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We can't just act like everyone is some irregularity of unpredictable parts. We're biologically wired to find certain things attractive as males and females. Denying this is such a pretty way of dressing up lies and infidelity. If you brought this excuse to it's logical conclusion you could justify literally ANYTHING.
Again kinda rude I know I fucked up you don’t have to tell me I just came on here to try to talk about my wrongdoings
In normal relationships especially when both people are working A) Each person has their own bank account or a joint account or both. B) Majority of time unless they work different shifts and both partners can cook will either cook/pick up some food for their partner C) You should never feel scared or trapped in a normal relationship D) In a normal relationship both partners have equal say E) Couples agree how to split chores. I would say equal but if one partner bit there are many legitimate reasons why it isn’t equal (sick parent, one partner works part time and the other 60 hrs plus, ect)
You said he was abused…. who was the abuser? Did your parents go to the police?
It's a little too late to walk back on this now, but you should have been giving him some sort of set portion of your salary, money that he did not need to ask your permission for and how to spend, to represent child care you are saving on 4 young children.
I can't blame him for wanting some financial independence. It probably feels pretty helpless to not be able to help his family without your express consent, while as he pointed out, you can do whatever you want, and he has no say.
You're probably just going to have to deal with the new family dynamics of daycare while he pursues his education further. If you want your marriage to survive, you should be a little more supportive of his goals and appreciative of the sacrifices he has made. The comments about “you probably won't get in anyway” were just nasty.
Someone who gets drunk a lot is always the first sign of a keeper as a husband /S
How do I take charge of the pacing, and to be firm with my boundary?
No the baby is not his it is with her new partner, I wouldn't have went there if it was his. But thanks for the advice.
Yes he knows where I live! that's the scary thing.
You’re just realizing that now?? He’s just an asshole, there’s nothing else to figure out. You can be with someone that actually likes you and isn’t afraid to show it or be with this creep.. don’t be silly, he says he wants to spend his life with you after only 3 months yet he also says it doesn’t matter either way and he doesn’t find you attractive. Lol do you see what you typed out?? Have some self respect and dumb the dork.
Yes, it would be a mistake to get married that early in a relationship, to answer your direct question. Nine months is a short relationship, you are still in school, and you haven’t lived together.
I should add that your boyfriend, while seemingly a nice dude, is obviously very insecure about how you feel about him and is probably worried that you'll dump him any second, ESPECIALLY if Juliana continues to have a say on what you do with your life since it seems like she doesn't like the 2 of you being together a whole lot.
More of this ^ sounds like he could be conscious of you not being… pleased. But the policing? The constant asking? Nah. ‘I appreciate that touching myself in front of you would make you uncomfortable, however I am just itching my bloody leg!)’
Dude ” we have a life together ” ? Are you that desperate that you're willing to ignore the fact that she most likely cheated on you and will MOST LIKELY do it again ?
Relationship of a few months?
girl, its not even worth the energy u are about to invest. lmao
Its not going to stop and not much u can do to make her respect ur relationship. also…. why does she have to respect ur relationship? have u earned her trust and respect?
the last thing I want to be is a cruel stepmother,
To confirm, u are the gf of a few months.
Hes moving quickly because u are young and impressionable, and he wants u to mother his kids. “You would be a great role model” Girl does he want u or a full time nanny?
just move on. u are only 23, find someone else. This is going to be a full on ass years to come battle.
Also if you are getting any other drugs or medication check the interactions with alcohol, some medication increase the effects of alchohol.
I hear you, and no worries- I didn't think you meant it was just a big-boob problem! Just spreading awareness in general that bras are only slightly less awful than creeps taking notice of your underwear choices. I only wear bras at work, and even then it's only because we've got some regular patrons that make me want to wear an inflatable T Rex costume when they're around.
I think that is an ok answer if that is the honest truth. But I also think this is why college fund is to some extent, a bad idea. Especially in a 529, if OP and her break up, she can't claw the money back, and it is reasonable to assume that if they split, her inheritance should stay with her. As OP, I'd be disappointed because he supports all of them (including her bio child's college savings), so the one time she can financially contribute, she chooses not to do the same would be disappointing.
the issue is he treats all 3 the same, she doesn't want to, and doesn't want to outright say it. That is her right, but it is justifiable that it hurts OPs feelings.
