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She's let her do it twice. She's also made it very clear she doesn't like it. She's not going to suddenly magically love it because you're allowed to try one more time. Please grow a pair and accept that people have boundaries and preferences. If this is a deal breaker for you, than that is a valid point to leave, but don't pressure your partner.
what a frigging hypocrite and imagine your dad ' hey can i bang your daughter, virtuously' erm, plus you have already been together 6 months, bit late mate.
ignore him hes talking tosh and theres nothing wrong with you having had a partner before. He's just jealous that you have so making it a thing.
You aren't possessed, you are just starting to see him for who he really is. Its time to put him out. Don't spend anymore time in this relationship, the longer you soend with him the more difficulty you will have in removing him from your life. And definitely end the sexy time, this is the kind of man who will intentionally get you pregnant to keep you there longer.
That’s a no then because she already told you no. You are being a bad friend at that point too.
We have talked a lot about it and said he wants to propose. I think we’re just giving it time due to his visa
… yeah, what?
You're building a relationship with this person, presumably. They are going to ask you questions and saying he doesn't need to know is incredibly infantilizing.
Trying to establish WHY you believe something is not attacking you.
I haven't said the idea was forced upon you. It's a common idea. I'd just like you to consider why you think it's a good one. So far you haven't come up with any reasons, good, bad, or indifferent, only the statement that you believe it to be a positive idea.
Yeah. So she revealed in her post what, at first glance, could make her look bratty. Then has to have the full story pulled out. The things that make him look bad. Even when people call out that he's a jerk, she defends him.
Depression looks different for everyone who deals with it, so you are really the only person that can teach someone else how you need to be supported when you are feeling low. Good points is that you were able to tell your bf exactly how you wish to be supported, that's a good start, knowing what you need!
But he is clearly not willing to support you like that (any more). His attitude is reserved and distant. Depression asks a lot of the loved ones around us as well, and he is very young. I do agree with the other comments: it is time to let this relationship go, and focus on yourself.
Someone else cannot pull you out of the ditch that is depression, only you can do that – I've been there myself. Therapy helped me SO much. But there's ways you can start outside of that, if therapy is not easily accessible. I used the dailyo app for a few years to track my moods and practice checking in with myself, and that was a useful tool, for example. Find things that you can use to help yourself when you get low, and start small: when in the midst of a depressive episode, everything may just feel like too much. It's okay to take time to rest very consciously, blankets, some comforting media, low-effort food, etc.
Jesus this is why some exes should be blocked
Also means no kissing probably. OP literally asking to wear a paper bag. Hope she can work through it. Conventionally attractive is only one way to be attractive, and overrated at that.
Nothing sexier than self-confidence.
People that care about, respect, and have compassion for you don't rape you. He doesn't have real compassion, respect, and care for you. People that are selfish and want to take advantage of others rape people. He is not your friend. You need to keep him blocked. He's a nasty, shitty person undeserving of your time and energy.
That is not something you can control anyway. You'll have to take eggs for your money and hope for the best. But continueing this relationship definitely isn't going to help you either. Whatever consequences you'll face, you'll survive.
That is not something you can control anyway. You'll have to take eggs for your money and hope for the best. But continueing this relationship definitely isn't going to help you either.
First of all, I don’t think an arranged marriage in the context OP describes is either feminist or anti-feminist; it’s just a choice, and one her friend should have respected. What you and OP are describing isn’t feminism, but “choice feminism”, which privileges individual choice above all else. However, just because a woman makes a choice does not mean she has complete agency over that choice, or that choice is equal to empowerment. By simply applauding the act of decision making, we risk reinforcing the misconception that women are already emancipated, and that there is no need to make actual efforts to help us attain equal rights. Choice feminism can leave existing power structures unthreatened, if not strengthened further by catering to their power and praising women for “choosing” to lend it more strength. Since choice feminism argues all decisions women make are feminist, it allows women no room to identify situations in which our choices are constrained by our social context, thus leaving the status quo unchallenged.
