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Thus is something to discuss with a therapist and your doctor, not reddit. And just so you know, the grass is only greener because they water it with instagram filters and botax.
Lots of things make me uncomfortable. It's nearly always my issue to deal with.
Leave him! This is not a relationship you want to be in. He is slowly chipping away at your confidence and self worth. He has no respect for you at all and just sees you as something he can use for sexual relief. Please don’t stay with this man any longer. I would even consider ghosting him as he seems to be they type of person to manipulate and gaslight you into coming back to him. Please run! Do not walk.
Agreed. People don't enter into relationships unconditionally.
Whaaa? How is not having lunch with your lesbian friend a sign of respect?
Mans got cheated on, on his birthday. That’s his Ego saying it’s not cheating if it’s a woman. He’s probably actually down bad right now y’all ?
So while you’re the one having to carry the brunt of the birth and push an actual human being out of your vagina, he wants to prioritize HIS comfort as if his life is the one potentially at stake? Threatening to abandon you while you go through one of the toughest things in your life? Does his delusional ass think he’s the one pushing out the baby?
Don’t procreate with selfish fools. Consider yourself blessed that you found out before a positive pregnancy test.
It’s not about buying something big, make her breakfast in bed, fill a stocking with chocolate, and her favorite nail polish, you should know some of the little things she might like..
Your boyfriend’s friends are liars. I’d bet money that they haven’t all slept with 100+ people, I’d also bet that they’ve all had at least one STD.
Your boyfriend is being pretty immature if he thinks that the number of people he’s slept with is an issue in the real world. Most people don’t care and are turned off by a higher number of sexual partners.
I am in the same boat, 23 and a single mom. I have learned that the trauma I went through with my child’s father made me feel like I didn’t deserve nice things, or to enjoy myself at all really. It’s hard to push that feeling aside because after being with someone for years it feels like all you know. I’m still learning to do things to make me happy. It takes time. It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it. Also, it’s nice to know someone is attracted to your body and wants you after dealing with unkind words from your child’s father. you just need to know when you are ready for that jump to do it.
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Who is to say either of those things happened? He could’ve got his dick sucked and also fucked his gf.
Exactly. Most of the time they’re weak and can’t move on
He is separated. But I feel naive even saying so, writing this down and reading it to myself brings alot into perspective for me. I’m beginning to realize that holidays and special occasions come n go and he’s not around for me to even celebrate with. I mean from Valentine’s Day to Christmas, it’s always something. I feel foolish at this point.
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I didn't say that. I said OP is still communicating with her because he is still harboring romantic feelings about this woman. And I still think I'm correct in this belief.
This is very simple, op.
No meeting. I want a DNA test before I even speak with you. Hit me up for child support? I can and will demand that test, and the court will make you comply so you might as well do it willingly and get it out of the way.
The only way to really know is to have an open discussion about it.
As for gifts, you could just accept them and throw them to the trash
I wouldnt say its anger or being upset, more like frustration at the situation. He doesnt blame me for it and respects when im not feeling it but still a bit frustrated
I agree with you but he is already eating the cake and having it too, what more is there to get? From the way he was talking he has multiple relationships and he has a beautiful home with me. Our children are great and we enjoy being together. We love the same hobbies. We complete each other well when it comes to house chores, making food etc. we still go on our usual dinner nights, movies, theatre. And we have the same sense of humor. What more does he want
This screams palming. My mom used to do this whenever my dad was in the room when she was taking her opioid pain meds. She didn't want him to know that instead of the one she was supposed to be taking she was taking like 5 of them. It's common practice among pill users and her need to keep the bottle as close to her as possible is another big red flag for medication abuse.
I'd be concerned. To know for sure you need to get your hands on that bottle when she's not around. If she takes it with her when she leaves, worry. If you can get your hands on them, count them. Then you need to make sure you can get your hands on it again asap to count again. From there you'll have a rough estimate on if she's using too many. Double check the description of the pill on the box to make sure it matches. If it doesn't Google it. (Is it round, oval, oblong, what color is it, what's stamped on it) it'll give you the name of the medicine and the dosage as each dosage size is marked different.
