She’s not in the right, and neither am I. I admitted that. Having her admit to me she never blocked or left any of her exes impulsively just makes me feel like she never wanted to leave them but deep down she wants to leave with me. I can’t read her mind, and she will only tell me what she wants me to hear, so it drives me nuts.
Arguments are always, always started by her. Always. We live 45 mins apart, one time in the morning she asked me to hangout with her , I told her no because I had so many errands to run. I didn’t finish errands till 7pm, my friend who lives 5 mins from me had asked me at that time to go to the bar. I said yes and went. She got pissed because she asked me to hangout but I had to explain to her that once I got all my shit done, my guy friend asked me to go out and I ended up going, because he was closer and all my stuff was done by that time. It also wouldn’t make sense for me to go see her at that time, I wouldn’t get there till 7:45 and have to leave by 10 or 11 because I had work the next morning. Didn’t make sense.
Another time, she sent me some explicit photos of her while I was out at work. Working very late. I told her I’d open them when I got home. I ended up getting home, my friend kept blowing my phone up calling me left and right. I wanted to open her pics, but I got side tracked because he called me and we ended up talking for the rest of the night. I ended up falling asleep because I didn’t feel good and didn’t open her pics to the morning. She got so angry about it and said she felt “pushed to the side” and as if I prioritized my friend who called me over her. That wasn’t the case at all, I love her more than him.
Other arguments are about the past, before we were official. She gets so angry I would reach out to ex-hookups while I was talking to her. I did like her, but we weren’t officially together so I told her she couldn’t hang that over my head. It bothers her a lot because she assumes that I was trying to replace her with them before our relationship got to the next level.
She’s a very paranoid person. Makes herself paranoid because I used to talk to other girls on Snapchat before her and I were officially together. She always made little remarks about how jealous she got, one time even cried about it. I did feel bad, but again, we hadn’t addressed what we were. I would have conversations with her about what I’d like to do for her and that I am serious about her, but they ended up just being conversations, not actual OATHS till few months later.
She assumes because I followed ex hookups quicker on social media than I followed her, I “liked them more/wanted them more”???? I told her not everything is exact. Just because I follow a girl within a month of knowing her, (on my Instagram I barely use) and I don’t follow her until 10 months into knowing her (again, on an Instagram I barely use) it does not mean anything. I’m sure she did more of something for another dude than me. I’m more logical, she’s more emotional. Hard to put the two together.
And yet you’re demonstrating that you don’t by insisting that it won’t play into her insecurity if he mentions her size being a factor.
And yet you’re demonstrating that you don’t by insisting that it won’t play into her insecurity if he mentions her size being a factor.
Would you let her have a MMF 3some? If not, then you have no right to make her have a FFM 3some just so you can f*ck a different girl without it being cheating! 3somes are just a way to cheat especially if one person is only doing it to make someone happy.
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For me, deal breakers are deal breakers and are things I will not accept in a partner.
You can't expect him to change, but from your post it sounds more likely that some internal reflection may allow you to see weed use as less of a “deal breaker”. From your interactions with this guy it sounds like maybe lumping all weed smoking/vaping into one category isn't as helpful.
I have never once, and never will, give RAWs to any of my clients.
Dude what. Where are these guys, I have legit never met a guy who thinks like this.
I would only tell her once you're both invested in the relationship. It will be odd so you'll want to make sure they think twice if it's a deal breaker. I would say do it before you get engaged and after you become exclusive.
Why would you be remotely okay with this type of relationship? You let your daughter be around this man? He is still married and living with his wife. That alone would be a no from me. Let him take care of his business first. You’re dating a married man
So thirsty reddit weirdos know she has a “muscular, phatt butt”. I cringed so fucking nude reading it.
I agree. Threatening suicide is often a manipulative tactic to keep you in the relationship.
Honestly TBH, you can’t come back from that. I wish you all the strength in the future. Praying for you OP.
Do her paychecks reflect all of the extra hours she’s working? That can be a great indicator if she’s not really working that much.
Odds are they are now using a different app to communicate.
Good luck
If you hadn't refrained from watching porn from the beginning, she probably wouldn't have dated you because it matters to her.
And sure, it's good that you didn't go behind her back, but you didn't stop and think how she'd take you declaring that you wanted to start watching porn again despite knowing how she feels about it. Are you ready to end the relationship over this?
