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Thanks for your response. She said she’d apologize to my friend next time they see each other but also wanted to let him know that his sarcastic remarks hurt her. I think the extra part about letting him know about the sarcastic remarks is unnecessary since they both know that was the reason why, and she feels as though he is wrong for doing it when it’s just his sense of humor. A phone call apology seemed like it would be awkward so I said that it would be a good idea for her to apologize next time in person, but I don’t know if/when that would ever happen again.
I had a friend that was similar. But instead of her bf checking her phone she would screenshot our messages, very personal messages and send them to her bf and sometimes friends to make a mockery of me. That friend is gone and I will never talk to them again. They really broke my trust doing that, having your private thoughts shared word for word is such an Invasion of privacy.
My suggestion is to tell it as it is, tell him that you cannot keep him in the group chat as that chat is for your friends alone not s/o's to snoop on.
Yes she has been cheated on still no right to have access to someone's phone. I've been cheated on and I never check my bfs phone, he may show we a funny meme his friend sent him that's the extent of it. We trust each other and I am happy he has friends he can talk to freely.
I'm sorry you are going through this just know you may lose him but remember that's OK, he is an adult and if he can't set firm boundaries that's on him. It sounds like you have a pretty solid friends group with or without him x
Perhaps more the second one. Like I said I can't say that I was perfect before us, I wasn't and I'm not proud of it in any form whatsoever, but theres no going back and changing it. It just gives me a feeling of insecurity, that I'll never directly show or easily speak about. We both had fucked up pasts in different ways. I didn't even think I would have made it this far if you asked me 10 years ago. Perhaps I believe in some perfect situation that can't possibly be created. I don't mean to blame her, or attack her over it, I think the problem lies with me.
Well we’ve joked a few times about getting her painted, so I figured it would be a unique gift. I thought it was elegant and a better idea rather than getting us done together since it’s only been 6 months. But I guess that was poor judgment on my part.
Yeah I've definitely been cautious about it. I actually attempted to talk to him this morning but he seems to just think I'm crazy and says it's no biggie. ?
Dump his cheating ass
She needs to be only a friend and you need to stop sleeping with her.
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She cheared when you were dating, and you married her. Now she cheats while you're married. This is not an accident. You didn't learn from the first lesson. Will you learn from this one? Good luck.
A therapist is supposed to help you confront your reality and make choices to improve your way of life. Even in the most uncomfortable situations, a good therapist will always make sure you are making progress and will bring it up repetitively if you are not. It sounds like you’ve unfortunately gotten hung up trying to navigate through chapters you should be tearing out, and your therapist isn’t going to standby and support you in your regression, it is counterintuitive to the reason you sought them out for. You must take accountability for your actions or lack thereof on your path to healing, otherwise you cannot expect change and you can’t have your therapist hanging alongside you. Instead of asking unqualified socialites on Reddit, ask you therapist what you can do to retain their services and leave your situation. At some point, asking for help and not doing what is suggested isn’t enough. I know it’s terrifying, but nothing is more terrifying than losing a beacon of light to the darkness trying to swallow you whole. You got this.
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Damn you sure are underreacting here. Time to reread your post as though another person wrote it. He’s blatantly waving the red flags in front of you.
The jerk store called; they're all out of your boyfriend.
what can i do to express how his behavior was ridiculous?
“I can see that we're not compatible. Have a blessed life and lose my number.”
Probably us already living together and having kids is the reason why
dude, youre literally going on gym dates and lunch dates with another woman and you expect your actual gf to be okay with this? You smokin crack?
I’d suggest you explore why a tiny bit of extra weight makes your wife so uncomfortable. Does she insult those with extra weight?
You link it back to her father dying early, which certainly could be the main factor but 5-10 extra pounds won’t put someone at a risk of a heart attack and yet she’s already labelling them as fat
I’m having a very hot time believing you’re both in your 30s. This is beyond childish.
You don’t say in your post how long you’ve been together but there is very clearly no communication, no respect, and nothing but drama. What exactly would you be losing by cutting ties?
