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Don't argue with him you tell him! You tell him he's a liar and he cheated on you and you are done and he needs to leave until you can file for divorce! Tell him to stay away from you and not touch you, and you will be getting tested for STD'S!
I get that but there's a tactful way to handle these situations. For example, unless I'm single I avoid one-on-one conversations like this and text messages or things like Snapchat.
I have a lot of women as friends and I normally communicate with them text messages. Or group chats on applications so that one-on-one attention cannot be misinterpreted by anyone.
And I'm speaking from experience. There was a girl I'm at work one and we kind of instantly bonded. She was into sports, gaming, and a lot of other things that I'm into. And we spent a lot of time alone with each other because we work together. Then me getting her number to ask her some questions about projects turned into hours long conversation about random things me not really thinking anything of it. Then before I realized it I was actually talking to her more than I was talking to my wife. And none of it was like bad. But it was the fact that I was investing so much energy in a single person.
But the point of making is there's a difference between being unsolicitly hit on and intentionally investing in someone.
How do you know he’s not happy? He could be feeding you a big pile of bullshit. He’s in a relationship, living with someone. Why are you even entertaining something happening? Have you ever considered the poor woman he lives with? Put yourself in her position and see how you would feel knowing your partner is trying to get into someone else’s pants ?♀️?♀️
Just talk to her. Let her know he’s welcome in the bed sometimes on certain nights (family time) but he also has his own room for nights where you want to be close. If you want to date a single mother you should be willing to accept that motherhood is a huge part of your life. No woman is going to choose a man over her kid so there should be a little compromising from both sides.
Personally I wouldn’t be ok with this so I see how this grosses you out. I would balance my options with this, depending on how much you value this relationship. I would talk to him about it, porn can become an addiction, you wouldn’t want him to become addicted to this and want to act out on it. There’s a reason why he’s only watching this. Maybe a fantasy, if so he might want to get you involved in that. This could become an unsafe space for you. Put yourself first your beliefs and safety are the most important, if ending the relationship seems best for you then totally do what makes you happy. If you want to stay with him that’s totally ok too just don’t end up hurting yourself in that scenario. This can also depend how long you’ve been together, so how long has that been?
I understand your preference of avoid long distance as much as possible. On the other hand it’s just a business trip, it’s not like he’s going on a vacation without you. You should be supportive of this instead of hindering his self development within his career. Just the fact that he was bothered and debating about not going tells you that he cared about your feelings and what you wanted. Again from his perspective it’s like do I hinder my self growth to make my girlfriend happy, what’s more important for my life in the long run?
It’s a trap. U ain’t getting anything from this guy.
Thank youuuuu! I was wondering did they completely skip over she just lost her grandfather?? Of course she’d want her spouse there for support and the fact that they’re acting like she’s the worst person on earth for it is so sad. People get on here to knock people down more than actually give advice.
bros title was click bait
you're cringe. i feel bad for the guy
Are you furious at him, or at yourself for doing something you didn't really want to do and then having this happen?
Honestly, blowing your top at him probably isn't going to change what he does. It might make you feel better though. Just don't expect it to go as you are planning and have a plan B for when you don't feel the relief you are searching for.
And you're right. The changes you have made over the years are not his to destroy. Sex and relationships and friendships are very complicated things when you mix them.
Do you have to do it naturally? There are sperm sorting clinics that separate the X and the Ys to give the better probablility of one gender. I definitely don't love that kind of advice for one gender preference over another, but he sounds immovable and you sound like you have few choices that you can online with.
He doesn't have a thing for strippers like I don't have a thing for tacos. And I have a thing for tacos.
Ex. Ex-boyfriend sweetheart.
Not high. Should be good but could always get plan B if you’re really worried. (Take within 72 hours)
If you’re asking for advice make sure to always be 100% sure the person you’re going to engage in sexual intercourse has agreed. Has said yes out loud and has not taken back their consent easy as that.
If you’re begging someone for sex until they agree that is coercion and is rape. This is what happened to me with my ex. He would always beg me for sex even though I said no. I didn’t realize it was rape until 3 years later. When I learned about coercion.