No, not forgetful. Just crushed.
Vaginas clean themselves when it comes to bacteria that can cause a UTI. Unless they’ve stuck something else up there that wasn’t clean it’s almost certainly his dirty dick.
You are so young. Seriously why are you doing this to yourself? He is 30 and has told you EXACTLY who he is as a man. He won't marry you and is 100 percent ok with you living in absolute squalor. Do you have depression? Or perhaps maybe you both are bonded in some unhealthy manner? This isn't ok. He will only get worse with age I promise. Please leave this man with his junk. Take the dog it wouldn't be stealing. Rent a place figure it out cause this is no life. Not to mention health concerns of unsanitary conditions.
NTA tell your parents your sister is THEIR child and therefore not your responsibility to support. Then save your money in a bank account they dont have access to and get tf out of there asap
I think he gave you the best advice, and you should take it: Find someone better.
What “work” do you think you can or should do in this relationship?
Honestly it sounds terrible.
I can tell you don’t think about things in advance. For the sake of the child involved, good luck.
Yep, better sooner before feelings continue to deepen.
Right?! I'm an old guy but my head spins seeing these stories…lol. This comment is golden.
Wow. Through good and through BAD times, in sickness and in health.
Do your vows mean anything for you?? Why did you marry him in the first place?
I can‘t loose the feeling, that you are very shallow.
You were passed out drunk. Going upstairs wouldn't have done much
Were you having sex on the living room sofa or something?
He's an fwb, go find someone else
Hey bud. It seems like there is more going on here than just lip filler. In what other ways has she changed in your mind? It seems based on the way you talk about it that it’s much more than that and this was just the most recent issue.
He’s punishing you for speaking your mind, and influencing your behavior with the threat of being shut out. He’s allowed to take space, but he needs to communicate that. When the silent treatment results in you having to write an essay to your partner to apologize for expressing what was actually a very reasonable and appropriate concern, that’s abusive.
just because he is dealing with trama does not give him the right to traumatize you
YES this 100%. Its really sad that he has such terrible trauma and I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs and finds peace. But being traumatized does not excuse traumatizing others. Him handling his trauma should not mean he gets to traumatize OP too.
Ok. Well, they seem normal-ish. Though I don’t know how they’re meant to know guys your age.
Tell them you’ve met a guy you like & you’d like for them to meet him. Ask if he can come over for dinner one night. Then y’all can hang out & they can get to know him.
Unless you’ve left anything out, this should be pretty normal.
To be fair, I don't think he's stringing me along. I might have made him sound like he doesn't care, but that was not the issue. He's just very oblivious when it comes to feelings and how someone should behave because he generally avoids confronting any emotion. He often ends up not thinking through things properly, so I'm sure this is one of those times. Good intentions, but bad execution kind of thing, because it's all about him in the end.
This is bickering.
Baby daddy is a deadbeat.
What do you mean by “nonexistent child”? She has a child already.
I think legal obligations would come into force after we are married
Yes
Gonna be honest just because youre drunk doesnt mean youre just going around doing and saying baseless things.
If i were you i might give her a chance but pay close attention to that again. Ask her why she said it. If she really thinks that. What made her say it. A joke like this isnt funny. I also think shes acting like this to make you feel bad for that slip. Shes taking the victim role.
You will be her plan b until Austin or another guy gives her attention again
There isn't a way, anyone who would tell you otherwise is just giving you a false hope. She will have you back if she wants you back. There is nothing you can say or do to make/move for her to want you back.
I think she didn't see you mature, atleast not at the same rate with her. That's just how life is sometimes. Some move faster, some grow slower.
Best I can tell you is give yourself space and time to grow, and be a better man on your next relationship. Right now, just take one step at a time and move on.
You are his sugar Mommy!
It may or may not be but my family had done something similar to what OP says. They have different, fake bdays
I know that, and I understand that it isn’t my responsibility. However, it is a consequence I have to be aware of, and it does affect how I feel about it. Also, my dad absolutely wouldn’t go to court- they didn’t even go to court for the current agreement. I also honestly don’t know if I can move out on my own as I am. It’s all quite complicated, but I appreciate the advice 🙂
You can apologize. But I doubt that he wants you back. By the sound of this, He's better off without.
dawg how you so passionate about watching fish have sex like take a step outside of yourself and your dad and really think about how dumb that is
Yeah, it’s actually at N. Rancho Santiago and E. Walnut.