People can die at any time for nearly any reason so it's completely insane to refuse your child the right to have relationships with others because that person might die. Your wife needs some therapy to get over her trauma and because it seems very possible your wife will end up giving your kid an eating disorder if she doesn't.
Your wife needs to understand that you can't protect your child from all trauma, people die but it's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Don't deprive your child of a loving grandparent just because your wife hasn't worked on her own trauma.
I have never once gone to my boyfriend’s place. God, this is sounding worse and worse.
He told me the reason is because he takes care of his dad and there are things there he’s embarrassed about/doesn’t want me to see.
I have met his dad and his family though.
What do you wanna do? Are you fine with just smashing and seeing where it goes? If so let it play out. If you want to be serious and aren’t willing to settle for anything less tell him. Cause if he doesn’t feel the same way you’re gonna waste your time and hurt yourself in the process
If you can, hire an investigator. You may be at the time where you need evidence.
He is a groomer ?♀️
C'mon Man!
No offense, OP, but your allergy does not justify the cat's suffering. The cat WILL suffer if you bathe it regularly, but you already know this because a lot of us told you. Animal abuse is never okay, not even if you're allergic to their saliva. Plus the cat will groom MORE if you bathe it regularly, the itchy dry skin will drive the poor kitty mad.
I’m sorry I don’t think that I was very clear on that comment. We currently have a home that is next-door to my parents in Louisiana I am currently working out of Texas, which is technically closer to her family so if I move my family with me where I work, she would be within two hours of her family as opposed to four hours. Where are we currently on-line in Louisiana. So in my mind, I feel like it makes sense that I could be home every day to help my wife with the kids and spend time with my wife and kids and she would be well within visiting distance of her family and not be right next-door to my family did she has issues with. I agree I am definitely going to have to make changes to make this work. I just want to make the right choices for all of our futures.
Are you actually okay with it for now? Because it doesn’t particularly sound like it. It sounds like you’re hanging in there because, like you said, you’d “rather have her in some capacity than not at all”.
I’ve been in relationships and “situationships” like that before, and I’m telling you now, they’re not good for you. If you ultimately want a monogamous relationship, then staying in this one is just stopping you from meeting someone who is on the same page as you. Don’t let your very hot polyamorous fiancée who you share with her ex get in the way of you meeting your actual future wife.
“Settling” doesn’t only mean settling for someone we’re not in love with. Sometimes we settle by being with someone we’re in love with, but in a relationship we don’t want. Never settle.
There is nothing wrong with being polyamorous. There is nothing wrong with being monogamous. However, when the relationship begins, you need to agree on which of those you are going to do, and you need to negotiate your boundaries clearly. Things get really really messy if you try to shift back and forth between the two. If you prefer a monogamous relationship with a monogamous partner, that's fine, but you won't be able to have that type of relationship with this man.
It also sounds like you both have some psychological baggage from either past trauma or just bullcrap you absorbed by living in a crappy world. It sounds like you need to see a counselor/psychologist (if you aren't already doing so, if you can find one, and if you can afford it) to help you work through those issues. Your relationships will get so much easier when you can identify your own triggers, understand and regulate your own emotions, and learn how to communicate in a healthy way.
I don't know what you should do about your boyfriends polyamory. But you need to decide whether a polyamorous relationship is truely something you want for your life. If you want something more monogamous, it may be time to accept you two are not compatable and move on to find someone who is.
What exactly should I say?
Eh, a gift shouldn’t be held over your head like that, he may’ve gotten it but he didn’t create the art. It’s not like you’re trying to run his pockets. 20$ is way more then fair, though ngl YouTube as a soul money maker is pretty tough so it makes a bit more sense contextually. Does he give you shoutouts and links to where people can buy more commissions?
My girlfriend asked me if she could keep her fwb (who was her ex) since they were followers of a certain band. Also they were both into weed, which I can't even be around because of random drug-testing with my job. I agreed. And with my consent, she kept seeing him after we were married as long as he wasn't seeing anybody else. It lasted until he started seeing another woman and they went monogamous. It worked out okay as everything was above board and everyone's feelings were respected.
An NDA does not mean a slightly more generous payment. An NDA means you are dancing in the streets with all that extra money payout.
