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It's not like Hunter Biden is even a politician!
If you have opposing political beliefs do you really want your brother to be discussing politics with your son eventhough you both ignore the topic?
Also your brother is very weird for that regardless of the scandal.
Just tell him you have some of his things you'd like to return and would like to get some stuff he has back as well. If he doesn't want to see you try to have a mutual friend or something pick it up. Need to accept it over tho and move on. That's the best way to take back power.
I hope this is a troll. How could you possibly write that she’s putting her head in a students lap and not think there was a major problem here? She’s a predator. You break up and report her. How is that not obvious to you?
Stop leading both on choose one. It’s not fair to anyone for you to be leading K on just make a choice
I need another example
i understand you can’t help these feelings and i don’t think you deserve all this hate. however. if you view love in that manner you are in no position to test a happy marriage, end of discussion.
I want them to stop. No they don’t
That's what I gathered too… OP comes off as ridiculously immature too so it wouldn't surprise me.
I'd rather be told than live in ignorance wasting my time with a crumb of a human being. Air out the dirty laundry girl.
I think if you’re feeling this now, you should trust your intuition. There’s a reason for these feelings that make us stop and think. I think it’s good to check-in with others, but remember to trust yourself too. Wish you the best!
Thanks for your fiction.
I understand your situation but you have to leave. Mental abuse will harm you and change you more that you think. We do not put our partner above ourselves . Never , they are humans like us ! We should we put another man/woman in a station that he doesn’t belong to. If it is you conception of relationship, then it is a flawed one. If you can’t imagine your life without a partner, then you have co dependency issue and it is a terrible pathology. Your partner told you the truth about how they feels, believe them. You can’t change them. You only can change yourself. A true partner won’t act cowardly and maliciously. It hurts to act like that but it is necessary. There is only tourments contemplating the past with the ifs , would and could. You are not the first or the last one that suffered this kind of hardship. They are real stories that are so horrendous you can’t think that the OP will keep his/her sanity but they get through. They are stories that spanned for years. You are still young, no kids or significant asset in common with your partner. Break you You deserve better
I don't mean to be rude, but it sounds like she ghosted him, he got buthurt and told you he didn't want to be with her, and then settled for you….
This is the best comment here
Alcohol induced psychosis.
Not a word from you. If the silence gets broken, your coworker MUST be the one to break it. To do that yourself could easily be portrayed as harassment or stalking, and you could be fired for it.
Two blue-eyed people can have a brown-eyed baby, but statistically, the chance is less than 1%.
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Not being a good listener and not communicating how I feel to him.
Ten year age difference. Says it all.
So? She doesn’t want to.
I would want to know and I’d probably end the relationship because I wouldn’t be able to deal with the anxiety. But if my partner had genuinely turned over a leaf she would have no opportunity to show it.
But if I was the sister, I wouldn’t say anything.
It’s all about where you believe your loyalties lie and I know that short of something like murder, pedophilia etc I’m not ratting out a close friend of sibling. Cheating is very low on the totem pole for me. If I like a partner I’d have words with my sibling to not fuck it up again. But I wouldn’t go behind their back.
From some of OPs comments this actually seems like a way of getting back at her sister for past grievances rather than as a truly altruistic action to warn the boyfriend. In which case she would be better working this out with her sister rather than sabotaging all of her sisters future relationships.
Nah
YOU ARE AN INSANELY TOXIC COUPLE.
I can't imagine ever telling anyone to “crawl up into their mother's vagina”.
Frankly, he should have filed for divorce rather than hit you.
Now that he has hit you – you should file for divorce immediately. Save all the texts for you divorce.
There is no coming back from the horrid behavior of either of you.
Your vicious words were… about not getting a house fast enough? Please go to therapy because you clearly do not love him.
Your mother is correct that there is NO good reason for him to hit you.
However, I imagine that if you told her the full truth of your words she is not respecting you very much right now.
Get a divorce. Learn to be nice to people.
