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Sounds like she's jealous of the attention you're getting bc of your pregnancy. I think you should ignore her the best you can. Your husband should be the one to address her shitty behavior. His sister, his responsibility.
Thank you. I didn’t want to imply that I’m demanding her for sex. We had some bf/gf time, send nudes and all that. That’s why I was asking if was okay in ask her again
Guys, guys. Stop yelling that she cheated. Chlamydia can lie dormant for even well over 3 years. We simply don't have all the facts to know for sure.
And just because she has Chlamydia and he doesn't, doesn't amount to crap. Not testing for 3 years is stupid, but not everyone wants to test every 6 months or every year.
I had a girl angrily call me and accuse me of giving her Chlamydia when I never did. We were FWBs and she had other partners. One of her other partners gave her Chlamydia, but tried to blame me. He didn't know that I'd gotten tested a couple of months earlier and I was declared clean.
Just because y'all think she cheated doesn't mean she didn't.
OP, go to a doctor, ask if there's anyway to determine if it was dormant for years before she got it. And remember, it's an infection. Like all infections, not everyone who catches it will contract it.
Does this all really come from her having a low self esteem?
Solid “Rime of the Ancient Mariner” reference
You don’t need to tell them your whole history to get an appointment. Get an appointment have them check you out idk what the problem is really ?♀️.
Thank you. Yes I did extensive research like you did. I’m aware of this exact situation, I have spent so much time on this and drained myself. The point is, how to convey this to her. How do I let her know that this is the issue? She still thinks I’m not nice to her & rude. I’m living in this, I have never yelled at her or used curse words even when she caused me discomfort. I did yell and used curse words few times and was mad when she went all guns blazing at as a defense. Rest of the time, I just took it and agreed as my mistake and promised her that I will change, just to calm the situation down. She threatens to leave! Not even once, I have threatened to leave the relationship. How do I convince her to diagnose this? Is there any way? I tried once, she thinks I’m using her own issues against her and she said she won’t discuss childhood issues with me and says she can’t be vulnerable anymore.
Absolutely. You know not to marry a cheater right?
Sounds like it.
Translation: Sometimes, the trash takes itself out
This is abuse.
Your feelings don't matter. Stop sharing that. She knows. Give her time. Be there for her and the kids. Ask for nothing in return. Can you do this? Honestly I can't. It's what you need to do though. Many won't be able to.
Biggest thing, go back to why you two fought in the first place. Resolve that. For me, I need to work out. Lose weight. Eat healthy. Stop playing video games. Stop buying things if a good deal. Be there for the family.
Regardless of what your problems are avoid lying alcohol and drugs
While you may not resent the kid and you may really love them, thats not the main issue here. You know what you want. If it wasn’t for your wife pressuring you, you wouldn’t even be considering having another child.
Your wife’s happiness matters, but YOUR happiness matters just as much as hers does. You are right, you can’t compromise having children. You either want them 100%, or you don’t. I can absolutely promise you that if you give in without being 100% enthusiastically on board, that its not the right decision.
You are in your 40’s now. You have spent most of your life working nude and struggling to make ends meet and make things better for your family. You finally managed to do that, and thats amazing! You deserve a break. You deserve those vacations you talked about in your post. You deserve rest and adult time.
If you have another baby now and they don’t move out until they are 20 for example, that means you don’t get that full adulting time or vacationing time you truly want until you are in your 60’s, which will make things a touch more difficult.
I want to tell you that you are NOT selfish for not wanting another child. There are people out there who don’t want any children at all, and that doesn’t make them selfish or mean they dislike kids. Everyone is different and everyone should have a say in how they want to live their life and I don’t believe that is selfish. You only get to live! this life once, so online it however you wish to!
Talk to your wife again and tell her that you are adamant on not having another baby. Tell her your reasoning again and let her know that her pushing you away and treating you this way is not going to help the situation at hand and is harming your relationship. Tell her that you can see where shes coming from and that her happiness is important to you, but that you really don’t wish to have another baby.
I have to agree with other commenters here that the way your wife is treating you is unhealthy. Never let someone pressure you into something you don’t want to do. You deserve the experiences you want to have. If she continues to treat you this way even after you talk to her again, then my best advice is to re-evaluate this relationship. I know you love your wife and care about her happiness and that is wonderful, but its not a reason to have her treat you this way. Best of luck, OP!
Nope she’s an adult child.
She says she doesn't feel supported.
When I ask her why, she says “You know why.”
When I tell her I'm trying to support, she says “You should seek help, you're blind to what's going on.”
Today she literally said to me, “I think you have aspberger's [I don't], you need therapy.”
The truth is I don't know, but I think it's when little things get procrastinated on. Like if a sink breaks it takes me awhile to fix it I'm almost always overwhelmed with daily responsibilities.