In the mean time, if she's unwilling to knock it off with dropping them all over the place, move the cats bowls away from there. That's gonna be the easiest way to ensure they're not investing them on accident. They won't actively seek them out to eat them, because they don't smell like food. Like have you ever tried to give a pet medicine? It's a fight unless you hide it in the food. (Which is probably where the whole poisoning the cat theory came from, plausible? Yeah I guess, but highly unlikely.)
curious what the “good parts” of the holocaust are?
there were “good parts” about WW2 happening, a lot of technical advancement and there's a good chance that if it didn't happen, none of us would be alive and a completely different set of people would be here in our place
however, it's really really odd to ever argue in favor of war, because we should always value human lives over dumb technology, and much much worse to ever say that there were “good parts” of the holocaust. the holocaust was a fucking evil genocide. no matter how you slice out 11 million people being slaughtered, there is no “good part”.
also
he recently randomly, completely out of the blue told me that pronouns were stupid liberal bullshit
this is a big red flag and makes me agree with you that he's down some alt right rabbit hole and that he's not gonna be coming back out of it. you need to leave him. if he already hates pronouns and is basically a neo nazi, I cannot imagine that he's ever going to be completely okay with you as a person.
It may also have to do with context. In what types of situations does she call them by the dogs’ names? For instance, if she often calls the dogs by their names when they’re being “bad,” her brain may automatically call your brothers by the dogs’ names when they’re also being bad.
I caught myself doing this on the occasions when I’ve had arguments with an ex bf. I called him by my sister’s name, because apparently I associate her with annoyance lol.
How long should I wait for her to message me? It's been 2 weeks already, and she should be free by 14th Jan.
Didn’t say she cheated, I said she slept around
So what did this change materially about your relationship?
It’s not as easy as just walk away but you should still break up. If both of your names are on the house you move out and give her the option to either buy your half of the house or sell it and split the money (or you can buy her out). A lawyer can help with that. You are setting a terrible example for your kids on what a healthy relationship looks like.
A coin toss will not work. A coin toss will make one of you two deeply unhappy and probably resentful, simply because the other didn't want to give in so that it had to come to the coin toss in the first place. The outcome of the coin toss is the same as one of you two relenting. Not a good idea, that one.
Regardless of what she said, or what you are scared of, talk to a lawyer and find out exactly what will happen if you divorce. That is your only option.
Or stfu and live with a woman that doesn't want to be with you and is simply using you to support her.
You have a conversation about expectations and a fair sharing of the chores, you’re supposed to be his partner not his mother.
absolutely she would keep it to herself being confronted like that, and she probably isnt even aware if she is uncomfortable or not, being that she is only 14
Age is a pretext if, beyond the 2-3 years difference, you’re in the same stage in life (which it seems you are). Ask her what it’s really about.
Honey it’s not “help” when it’s his own fuckin home. Have some standards
I would say don't cancel your trip. (if it's not already canceled)
She's doing that icky schoolgirl thing of posing ridiculous hypothetical questions just so she can get either reassured or mad. I have to think it's because she's stressed out by her school/work, which is understandable. But I also think she's being immature.
Then if you don't answer her hypothetical question the way she likes, she gets pouty on you, also immature.
But in any case, I don't think you're being a jerk.
Microwaving birth control pills or even leaving them in a hard car can lower their effectiveness.
He’s been following Leo di Caprio. Expect to be dumped on your 25th birthday.
Some “men” value a woman by her physical looks and age above anything else. Their brains and personality dont matter.
He is one of them. He is a shallow arse.
Thank you so much for your advice! And also, I’m more kinky than just spanking and chocking lol
This is absolutely incorrect. If you don’t want your partner to not watch porn, that should be acceptable as long as he understands that.
can you say more about why?
I'm pro sex worker. It's still cheating to pay for sex and sexual favors. Like you don't have to pay for sex work or accept your partner. That's not insulting to those ladies nor is it an indication you're not supportive of their career choices.