I disagree that there's no value in stating her feelings to him, as long as she 100% understands that nothing will come of it and makes it clear that she knows that's the case when she says her feelings to him. I personally think there's value in being honest with your feelings and bottling that shit up may make it worse in the long term. However, it seems like that wasn't the case here, in which case yes bf and OP need to make it very clear what the boundaries are.
You’ve already confronted him about it. Talking about it has gotten you nowhere. It boils down to him not respecting your feelings. You need to ask yourself if that something you want to live with?
you'd live a safe and happy life without tape dispensers being thrown at you
No you're not the AH for reacting the way you did. You automatically responded in the moment in defending yourself. Simply the fact that you're upset about your own response should alleviate any self guilt.
Have you considered finding a roommate off Craig’slist? If you are paying half rent here why not there?
OP! He's the inferior one. Why did he even bring it up? Your smart, sharp. So, you had a set back of sorts because of your health. Your young and can overcome anything.
Food for thought. Maybe you have down graded your expectations of the man you want in your life! You'll get your career rolling. Give yourself some time. Patience.
I hope you really look at this dude. I mean really look. Is he what you want? Your going to do great things in your life. Give yourself a chance.
Bless your heart. Peace
If you are not comfortable with the age gap then dont continue with the relationship.
If you do, then your feelings will take over and everything will be fine and dandy to you and nothing anyone says or whatever red flags he may show will.not matter to you.
“I really love you and want to make you feel loved. I'm worried because you haven't been affection with me and I don't understand why. I want to fully support you through whatever process helps you feel better about your past, but I also want to know if our relationship is ending. I have a right to know what our status is.”
He sounds extremely insecure and without purpose to assign his earnings to everyday life things like cooking, cleaning. With potentially a hefty side of misogyny?
As my dad always told me: the little things that annoy you about your partner will drive you crazy in 20+ years. Know that you can live with it/him.
But these sound like boulders that will become massive mountains.
Best to reflect & absolutely trust your intuition. You’re young – and have plenty of time to settle down. Is this really your soulmate who will tend to your heart and relationship during the good times, and the seemingly impossible times? Bc if you can’t imagine him holding you during the death of a parent or best friend, or sleep in your hospital room and comfort you during illness/surgery, etc these may be big red flags.
You're being used.
Dump him. Then spoil yourself. You don't need that negative energy in your life.
Also, complain about his you-know-what size. That'll teach him.
If she’s just a friend, she has no right being upset with you about anything involving other women period. And you are absolutely not obligated to put your life on hold waiting for her. There’s nothing wrong with establishing a friendship first but it sounds like she’s kind of just keeping you on the hook here…
Ya it’s a lot to take in. Too honest but then not fully transparent
Look, what this lady did was assault, it was wrong, clearly, and sure, sometimes victims freeze and “allow” things to happen against their will. And even knowing that, maxing out my empathy and charitability, I cannot help judging this.
I'm just trying to imagine what a man like this looks like, just looks like, and I can't. Every fiber in my body is just like “what the actual fuck did I just read” until you cried dude? My girl sometimes does the cheeky finger thing too, relatively “normal” but the wedgie shit? Until it hurt? You're insane if you think I'm letting that continue.
Sure, mark this off as toxic masculinity, it probably is, if I'm being honest. But if you're a dude, you know about male pride, you know the driving force behind it (besides societal) is testosterone, it's biologically baked in, how in god's name did none of that kick in?
My brother get your testosterone checked, you don't seem to have an ounce of it in your body.
gaslight much?
Leave her be. Everyone needs a hobby.
None of that is the same as what’s happened here, and to call someone too dumb to live is just plain rude. At no point, did I personally attack you, so that just shows what type of person you are. Have a good one.
Based on all the downvotes and negative comments I was getting, I looked up love bombing… HOLY SHIT! I thought love bombing was a simple way of saying showering someone with love, attention, gifts, etc. I didn't realize how scummy that actually is…
You don’t trust him. You’re not over his infidelity. This is enough to end the relationship, even if he’s not done anything recently.
Na windows 1.0. Your mom got you the new video game ?