I think that is an ok answer if that is the honest truth. But I also think this is why college fund is to some extent, a bad idea. Especially in a 529, if OP and her break up, she can't claw the money back, and it is reasonable to assume that if they split, her inheritance should stay with her. As OP, I'd be disappointed because he supports all of them (including her bio child's college savings), so the one time she can financially contribute, she chooses not to do the same would be disappointing.
the issue is he treats all 3 the same, she doesn't want to, and doesn't want to outright say it. That is her right, but it is justifiable that it hurts OPs feelings.
I hear you, and no worries- I didn't think you meant it was just a big-boob problem! Just spreading awareness in general that bras are only slightly less awful than creeps taking notice of your underwear choices. I only wear bras at work, and even then it's only because we've got some regular patrons that make me want to wear an inflatable T Rex costume when they're around.
You liked a few pics. Tell your gf to get over herself and be an actual human being. We are gonna like stuff that is visually appealing to us. Doesn't mean we would cheat or do anything crazy. Jeez man.
You liked a few pics. Tell your gf to get over herself and be an actual human being. We are gonna like stuff that is visually appealing to us. Doesn't mean we would cheat or do anything crazy. Jeez man.
Sounds like you were both wrong .. And she's wrong for not telling from the start and you should of thought about your actions before you acted
I’ve felt the same way since I’ve gained weight. I dated a lot when I was younger and weighed less. People look at your different or don’t even give you a chance when you are a little heavier. I’m very active and love being outdoors. But I definitely know how it feel.
Yes. Women do it too. Having fantasies is normal.
Either you are a troll, or that trans woman is insane.
Both is entirely possible Some trans people are wayyyyy too into social justice. But considering you do not refer to this person by name or their gender, but simply “transgender” I assume the former.
If it's the latter, get a restraining order. Should be easy with all the evidence you have.
ok, I'm a troll, are you happy now?
God, that doesnt even make sense. You answer and then you call me troll for no actual reason. I dont know who's the troll here (me or you???)
One time an ex asked to meet me for a drink. I said yes. We were at a bar, a few drinks in, and she basically laid out a dream situation where we would only hook up, no real relationship and separate lives. Just physical. Over the cash register at the bar I saw a sign saying, “The Devil will always take you back.” I ended up accepting her deal. A few months later we moved in together. We spent three miserable years together before we finally broke up and moved on.
If you aren’t happy for your friend when they have met someone then you aren’t a friend. I would let her be happy!
Ask him when he gets there. I think 3 is enough given he all you have bought him in the past and I think they are wonderful thoughtful gifts which are appropriate to him.
You could also ask your children what they think you should do and what they are comfortable with.
I personally like watching others open their gifts more than receiving gifts myself.
I might gift him with say some handmade cookies and snacks, they never get turned down.
Thermals are also useful gifts in the winter.
Well, it does look like she had the eyes to match the crazy brain…
Maybe keep some zip bags in the bathroom and put the wipe in a zip bags before throwing it away. If he still complains, it's probably not really about the smell.
Considered this too. OP won’t know until they ask! Hopefully all works out.
Nope. You ever had semen in your eyes? Like hell am I letting that happen again. Not the slightest chance.
I think that's only a question she can answer.
Before I came out, I'd day dream “How could girls ever break up with each other? They have none of the issues men have!” I think WLW breakups (or at least my WLW breakups lol) are different than heterosexual breakups because it's not necessarily that anyone did anything wrong, it's just that it's not feeling quite right. There's less of a smoking gun — it's not that one of you does more house work, or orgasms more, or refuses to do laundry. These things can definitely happen, but in my experience it's often much more “I don't know if this is the best I could feel,” or “I'm so happy, but should I expect more?” or “Am I the right person for this right now?” For me, as a bisexual woman, that means almost all my WLW breakups have been bizarre “We're kinda still dating, but not, but we'll get back together…maybe, please don't ask, we're unsure” situations like what you're having right now. With hetero breakups, you're so often fed up and tired with the guy, you never want to see each other again. With WLW…it can be a totally different ball game.