Also, I can pretty much guarantee he'd be pissed if the roles were reversed. My ex did stuff like that. Claimed it's “different” and he “wouldn't care” if I did it.
So I called his bluff. Took my happy ass down to the male strip club in town with my girls and had a blast. Turns out, me wrapping a $20 around the strippers dick when he grabbed my hand to do so was actually very upsetting to my ex.
Apparently, it isn't somehow “different” to be rubbing up on some strange because you're tossing some money to them.
So your fiance lied to you, and then told you what he says at the truth and you're choosing to believe it. I highly doubt that this is all that happened most of the time people lie and then tell the truth they are going to try to make the new truth that's so bad. You're not going to be marrying a man that you know lies to you, that sucks…
If she doesn’t want to be seen in public with you when you have a black eye, she doesn’t deserve your company when you’re picture-perfect. Find a girl who cares about you, not your appearance.
I don’t see any dude worth marrying here. Keep your standards as high as possible. Do not worry about societal indoctrinations and expectations nor others expectations. You don’t fucking have to force yourself to be outgoing either.
I think what's even worse is that I was trying to put on a happy face about my eye, but obviously, I couldn't help but feel self-conscious about it. Her reaction and especially her refusal to take any pictures or even be seen in public with me has made me feel a heck of a lot worse about it. Now I don't really want to be seen in public right now. Hopefully it's gone in a few days so I don't have to feel so awful about it.
Well let’s test the opposite event. Why don’t you go to one of those bars and get a woman to grind on you. Then ask her how she feels about it. If she gets all upset then yes it was cheating on her part.
If not as it turns out you have an open marriage just like Will and Jada.
I don’t know. our talking stage lasted a month before we made things exclusive and during that stage we shared so many deep conversations and spent a lot of time together and yeah it wasn’t exclusive but knowing she slept with three guys during that month, it’s just leaving a terrible feeling in my stomach, but like I really do love her but I just don’t know if this is something I can get over, I really hope it is but I don’t know.
Not everybody thinks this way though.
If I could no longer sleep with my husband, I’d 100% be all for him sleeping with others as an arrangement. There’d obviously have to be ground rules, but it wouldn’t “break my heart” if done right.
I'd be questioning why this dudes house was a known address. No way that would happen unless she'd at least been there before.
Sounds like you did the right thing tbh – well done!
he's cheating, your relationship is over. be the one to make that clear. you're worth more than this
You need to leave. You can believe all you want but your heart will be no good if she murders you.
Let her get better, if possible. In the meantime stay away and stay safe. You will end up back together if it’s meant to be.
Who was the band?
Was gonna say, 400 seems steep for an OBGYN. It’s certainly possible, but seems pretty steep from the doctors in my family. Who all do well, but they aren’t surgeons and make avg doctor money (which is freaking great money don’t get me wrong).
I knew a couple where this happened. They had a rocky 9 months when he had his doubts. The baby came out looking exactly like him so it immediately put him at ease. But I do not envy you right now. I think they have test they can do before the baby is born to prove paternity these days if he has these same doubts.
It is. Anything to do with pregnancy or termination of said pregnancy is. An abortion essentially makes you go into labour early. Heck even periods are painful and traumatic. As someone who’s had to help someone through multiple as a result of failed pregnancy. It’s very traumatic.
No, not strange. I wouldn't expect a female partner to bring up any crime she was acquitted of.
I would talk to her family or one of her friends first. Just so she has someone to comfort her immediately, because she's pregnant.
I believe some types of physical attraction can develop with time and emotional connection. Just depends on your attraction type
Let go. Seriously? Do you really believe she’s be with you if you didn’t buy her stuff? There are a lot of pretty humans. The really beautiful people are those who don’t think that their superficial beauty gives them the right to treat others badly. She is treating you like her own personal ATM. Run.
Well you liking them for their aesthetics is a type of racial fetishism. If you don’t indulge in linking them to stereotypes in order to appease that fetish then it’s fine.
It's none of your business. Prying like that is a great way to become single.