If you do this, it will most likely make her even more angry with you. It seems kinda sweet but also kinda stalkerish too.
Here’s a move: tell her “Let’s shower, than lets have some fun after the shower”, and then do exactly that. Post-sex, say after that it was great and you are really into doing it post-shower because it seems nude to you and turns you on because you are both so clean.
Boom, you get her to clean up before the sex and also help her self-confidence. You’ve just killed two birds with one stone
I could be being cynical, but I feel like an issue like that rarely gets better…
American Heart Association recommends no more than 6 teaspoons of sugar per day or 24 grams of sugar. And so much food has added sugar- using four in the morning seems like a lot to me. And drinking soda as a regular drink of choice in addition to sugary coffee… Coke’s are a super high sugar food and would be better as a once in a while treat (39 grams of sugar). A Starbucks Frappuccino is a whopping 69 grams of sugar. With the deteriorating healthcare system in America and the cost of insulin- I definitely recommend minding sugar intake even in your 20s. Other countries consumer so much less sugar on average and have less health problems overall.
He stole your money. You realise that right? He conned you and robbed you. He's making you a prisoner. You need to leave. However nude it may seem right now, it'll be MUCH harder after you have the baby. Don't wait.
Move on. This dude sucks.
I wondered if he has NPD because his dad was diagnosed with it. I wonder if he picked up some of his father’s not so great habits. He definitely shows remorse for what he does that’s out of line and he considers others in his decision making so I know he’s capable empathy for others. I know I don’t need his permission to divorce, but I’m trying to avoid that at all costs. I know he needs help and I can’t just abandon him. I was raised Catholic and marriage is a one time only thing. So I’m trying my best to save the relationship because I know what our relationship is like when we’re on the same page.
You can’t “help” her stop feeling that way if she doesn’t want to stop feeling that way. But the problem is bigger than just this one opinion.
Right now it’s homeless people she hates, but later it could be someone else. People who make snap judgments about an entire segment of the population and refuse to show them empathy can always find a new group to hate.
People like that bring to mind something Kurt Vonnegut said: “Where's evil? It's that large part of every man that wants to hate without limit, that wants to hate with God on its side.”
I think you need to try to figure out why she is motivated to “hate” homeless people. Is she hating on them because she likes the feeling of hating on someone she feels superior to? If so, that’s probably not going to get fixed any time soon, if ever. But maybe she had some sort of traumatic experience relating to homelessness. Or maybe she is being immature and thinking that finding something to hate makes her quirky/interesting. Who knows?
Personally I think you should tell her up front that you are legitimately rethinking whether you want to build a life with her because her opinion on homeless people indicates that you and her might have very different values. Then take it from there.
NTA…leave and let her find the father of that child.
How’s your 21 YR old Girlfriend feel about this post?
He might change but probably not in a timeframe that will make your relationship work. Also its a not trusting you thing. Putting his emotions on you like this is unhealthy and I had an ex do this to me (not jealously just saying he was a bad person when I broke up with him to manipulate me).
Dogs.
How do you deal with brutality brutal honesty
FTFY
Wow he is treating you like shit and you're desperate enough to keep trying. Hope it all turns out OK in the end…
Dump his sorry ass.
I’m dying?
Her issue wasn't the “we're both getting older” sentiment…it was because he spoke about her breasts negatively. Let's not give him a “dumb guy” pass for doubling down on a physical aspect OP feels poorly about when she's nude and vulnerable after sex mmmk? He's a douche and far too fucking old to not know better.
They're both wrong if you're KNOWINGLY helping someone cheat. If you don't know that the person you're helping cheat is even a cheater, then of course you aren't bad because you literally don't know.
But if you DO know that the person you're helping cheat is in a relationship, and you still decide to continue to help them cheat and even get off on the fact that you're with a cheater, then, yes, it shows low morals and a lack of compassion.
I did he’s too soft & not passionate
At this point I have no choice but to believe her and to just move past this, but for the life of me I just can’t get it off my mind
lol WHAT??? no at this point you stand firm in the fact that you know what you’re talking about, and that your wife is a liar. full stop.