Not sure if that's helpful, but just know that your breakup confusion is very much a universal queer female experience. That's why I think a clearly communicated boundary is your best bet, whatever direction you want to take it.
thank you! it was saddening to not even hear a single “i’m happy for you” from my own best friend but you’re right, i’ll make sure to let her know that it wasn’t okay to disrespect me like this and communicate my boundaries clearly
You've assassinated this man. He will never look at you the same or be able to get that video out of his head.
Once I break up with boyfriends, I delete everything (photos, videos, text messages) and throw things away. Maybe I’m overreacting but I don’t want anything to remind me of them.
She said in another comment that she talked to her friends who were there and she didn't do anything bad. She blacked out and they called him. So he wasn't there and had no idea what happened.
Not necessarily. Even if she hasn't taken any treatment for HIV (which in the best case can entirely eliminate the risk of transmission), HIV just isn't transmitted all that readily. It depends on the type of sex but the transmission rate can be as low as 1 in 2500 exposures.
I can understand where you're coming from more, now that I see that.
I can understand how much “love” and “marriage” cloud things quite quickly. But I feel like you have that feeling where something is off… And whether or not you're right (you very most likely are! Always trust your gut) it's not fair for you to live! in doubt. If you cant get the full truth from him… You might feel more settled on your own.
Personally speaking I don't think porn usage is a very big problem. For many guys it's just a tool for means to an end. Porn isn't usually something guys plan or look forward to like dinner at a restaurant for example. It's just a way of achieving something we sometimes need quickly – getting off.
Not all men but quite a few have trouble switching the Brain of when you're horny. Its just always in the back of your mind and porn helps you get rid of it super quick.
That being said in your case he could have sex with you but is choosing not to. While it's not total disaster it is something that needs exploring. My advice would be to ask him what he gets from porn that he doesn't with you at the moment.
Id be specific about saying “at the moment” as well, it kind of gives him permission to talk about it without feeling like he's hurting your feelings because it's just temporary. I'd also be very careful not to have any negative reaction to what he says. Just sit and listen as neutrally as you can. Communication is what's lacking here, get that back and I'm sure you won't have issues.
There is something on his mind but it wouldn't be fair to speculate and the best source of information is him, it's all about how you ask and how you respond when he tells you.
Lying by omission is still lying. It's not crazy to be upset that your s/o was touching all over a very hot girl. What's batshit crazy and an overreaction is that OP has stated that her fiance doesn't even like it/gets jealous when men look at her. Stop projecting your personal views of cheating or not onto her and her relationship. He knew it would hurt her, so he knew it would be crossing boundaries.
Lying and purposefully doing something that you know would hurt your pregnant fiancee actually does diminish who someone is as a person because they wouldn't do something they know would hurt their s/o if they're a good person who has respect for their s/o. She's not stirring the pot. Get a grip.
The bar is just gone at this point. Dissolved in the molten lava in earths core
No no…it's for us
Imaginary gfs can't read.
And step mother
If this is real go get mental help please
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Alright thank you for the advice and sorry it took me awhile to reply mobile was acting up
We have switched places a few times, pretty much because i demanded it lol and those were the better nights of sleep that i got over there. But it’s never been a permanent thing because we both prefer sleeping on that side of the bed (I sleep on that side at my house when i’m alone) and me being the guest, I feel like it’s not my place to kick her out of her preferred spot in her own bed…
it doesn’t work like that, people have ideals and insecurities that are major dealbreakers. A-lot of people in the real world would turn away from someone who was a “sugar dater”, her holding that information and lying to him until now has made that insecurity way deeper, you can’t just “get over it”
It will make her very sad and upset for a few months or even a year, and then at some point she'll get on a dating platform and find someone who makes her happy.
Look, you're more likely to make her depressed by ignoring her, pulling away, giving a thousand signs that you're not as invested as she is, all of which you are probably unconsciously doing. So just get it over with for both of you.
Okay, the guy whose mother dealt with terrible childhood trauma by overeating managed to find a woman with severe psychological trauma around obese family members dying too soon and married her. Human psychology is fascinating sometimes. Look both you and the wife need therapy. You are with her at least partially because her trauma speaks to her trauma. You’re literally about to put it on the next generation.
In my experience people lole this are looking for a reason to be offended. If they are already calling you a facility for liking a video game then maybe they aren't that great of a friend.