I think it's just not being proactive enough with fixing stuff, cleaning, etc.
I was pondering getting my daughter the 23 and me or the Ancestry DNA kit for Christmas. I absolutely know who her parents are (I was there). I thought she might find it interesting since she has a lot of ancestors from different parts of Europe, and rumors of some other ancestors from elsewhere.
These tests aren't on the market to be used as paternity tests. I don't know if I would be as suspicious as you are.
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Ugh. Your gf is cheating on you. It may not be physical but it's def sexting – which is still inappropriate and still cheating.
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You need to either accept him for who he is or move on.
I'd beg to differ.
I understand that someone may be scared to admit that they are Trans to a potential partner but I could not excuse them hiding it from me for nearly that long, especially if they are pre-surgery.
Why are you determined to be with whats close to a child?
Absolutely agree. This situation sucks. I might even offer the place to the other two. This really wasn't ok. I have two kids that I adore, but I would NEVER want to on-line with someone's baby, unless it were my grandchild.
LMAO so a born as male person claiming to be trans that still wears men's clothing, but since they identify as a trans woman, it makes them a lesbian….gotcha haha!
Whew….those former friends aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer.
With the extra information you are giving in the comments it honestly sounds like it would be best if you get a job and slowly start planning your safe escape for yourself and the kids. It sounds like you’re in a very, very nude situation, and doing the best you can.
I know where you're coming from, and I would tend to agree if all of that could be verified. The problem is that it'll never be verified. We could never know there was no emotional element to it (what led up to it?). Are we supposed to now trust their answers? And we can't even know with certainty that a short kiss was all it was. As it's been said in here many times and is true more often than not: adults don't kiss. They fuck.
Alcohol is never an excuse (unless she was unconscious. But now we're talking about a crime, and she'd be a victim). Alcohol only lowers inhibitions a bit. It doesn't make you a different person. It reveals who you really are without the masking. She wanted to kiss that man regardless of who initiated it. And if she can slip once, she can easily slip again. Trust would be very nude to regain.
I have no idea how I'd react in a similar situation. I hope I never have to find out. I would like to believe I could forgive depending on circumstances. But i don't know if that's true. Either way, I'm not him. And i can see his reasoning. Without trust, what do we have?
Maybe I've just been here observing the drama for too long, but I'm fairly sure this place gets a post like this at least every couple of weeks, and I probably end up getting to read like 5% of what's posted here lol
I think the argument you were having a the important missing part here. Was he complaining about your cooking? If so then yes, stop cooking for him and cook for yourself. If it was unrelated and you just want to be mean well… that’s something a horrible partner does. He isn’t your child to punish when you think he is acting up. Why the hell are you even married to him at that point?
Drunk or not, alcohol is not an excuse to not be who you are. I.e. a faithful man or wan is faithful regardless of if they are drunk or not. People with weak moral use consumption of alcohol as an excuse or scapegoat. If I were in your spot, I would let him knows that you expect to the same out of him whether he is drunk or not. I.e. if you expect him not to cheat when sober, he shouldnt do it drunk.
Glad you’re in therapy and yes do bring it up. Therapy can feel slow at times, but it can and often does help. Hang in there.
Well, the truth is, she doesn’t respect you she doesn’t think you make enough money and she’s resenting you for it. I would dump this chick so fast her head would spin. Don’t let this woman disrespect you anymore.
*whether
He's never hit me or showed signs of wanting to do so, honestly if he tried to I think we'd both do some damage to each other because i've never been one to let a man hit me and get away with it, still, it was an ick to say the least.
But when I saw him do that, I kind of figured he could do that to the remaining of my stuff once i'm gone. I also have 2 small dogs and I want to get them out of the house before everything goes down. Idk if he would do it though, it's just to be safe.
Yes that definetely does make sense. I will have a conversation about this with her right away.
Ah,
So this is not just a problem of too much gaming and not spending enough time with you. He is also slacking on chores.
THAT sounds like you have a real problem on your hands. Sorry if I had my doubts earlier. Now we can get down to it……
You need to set boundaries. Make consequences for him not holding up his end of the deal. He needs to step up and do his share of the adulting. He needs to spend time with you. He needs to do these things before he gets more gaming time.
You need to have a discussion with him. Instead of complaining about all these things he is doing wrong, when you talk you need to describe what these actions are doing to you. How they make you feel.
Again, if you complain, or attack, it is just going to go in one ear and out the other. However, you have the right to feel how you feel, so you need to take that approach. Tell him how you feel because of his actions.
Good luck.
Have you ever told him how you felt about the whole situation? Maybe he thinks it a minuscule problem for you. Your perspective can help him understand the problem a little more.
Exactly. So he does bear some of the blame. Not for OPs outburst, but for being a shitty bf regarding the roommates.
