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Has she said she's poly and wants to date other people while dating you, or simply that she's poly?
If the former, then definitely split, as it won't be a healthy relationship for you.
If the latter, then you need to have a conversation with her about what that means for your relationship. Some people who are naturally poly can happily be in a mono relationship without dating other people, much the same as a bisexual person can happily be in a mono relationship with a person of one gender without needing to date / sleep with someone of the other gender. This needs to be a key point of the discussion – what does she want your relationship dynamic to look like going forward, and does that match what you want?
That’s the thing, right now I do think he’s stopped he told me he’s uninstalled tiktok and that he knows he won’t do it again. I’m worried that when a few months go by he and it’s not so much in the limelight he’ll just go right back to doing it. I just don’t understand what made him look at girls he sees/knows in real life when he could easily go watch porn. I asked him what he was looking at and he just said “them.”
The first time he left, we did decide we loved our time together and it was enough and perfect the way it was. I guess keeping in touch after that was a mistake but I was too weak mentally at that point of my life to cut something off that gave me joy. Ugh, still feel like im not strong enough tbh
I can't relate. I love to give and receive.
She belongs to the streets
Lmao so true
Are you joking? He was with his sister – zero sexual issues or impact on your relationship. They were finding joint comfort in each other during a very emotional time. You don’t need to be tied to your partner 24/7. Let them have space.
Is your boyfriend Graham Stephen by any chance?
Having the same financial goals is an important part of any relationship. He’s free to online on coupons and noodles but if that’s not for you I don’t think this relationship will last. As you said you can’t change him so it’s time to have a serious talk.
Leave her
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Absolutely!! We as men are conqueres. Women are nurterers. Were just wire different and kts that simple. Its the whole penetration thing thats the difference.
Why are you choosing to date someone who does not like you and is mean to you?
He does it because you let him. He doesn't want you, he just likes the attention you give him, knowing if he ever wants to come back, you'll be there waiting
It does seem like a lot of things are inconsistent but at the same time I’m worried that I am overthinking things, I want him to tell me more about his ideas and plans. It’s sad to think of us not being together, and I’m paranoid that it’s just the distance that is making this harder. When we’re in person I feel so at home and happy, but apart for more than a few months I get anxious.
Get the the surgery if that’s absolutely what you want for yourself, but don’t do it for anyone else. Regardless if you get the surgery or not, break up with your boyfriend, work on yourself and when you are ready, look for someone who will respect you and love you for who you are. Don’t settle. Everything you’ve said about him proves he is not long term relationship material.
I use a google voice number so that could work?
I use a google voice number so that could work?
definitely learned my lesson on this one.
I’m glad you’re receptive to what’s being said, a lot of people in your situation wouldn’t be. Good luck with all this.
He needs to get all the evidence and go to the police. I'd also unblock their numbers on their phones and try to record any recent threats or Harrassment at his work.
Threats
Blackmail
Harrassment
I'd even look into sexual coercion or assault if they purposely plied him with alcohol in order to take advantage and video taped without his knowledge.
I would also think about changing jobs and moving. Also, changing phone numbers after you go to the police and get things settled.
Your husband needs to find a therapist because this sounds like such a traumatic situation.
You’ll be naked pressed to find a girl by age 30 that hasn’t been in a relationship where she was submissive and foolish.
We all have at least one.
Yeah this is my husband too.
I threw a party recently and two different men of our acquaintance made huge bids for friendship to him. One said ‘let’s exchange numbers so we can keep talking about music and create our ideal play list together’ the other said ‘wow we both like [sport] and BBQ, we should get together and watch a game and grill.’
That was in October. None of these three men, including my husband, have followed up. I have legit talked to both of the other wives about this and we collectively decided we were too old to facilitate play dates between grown adults. So none of them will ever make the next move.
Im only 20 and I absolutely could not handle that level of dependency in my partner. If my partner was dependent, didn't look after themselves, couldnt perform basic adult things like grocery shopping and cleaning and couldn't make decisions completely as a single self autonomous person, I wouldn't be dating them. Sure they can be a great person but there is a lot to learn after moving out and he hasn't even reached that level, he is still like a 14yo in all those regards you listed, and I say that with complete sincerity.
Its up to you, you know him and your relationship best, but Ive known a couple people like this and, even at my age, I couldn't stand being around them because of the level of dependency, lack of responsibility and the restriction their parents placed on them.
You should show your husband this post. To show him this doesn't work and he is fucking disgusting. Tell Shit's Mcgee this is a deal breaker. This is just so gross. If I were friends with you and knew about this habit. I would not step foot into your house ever. No thanks.
I like how clearly you thought all of this through, especially your perspective that even though things didn't work out with this particular person, you now know that you can feel this way about someone again. That is very healthy. You are seeing life from a position of strength and abundance, which I think is necessary for finding true love. Good luck!
Nah she cheating
Nah she cheating
I think it's fair to mention that my university isn't in the us and it's not really the best. Last year, one male student harrassed quite a lot of the people he was working with and, despite talking to the academics staff, nothing happened until a girl spoke out and went to the police. The university was quick to deny that they ever knew nothing of this story. So in my case they might do little to nothing.
She said she’s a single mom already so I guess she doesn’t mind being a single mom to 2 kids with different fathers ??♀️
He never helped his mom out with chores when we visited. But his siblings don't help, either, I was usually the only one helping the mom prepare dinner.
Wow.
Were his siblings all brothers, by any chance? This hints at some really deep seated misogyny here.
Good for you two! Congratulations on finding your freedom!
Stop everything. Get your important papers. Leave a note to call when he is ready to talk and leave. Do not tell him where you go (stay with a friend if you can). Make an appointment with a marriage counselor and a divorce lawyer. When he calls, make him do the explaining. If his issue is something you can handle, require counseling to improve communication in your marriage. If his issue is a deal breaker, you will be prepared.
You're excluding mentally ill people who are stable and undergoing treatment, right?
Are your parents paying for this? Have finances changed?
You really should do med school in the country where you want to practice because you need to qualify and license there. Nursing is not a prerequisite to med school in the US nor in EU countries that I’m aware of. (I tutor nursing and premed students in the US and Europe.) And a nursing or medical degree from country X may not be accepted in country Y.
I know. It just makes me sad. But I guess this is the final push to completely move on.
If you feel something is off, always trust your guts.
For not actually being in love or knowing what love really is, you sure use that word alot
This is an example of a bad therapist. There is something wrong with the boyfriend, therapy is supposed to open your eyes to a different perspective and offering tools to help you change or make yourself better, it is not for you to take every word as literal truth. Also if after two years, he is sharing things with the therapist that he could not trust to share with you, something is really wrong here. He needs a new one. Also if you want to stay together, you do need couples counseling, you need to be heard in your relationship. If he won’t go with you, then you have your answer.
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How long is she supposed to stay because he MIGHT possibly MAYBE someday 1% chance get better? He won’t, she should leave. The children are worse off watching their mother be neglected by the man of the house. She should want better for her daughter, and by extension, herself. Her daughter will only learn what is acceptable by being taught what is acceptable. Her step father is a terrible role model and they are better off without him.