Jesus Christ, man up. You sound like a grade A pussy. She's your girl. Stand up for her. Fuck your bro and his gf.
Dearest sister,
After reading your post and reading all the other comments in response to it… I would say, first, everyone has a past before you come into their present. Apparently she was the one he's always wanted but God made life for one reason or another keep coming in between them, keeping them separated. I would say that he's not going to leave you, but that's probably more out of love for the children than you imparticular… that's a very hot pill to swallow, I know. The killer to me, is that for 9 years you've only had the girlfriend title, even after birthing two children with him. That's a eye opener to a man that is not serious about being committed to you with his mind body heart and soul. Perhaps he was playing the waiting game. Sounds like it's the other woman that is no longer interested by the tone of the letter. So i would say that he just played himself by writing it in the first place, not giving it to her in the second place, only to be left in his pocket to be found by you in the second place, now running the risk of losing you for an unfulfilled emotion that will never be fulfilled. I would suggest counseling (after showing the letter of course, so at least he knows the reason for the session) with an unbaised mediator so that you both can put it all out on the table, for the sake of the children, then make your decision and stand firm on whatever you decide. But keep this only between you and him, family and friends will take sides quickly then the bitterness and name calling begins (with all now involved). Handle this maturely peacefully and dignified, even with a broken heart you can remain strong and classy. First thing that came to my mind when I read your post, is that, we love what we should hate and we hate what we should love. Sad but often very true. I'll be praying for you and your household to be able to pull through from this. Who knows, by the truth finally coming out it may make the bond more stronger in the end. Sometimes it takes something like this for a man to finally wake up and see what's right in front of him. May peace mercy and blessings be upon you.
I mean she’s a cheater (you too) so you should be insecure. Her boyfriend was sitting home secure and trusting when you two were cheating together. What has she done to change?
Nah that’s nasty and an excuse. Not very hot to shower bro especially if your girlfriend is requesting it
Sorry but I disagree with this post even though it got some kind of award. The GF is shit and people who have been widowed from good relationships, OP was with his wife who passed on since 8th grade!, they often keep those relationships forever. If you truly love someone there’s a real process. The should stay ex GF sucks. She broke a picture and shouted at a little girl? That’s madness.
The fact thay he still chooses to have lunch with her is a huge red flag of disrespect and lack of guilt. He's just seeing how far he can get away with.
Based on your comments and the story your boyfriend is a piece of shit.
You are too young. What would it hurt to wait? Just chill out, enjoy dating each other, and see how things go. I’d very strongly recommend you try living together before you decide if you want to get married or not.
Source: I was your age when I got married, and came to regret it. I think I never would’ve done it if I’d just taken my time a little more.
You’re 100% overthinking this.
You just got married, you have a new love and a new life, a significant ex suddenly reaches out. Take it completely as your chance and his to be adult about your relationships. Be ok with each other moving on and being happy and that’s exactly what your ex is doing.
Some people don't like messaging much, does it matter more to you what he is in like in person or over messages? If your answer is “over messages” your priorities are messed up.
Western society is quick to register sexual offenders as forever-pariahs and yet leaves these physically dangerous people floating around out there.
There should absolutely be a register with people who are detected with infectious diseases and anyone who is granted permission by the searched-for party should be able to see a report on whether or not the latter has an active infectious disease. History is not relevant and should not show up if the disease has been treated and permanently cured. HIV kept in check with medications is most definitely not cured and it absolutely should not be left to the infected people's mental and material health whether or not they make more victims. Maybe this way we could also put a dent into herpes going around like wild fire but there are plenty of other silent killers out there (e.g. hepatitis C).
He had an album release party of 4 people lmao probably the only 4 people who know who his songs. If that’s not lame to you, idk what to say man. Maybe you have parties with 4 people idk but if no one has told you yet, that’s not a party lol
3 wipes and Im done.
Never be a slave to your buttcrack.
Okay that “source” bit is generalizing af. Obviously OP’s boyfriend has a problematic / invasive mother but there is absolutely zero detail in the original post indicating she would treat OP like this. Each family is different. Each Mexican family is different. Not all Mexican mothers act the same. I can’t believe I had to type this.