Actually, I did but just a little while ago I haven’t checked back because I was getting ready to go to sleep where I’m at. I will check on it first thing in the morning but I did now that I look at your name I did see it so thank you.
I've got some advice for you. If you don't want kids, then wear a condom.
Oh, right, it's a little late for that advice. Just do whatever you want to do, but make a decision and do it quickly so everyone else can plan accordingly. Stay and be a husband/father, bail and let her do it alone, or try co-parenting but make the decision and commit to it.
Maybe do some work on yourself to figure out why this bothers you so much?
There is nothing wrong with posting bikini pics on a 24hr snap chat story, not even on her feed, come on. This sounds more like you are SUPER insecure.
The horror, a woman revealing her skin to others. How daaaaaaaare she!?
All he needs is a DNA test and he will be given some parental rights. Period.
You need to report him both to the school and to his wife. Then you need to work on yourself and your ability to set boundaries. Be better.
You already know the answer to this situation
This is definitely wrong. Many people have proven not all relationships have expiration dates.
I have borderline personality disorder so i think that’s probably what is causing this self destructive behaviour. I definitely need therapy for this because i don’t want this pattern to continue
What are you going to talk to him about? Permission to keep YOUR games? He had no right to assume that he could give YOUR games away, if he wants to give away his console then let him but your games are yours to do with as you see fit, he has NO say in your property.
Because you enable your SO, then completely unaware you have enabled her, complain about enabling your SO.
Your insecurities are showing. Do everyone a favor and get some help.
I think you are misinterpreting my statement.
I was expressing that a lot of men say that a woman having a sexual liaison with another woman is no problem but only when it's theoretical. If his girlfriend or wife actually HAS a sexual liaison with another woman, it's going to be a much bigger deal than he said it would be.
Going to try stop texting her in the least harsh way possible, maybe one word responses!
I don't think you need to go to that length. You still want to maintain a friendship, right? Kind of hard to do with one word cold responses.
Anyways, being hyper focused on a woman is a good thing. Women want that kind of dedication. But it needs to be directed to those who are attainable.
You say this:
I'm not the most experienced.
To me that means: you need to expose yourself to more options. Get yourself on to dating apps. Try your best to line of up some dates.
And yes, your first couple of dates could be train wrecks, but whatever… consider it an investment for yourself. Gaining experience.
Eventually you'll go on first dates without being nervous, and view them as something you look forward to.
And from there, you will be confident in your connections because they started off as dating and you know for a fact they're there with you out of romantic interest.
You say you have OCD, which leads me to believe that only a qualified professional can help you adequately. However, I recognize that you came here for casual advice, so I will speak to what I feel I know.
thinking I am betraying my old self.
I struggle with this feeling sometimes. It's not a perfect solution, but something that helps me is reminding myself that “my old self” did not have the information or life experience that I have now. If I change as a result of said experience and information, that's not a betrayal but an improvement.
That said, I don't have OCD, so I assume this won't be as effective for you as it is for me. Again I must urge you to seek help from a qualified professional. Left unchecked, this will destroy your relationship.
Good idea! Didn’t know about the book I’ll check it out
Walk into a room he’s in and say, “is it just me, or is it kinda fat in here?”
Me too. She seems like a really sweet woman that didn’t deserve any of this. If worst comes to worst, I hope in the end she winds up stronger, wiser and happier finally finding a man who will cherish her and not provide entertainment for co workers with crushes.
I would personally have accepted his reasoning that something came up and he was trying to find a replacement. I would have allowed a reschedule. However, after reading the edit, I would not have begun the relationship with him in the first place. In that situation, I would feel he needs time to get his life more under control first.
He did say to me tht he thinks he might be depressed and I’m going to help him find a therapist- I hope he can get better and we can improve
You just have to be calm and honest. Plan what you have to say and lay it out in order.
You're not done grieving, which is a process that takes time and engagement. Some people say that getting back to dating is the best way to get over someone; this is not that. That is how you rebuild confidence after being made to feel undesireable, not how to mourn someone.
Continue taking time for yourself and good luck. I'm sorry for your loss.