Opening a relationship only works with strong bonds and excellent communication. Ngl, it isn't something that you hear about in positive connotations otherwise. The fact that he only wants to open up HIS side is also sus.
If he's that lonely, he could suggest compromises that allow you both to see each other more or at least talk more to make up for that lost one-on-one time. Instead he wants to have sex with other people? Nah, sounds like you need to break up, then. His priority is his dick, not your relationship.
But if you really want to try, you need equality and rules.
“The only way we open this relationship is if it's open on both sides.
We both then have to set up ground rules:
No catching feelings and if we start to feel something we immediately cut that person off and go completely No Contact.
Never with someone we already know. No friends, no exes, no relatives of the other person, and no coworkers.
No unprotected sex EVER – condoms every time, without fail, or else.
We have to communicate about what's happening and when. If I have a date with my side guy, I have to tell you. If you have a date with a side chick, you have to tell me.
We also aren't allowed to stop the other person without reason. If I'm going out, you can't just tell me not to – you have to communicate why you don't want me to, and then we talk about. The same is true for me, I can't tell you not to go out with a girl unless I'm willing to give a reason and talk it out.
We have to tell each other who we're with. First and last names, no hiding our partners.
Our partners must be aware that we're in a long-term relationship, that they're just a side piece, and that our relationship is Open.
No sex with our side partners at our home (only really needed if you live together).
If either of us breaks a rule intentionally or lies about our partners or activities, our relationship is over.”
…
You should probably come up with your own rules if you stay with this guy (please don't) but there's some suggestions for you.
This is a huge deal. What one woman excites him so much that he follows he home and he looks into her windows. He could end up in jail on charges or worse, shot by a homeowner because he was trespassing. Do you really want to be that woman on his side while he goes though a trial? I wouldn’t be surprised if one or more of these women are looking into ways to deal with him, including charges or restraining orders. Again, do you really want to be by his side, supporting him when these things happen.
Haha whenever my bf smells, I just tell him: “dude, go take a shower, you stink.” XD. Not very subtle.
But then again, he smells pretty good on a day to day basis, it's more that he'll stink after a nude day's work, he used to be an airplane mechanic, so he'd smell like fuel and sweat. He never got insulted, because he knew where the smell came from. He just started a desk job this month, so I'm curious to see where this goes XD
Any reason to break up is a valid reason.
No. But she as of recent did make a big career jump and is making lots of money. And im not. Maybe that shifted her mindset. Like im losing in life or something. I work an average job.
Oh, honey
spoken like a grade A gaslighter ?
…she wasn’t honest with him about not wanting the pregnancy and let him get excited about it. That’s fucked up.
RUN
I would get divorce papers drawn up and have them sitting on the table when he gets home , take his phone and tell him he has 1 single chance to tell you everything about his infidelity and if he underplays, trickles information or is untruthful in any way you are done.
If he protests tell him the next thing you will be doing is calling Anna's husband.
Who's number you need to get.
“I love him and he's my whole world… I just don't want to live on this planet anymore “
It has been a long standing disagreement.
But was she actually ovulating? Because chances y’all having made a baby if she was are pretty solid there.
You are not a bad person for not wanting to live with her and a baby. Unfortunately, you would likely be relied on for help and that is not your responsibility. You need to nicely tell her soon that it's not going to work out for you to on-line together. She needs to start making real plans for her life without thinking she's gonna on-line with you and you'll help her out whatever. It sucks for her but she needs to tell her parents and plan. Maybe she might need to move home or put the child up for adoption or something. But the sooner you tell her the more time she has to make these decisions.
Why are you dating him then?
Yes, wait and see. Just be there
It’s over. Ask yourself what was going on while you two were together.
?
I know when I was a virgin, I avoided sex because I was scared. I knew it would hurt, and I was right. Naturally I lost my virginity to a pushy asshole who couldn’t take no for an answer, and it hurt and I bled and I cried. But he was my boyfriend and I gave in. I wished he would’ve let me go at my pace.