I need some advice on what to do next and how to get her to admit this
your first mistake is needing her to admit anything when you know the truth. this isn’t a debate.
you sit her down, recreate it, and show her. then you let her know that she has lied and doubled down on the lie. you then let her know she has to earn your trust back. either that or you move on and stop wasting time with a monkey brancher
spoiler alert: if she’s deleting texts with him she’s enjoying the fun things he’s saying to her, that you would be upset about
Sounds like she can be a great friend but not a gf or wife
And I am actively making my plan, but I need to know where he stands on this to further make it, which is why I'm trying to tell him asap.
Both of my parents died, though not at the same time. I was devastated and struggled to function for the first few months. It’s a really nude blow.
I assume your gf has some hint that you want to break up? My suggestion is – put the breakup on the back burner for a few months. Encourage her to get some support for her grief, like a therapist. Be noncommittal about your future. Once she isa little more stable, you can pull out the old ‘I will always support you, but we aren’t right for each other.’
he “whole problem” isn’t that Charlie isn’t a bad guy. The whole problem is that Sarah isn’t into you.
Look, man, I feel you. Unrequited love sucks. But listen… every moment you shared with Sarah that made you fall in love with her, Sarah was also there. Every adventure, every sparkling conversation, every TV binge, every night cooking dinner were also opportunities for Sarah to fall in love with you. And, after all these years, it’s kind of obvious she hasn’t. She’s still with Charlie. She’s marrying him. She’s told you explicitly she thinks of you as a friend. If she was secretly harboring a deep and eternal love for you, and if she’s as honest and as ethical as you say she is, then she wouldn’t be planning a wedding with a different man.
If she was going to fall in love with you by now, she would have. If she had, she wouldn’t be engaged to your best friend.
You’ve spent a long time nurturing this love instead of looking elsewhere. I promise you that Sarah is not the only woman out there you could ever passionately adore, but you need to move on from these feelings to find that love for yourself. I also want to point out that you’re idealizing Sarah pretty hardcore; real people are never as perfect and wonderful as you’re depicting this woman, and real relationships have flaws. You need to take your head out of the clouds about her. You’re attached to a fantasy.
None of that made any sense.
The part that you’re missing is that Judaism is a religion of shared practices and not shared beliefs. You can convert to Judaism as an atheist.
It’s also interesting that OP doesn’t describe him as just culturally Jewish in her post (I haven’t read OP’s comments just yet). It sounds like he wants his children to be able to join the Jewish community without conversion – maybe not necessarily change how he practices or have a higher level of practice for his children either, but be circumcised and have a bar/bat mitzvah.
Yes i was very stupid. And my parents, since it is part of our family's culture ( i know it is toxic), also egged me on to give them up because “your partner is the most important thing about anything else”. I gave my pets to friends and family who i know are animal lovers. I still get updates about them every now and then. My pets were tarantulas and guinea pigs.
All of this here. OP, do you know how many people DIE when giving birth? This was very much a medical emergency and you prioritised a wedding ceremony of someone who despises your wife (and let's be honest, she'll also hate the child) over it. I get that you don't want to disappoint your firstborn, but as a grown woman she should be able to accept that a birth is a pretty enormous event, and – as I already stated – a medical emergency. Set boundaries with your grown ass daughter NOW or get ready for a divorce and another estranged child.
Ive never seen anyone do x and not either make out or fuck. I mean… thats kinda the point.
I misread it, though I still don’t understand your issue. Why set rules like that? He said good morning to you, that’s all.
Sorry to hear that. Unless you have a contract for the loan, which I assume you don't, it will be nude for you to do anything. You can always sue her, but for this you need to find her and serve her papers.
I’d feel betrayed, neglected and that you were emotionally cheating despite how you spin it. You’re clearly more invested in spending time with one women over the other.
It is happy birthday, not group sex.
And your insecurities are 100% on YOU to work on. Other people should not have to bear the brunt of your mental health issues.
