Last night I (33F) saw a side of my husband (32M) and in laws that has left me questioning my marriage.

Trigger warning: this post could be hard to read if you’re LGBT.

I’ve been married to my husband for almost eight years. We have two kids together, a six month old son and a five year old daughter. I’ve always been close with his family, and they treated me very well from the start. I’ve been exceptionally close with his little sister (21F). I always wanted a sister growing up, and I feel like I achieved that when I met my SIL. She has always been there when we needed her, and she’s an amazing aunt to our kids.

My SIL was never in a serious relationship in high school or college. Our family joked that she was going end up being a crazy cat lady. When my SIL told everyone that she had been seeing someone for about six months and she wanted all of us to meet them we were all very excited for her. My MIL and FIL made a very nice dinner for her and her s/o and invited my husband and I over to meet them. When my SIL arrived with another woman the room went quiet. She introduced this woman as her girlfriend, and I gave them both a hug and told her girlfriend how happy I was to meet her. I was confused to why no one else was getting up to greet them until my MIL opened her mouth.

My MIL asked my SIL what this means. My SIL responded and told them that she’s a lesbian. She explained that she was scared to come out because she didn’t know how they would react, but she’s in a very happy relationship and she didn’t want to hide it anymore. I told her that I was proud of her, and that I was happy that she’s happy. My MIL responded to me before my SIL got a chance. She asked me what there was to be proud of. She then started going on a homophobic religious rant, and my FIL agreed with her. I looked to my husband expecting him to say something, but he sat there in silence. My MIL and FIL started shouting at my SIL tearing her apart in front of her girlfriend. My SIL starting having an anxiety attack, and she kept repeating that she couldn’t handle this. Still her parents didn’t stop. Her girlfriend immediately reacted by taking her outside.

I told my husband to get the kids in the car. He put up a fight, but eventually did what I asked. While he was putting the kids in the car I took this as an opportunity to talk to my SIL and her girlfriend away from the other family. We had a heartfelt conversation, and I wanted to make sure they knew that they could talk to me if they needed someone.

On the drive home I asked my husband why he didn’t say anything to his parents when they were acting this way to his sister. His response? His response was that his sister shouldn’t have showed up with a girl without telling his parents first. He says that no one knew she was gay, and this was an appropriate reaction to have when you feel blindsided. I felt sick.

I have a gay brother. My husband and his family have met my brother on many occasions. None of them have ever made a comment about his sexuality, nor have they ever made a homophobic comment around me. I bring this up to my husband, and he says that it’s different when it’s your own blood. I asked him if he would be okay with one of our kids being gay and he just shrugged his shoulders. I tried talking to him more, but he told me that he was done talking about this with me.

We haven’t spoken much since this happened. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. I cant stop thinking about everything, and I need some advice. I would ask my brother, but I don’t want him to feel unsafe around my husband’s family. I feel completely lost, and in my husband’s words..blindsided.