This guy is so messed up. My husband wouldn’t be in the same room as a teenager in their underwear. He’s seriously looking for absolution on violating boundaries. Nope. Never.
Why though?
He needs to make alternative arrangements for living and transport and if he still wants to date you when he realises he can’t use you then he can start by respecting your boundaries and requests over your property.
To intentionally do something you just asked him not to then react by saying he can’t do anything right either makes him incredibly dumb or incredibly manipulative.
Come on. Do better for yourself.
What exactly are you looking for advice on?
This isn't worth it. Just leave
So she smashed a guy before she even met you?
And somehow, that has manifested into your trust issues?
Yea you shouldn't be dating.
Do you talk every day?
You two are separated maybe he is living with someone else
Do you get to see him?
Does he come see you?
Why did you both separate?
I’m gonna be honest, if I’m dating a 29 year old man, I would expect them to insert themselves into the conversation and be able to handle that. You’ve got to strike up some side conversations on your own, ask questions every now and then, throw in a few comments. Nod your head and laugh when somebody is telling a story.
She can’t socialize FOR you.
However, I definitely think you should explain to her how you felt. I agree with the other comment about not sounding accusatory, just simply explain the things you’d have liked to be different.
And overall, don’t beat yourself up. It can be awkward meeting ppl for the first time. It’s normal imo.
Probably one of the first serious comments:
It always depends on the woman and should be cleared in an early stage of the relationship. One of my girlfriends saw watching porn as cheating, while another girlfriend saw it as completely normal and we even traded stuff we found good sometimes.
Communication is the key. Eventually she is one of the “it's cheating” persons.
Certain facial hair looks better on certain people so it’s very hot to say
See what he did here?:
he said that he is asking for my forgiveness to help in his recovery to become a better husband and dad.
He is trying to manipulate you, putting the blame on you using his children and wife to get that forgiveness from you, he hadn't change one bit and you're not responsible of him in any way, so that comment says a lot about him, is like he's saying if you don't forgive him his family will suffer and that's not how it works pal. Keep the NC, protect yourself.
My husband was 21 when we met and still living at home, and I was 31. It's been almost 13 years and we've gotten married and moved to another continent together.
I won't say the age gap didn't cause us some issues, because of course it did, but it can work and you can be very happy.
Also, don't assume the drinking age is 21 everywhere – it's really only the US that's stupid enough to keep it that high.
Your “boundary” was pathetic for someone who supposedly cares about/ respect your relationship. I wouldn't want to be with someone period who wanted to hang out with someone who clearly isn't your friend nor has any respect for my relationship. You're enabling his behavior and clearly keeping the door open even if that's unintentional. You're lucky your BF hasn't broken up with you for how you handled it, so stop getting hung up on when he said what needed to be said. Sometimes we take to process our feelings or maybe he hoped you would actually act appropriately by yourself.
You shouldn't feel like you're walking on eggshells on your relationship. Express how you feel if you need and if he doesn't like it he can express that too.
Not saying you gotta say everything, choose battles but walking on eggshells? unless you think is worth something I guess.
Good luck, lady.
I don’t get all your upvotes, she’s 25 not 17
I don’t blame my family at all. Id be the same if i were them and i love them very much. I was just explaining why the tickets would remotely upset him. Thanks so much for the advice, it helps more than youd think x
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I have been with my gf for 7 years. We live together. Like any relationship you have your good and bad times. She has been struggling with mental health issues as long as I've known her so making this relationship work was a lot tougher than usual. However, I loved her and stuck by her because she was always working to get better. It wasn't just emotional support. I had to support her financially for years while she got healthier as well.
Despite the instability in our lives, because of her issues, we did have a stability in terms of a deep love/loyalty that made me to stay with her. Or so I thought.
This past year she improved a lot actually. Got a lot more responsible with things like paying bills and etc as well. I thought things were looking good. I was thinking we may be ready for marriage.
Then a month or so ago, an ex boyfriend of hers appeared out of nowhere. At first she was freaked out because she had been ignoring him for years because he was bad news 10 years ago. I don't know the full story but he had a bad drug problem and he hurt her pretty badly. Enough that she felt the need to cut him off. The only reason she answered this time was because he managed to find her new number and she didn't know who was.
