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Am so so sorry that this happened to you,I hope u the best and in no way should u blam ur self or show him any mercy.
Stay strong
Break up and find a compatible partner.
I could understand if it was a ‘big’ birthday but she is being a bit unreasonable. Explain the office politics etc and tell her you have to show face for a while. Tell her you’ll make it up to her, and that you have loads of birthdays to spend together. That might sweeten her up. Hope it goes well and don’t be nude on yourself. It’s a tricky situation.
Yes, tell her. She deserves to know. He deserves to get busted. You deserve the satisfaction. Do it
god yes tell her please, that sack of cheating shit doesn’t deserve that other girl, you both deserve better. please for the love of GOD TELL THE WOMAN
at the same time, just tell her, and don’t interact. provide proof, and there is a likelihood, as the top conmen says, that she will just block you. then that’s her problem – you did what you could. but please do it. she deserves to know, she has every right to know.
Yes, but most guys don't go to bars/clubs to feel connected; there are better places for that.
There might be “odd balls” here and there.
What seemed platonic for you might even be them trying to “connect” with you romantically (not in a horny way), because they are starved of connection.
Which again is better than horny guys hitting on girls, but still, I don't think married men or women should even engage in deep “platonic” conversations with strangers, because there could be a romantic interest.
And then it's really unfair to blame anyone for that situation. But better to be safe than sorry.
Everyone's probably right but i wonder if there's another girl somehow in the new bf's life and shes suggested they contact any 'loose end' people to let them know they're off the market. Maybe shes come up with you to look like shes got 'loose end' people too so it's 'fair.'
I was also thinking of nude liquor. You truly would be vomiting if you took 5 shots in a night? Lol You’ve never had 5 beers when you’ve gone out? OP didn’t say they had 5 shots in the span of 5 minutes, I would assume it was over a period of time if they were out and having a good time. That’s really not extreme for people to do before going to a rave.
You will find the right person ❤️ Just be yourself and only focus on you/your schooling/career. There’s still so much time to find your person and even if it’s not on the same “path” as your friends who knows maybe when you find your person they’ll all be miserable and divorced while you outbeat them haha
But regardless tho, they do say love always happens when you least expect it and that’s exactly what happened to me.
Ive never rlly been intrezted in dating, sure there were guys I’ve talked to but it never rlly progressed into anything. Out of my school friends, I was the last to date but out of my true best friends and them combined I’m the first to remain in a healthy relationship. Not that it’s a competition or anything but it shows that hey, not everyone may be on the same path as everyone and your just at diff points in life.
And plus, dont feel bad about your age and never being in a relationship and all. Before I met my bf Ive never had a bf, never held hands or even kissed a boy until I was 22. I always said I would wait until marriage to have sex, because it was SO EASY to say no but when it comes to him ooo its like who is that baddie ???
And who knows, maybe you’re special someone is right under my nose all along like mine was. we always missed each other whether it be thru sports or even friend get togethers as we each have mutual friends and got introduced at a party thru them.
You will find your other half, someday and they will respect and honour you like the princess that you are❤️ trust me, not all guys are jerks in fact it’s funny because I always say the “good girls” ALWAYS win ?
Ja genau, ich fliege übermorgen nach Hause. Das mit dem Nachforschen kann wirklich wahr sein. Ich glaube ich fliege zurück und rufe ihn dann an und frage ihn am Telefon. Er wird dann zwar vermutlich kommen aber vielleicht kann ich ihm sagen, dass ich Abstand brauche. Ihm ist jetzt aber schon aufgefallen, dass ich mich komisch benehme
Agreed. I think that if this toxic dynamic continues when the niece is older that it would be appropriate to send birthday cards. Whether or not her sister decides to give the card to her niece is another story but at least that way she is making an effort that can’t be taken credit for.
He raped you obviously
I don't see any red flags. Going by the 'half plus 7' rule, you're right on the edge of what is generally considered socially acceptable in terms of age gap.
At some point, he will likely succumb to age and you may have some time left. Personally, I think it's better to enjoy the relationship you have available to you now. I could go on about this but you won't read it haha.
I think you should go with your heart and not let fear of the future hold you back.
You’re messy y’all need to break up he deserves to be in a monogamous relationship where he’s not competing with others break up
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He doesn’t know why? Seriously? He’s just emasculated, feeling like in the competition in his mind between him and your ex, he lost. He’s “not as good in bed”. It’s that simple.