I’m thinking of crafting a sentence like “Hey I know this is kind of random but when you mentioned how you cuddle with all your girl friends I felt kinda uncomfortable. I think it just makes me feel kinda weird that your cuddling other people while I only reserve cuddling and intimate things like that for you.” It’s just been a few days now and I don’t know if I should say it anymore or wait or not say it at all.
Stop softening it, you're your only advocate so you might as well say you how feel. And say it in person.
“I feel uncomfortable when you cuddle your girlfriends. It bothers me that you do something with them that I consider intimate and reserve between us. I also feel uncomfortable because some of them are interested in girls and might be attracted to you. Sometimes, it seems like you choose to cuddle with them over me when we're hanging out, and that bothers me too. I'd like to talk about it”
It might be platonic, it might be sexual, it might be something you can or can't handle in your relationship, it might be something that you can get over (because it's probably nothing against you), but you won't get anywhere by ignoring it and internalizing resentment.
Talk.
I just see cuddling as something that is intimate like kissing, I wouldn’t like my gf kissing other girls either even if no emotions were involved
Yeah buuuuuut also, there’s plenty of men that shower and aren’t really getting a thorough job done
I don’t know if I’d call it rape. That’s a bit intense. I fully enjoyed the experience after I got him to stop. But I worry about trust in the future. Sex is a vulnerable thing, and I just feel weird about it now.
Now go get therapy because you need it.
It’s there to help you.
I hope you do.
Good luck
OP, now that you’ve learned of her infidelity, there’s only one question I have for you: do you still trust her?
If you don’t trust her, then your relationship is over. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. You’ll wonder who she’s with and what they’re doing whenever she’s out with friends. Especially if you’re worried that she’s gotten better at hiding her infidelity. The longer you’re with her, the more miserable you’ll be.
If you do still trust her, then talk to her about it and see if you two can make it work.
But I wouldn’t trust her.
I don’t think you can really come back from something like this….
I’d sit her down for an adult conversation and tell her you won’t stand for this. Unacceptable.
It’s not about how easy someone can get you off – for me anyway – sex is part of a romantic connection.
But I am curious, if you feel this way, how do you deal with having a stronger libido than your partner?
If you want to bang your ex – then bang your ex, just be a man and break it off with your current person.
I got friends in Chicago that would absolutely take that food. The west loop isn't too far away from Humboldt park.
Get out mate. Plenty more fish in the sea. If I know now what I do abouy my wife, I'd have never asked her out 12 years ago
No one deserves to be told the things that person told you and then have the person who is supposed to be their partner call them a liar or try to make it their fault. Asking someone what their problem is with you is as straight forward as you can get. In two years you are going to be looking back at this in a positive light and wondering why you didn't love yourself enough to end the relationship on your own. Your skin will crawl at the idea of being around these people again.
Yes.
I dunno either but now that i have reached ny last straw,i no longer view him with same rose colored glasses. i will try to seek therapy,thanks for the advice?.
Lose your mom. Keep your brother. Keep your life. She’s gonna drag you down.
Tell her before she quits! For the love of fuking god dude.
That's just disgusting behavior. If he NEEDS to cum so bad and they aren't vibing right that day for some intimacy, then just go spend 5 min of alone time. Or you know just fucking wait because the feeling will go away.
You are 26 it cant be real…
Listen to what top comments said
Do you know if/how much porn he watches? I only ask because porn addiction is extremely common and can desensitise you to the real thing.
Another thought is if he's not giving you what you want maybe hold off on the blow jobs, it's possible that those are satisfying him enough to then not being bothered by sex.
Talk to him about how this is making you feel, sex is an important part of relationships and both sides should feel satisfied and wanted.
Thank you for taking the time to reply and your words of assurance and wisdom. It's helpful for me during this emotional time.
There's an easy solution here. Just clean more.
But she doesn't even want to take that step for you. I'd walk away from that.
So you're assuming she has Health insurance??? Where have YOU been living? Clearly not the good ole US of A! (laughs/ cries hysterically)