He immediately started to love bomb her saying how much he is still in love with her and wants to marry her, have a family with her because she saved his life. Inspired him to go to rehab supposedly. But then also starts blasting out dick pics and videos of him very hot JO-ing. I know really romantic stuff. Of course she was disgusted. She ran to me freaked out asking what to do. I told her to stop talking to him immediately of course, but she was like “you don't know what he is like. If I do that, he may relapse.” Which I was like okay? So I said then let him down easy. Slowly cut him off. She said okay. Then a few weeks after that she comes to me and says “I have been still talking to him. I don't know what it is. I was creeped out by him at first, but I feel like he tricked me somehow to have feelings for him. It's like he is manipulating me or putting me under a spell.” So I said , that's it. Stop talking to him now and made her promise not to. I was like this dude is clearly bad news. Fuck him basically. She agreed. THEN, a few weeks after that she comes to me and says she wants to break up with me because she is 100 percent totally in love with this guy and is going to marry him. Not even joking. I at first thought she lost her mind and would snap out of it, but it was real. She claims the love bombing freaked her out but over time it wore her down and made her question our relationship because I wasn't romantic like him. Like what? His love bombing was insane. If I quoted his stuff you all would barf. Considering he hasn't SEEN her in 10 years, and when they dated it was only 6 months, it just comes across as way more creepy than cringey. It literally is like she is under a spell and I don't get it. It's like she is a different person. She is even bringing up all these things about me that were never deal breakers but now are? like wtf?
Without getting into more details I will get to the problem. Like, cool, she wants to leave me for this dude, well then LEAVE. No? I have never cheated, but I have some guy friends that have and their asses were put on the streets THAT night. Why would this be any different? It wasn't even a question they needed the boot, and they deserved it. She however, insists on staying. She also insists on continuing this disturbing love affair while I am living here. She claims she won't invite him over here(as he lives in an another state) but she talks to him every day and talks about him all day. She also is doing this weird thing where she will still come over to me and act like we are together. I go to kiss her and do more, but she stops and says “I can't, I feel like I am cheating on my boyfriend.” Which it's like WHAT?! It's like our 7 years don't exist anymore. It's a complete mindfuck that I shouldn't have to be tortured with every day.
When I try to resolve these issues and work out a realistic exit plan she ignores me and even says stuff like “I don't even know if I want to leave, I am just confused. I might end up staying with you. I just need to pursue things with this other guy to see if it's real.” Which is essentially having me as a backup? I say no fucking way and try to make realistic arrangements for her to go, which leads to an argument and goes no where. The more I try to communicate my feelings on the situation the more she spins it as I am the asshole. She even had the nerve to say I was scary because I was upset at how I am being treated.
I can't imagine ever treating someone like this. Even for my own self preservation I wouldn't turn my life upside down over some fling from 10 years ago. If someone hit me up 10 years later love bombing me I would be freaked the hell out too.
If we ended this relationship like normal people I would be fine living together but this isn't that. Why can't she understand that?
Dude
Do anything you have to but get her out! Buy her a ticket and luggage to go to her love! Hell drive her to him.
Get a new place without her!
Get an attorney, find your legal rights.
What should I do?
You should seek therapy. You're 31 and catfishing people?? Grow tf up! He is right to break up with you. Stop trying to force the situation. Jfc no wonder you are single.
He could just be immature. Might not be a big deal at all imho Or it could be indicative of another issue. Need more context about this relationship and state of the relationship, state of the union to assess.
Well at such young age woman often want to experiment and stuff… It baffles me that so many still marry before even finishing college for one.
So you’ve graduated from bangmaid to fully independent woman and he hates it.
It sounds like a him problem. You are doing an amazing job! You sound like not only a kick-ass person, but a better partner than he deserved. His insecurities are his to deal with.
What does he contribute to the relationship? Honestly?
Oh, it definitely will. Why don't you ask for it full time?
the std itself is not that big of a deal considering 8 out of 10 people have it.