Relieved, yeah, maybe. But OP needs to get herself out of the situation first and to somewhere safe. Plenty of men kill women it situations like these and they to cover it up
First of all you need to stop worrying about how other people see you outside of your kids and close family. Their opinions and observations are irrelevant and fleeting and a distraction from what matters.
Do YOU feel better? Are you functioning in productive ways? Can you be present with your children? These are the measures you should be focused on.
If your brain has had this release for decades then it needs time to adjust. Your needs may vary. A lot. And it might be a while before you find your happy medium.. Just because you quit doesn't mean you are over the finish line yet.
Explore what makes you feel better. Find a new way to release- music, yoga, a rousing game of hide and seek? Short term meds for depression? Is it anxiety? Lifting weights? If you find a spark, feed it.
He sounds extremely manipulative. You’re setting boundaries, and he is arguing with your boundaries, refusing to respect your wishes, guilt tripping you, undermining your grasp of reality, and invalidating your feelings.
His reaction to this is not ok.
That’s what I think OP is missing, the shame.
Shame is enough to make anyone lie, right or wrong. Don’t expect truthful answers about “shameful” situations when you don’t know someone well
Gotta be careful when and which questions you ask.
Idk why these people are downvoting you. Yes, kids are going to always want their parent that abandoned them but to think there won’t be any resentment, trust issues or mental trauma to the kid is fairytale thinking.
Two hour commute each way to school? No, stay put
Stop fucking a married man, he’s 43 and can figure out his own life
Am I missing something?
If I’m reading correctly, she said “I’ll always be by your side..or under you…or on top of you”. That’s as clear as day to me, but then you go on to talk about how you’re not sure? That’s all you should need to know what’s happening.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It must be so tough and you’re thinking of ways it can all be in your head. That doesn’t seem to be the case.
He sounds a little shellfish to be honest…
He’s already emotionally cheating on you and disrespecting you in every way possible. Throw this man in the trash. He’s a lying asshole, and you deserve to be treated with respect and love. This jerk is not giving you that.
If she cheated, leave her
He needs it now!!
Its a tough one because his expression of love or love language probably isn't the same as yours at all. So he thinks he's showing you “romance” by changing the light bulb, but your idea is cute messages. Sometimes you need to sit and have a conversation about this. But also need to know that this doesn't come naturally to him so he is bound to make mistakes- and you need to decide if thise mistakes are forgivable or not. But you also don't want to throw away a good thing because he didn't send you a cute meme. Like…. you need to grow up a bit.
I wouldn't talk to him or not let anyone know where I am if you haven't already (he may be waiting for you to say “I don't have cancer, I'm living in X” so he can keep tabs on you) but I would maybe, if you have social media, share things that make mention of long term plans, just to, like let people know you're absolutely not dying, without giving him attention/your location/a communication channel. But let people know you're alive and well and plan to keep on livin' the good life you're living.
You did good to reassure the concerned friends, but they'll take care of spreading the news that your ex is delusional or a liar. You don't need to imply yourself directly.
So yesterday you told him to be softer with you and not treat you like a mate, then the next day he texts I love you. I'd say he's trying to do exactly what you asked. Be softer with you and treat you less like a mate.
Yeah, no.. You should be considering therapy.
It's not sure came home with a condom wrapper in her hand.
“I don't like you at all when you're drinking. You acknowledge that you treat me poorly when you're drinking, you blame it on the alcohol, then you return to the alcohol. This means that you value getting drunk more than you value treating me with respect and dignity.
Add to that the fact that you're 38 years old, and still drinking to the point where you regularly behave in ways you need to apologize for.
So either you have an alcohol problem, or your development arrested somewhere around the “frat boy” age.
Bottom line, I'm done putting up with it. You talk that kind of shit again, and the relationship ends on the spot. Drunk, high, or sober, you either treat me with respect, or I'm out.
Now, I'd like you to repeat this back to me, so that I know you understand.”
Look at It from outside of your lens and imagine he said something like “that place is just so black” you’d flip your lid too. I know you can argue it’s not the same but you basically told him you have a problem with him even if you didn’t say It directly or mean to.
Truly. I know my husband’s ‘body count’ simply because we were talking about experience and I lack a lot of that while he doesn’t. He’s an adult. He’s had relationships before me. We have both been married previously. It just really isn’t my business and unless I like hurting my own feelings, it never gets brought up.
Have you told her that your mother is not in favor ?
