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  1. Have a talk with them both before any contact with the child. Tell them that negative remarks about race would psychologically harm the child. Insist on being a chaperone during any contacts, and at the first misstep, cut off their privileges. Let them know that this will happen.

  2. OP I’m so sorry! I had a similar thing happen to me unfortunately. My best friend and I had regular sleepover and one night he had family in town so I couldn’t sleep in the guest room. I slept in his room instead. I woke up to his hand down my pants and he was poking at my butt just like you described. Like very lightly trying to stick a finger in it. He also poked around my vagina a bit. It was horrible but I did exactly what you did, I froze. I had no idea what to do so I just laid there and waiting for it to be over and went back to sleep. I convinced myself it was a dream. A couple months later I ended up in the same situation because I had to stay there because I didn’t have anywhere else to go and he had family in the guest room. (Major TW upcoming) I woke up to my face pushed into a pillow and him on top of/inside of me. Again, I froze. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk. I just kept pretending to be asleep. Eventually he went to bed and I snuck out. I drove all the way back to college (about 2 hours) in the middle of the night.

    Idk what the point of that was, I think this post was just really triggering and I needed to get it out there. But I also want you to know that freezing is normal!! Its a trauma response (fight, flight, freeze) and it is so so common. I felt a lot of guilt and shame for not saying anything and basically told myself it was my fault and that if I really wanted him to stop I would have pushed him off of me. But my therapist has helped me so much and I realize that I couldn’t. Yes that’s what I wanted to do, but my body just couldn’t. That doesn’t mean I liked it or wanted it, it just means I was traumatized. Please please take care of yourself. Give yourself time to feel hurt and sad and angry and anything else. Get a therapist if you can. What you experienced is sexual assault and a major violation and you shouldn’t have to deal with it on your own. You can press charges if you want. I didn’t and I’m ok with that, but what he did was illegal and you have the right to confront him.

    Sending you big hugs and healing vibes OP. You’re going to be ok ❤️


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