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Emma (tall girls with big ass) and Jane (pretty girls with big yammy boobies), 18 y.o.
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The number one thing about a relationship that people tend to forget, is that it's two people who promise to stand by each others side. Which means that you can't exactly just walk away from a disagreement. Disagreements has to be resolved. Otherwise, that is eventually all that the relationship will be; disagreements. Stacked high until you no longer remember what it was you two hoped to get together.
There is also an element of forcing yourself to be someone your partner is proud of, while at the same time being true to yourself. While trying your best to be proud of them in return.
In good and bad, storms and flood and whatever else is said in marriage vows – it's you two. This person is someone who has to learn to trust you, and you have to learn to trust him. The trust, in both directions, needs to be earned.
And even if there is full trust, expect the occasional disappointment. You are going to mess something up, and he is going to mess something up. And it's those times that defines how your marriage is going to be. If you two immediately sit down and help each other to resolve a problem, it will not be a problem for long. If you go off in one direction each and expect the other to take on the full burden of your mistake…then it will stay between you as a dark cloud. Just as it may remain as a dark cloud if you insist on fixing your partners mistake without their involvement.
Try to be equals in everything. Financially, including who owns what. Emotionally, by having time for each other. With chores, since it's a full time job to make a home shine. With everything that it's impossible to be equal, find a way to agree on what is expected of each other.
Someone who's well educated and works kind of all the time can are that his effort is what makes the household function. And that is partially true. But the household will get dirty all by itself even if he is working, so the effort of getting the dust out of the corners needs to be recognised as effort.
Compared to each other, one of you is going to be a lousy cook. Sometimes, it doesn't make sense to give a chore to the person who is most likely to mess it up. Even if it's fair, it sometimes doesn't make sense to actually be fair.
Marriage becomes sleeping in separate bedrooms immediately if you stop making time for each other. (Don't get me wrong. Some people, for example, are heavy snorers and the only way that their spouse is EVER going to get any sleep done is by having their own bedroom. Sometimes separate bedrooms is a solution, rather than a defeat.) Foreplay begins IMMEDIATELY after the last time you had sex, and everything you do up to it is going to have an effect on your partners willingness and interest.
It's the simple shit like a proper hug the first time you see each other that day (even if just for two seconds), holding hands and actually sitting right next to each other in front of the telly that builds the sense of actually being in a relationship.
And it's learning how his body works and teaching him how your body works (which, of course, is no easy task if you are clueless about how it works yourself) that is the trick for healthy and fulfilling sex. It's when neither of you have to think about what you are doing and it still works, that you have achieved something.
And it's not just sex. It's also that when you take a stroll in the grocery store and spot his favourite candy and think “Oh, I haven't seen that in a long while, I should buy some” because you know what makes him happy, that it's…you know…easy to make sure that he is happy.
Which means that you have to make sure to gradually teach him everything from your favourite candy to that if you are ever going to get a Volvo, then you really want a blue one and that cherry blossoms makes you smile because they remind you of your late grandpas garden.
If you know that his favourite colour is green, you are going to be more inclined to wear a green dress on formal occasions when you two are to be seen together. If he knows that yours is blue, there will be a tendency towards blue in his tie rack after a while.
Knowing things about each other is, to be frank, how the heck married people manage to make each other happy with the little, mundane things.
If you notice some day that he has a thing for black lacing, then I am going to assume that your bras are after a while going to have tendencies towards black. And lacing. And perhaps even both black and lacing at the same time.
If you discover a perfume that makes him wild, I bet you are going to wear it often. To make him wild. If you discover a perfume that makes YOU wild, buy him a bottle and tell him straight out that it makes you wild. He'll probably wear it every chance he can, because he wants to make you wild.
Make sure to have interests that you do together. And interests that you do alone. The really difficult thing about the twosome thing, is that everyone occasionally needs some space. You can possibly sort that out just by going out on a walk and get some fresh air, but if you absolutely LOVE knitting and he bloody hates it, it can be a way to be yourself and be your own human being for a few hours, to do something related to knitting somewhere outside the house.
Not understanding that your partner sometimes needs space, is one of the reasons that relationships fail. Knowing that asking to be held and caressed and kissed is painful, but knowing that asking is too much and still insist will ruin EVERYTHING. Finding a middle ground here IS difficult. Thankfully, and sadly, you are not going to get a lot of practice spotting these situations, so they are always a bit complicated.
The truly difficult part of a relationship is to grow into the relationship, still be your own person, and not choke your partners need to be his own person in your own process of being your own person.
As for the sex thing, different cultures do this differently. Generally speaking, sex IS something that is expected in a marriage. And that expectation goes both ways. It's expected of you, and it's expected of him. But at the same time, you have a paradox there. Because once you are starting to feel as if you are expected to, it will stop being fun. And once he is starting to feel that it's expected of him, it'll stop being fun for him.
So the truly important goal with sex, besides getting to know each other, is to ensure that it's fun. That it feels good. That it's a happy thing. That you have had reason to look forward to it ever since last it happened. That you both can trust the other to crave you.
I imagine that it's one complicating thing about arranged marriage. Not knowing anything about the other person sexually, and finding that spark. Finding the cravings. Cultivating the cravings. Learning to trust that your partner craves you as much as you crave him. Growing into that, together.
I can only imagine – which may be prejudice, I don't know more about you and your husband to be than what you said in your post – that it CAN make the wedding night pretty…awkward. But it can surely also make it incredibly fun, if you have a mindset that allows it to be.
I really, really hope that he too comes at it with a curious and craving mindset. That you can both learn to look forward to it, solely based on what happened last time.
Physically speaking, it's super-important that you learn so basic facts about how your arousal works. So that you know when it's too soon, and can feel when it should work. If you are not 100% sure what you need from your own body, make sure to read up on it.
First times are awkward. And a bit scary, especially if you – as I assume it will be – are going to see each other hot for the first time. You can probably buy yourself some self esteem just by letting him show you that he likes to look at you, if you need that. But if that is difficult, assume that warming up to the rest of it will take more time.
Don't think of the first time as something you can get out of the way in 15 minutes. Make sure that you have HOURS of time to spend on the adventure. It gives time for mistakes and reruns. And for doing things again, if they are amazing. 🙂
Also don't really think of your first time. Make sure that you think of your first times. It will take a few attempts to figure out enough about yourself and enough about him to make it…you know…better.
Don't get me wrong. Your first can be absolutely mind-blowing and mentally pretty overwhelming in a good way. But nearly everyone is going to insist that it gets better once you get some practice.
One of the interesting parts about being in a new relationship is that most people are going to insist that they totally want to practice on the sex thing. It's a good sign, if you both can't really get enough of each other.
Not everything in a relationship is going to be fun all the time. But with the sex, it should be. It's one of the more sensible rules to online by. Sex should be fun. Find the fun, it's really important.
You can only take responsibility for changing you, not her.
Good luck. I hope it works out.
Big assumptions there. Op has already commented that her bf cut contact entirely after being told about this.
The boyfriend slept with this girl 2 weeks after op and him broke up. I see no reason to think this was an ongoing issue rather than a one time thing.
Is the house at a satisfactory level of clean when the house keeper leaves? Is he basically asking you not to make a mess out of the place?