He is wanting you to lie by omission to protect his reputation and her reputation in all circles of his life plus remove the support for you from all your family, friends and extended people in your life. Plus you have to keep his horrible secret and he is not limited in bad mouthing you. He is removing your ability to defend yourself and he is free to make you out to be the bad guy. Or do you have to TRUST him and her not to do that??
And he has inflicted emotional harm to you. So has she. They need to pay big money for you to do this. A few thousand is not worth the harm that will come after.
But if you get a good payout, then go for it. Be as selfish as you want now.
He hasn’t done this to me before but he knows my ex ALWAYS did this and he knows that’s one of the main reasons why I left my ex.
And I know it’s not a prank. He and my good friend already bought plane tickets. I was with Jake when they had the call to buy their tickets.
is he being inconsistent? i dont know if im being an asshole. i care about him a lot and wanted to try.
i dont know
Do you normally rate girls? That 7.5/10 shit? That’s bullshit! Plus, let it go. You’re too busy with work to give a girl any attention whatsoever!
Honey, it's not okay that he's calling you names because you won't give him what he wants.
Is this how he normally treats you? Why are you accepting this as what you deserve?
My question too. Not working will destroy your social security benefits not to mention being in your 30’s with literally no job history
As others have said, continue NC. But wanted to say that you did nothing wrong to deserve this. Having a busy 2 month period at work—even if you couldn’t see her at all— is not a reason to cheat. The fact that yall didn’t do anything special for two months is not a reason to cheat. Life gets hectic and busy sometimes. You deserve a partner that’s on your team through the journey.
You involved yourself unnecessarily. People will talk to you if they wanna talk about it; otherwise assume they don't want to. I don't know where this is going but give him some space to sort his feelings for now. He said he'll eventually write to you back.
Maybe some councelling for yourself ?
Why is she supposed to like them?
Nah, not even you can deny reality that much. There's no way in a thousand universes that was an accident. Your child husband just wanted to get rid of his ex-best friend.
Not the worst thing in the world but I (M) see where you are coming from. I wouldn't tell him now, way too early in the relationship. As someone said make sure you are covered before you say anything. What are the chances that the person who knows will talk too much? What about a “customer”? No matter whether this relationship works, at some point you will be faced with the same problem. My immediate reaction is that it isn't necessary that anyone knows if there's no way you can be exposed. I'm pretty old and I have seen situations that are much worse and have been ok. I know people won't agree with my point of view and, of course I have no idea what kind of person you are but I assume you were young and you took a route that most wouldn't take for reasons that seemed expedient at the time. The people telling you to get a new job seem to be forgetting that you are going to face this with any person you end up with. Hope you make it and have a wonderful life. (As an aside…most of the posts say don't tell. I really thought the do gooders would be all over your ass. They aren't, listen to them…don't tell)
It's just porn..
I think it’s worth a discussion. It’s unclear to me if you’ve ever talked about it or he just declines and you’ve let it bother you without sharing your feelings.
That said, when you talk (about this issue or others), don’t bring up your friends’ opinions. And if it’s still a no for him then respect that.
If you specifically told him all that (in your edit) then this is the person he is and you will never have satisfaction with him on your birthday. You can either on-line with it or find someone else who shows some consideration and not be a jerk like that.
Okay so here’s the thing: he may be showering but HOW is he showering? Is he scrubbing his entire body, exfoliating and cleansing effectively? Or is he just shampooing his hair, rubbing body wash across parts of his body and rinsing? I have learned over the years that anyone, no matter how normal or generally good they are, can turn out to do extremely weird and gross stuff. Not to mention he’s brushing off the fact that he smells bad to his partner, turning her off to intimacy entirely like it’s no big deal.
I would leave him but if you don’t want to, at least respect yourself enough to make him shower before sex or sleeping if it’s grossing you out. If he won’t do it sleep on the couch or something till he gets himself together.
I think you're maybe a little reactive because of your ex, but there are people with cluster B disorders who aren't abusive. Your ex was awful because she's awful, not because of her diagnosis.
I truly hope you're doing better and that you find all the happiness you can hold.