Even without a lot of money divorce can be expensive if 1) both don’t agree on it and/or 2) one wants to fight for what little there is.
Sounds like you’re not compatible in more than age.
Why the fuck with all the problems in your relationship did you have a kid with him…..
Now you are tied one way or another to him for the life of your child.
As for how you tell him, you find a lawyer, get the paperwork sorted and then serve him with the papers.
You do not have a discussion about it, you should have left years ago….
This is NOT normal. You need to get more respect for yourself and run!!! Nothing about this relationship is right!
Could your ex unblocked his account via hacking or login? How would your ex so quickly know his account is unblocked? Does he have or can he guess your password?
Whatever you do change your password of Facebook first.
Any nudes, lewd, or risky photos – delete.
All the other ones, copy them to your laptop or computer. Or to google drive or similar. Basically you take them off the phone to somewhere else that you can access them when you need (get back together, or are in a space where remembering the good times no longer hurts as much) but don’t see every day.
It could be worth setting up some cameras if its all possible. Even if you get caught you could say you were trying to catch the cat.. To catch a grown man doing shit like that wpuld be spectacular. If what you say is even remotely true he is an absolute heap of shit. Nobody deserves to be subjected to that in their own home.
My wife is beautiful but I'm not sure other people would consider her a 10 on their scales. But to me, she's an absolute 10. I don't know any dude that doesn't feel the same way about their spouse. Find you someone who appreciates you. Trust me, they're out there.
Break up with him, asap.
This is some real evil manipulation. Regardless of what he really thinks this is very controlling behavior.
Saw a comment saying he should put up with it for another six months until she works and then see if it’s any different. Can’t imagine that being said if genders were flipped…
I see. I guess I‘ll just spend more time enjoying life and going with my gut. Thanks though!
Most recently she's been finalizing a years-long divorce with her ex husband who she's been living with and now needs to find a place to live! in a city where she'll have to downsize a lot in order to afford.
lol …. man …. how do some of you dudes even get in these weird ass situations. Was she your first piece of pussy or something ?
If she’s not in therapy already, she probably should be.
Losing a pet can be pretty rough. It’s actually ranked as a higher emotional impact than marriage, divorce, or the death of an extended family member in many of the “life change” evaluations.
Add to it that the dog died from something totally preventable and I have to assume there’s a lot of guilt there.
Having worked in vet med on and off for more than 20 years, clients whose pets died due to a human error like letting dog escape and it gets hit by a car or forgetting a dog in a naked car or feeding the dog things they shouldn’t have and then they develop pancreatitis? Those people really struggle. More so than someone whose dog gets cancer and has to be euthanized or develops severe arthritis that meds can’t keep them comfortable so they’re euth’d etc? If they’ve done all they can do but the call has to be made, they tend to recover more quickly.
In addition to therapy and perhaps an adjustment to her meds for the depression, perhaps volunteering as a dog walker at the local shelter would help her bounce back. Helping others—be they humans or animals—often helps people feel better about themselves.
I don’t understand what do you mean?
She did you a favor. Bullet dodged.
He wants the house to himself and is irritated when you don't go out as you said you would.
She doesn’t abide by your boundaries. They aren’t boundaries if you don’t enforce them. This would be nonnegotiable for me and I would have already dumped her. Go back to your ex fuck buddy. Don’t negotiate your boundaries.
You are not engaged any more. Your ex fiancé told you he wants to break up with you & not see you again. What part of that wasn’t clear? No means no. “Stay away”, doesn’t mean, “keep trying to see me”. You should respect what your ex said & stay away from him. I can see why he thinks you do the opposite of what he wants.
Your wife cheated on you repeatedly. That's not something I'd find easy to forgive either. Considering your marriage was already on rocky ground before this year of repeated betrayal, I'd suggest reconsidering this reconciliation. Trust is the basis of a relationship, and her repeated betrayal has thoroughly destroyed your trust.
No
lol alright well., that amount of insecurity is just not for me. i appreciate a partner with some self worth and confidence. But each to their own.
As a woman who is attracted to men, here's how we feel about dongs. We like them, but we only want to see them when we are expecting to see them. We don't like being cyberflashed.
Here’s the thing, you know what you did and you feel bad but you’re still trying to get her to leave her husband and telling her you’ll raise her baby. It’s all kinds of not cool.