The main issue is that your victimizing yourself. Take action on the things you really want. Take care of the physical and the mental will follow. You have to set goals for your health. I agree with other commenters about communicating but the biggest issue is your confidence and self esteem. You can’t sit there and cry about it. Of course you get to feel sad or down sometimes and I think we all do at some point. Take control of your life. There’s always pain so choose your pain. You’re either gonna be in pain from working out and taking action or you’re going to be in pain from not doing anything and letting go control of your life.
In response to “I don't know what to do or who to talk to” 1) eat less, move more 2) talk to a nutritionist and a therapist
Haha yeah I got that. Tbh, I don't think you can call it anything to her at this point. Bc my line of reasoning would work on a person who's thinking rationally and willing to look inwards. And right now, on this issue at least, your wife simply isn't. You need outside mediators. And a vasectomy.
Fluoxetine like Prozac?
Yup
That's not nice lol it's a lie you can say you don't like the dress without “eewwww you look disgusting” ??? honesty doesn't have to be harsh “that dress doesn't compliment you well” “I don't prefer it on you, where's that killer blue one you looked great in” “no that dress sucks” “you can do better” ???
Her response was that each ring became one earring because she wasn’t going to give my sister an engagement ring or just one earring.
And yet, your mom didn't have to give her earrings. She could have made one of the rings into a nice pendant on a nice necklace and still kept the ring she had promised you without breaking her promise.
Your mom is thoughtless and her excuses do not even pass a sniff test. I hope you have the opportunity to tell her so. I hope you keep maintaining the boundaries you've put in place given her obviously favoring your sister.
Sounds like she is political and inflexible, so that’s who she is, you shouldn’t be with someone afraid she may think you are hateful, right? You can see how that’s going to end?
It was not intended to sound dismissive. We've been there for one another for various ups and downs and she's supportive of my dream but she's fearful of leaving because she's close with her family. As am I but I know it will not be forever. And then she has her dream job anchoring her. I want to compromise and find a solution because I want her to be in my life and I want a future with her. I'm of the mindset that if you want something, you'll find a way to obtain it and I'm trying to apply that here. I'm afraid of this situation being our breaking point.
It doesn’t sound like this was the case, but my fiancée was having a sex dream and was aggressively grinding against the bed in her sleep. The first time it happened I woke her up because I thought she has having a nightmare.
Second I woke her up because it is legitimately distracting. Though I didn’t chastise her or anything. Both times we just laughed about it and she’d go back to sleep.
Take a break from looking for a while
This exactly. Make her spell out exactly “what he did wrong.”
“I know I said I didn't want any, but then later I gave you a look!”
“Sorry, still not getting it, that just sounds like you regretted your decision and then didn't use your words to communicate. What did I do wrong?”
Honestly I’m more upset people can just be like “let’s go on a ski trip to get to know each other” we’re going to McDonald’s at best
Stunning/money/huge age gap
I’d get your daughter in therapy and yourself with her
I agree with the post you’re responding to and I don’t think you’re getting the meaning…this isn’t about you. Of course he isn’t acting normal or communicating with you as he normally does. Being the loved one of someone in the hospital is definitely overwhelming, but being the person in the hospital is more overwhelming.
You shouldn’t reach out to her. Her actions are awful, but at the end of the day, your bf chose to have an affair and is the AH that cheated. You reaching out on his behalf to express his disinterest instead of him looks like you being insecure and doesn’t really make it seem like he’s disinterested.
UpdateMe!
I’ve got some childhood religious trauma, too so I think maybe it’s easier for me to recognize some familiarities. Not Mormon, but still. You seem very self aware & willing to do work on yourself even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s a great start.
Waiting on insurance, I actually am just seeking advice other thank ‘SeEk HElp’ I
How would that work? ?
100% of the time people like this if you catch them in the act of something they’ve done something way worse that you don’t know about. Quietly plan to leave. That’s the only option I see. Quietly because liars are sometimes good at manipulating information so you need to be careful about how you leave.