I'm sorry to say but I would not be surprised at all if this kind of controlling, intimidating, disrespectful, demeaning behavior escalates. Be safe, OP.
She’s an elitist snob. Go next.
Probably means not hanging around with people that take up second homes in dive bars and do coke and E in dingy bathrooms.
No, but I'm planning to. I only learned about it this morning and when he brought it up I was just kinda shocked and didn't know what to do.
This is also my first relationship and I wasn't sure if I was just being insecure, hence the post.
Maybe buy a pizza and put it on the counter with a postie saying “free to all?” Might smooth things over a bit. But seriously, your co-worker was an idiot for leaving their lunch in a place commonly designated for free food.
I didn’t realize that it had only been a week
I haven't done anything to this man to deserve that kind of talk. I have only tried to be there for him. My heart has always been in the right place with him. What am I doing wrong? What should I do?
He sounds like he wants to break up with you. I suggest that you take the initiative and break up with him.
Look at this, it really sounds like he doesn't want to be with you.
He completely shut down and stone-walled me.
Thing is, when he is with me, he is low and doesn't want to talk about anything. When he is with his friends out there, he is a totally different person, happy and jolly
He does not check in with me anymore through text or call, he comes home late nowadays and doesn't even tell me where he is, just completely isolated himself
It is also note worthy that he has become extra friendly with his female friends.
All of this sounds like he wants to move on, and this also confirms it
He said that he resents being in this relationship with me. I began crying and I told him that I did not want to lose him, he told me that I lost him a long time ago.
There nothing to save here. Accept that it's over and break up with him properly and move on.
There is definitely more to this story.
So she doesn’t get a week to process her own feelings? As long as she hasn’t been lying to him for months or years, she did nothing wrong.
And it's not “sad.” You get the good stuff however you do. It's not derivative – you might have met these fabulous people through your spouse, but they are YOUR people.
I don’t think I could b w someone who didn’t find me attractive. With that being said, as my bf has gained weight, I’m not as attracted to him as I used to be but would never dump him bc of it. It’s just not as important to some. I think I’d feel more hurt if I was Paul’s gf. Lowkey I’d tell her but that’s probs bad advice. Anyways, it’s your call. He seems to love you but can you continue the relationship knowing this?
This can certainly cause issues later on. Now, islam itself doesn't matter (I have read Koran, Sira and Hadises, and oh boy I am glad minority of muslims actually follows what is written there). What matters are expectations will she and her family have of you.
For example, If you on-line in western country, and plan to have children, are you prepared to deny them freedoms their peers will have? Not to mentions what happens, should they decide to become apostates.
That is just one of potential problems, discuss them in advance in your to be wife, to know what you are signing off for.
No, he hasn't.
You both suck. You for testing her and her for going along with it. Break up, this relationship is over. You don't trust her and are insecure. She can't be trusted. You all suck.
She was a adult and zero grooming involved ? making a guy out to be a predator with no proof is beyond low. OP is in the wrong for lifting her hands
If you did not get any evidence in the moment, you may have no way of ever knowing the truth. Are you ok with living with that? I have definitely been accused of things I did not do, with no way to explain because it looked suspicious. I have also lied before. Time to have a conversation with her and yourself. Listen to your gut – as much as that is said a lot, it is usually right.
This is coming from someone who’s usually devil’s advocate.
That cracks me up – telling your dad that Josh was “reserved” for her – despite having another guy as a boyfriend.
You just go ahead and enjoy your relationship with Josh. Your sister has some growing up to do. There is nothing you need to do here.
No intent behind it? He went into the restroom where the woman works and jacked off like he was in brothel.
Thank you for your advice. I will most likely do this.
Do you pay attention to him?
I wouldn't say you sabotaged anything.
You told him before he went and he went anyway.
Tell him you would rather be with someone that wants only you and the thought of you being with another man makes them sick to thier stomach.
Tell Jim he made his choice and now you are making yours, you want a divorce, he wants to sleep around he can now do it as a single man.
You deserve better
Those aren’t mutually exclusive
Plan a day trip…so many things to do that are free in the outdoors…plan a picnic and if you have enough money stay overnight and cook her dinner. It's not about spending a ridiculous amount of money It's about spending quality time.
He sounds like a peach of a partner, OP, very gently.
Yep, been there and done that.
The sunk cost fallacy is something a lot of people get caught up in. But you've already wasted 5 years of your life with this greedy, lying jackass. And deep down you know any more time spent with him is just going to be a waste as well.
This man is literally telling you that sleeping around is more important to him than you and your relationship.
End things now. And cut all ties with him. None of this waiting until he's ready nonsense so many people try. Remove him entirely from your life, work things out with a therapist if you think that will help, and move on to someone who will treat you right.