If sex is that important to you, it sounds like you need someone who isn’t a virgin and she needs somebody who is patient and understanding of her fears.
gross, no one needs the details of your climax dude
Was the masseur nude?
Do what you need to. Save, separate finances, consult a lawyer. Use his help for everything but also prep for someone to come and help for those initial months post baby. When you’re ready drop the divorce papers.
You can do this. It’s better to be a single mom than married to someone who will not help and will destroy your confidence
Most likely he will. Maybe he's holding out cuz he loves you and maybe figures you will do it change your mind and it'll be awesome. I don't fucking know. But I'm a firm believer of just talking stop making these things like shows or movies. Just tell/talk/ask
? Of the two of us, you’re the one on a public relationship advice page asking for help and I’m over here enjoying mental and sexual wellness, so I’m not sure you’re doing it right.
Itemize it if you need too, and give a little cushion room for surprises and their personal enjoyment. But she noped out on a life with him, he doesn't have to supplement her living space. Shit, he would save more just getting childcare and being a single father.
If you want to sleep with your friends, I feel very sorry for anyone that is your friend.
I definitely think a therapist would help here. They need individual and couples, but the wife needs to see a professional she can vent to. If she’s that stressed, she needs a lifestyle change.
Um No. Sorry. But u need to tell her she is a parent and leaving for an unknown amount of time is not an option. She can go to therapy if she needs to figure things out. It kind of sounds like her way of manipulating u, so she can go off and enjoy some sort of new lifestyle. Sorry but no. I can see through this. She needs to get over herself. U don't need to leave to find out what u want to do. How will that help? She thinks finding some new hobby will change her? That's ridiculous. U both chose to have a child, she needs to be a responsible parent.
If you’d rather go alone, go alone. If you’d rather have company, invite her.
It’s that simple, really.
oh god hahah that sounds terrible i mean opposite sex friend
And he stated he will have one, by another woman. It’s on his list and he’s doing it. The fantasy is another woman even if she doesn’t have teeth.
My thoughts exactly
If you still have good, supportive friends, don't chase them away.
How I know if I am chasing them away?
But yes, i think i can only take courses, improve everything i can. There is a new girl that is helping me with getting money to survive
No worries! Thank you so much for your help! I’m not sure if I’m allowed to speak with people or any of the similar sorts prior to moving in but I think it’s definitely worth investigating. Especially since I don’t feel comfortable in my home and I’ve done not thing wrong to be feeling this way. I currently have a mini fridge I keep most of my food in, and I’ve expressed many times I’m not ok with sharing my food that they cooled off on it (but are still hostile and resentful to me about it). I do think I spend enough time home though to look into changing my situation cause I like to decompress at home and it gives me enough time around here for them to keep pushing my buttons. I’m just mainly afraid of moving in with people that are worse, but i don’t know I don’t think adult women (people I’d be paired with) are usually like this? Like so invested in imaginary gossip and drama?
My best friends husband has a bad medical condition he doesn't want to pass on, so he's asked some friends to be a donor for his wife and that's what they're going to do. That way the kid still knows their dad, and might have siblings one day.
No matter what, your children will be better off if you two aren’t together anymore. It’s inevitable, the longer you put it off the uglier it may get.
So just start thinking about it? Do you think your son is going to be this age again? Do you think you'll be able to capture those moments again?
She's asking you to do a very simple thing. Just do it. She's not communicating in a good way, but it kind of sounds like this isn't the first time this has been brought up.
Just take some fucking pictures of your wife and son.
I can't imagine that
I mean, I'm thinking about what kind of life I want to live.
And a life where my spouse and I disagree on boundaries with family, and I and our children suffer for their spinelessness is not it.
If her friends “spent too much” then it is their responsibility to deal with that. They're adults. And if she wants to “cover them” then she can do that . . .with her own money. But she didn't “defraud” him, she stole from him. She didn't have his permission to use his payment account at all, not for herself even. You don't get to steal other people's money to get your friends out of trouble. It doesn't matter if you “were going to pay them back”. It's still illegal and unethical and just . . . deeply disrespectful.
Shit sounds like torture to me. Thoughts and prayers.
i’m so confused as to why you would do this??? considering you’re planning on marrying this man and you live with him i’m going to assume that you’ve known him for at least two years or more and that you know him well…..why would you suddenly think he’s hiding an abusive past??? this is all very weird and you’re definitely in the wrong.