I’m not sure what else you can do. You apologized, you admitted it was stupid and why you did it, the only thing left is to ask how you can help assure her. Other than that, she’s going to feel the way she’s going to feel about it. Hopefully she will communicate with you about it, but after you ask how you can help, there isn’t much more to do.
Hey hey,
Sorry. I deleted the app when we had sorted it all out but recently I’ve noticed a couple things again. He’s starting to hide his phone or he’s not charging it at night so he can keep it next to him. I tried talking to him about it last night and at the end of it, he just yelled and said “are they not my phones? Do I not lay the bill for them?” So I grabbed our daughter and we slept in the lounge room.
My friend who knows about all this is worried that he’s hiding things again. Do you believe this?
If a strawberry test is the thing that ruins your relationship it might be for the best as it seems she hasn't moved on from the phone number incident.
He’ll stress out worse if you don’t.
“Hey, love, I’m really having a shitty day and I need your love, company and support.”
Good that you guys communicated. Whatever happens, I hope both of you end up in good places.
Well, if you cant hang out on Sunday, I thinks it’s reasonable that your bf hangs out with his friend. Be more secure!
We split our shared expenses based on % of total income. I make a lot more than my partner so I pay for more plus I cover all the groceries, vacays, etc.
I would not be okay with my partner working PT and not contributing much at all. I’d feel used.
But in your case, seems like a bit of a bait and switch.
We split our shared expenses based on % of total income. I make a lot more than my partner so I pay for more plus I cover all the groceries, vacays, etc.
I would not be okay with my partner working PT and not contributing much at all. I’d feel used.
But in your case, seems like a bit of a bait and switch.
Comes off as, “Me and my privacy is more important than you will ever be. Honestly if that’s what he said to her in her post, it sounds like he’s talking to the help. Not a partner.
You should tell her. It sounds like you want to. But make sure you protect yourself first. While it’s not likely, this can backfire on you. Emotionally prepare that she might not believe you or blame you.
You were cheated on in your first relationship and I'm assuming she knows that right? So after one fight where she accuses you of not validating and affirming her enough, she goes straight out to cheat when she feels slighted. She then denied at first and was forced to confess after Tom had given you the details.
All of this happened AFTER you've gotten engaged.
Whether she has aspergers or not, she's a lying, cheating asshole. End this relationship and you might need some counselling, for some reason these swindler's are able to see you coming from a mile off and they're able to take advantage of you.
Don’t take her back.
It wasn't very nuanced but how can you, as a woman, date a man who thinks that a misogynist such as Trump was a “good president”?
This is a sign that this guy is either oblvious to misogyny, which is very hot to justify in the 21st century, is a misogynist, or believes that Trumps political actions are more important than women having autonomy in our society.
There's just no good look here.
But it hasn't been 20 years and OP is not in love. They're 8 months in…not much to lose at that point. It's literally not the same thing. I'm in a long term relationship and we've had our rough patches; I'm still very much in love. But by the time we'd had these issues, we had something worth fighting for and weren't a mere 8 months in. If the problems we had would've taken place 8 months into the relationship we absolutely would've broken up.
And yeah, I'd still replace the vase. Unless it holds some sort of sentimental value, it was only meant to be used until it couldn't be anymore.
Your boyfriend is 35 years old for gods sake. He needs to get his sht together.
I dated a guy that was 9 years older than me some years ago and he lived off of his trust fund in which he would get a certain sum per month until he turned 40 when he would get all of it. He did not work, had zero motivation to do anything, and slept a majority of the day. Thank God I didn't on-line with this dude as there were certain occasions where he couldn't even pay his phone bill due to him buying stupid unnecessary things on Amazon and expected me to be there for him and pay for it when needed.
Meanwhile, I was just settling into a new job because I was fairly new to the area at the time and had just started back up in school to double major. His lack of motivation and lack of being financially responsible was a HUGE turn off for me after a while. I clearly had goals and he had none.
I will tell you right now that I 100% dodged a bullet there. I am now engaged to a great guy that has a ton of determination and works his butt off. My advice is to bow out of the relationship while you're still young and have time to focus on yourself and eventually find someone that will go naked for you.
Someone who cares about your feelings won’t try to make you feel bad for having them