Oh come on. She’s making fun of you behind your back to her friends. You would be the group laughingstock if you took her back. You think that shit would magically come to a halt if you were together?
For her part, you described a flailing naked mess. You’re well rid of her.
No no, I didn't drop out off college for him, don't worry! Right now I'm taking my classes live!
Your body, your choice.
Unfortunately, I don't have a doctor right now. If you mean going to therapy, then I definitely agree. I plan on doing that as soon as I can.
Girl I wouldn’t even ask again. Move on.
It’s not just the ILY that’s too fast. It’s the sleep together every night, meet his family, don’t get unstuck, upload photos, talk about everything, etc. You sound like you’re gonna keep doing what you’re doing tho so I’ll refrain from offering advice and just stick to answering your original question. It is all too fast, and the faster and more intense you start, the harder the crash. Food for thought.
He is abusive and will not change.
Either give up and accept what he wants (being a SAHM, having a kid against your will) or leave.
I would say it’s highly likely, yes. Seems like he could be her sugar daddy with the payment amounts
How is losing your dad a job and getting in a car accident woe is me ? if I was playing woe is me I would still be in that house.
I intend on getting my stuff and cats but in order for that to happen I need money.
Fked up laws, cheesus
OP are you have if annual exams with your doctor? Breast exams Pap smears? Have you. Prices odors on yourself? Go see a doc or a free clinic. Your Ph could be off or you could have a yeast infection. All of this is common but needs to be checked out by a doctor. Don’t guess you will feel better when you go
A friend of mine is more comfortable chatting than talking. I am the oppossite as I feel more comfortable talking than chatting.
Although I am not sure what you guys need but LDR's really require more patience and effort than usual and you wikl both have to cooperate to get it right.
Oops I didn't catch that properly, thanks. It's still such a strange comment – “we” hate him?
Why is no one saying this?! Take the option away. You are allowed to unilaterally veto any future kids. Get a vasectomy. She can cry about it if she doesn't like it
Lol fuck having a girlfriend like that.
You need a paternity test on both of your kids !No man spends so much of his time with a female he is not interested sexually in.
I think your are your wifes safe stable choice and “her friend” is the unsuccessful dude who cant maintain her desired lifestyle but she likes more sexually.
Or you could, you know, deal with it like an adult. Not sure what part of your brain thought that might be a good idea.
I wouldn't even give him an opportunity to explain to be honest. Because he's already shown he downplays what happened, makes excuses and doesn't take responsibility, he will likely only try to manipulate you into staying.
As a previous victim of DV, I have already played this sort of scenario with a new partner in my head over and over and have simply told myself it isn't worth the risk. DV is very high stakes for your life, there's plenty of people out there who would never harm their partner under any circumstances.
Thank you for replying. I don’t want to break up with him over this because we have an amazing relationship outside of the sexual aspect. I do get to be in the mood sometimes, but because I’ve never done it before it doesn’t feel necessarily like a need for my life just yet. I want to figure out what he’s afraid of and work on it together. I may be inexperienced as a partner, but I know what kind of partner I want to be and I’m not going to give up because of this without attempting to work through it with him.
As someone who's fiance did this, but hid it after it got to a point she knew I would feel uncomfortable, I think girls playing games aren't prepared for the lengths a guy would go to for his own enjoyment. She still doesn't see why she can't give her actual phone number out to random people live!, and its a little scary. Tell her, calmly, that guys know guys and that shit ain't right, just maybe use better words. Best of luck bro
Right? Stop saying things are mental illness or autistic or something that explains away the fact that some people are just assholes
Restraining order. Therapy for both of you. Block delete stop all contact. Press charges if you can.