So the joke I made was “Yea he’s growing on me it seems like.” Because he was trying to cling on to me on the couch. And he does know that PDA makes me uncomfortable because I brought it up early in the relationship. I actually had a whole discussion with him about it because I wanted to make sure he was okay with not showing PDA before we dated.
For whatever reason this says to me “she's either cheating or wants to break up”
Even if she hasn't cheated again or doesn't cheat ever again. The trust is broken. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't respect you enough to not cheat on you?
Well, JP is a misogynist, anti-trans, intellectually dishonest right-winger.
And you're right – all of the trickle-truthing and obfuscation should be seen as red flags.
It’s not unreasonable at all to ask your partner for support (and I’m not talking about monitory support). Honestly, you can’t make him care. That’s a core value he should have-caring about his partner and listening to concerns. He told you himself it’s not in his nature, so I think you should take that a face value. It’s obviously not something he wants to change about himself, so nothing you do will suddenly make him care more. He has to want that for himself. Do you talk about your relationship in therapy? It might be helpful to get a professional perspective. You have to either accept the way he his, or breakup. You can’t change anyone.
I new mother saying she would be forced to do things shouldn't equal omg he's going to rape me. Could it possibly be that she feels forced to pump her breastmilk? Or feels forced to just be without her baby overnight. If I were her I would be incredibly hurt and disgusted that my fiance would be listening to my conversation, overhearing something he didn't like and instead of coming to me he makes a post asking strangers if he should go through with the marriage.
He came close and it looked like he wanted to grab the shower head and I yelled to stay away.
I don't see the problem. He reacted immediately, got you to the tub to pour cold water on it… Then you yelled to stay away and he did. What you have is a very obedient boyfriend.
You're trying to “figure out your feelings” and not considering any part you might have played in all this?? Burnt legs are not an excuse for bad/rude behaviour. Anyway, make sure you go to the hospital and have it properly looked at.
I shouldn’t have used the words “make a big deal out of it”, because that has clearly sent people into a spiral. I simply thought it was odd that she wanted to keep his name under the circumstances. After seeing peoples comments on here who have been in similar situations, I’m realizing it isn’t out of the ordinary for an ex-wife to keep her ex-husband’s last name for various valid reasons.
She's right. It's a pain in the ass. First time I got married I never changed my name. This second time I did and it has been a hassle. But honestly, who cares? If he is never gonna talk to her again why does it matter? Is it petty? Maybe. But you sound insecure and jealous for literally no reason.
This is far too gone for couples therapy, nothing can save this. Or the diamonds.
This is far too gone for couples therapy, nothing can save this. Or the diamonds.
He won’t wait to cheat. The minute she puts on any weight, baby or otherwise, he will cheat.
Right. The only reason the world is harsher to mothers who abandon their kids is because it is exponentially more rare for mothers than fathers. Anyone who neglects or leaves their child is a POS, but we are so desensitized to dead beat dads.
Instead of being nicer to moms who abandon their kids, why don’t we start holding men to the same standards? Making it acceptable for everyone to just bounce on their kids is not the way to solve this problem.
i'm still close with her because i feel like she doesn't like us like that, but rather she misses her old poly relationship, and is just lonely. looking back at all of the texts she's sent, i realize how insane she sounds, but i would feel bad if me leaving sends her to a depressive state. she says she likes us, but realistically, there's no way she likes me, an obviously gay guy.
Fucking walk, dude. Don’t tolerate this bullshit.
I would worry about him becoming even more abusive after pregnancy, than him asking for a paternity. Pregnancy is often a trigger for domestic violence. Part of the reason is men think you’re trapped and can’t run.
You did the fist step in blocking him but if he comes and asks you its always no no no no noand if he keeps at it then louder NO NO NO NO and if that doesnt get thru his head then you can decide if you wanna get an RO and let your friends know all about him and why you have said what you said that way they know if he bothers you they can have your side.
This is the grossest thing I’ve read today. Why would you continue date and marry someone when you had feelings for their sister? The right thing to do would have been to leave them both alone. Please let your wife find someone who will love her the way she deserves. Then go get lots of therapy before you even consider dating.
I’m sure he knows what’s up. He’s had time to think about it and probably figured out that you saw stuff on his phone since you went home so quickly for no reason.