If he had never had an erection when with you, for example, but used to get one and enjoy sex with his ex, wouldn’t you feel like he’s just not as attracted to you? Like you were… “less sexy”, at least in his eyes?
Some men have a nude time understanding female sexuality, because we tend to have a lot more aspects at play than just pressing the right buttons, or the simple physical aspects of it. He needs to understand that a woman’s orgasm is also deeply related to her feelings towards her own body, trust, etc. And since we don’t have such an obvious “joystick” that screams “grab here” when we are excited, it sometimes requires a steeper learning curve for your specific partner.
He just needs to accept his feeling as jealousy and then come to terms with the fact that it reflects his own insecurity and is not based on anything factual. Your ex wasn’t better, he knew you better eventually. He’ll get there.
Sorry mate, it's real. I just had two situations I wanted different responses on. It's been a long new years weekend.
It’ll be hilarious if he finds out the kid he thought was his isn’t and the one he thought wasn’t is!!! Ha!!
You take a deep breath. Then another. And probably a few more after that.
Speaking as a woman whose partner has two kids with a PITA ex, it may not be as bad as you think. Let your fiance handle the ex, and just try your best with the kid. Have frank discussions with your fiance about expectations and roles (both yours and his) and what you both want going forward. And keep any interactions with the ex cordial, even if she turns out to be a witch with a capital B. If you can befriend her, even better for all involved. Your kids are gonna have an older sibling and there's nothing that will change that, even if you end your engagement/relationship. Might as well make the best of it and see if you can't go with the “it takes a village” mentally.
At the end of the day, your fiance is still the faithful and loving person you've known for 4 years. The family just got a little bigger.
You see where he’s coming from? If you see where this abusive man is coming from, it’s probably because he’s brainwashed you with his abusive, patriarchal, nationalist bullshit. He’s not a good person, and your sister is absolutely right to have completely cut him off.
You don’t have to be stuck in the middle. Make it clear to him that this is none of your business and you won’t be getting involved. You don’t have to argue or explain or justify why. Just “no.” And spend some time figuring out why you can justify his behavior. Because you will be better off once you can see him for the awful person he is. You really don’t want to repeat any of his patterns.
Yes, it’s clear; the issue isn’t my libido, the issue is that I was handling it until recently.
You are a very insightful person for seeing and learning all the intricacies of your families dynamics. Most are not capable of seeing the positive and negative aspects of an individual or simply choose to only see the negative. I think those of your families members being vile to your grandmother fall on the side of those of us that only see the negative. I think your only option is to let them know you believe they will regret not having forgiven your grandmother and actually actively trying to hurt her. You won’t change the opinion of the slights they see (in the time she has left). You can love her and help her physically and emotionally as she lives out her last days.
I am sorry you are stuck in the middle. I am sorry your grand is sick. I appreciate you for caring and thank you for loving them all.
I would have called this fake but i actually went on a couple dates with someone exactly like this
It was weird
I have already answered, she could have used a condom found full of you know what. If I am wrong, the perpetrator must be admitted in a mental health facility…!
I agree with you, I think this just goes back to my original comment. If affection in any form is overwhelming for you, it genuinely might be associated mostly with your self esteem.
If that isn't the case and therapy doesn't help, you are likely incompatible.
Either way, telling him to stop loving you will eventually result in just that.
Break up with him and give him a good sized amount of time to leave. If he refuses make nice with the police and have them escort him out.
Lawyer to determine if he has broken the law by recording you without permission. If yes, then police next. Then get ahead of his story by telling your friends exactly what’s happened. Blackmailers rely on their targets being too ashamed to do anything. By showing you won’t be intimidated you rob him of his power.
And if it turns out you can record people in your area without consent, then you’ve got the last recording you made that you can use to show people what an A-hole he is.
He was like this before you started living together and hasn't done anything after you've made your discomfort known.
No. He won't change.
This might not be a popular perspective, but:
She was seeing someone else and realized you were the right one for her. She had options, and she chose you. That’s something you should feel good about and try to factor in to the way you’re thinking about this.