Perhaps it's just my opinion but I feel like just because the majority of people have it, doesn't mean it's not a big deal. With numbers like that then it's likely eventually going to reach 100% of the populace because nobody seems to care. And it's the lack of care that is causing it to spread so much.
Yes it is. Thanks
Find a way to lock the door. If you can’t add a lock, find something temporary or get one of those bars to jam under door knobs. I personally wouldn’t even address it, I’d just start locking doors. This is super weird behavior on her part though.
He’s trying to isolate you from your friends. He will get more controlling.
What should you do?
Respect yourself.
Yeah, it was. A raise shouldn't mean you pay more unless they were paying way less than they should sue to a low income. So, maybe she only made $30k so she only paid $400 for everything. Then, she gets a raise to $50k and now she can more evenly contribute to the house. I guess that would make sense.
Look, your mom is right. One day your parents or your grandma won’t be around and you’ll have no photos. You won’t care then whether your shoulders are nice looking. However, there is no need to post them on social media, especially as it makes you uncomfortable. Sit her down (not during a special event or holiday) and explain to her that the social media posts make you feel bad. Compromise that she can include you in photos just for her or the family, but to please keep you off social media for the time being.
You really should be in therapy outside of this to help your mental state though. Striving for perfection will never work for you, I have the same issue. Not with body stuff but just in life, and it’s exhausting. You can get help, I did, and relinquish some control there. There are so many problems you can have in the world, being so obsessed with looking perfect is just such a waste of energy. You could put that to better use.
Him not saying something in an awkward moment while he is working visiting a customer does not mean what you did was alright to him. Don’t get handsy without being asked.
All I can say is that both parties have to be in agreement on such a huge issue. If you want to keep the baby then you should bear in mind that he has been open about his position on the issue. It will be futile to expect you to raise the baby while together. Babies don't make things better.
Oh honey. I’m so glad this was a positive outcome for you and I’m so glad you were believed and trusted.
I just want you to know that you didn’t ruin the relationship with your mother. All fault is on her part. You’re a victim survivor and your mother is an abuser.
Really proud of you for standing up for yourself and I’m so glad it went well. X
I don't care. It would make my stomach turn seeing my soon to be wife walk the isle, to a wedding that was planned and paid for since 2017, with my dead daughters dress, 6 months after her death. The happiest day of my life with my soon to be life partner over shadowed by the reminder that my daughter was a still born.
On top of that, her own family didn't agree with her taking the dress as per OP. They all said it was morbid, because it is! It wasn't until AFTER the wedding does her family see her point.
now the air is clear and their totally on my side now for leaving the wedding
At no point anywhere before the wedding did she tell anyone that the dress would be hidden behind a bouquet. She kept this info completely to herself.
Dad's side of the family thought I would be walking down the aisle with JUST my daughter's dress! No bouquet at all. And THAT's why they thought it was morbid and creepy
OP isn't well. Literally everyone thought it was a bad idea but her. She didn't communicate at all until she dropped out of the wedding.
At no point did I say that the dress robbing was ok. I'm just saying….OP is not well, and her communication and grieving has likely ended this relationship.
That being said, if I was her I would also have left. Because something that was agreed upon for the wedding was stolen. But everything is on her. She didn't communicate one single time her intentions. She didn't listen to anybody around her. And she never explained until after the event.
OP is not well. She needs counselling
Quite a string reaction from someone who is telling the truth
asexuality is not natural, it is most likely a hormone imbalance, I would strongly recommend her to see a psychiatrist.
You need to spend time with yourself before being with someone at all. You have a lot of previously untreated mental health concerns. Look forward to a full recovery.
There’s no way to love someone else until you fully recover and love yourself.
Wow, dude, get a new girlfriend.
Alternatively, grow a spine and own your balls and start telling her off and assert your boundaries. You are letting her walk all over you then wondering why she has no respect for you…
This is because you are not respecting yourself.
So, is it possible for you to meet this guy? I mean, you two ARE married. So, why not!!?!!!