It's not overnight. It's between 2 & 4pm starts, 10 to midnight ends. It's a job in a sportsbook, which she loves. She always liked sports & this to her is all of a sudden an ideal career. She doesn't want to work “at Walmart or McDonald's” because she idolizes the company she works for. Maybe you're right though, I do wonder if there are other reasons.
these kinds of posts are always messy with cis people not understanding a lot of complicated minutia in being trans. theres a reason why trans people are often scared to come out while dating cis people, because for us its often risky and dangerous. people can react excessively with verbal abuse like you, or worse they can even be violent and that often sadly ends with trans people being assaulted or killed. this is an unfortunately high statistic for us. please do try to absorb that and the high rates of discrimination we face that make normal things like daily life and dating difficult
that said, her method of telling you isnt okay either. she shouldnt just take someone and force them to touch her genitals, that wouldnt be okay regardless if she was cis or trans. thats not a good or safe way to come out to anyone and she really should have spoken to you about it. she wasnt being coy or playful, just reckless
you dont HAVE to get back with this person, personally i would say you shouldnt because its clear this isnt good for either of you. thats not wrong in itself. but i do think its worth thinking about how badly you reacted to this too, your thoughts of how you were “really” dating a “man” (you werent. you were dating a woman who is trans) and your thoughts to immediately misgender her and this visceral disgust you feel for trans people. its worth examining that prejudice moving forward and being a kinder person, or at least more accepting in the future
“I have never had a girlfriend before her, so I really didn’t spend much time planning a future or a timeline.”
One has nothing to do with the other. Planning your future does not require a girlfriend. You say you have a well paying job but your parents pay all your bills but one. Your mommy handles the details of your insurance and finding a doctor. You're 26 years old and you're not independent. This is not attractive to a partner. You're a failure to launch and your girlfriend is right. You need to get out of your parents house and into your own apartment and learn how to adult.
Lol. Okay.
Now I judge you too.
You can't even pack your shit on your own
How more pathetic can it even get?
Wake the hell up. He threatened to kill your cat and attempting to coerce you to bed even though you agreed to that boundary. All the flags were there from the start, you just refuse to do anything about them. Now do something about it. Leave.
He can even just tell her that in wedding planning communities a FMIL wearing white is seen as choosing to tell the family she doesn't like the bride. Is that really the message she wants to send his new family from day 1?
I think she may not be seeing it..
Um.. did you hit her and ever scream at her as a child? Just wondering
Can you get help for your grandson? Where is the father? Kid needs help…
Sounds like your girlfriend needs to start talking to a counselor or therapist.
Once she starts to get help, maybe you can start moving forward. Until she does, it is going to be naked to get over something that could happen again at any time.
I wouldn’t call that gaslighting but if that’s what you want to call it why would you want to marry somebody that gaslights you
Why are you apologizing when its his day to do groceries? And he doesn't even pay rent?! Stop being a doormat.
Looks like OP is excellent at counting other peoples money.
Gotta let this one go , sis
SMH…Why was I never lucky enough to find a woman like you? Maybe being an A-hole brings reverse karma as some kind of cosmic joke.
In all seriousness; this man has proven time and again that he can’t be trusted and doesn’t love and respect you. Listen to what he’s not saying. Leave.
Of course he has to pay rent! Please do not give him a free ride. Sit down together and work it out.
Well, we all deserve partners who respect our boundaries. And there's no relationship without trust. I think you know this isn't how you want to be treated or how you want to live! long term. What is keeping you from completely walking away?
Thank you for your comment, definitely thinking about it.
This is the reality, thank you for the advice, I don't know if I should tell him that I posted this, to let him see the comments and he is so positive that the comments will tell me that I will enjoy it later on.
Yes, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face
I second this advice.
This isn't possible. Your phone call did not cause her to get committed to a psych ward. No one can do that on behalf of another adult. Either she did something crazy, or something is missing from this story.
Hey genius she gave me the phone herself and wanted me to see. I’ve given her my phone as well plenty of times. You must be real fun at parties lolol
Forgiveness, trust and staying with someone are all distinct things. Don't assume one means all. It's possible to forgive but separate, possible to stay and not trust, and so on, in whatever combination these things exist. Forgiving him doesn't necessarily mean you can deal with it. If you can't, you can't. People can try to put it behind them, move forward with the best intentions, but sometimes that simply isn't possible. Unfortunate, but life rolls that way. If anxiety lingers well past the point, maybe it's there to stay. But it can take a while to diminish, if it does. Only you can make the call on whether you think it might fade in time.
Decline politely and tell your gf. But you also know they’re not innocent.
Girl he went on a romantic trip with another couple. You know this. Anything he tells you will be a lie. He’s taking time to speak to the people he went away with to make sure they all tell you the same lie.
My advice is the same as it always is. Get STD tested, find an attorney and visit the Chump Lady website.