When I met my husband (in 2010) I had been in a BAD relationship for over 3 years. I didn’t cheat, but being friends with him made me see that there was more to life than being miserable with someone. I broke up with the ex and my husband and I started an “unofficial” relationship. Beginning with just getting to know each-other better. I didn’t want labels or expectations from other people so it took us a long time to actually go public as boyfriend/girlfriend. We had fun, and as I hadn’t even intended on seriously dating anyone I didn’t have interest in anyone else. I wanted to see where it went, and was satisfied with that.
When I first met him he was used to casually flirting and casual dating. We didn’t have the exclusivity talk til probably two months into dating. When we did, he told me he had actually slowly been distancing himself from everyone he had been seeing since we met and wanted to be exclusive. He had chosen the bond we were building over the other options in his life. At times early in our relationship that did make me feel insecure, but he has continued to choose me since the day we met. For the first 6 months he had a few of his former flings check on him to see if there was interest. He never encouraged them and told them about our relationship. We were happy together.
I could have made an issue of it, but I’m glad I didn’t. Because having someone who chooses you and is in your corner is a wonderful thing. And we’ve been a stronger couple for choosing eachother. I don’t blame him for having known other people when we met, because it was him that decided before we even talked about it that he wasn’t as interested in them as he was me. It seems like that’s what happened here with her to me, and that she cares deeply about her relationship with you to have shared that.
You would hate to know.
this seems like a really controlling relationship though. i think you are just falling into a traditional dynamic that is really nude to break out of. sit him down and just talk to him, that’s really all you can do.
Yeah that shows he's never going to get his life together. Will be best to leave him, and move on with your own life. Better opportunities will come to you.
Didn't the guy who did research on psychopathy and the brain, found out he was a psychopath? I'm pretty sure he was a normal dude that once he found out explained some of his behaviour and helped him become a better person. I dont remember his name but there was a ted talk I'm pretty sure.
Wow that is not normal.
Are there any other abnormal behaviours she displays?
It doesn’t matter if it’s her dad or stepdad or mom. Sleeping nude with someone else besides your SO is wrong on so many levels. I can’t comprehend how she thinks this is normal behavior. That whole family dynamic is something I would personally run from. Can you imagine having kids with this woman? Her moral compass is missing a few directions
This would be an absolute not. My husband would not return to a wife if he went on a vacation with another woman. Full stop. Add to that you’re pregnant and he is putting off doing the nursery and making renovations so he can go galavant with with another woman. This should be a deal breaker for you.
Ok old lady.
Stop giving advice because you are never right.
I asked for advice tho? Not a single person here has yet to give me any so cam you help with that or no
“It’s not victim blaming” – proceeds to victim blame.
You’re a gross person. Be better.
Do what you feel is right. He knew you weren't taking precautions.
Use condoms. Every time.
Hope it goes well!
Wow, so it's that easy to penetrate the relationship barrier? Just like her music and get the digits?
Couples counseling, if he is unwilling to go divorce. This isn't going to get better without professional help. Honestly that might not help either but you might as well try
I used to go out with a guy. Every time I had to double check where he was for him to tell me he’ll be late.
The third time it happened, I asked him not to bother to leave home because it’s over. Respect yourself.
Sounds like you got good advice here but just wanted to add a side note- if you end up getting your own phone plan don't feel bad about ruining their 'crazy-good deal'. My two cents is this is likely a BS excuse to keep doing what they are doing- if I wrong and it really is that good of a deal- they can just keep the line open & idle when you switch.
Stay strong ??
Good point. I wonder if the sister also knew. Didn't OP say that she met his sister and brother before him?
Some people are just like this.
Had an ex get annoyed at me for watching a show without her.
She found out because I saw her watching that show without and asked if she liked it.
The cognitive dissonance didn't even occur to her.
She also went through my accounts on reddit when I asked her not to multiple times.
Move on, find a better partner
Thank you for the recommendation, I just ordered it off Amazon.
Well that may have been an exaggeration. We have separate jobs/ friends etc. but haven’t traveled separately. We live! togetehr
Hell no they chose to have a baby! Don’t reward that by accommodating your special day.
What advice are you looking for here exactly?
How to save your relationship? You can’t. It’s dead. It’s done. It’s over. Katie has made her choice, and I’m sorry to say, it’s not you. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. If she believed you were her soulmate too, then she would be with you.
Stop torturing yourself. End it, permanently. Block her. Cut all contact. Change your number, get a new email address. Get yourself into therapy to deal with this. Learn from your mistakes here & don’t give your partner a hall pass.