It does not matter “why” he took or kept video of it.
Just ghost him
“I’m hardworking and young and have my life together and my boyfriend who is six years older than me does literally nothing resembling being in a relationship with me and also flirts with other girls and generally treats everyone better than he treats me. How can I fix him?”
You can’t, you shouldn’t try, you clearly deserve better. You described nothing positive about the man and it doesn’t sound like he much likes you.
No judgment, being young is all about being in terrible relationships and learning what you can and can’t stand and what you’re actually looking for.
Clearly this dude ain’t it.
It's understandable that his jokes are starting to hurt your feelings, especially if they are making you feel like you're not being appreciated or valued in the relationship. It's important to communicate with your boyfriend about how you feel and how his jokes are affecting you. It's possible that he may not realize the impact of his words, and bringing it to his attention can help him understand your perspective and make changes.
While it's normal for couples to tease each other and have playful banter, it's important to make sure that it's done in a way that is respectful and not hurtful. If his jokes are crossing a line and making you feel bad about yourself, it's important to address it and set boundaries.
As for whether or not his jokes have any truth to them, it's difficult to say without more information. However, it's important to remember that just because someone makes a joke or a comment, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's true. It's possible that he's just trying to be funny or playful, and it's not a reflection of how he actually feels about you.
Ultimately, the best course of action is to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Explain how his jokes are affecting you and ask him to be more mindful of his words. If he truly cares about you, he will want to make sure that you feel loved and respected in the relationship.
So do these influencer friends of hers know you exist or are you a well kept secret?
OP time to put your foot down. Tell her she's currently acting as if she's single, and she's not. She is supposed to be your partner, and more importantly she's the mother of a young child. So she needs to start acting like someone who's in a relationship with a young child. That means, no more hanging around with other people alone till all hours of the morning. No more impromptu trips by herself to New York, or anywhere else for that matter. It does mean re-committing to you and your relationship. (When was the last time you two went out on a date?). Ask to see her phone. If all she's doing is business about NFTs then she shouldn't have any issues showing you her messages. Asking the question may give you an idea if more than what she told you happened during this trip.
If she won't agree to all that you may need to make some very hot choices. I'd be discussing what coparenting your daughter would look like if you're not together. (It might make her realise what's at stake). And what accommodation will look like if you're not together. Good luck OP I hope it works out for you.
I ended my marriage at 45. While I of course wish I'd not married her, I also should have left her much sooner. 28 would have been so much easier than 45, but still this last year+ has been amazing. A++, would leave her again and again ?.
Being alone is so much better than being with the wrong person.
OP I'm sorry you are going through this but jesus…
Your post history is a mess even before yall got engaged or married.
You had 5 abortions because this man didn't want to use proper protection? You guys just had sex and that was the backup instead of proper birth control? That post was a few months ago.
You speak about how he disrespects you how much u wanted to leave that was 2 years ago.
Why would u marry this man that has shown u time and time again he has zero regard for u at all? And then you continue to doubt yourself?
You continue to ask if u can make it work and if the relationship can be saved? If he's trustworthy?
Really?
You posted about this man not wanting the kids because he didn't feel ready or stable but constantly complained about not having enough sex after set abortions because you weren't ready… and having to wear a condom?
How you both have bad tempers and the relationship was just toxic.
How you two can't work through conflict properly.
How he told u multiple times that he wasnt ready for marriage because he felt he still had a market out there… and ur asking us why he disrespected u by DEFINITELY fucking a coworker who he purposely slept in a room with and hid from u because he didn't give a shit.
The man is not just a walking red flag but your whole relationship is a dumpster fire.
How much longer are u gonna subject yourself to this? Its been 7 years!
Im sorry if im being harsh here if this was a singular offence and this was the first post u ever made that maybe indicated any issues. I might suggest you guys try counseling but that he still definitely slept with this chick.
Just for fuck sakes come on… why are u so surprised at the lack of respect and pain you are getting when that's been your daily bread?
And when will u wake up and get some self respect to not allow yourself to be in a relationship like this?
That is a lie.
It's right there that he slept for 10 hours.