What's the upside of this relationship?
“Lol”, she's right to throw your fuck up straight into your face.
It's clear you're still waiting for a better pussy. “Not that invested” is a “nice” way to say that you're not remorseful and are just trying to wait it out.
Gosh, were the fuck did y'all crawl out of?
If he has the time to come up with this, he has the time to come up with a plan to improve his mental health imo. As a very mentally ill person myself I wouldn't ask of someone it's just too much. He needs to work on himself look, look into charities himself etc
You deserve a relationship that doesn't cause you to resent your partner. Yes, he is struggling that doesn't mean you have to struggle too. You should do what you are capable of and find acceptable anything beyond that is asking too much.
Also, not everyone is cut out to be in a relationship with a mentally ill person. I will say obviously we're not all the same and our symptoms and personality impact everything so don't write us all off. But if it isn't working don't force yourself to be someone's carer if you don't want to be.
Ground ball. Dump him.
The first year of marriage is nude, especially when you really haven't taken the time to get to know each other in the real world.
But it doesn't sound like your problems are insurmountable. Couples therapy might be something to try before making any permanent decisions.
I’m the same way as you described & also possibly/probably autistic (and adhd and other mental health issues). I too just want friends
He said it had nothing to do with me but he needs time alone to work on himself especially since he feels like he's a shitty boyfriend and that i'm too good for him. He assured me that we weren't breaking up and that he still loves me but this happens sometimes where he feels the need to isolate himself from everyone.
He has chosen a pretty bad way to handle it. If his worry is that he is a bad boyfriend is ghosting you really proving otherwise? And if his insecurity or depression is so bad he literally shuts everyone out at times then the question is what actual steps is he taking to address it outside just sweating it out.
I say this because it strikes me he is sort of making it clear this is just something you will have to put up with if you date him. He seems to take it as matter of fact. And clearly it takes a pretty extreme toll on you here.
Which is also worth reflecting on. I get him being flakey is upsetting but you got extremely worked up and very quickly. That might be a sign that you might need to take a step back and collect yourself as well.
If she wanted to leave her boyfriend then she would have left him. She’s stringing you along when she knows she’s not available. She is probably enjoying the attention. What you should do is distance yourself from her and find some other girl who is actually single. You deserve better than being this girls side piece.
I edited my post to help. Her reasoning is completely understandable. She has alot of childhood trauma that she has dealt/dealing with via therapy. But I believe has resulted in attachment issues. I suspect over attachment as she has had sexual partners in the past. Now, I think she is trying to turn a new leaf to not overly attach until she thinks someone is committed long term.
Then it's a shitty excuse. Even if he were doing his best to get it under control, it wouldn't excuse treating you like crap.
It would just mean there was a chance that he'd be able to hold down his end of a healthy relationship soon. So it could be worth being patient and forgiving.
When he's not even trying to get it under control?
Nah.
You are her emotional sponge. She is able to go back to him because you relieve her of the emotional weight that being with him brings. Tell her that you don’t have the emotional space for this anymore.
He is your husband. He should feel more important than your pets. He could be the father of your children( if you want any). If he feels less important than your pets, your marriage will not survive
Ask him for a specific date. If he says he’s busy then then ask him what day would be better. If he puts it off again he’s just not interested and you should stop asking and move on.
I would agree with the sus feeling but sadly I did meet someone irl dumber and more subservient.
Sucks since she was someone with a good heart. Broke my heart with her past experience. Wish I could have helped.
So I still try to treat such stories with less outright dismissal lol.
Because love isn't enough to make a relationship work.
You're clearly not a functional couple.
Especially if she doesn’t seem to care about the consequences of not paying, which will all land on me when she leaves.
I've asked that question to the point of throwing the whole record away. It's clear now that he wants to fully interact on a romantic level with another woman. Which he can't do if I'm there.
I am sorry but both my girlfriend as well as ex girlfriend are doing well and I was talking about an argument I had with my girlfriend and wanted advice on this. I am not sure what kind of trigger warning I should have put?
Must I put that I am talking about a fight in s relationship?
Thanks man, this was really helpful.