Let people choose the charity they want to (from your list) as their gift.
Without getting into the weeds about what you're arguing about, this blocking you on everything thing he does is just utterly childish and–I'm just going to say it–bitch behavior that I wouldn't put up with.
You need to get over it dude. You are clearly old. Your wife was allowed to bang dude before you. Stop acting like she has to be pure for your wedding.
Definitely the latter. I just want her to have a happy childhood without any name calling, putting my hands on her and stuff of that nature. I'm not for that and I really don't like that she can hear it & see it.
I'd rather prefer to not have that kind of agreement. I'd be 4 hours away and I wouldn't want to feel obligated to give something back to them & it's a pain to accept things from them because they will always hold it over you. I'm not saying I would never go back there, because my siblings still online there.
No, she followed your orders. You told her to take everything she owned out of her room. She complied.
If he's such a stand up guy why are you afraid of his anger
“roommates” lmao
“hey roommate me and hubby are going on a 3 week holiday in europe”
And how long did it last before the issues began?
I wouldn’t tell them you took the rug from their driveway; there’s no need. They aren’t going to ask where you got the rug because they know that rug comes from Target!
Literally all that’s going to happen is they may make a comment about how they used to have the same rug. You can just say “oh yeah love Target!” or if you really want you can say “oh yeah I think I noticed that once pet-sitting! great rug Target’s great I always accidentally buy too many lamps every time I go hahahaha”.
That’s it I promise. do not worry about this!!
Like
It's very noble of you to want to just accept your boyfriend's issues without truly knowing what they are or why, but it's not healthy for you or for your relationship to just keep ignoring them. In fact, by ignoring them and hoping to just work around them instead, you're only employing the same strategies he is.
Whether your conversation will have negative effects probably depends entirely on how you both communicate with each other an how invested you both are in the relationship, but you can't screen for ill-effects and you can't control how your boyfriend reacts when you voice your concerns.
You just need to do it and hope that he takes the matter as seriously as you do.
Hmmm well.. is there anything that reminds you of him that you can remove from your life? Like a picture, or text messages? I find when I wanna get rid of memories of somebody I delete past messages, block them on social platforms, delete past chats, and get rid of photos
???????????
Yeah you’re right .. it’s difficult but it’s a wake up call. And I guess it’s difficult due to my own issues with boundaries and I assume people pleasing which I need to look further into and put into action as this pattern will continue… I have messaged her now and she read ir but not yet replied so we will see soon enough. *just to add to the second point , 1- I didn’t kiss her after knowing she was bi, it was before and 2- my bf doesn’t mind. I have stopped now of my own accord but he never said it was an issue as he knows it was innocent fun haha
It's called the bait and switch. She portrays herself to someone you find attractive, and once she gets the ring she no longer has to try.
Straight up dude. The kind of guy who would drug a woman 100% has fucked up plans for when it kicks in and she can no longer fight back, and when this shit goes down at frats there's often multiple guys in on it.
Concussions are fucked up, and it really sucks that you had to go through all that. Being drugged against your will is fucking traumatizing.
But you absolutely saved someone from sexual assault, violence, and possibly much worse.
“I'm sorry your feel that way. But I have to be free to grow as my own adult and that involves being independent. I love you.”
Then please leave him.
I have made every attempt to be friendly w my ex’s . Sometimes it worked out after a period of not talking – sometimes it didn’t. Currently I am friendly w my ex of a decade. He lives across the street from my mom and is very helpful to her. My current boyfriend understands the situation. My ex also has cancer and early dementia. As you grow older sometimes you realize that having more people that care about you not less is better. I have no romantic feelings whatsoever for my ex – just friendship based on years together. It is probably a factor that nobody did anything bad to cause a breakup – we just grew apart. I let my current bf know all about this very early on
I have never peed after sex because I physically just can't go, I've tried. I've had one UTI ever. I feel like the gods blessed my urinary tract.
I'm not wepomsizing sex. I can't sleep with someone I have no emotional connection to. It would effectively feel like rape to me, and I have been raped in the past.
We have had counselling. He didn't engage with it. He doesn't feel he needs counselling.
People grow and evolve over time. It seems almost tragic sometimes that we don’t reach the same stages at the same time. Sometimes we think there is something better, or closer to our dreams, and when we get some real experience realize that we didn’t see what was in front of us.
You know her best, and if she you see her as a good, honest person- a good influence in your life, and someone you trust – I would definitely keep in touch and keep the friendship going.
You never know where things and relationships will take you in life. Many of us think back fondly at those we’ve trusted and respected, with a better appreciation than we perhaps expressed at the time.
If it were me, I would keep an open mind with her – don’t chase but don’t shut her off.
I would say this generally, and not just with her – you never know how knowing people like her can affect your future, or how you will affect theirs.