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So, Iām going to keep mine short since I see you reading all of the other comments and being confused which I can see why. Honestly, in my opinion, itās depends, it really just depends on the mindset, people, and trust. A lot of people think differently about this topic right here but I believe there no right answer because there can be a lot of reason for this. I know that didnāt make no sense so Iāll try to explain it. The partner, it could be true that they only wants them, or they just not into them, or they just filling their fantasy daydreaming or things like that. (Horny and lust can be a controlling nowadays) Now with the Girlfriend/Boyfriend, can they let their partner watch porn and IG models because they donāt care or they trust them or they do the same thing. Or they can trust them but just donāt like the whole watching them looking at other having sex. Or yeah some people just feel insecure thing they not good enough. Or just think they will cheat. Your partner say it natural but honestly not natural for everyone. Iām not the type to say go leave or break up with him right away. But Iāll say talk to them about the topic more. Like ask him why he does it and such. But you want him to stop and if they donāt want to stop and if you donāt like it, then I just believe it not going to work out in the future. You said it very hot to believe/accept. That already a sign and sound like a dealbreaker for you. You will probably find someone that donāt watch porn while dating. Or whatever you are looking for in a relationship.
I know what Iām saying kinda doesnāt make sense but if you understand what Iām saying, cool.
That's an edit op added which didn't exist at time of my comment so not applicable to what I said. It doesn't change gauging how psycho someone will go if you do more than ignore them varies. But yes actually as sometimes cold politeness via liking photos but ignoring messages is the safer bet
Yup. Just call or text and get it back bring a friend with you for support/eye witness.
You sound like a idiot who desperate for love.. he doesnāt care to invite you at all because he will be fucking her like heās been doing your whole relationship. Heās disrespecting the relationship but I canāt be mad at him cause you let him. you need to leave him
Some need it to cool down. But the way he ignores your feelings and the other things you have written, he sounds like a terrible partner.
So funny how she's responding to comments made after this one but completely ignoring this question.
OP, if you were still with him after knowing he had a girlfriend, then you're trash too.
If I was the gf youāre talking about, Iād be grateful if you told me, I mean- in my situation heās an excellent liar and manipulator, but also has threatened me with many things, including if I ever move on in the future,so I canāt leave. Something like a personal account from a friend would give me the strength to leave without throwing the friend under the bus. Just be honest with her, youād be saving someone from a possible abusive future behind closed doors, even if you think itās not possible, itās the ones you least expect
Record yourself dancing a slow song, mimicking how THAT CHICK was with your bf, with a guy friend. Show it to your bf and ask him if it bothers him. If he doesn't get 1 drop of jealousy………he's screwing behind your back.
Yes because your well being matters too and this effects you.
okay, so what are you going to do about it? what is your plan for the pregnancy?
donāt bring a child into this situation. accidents happen, but you still have a choice in what you do about them.
That's sweet
Thank you very much for your thoughtful response. What you say makes a lot of sense.
I suppose I had convinced myself that if he did go to therapy, I would be willing to stick out the journey with him however long it took. But I realise now that also comes along with the wishful thought that it WOULD lead to reciprocation, when it very well may well be a fundamental incompatibility.
Don't wait – waiting will only make it much more difficult for you.
He's not the type of guy who has the guts to tell his parents that he has met a non-Indian woman and wants to marry her. And at his age, they've already put a lot of pressure on him to meet young women whom they've already vetted.
If he were serious about you and your relationship, he would have sat you down for a serious talk long before this.
Plus, with all due respect to all the Indians in this forum, you really don't want an Indian mum-in-law who doesn't want you as a daughter-in-law. A friend of mine went through a lot of animosity from her MIL. We're talking years long animosity, pre-wedding and post-marriage. Luckily for her, her husband has a titanium spine and he gave his mother two choices: change her behaviour in order to stay in their lives, or stay the same and they go completely NC. He was backed up by his father, so MIL toned down the complaints but they are pretty much LC.
The guy you've been seeing won't change. There are a lot of great guys out there. There's no dilemma here.
Yeah, because ā¢thatāsā¢ the issue here. /s
Thatās kinda cool, and yes not asking directly for dads name is genius because I didnāt want to hurt him honestly they have a lot of names. I think heās even mentioned liking his stepdads name
Troll
I actually agree with the idea that she was probably just super uncomfortable, and used flirting with my bf as a way to make herself more comfortable. It still made me feel weird.
All I actually want from him was for him to be soft with me, give me a hug, and say “I am sorry that you have ever felt that way. I did not mean to make you feel that way. Thank you for telling me.” I think that's mostly what people want.
Sis listen to yourself. Just end the relationship and donāt look back. Just end it all. This makes no sense and itās gross af
I'm going off genrral assumptions as you didn't give alot of context. And you are right the average body count is 9 by mid adult. Again, not trying to mean or anything, just giving one man's opinion. Don't mean anything by it.
I'm curious, have your birthday or Christmas gifts been worth over $700? It doesn't strike you as a little odd that he spent that much on a child he's not even related to?
How long have you two been dating? Does your sister approve of your relationship?
Thatās is the difficult part.. I feel like I will never love anyone as much as I loved this person. I know itās probably not true but It feels like throwing away everything, we lived together and we had plans for the future, it hurts so much. After that time period is over if I still want to contact them should I? I just donāt want to make the wrong choice , I donāt know if itās best to let them initiate since they are the one who broke up. Or if after a certain period of time itās okay for me to initiate
Ok as a fellow new father (< 3months), I really donāt understand your husband, or your attitude towards him.
I partially understand giving him the benefit of the doubt on pregnancy and postpartum stuff to a certain degree, but honestly why hasnāt he educated himself?
As soon as we decided to try for our child , I went out of my way to find out as much information as I could, about pregnancy, child birth and the postpartum period as well as parenting . Do I get things wrong sometimes? Definitely . Are there things I was completely unaware of ? Again definitely , sometimes thereās things that youād need to know about partially to even to look it up. But the point is Iām trying to minimise it as much as possible because thatās my job as a husband and father.
Whether heās oblivious or not is irrelevant , he shouldnāt be. The fact that heās pestering you for sex is bad regardless of the situation, but to do it at such an early point postpartum is awful.
Your husband needs to step the fuck up, educate himself and start supporting you .
Something else = you guys canāt communicate.
You shouldnāt have to guess these answers. You should be able to express your feelings to him and he should be able to express his back.
If either of you cannot do that then whoever canāt is not ready for a relationship.
Thereās no way this is real.
The story is insane in itself.
Also, this is your husband? So you made it all the way through dating without realizing this was an issue?
Yeah, okay OP
read the post dude
Is be completely turned off by a guy/girl who's this desperate for attention and validation. Or was this meant for an ex to see? It's oddly specific and overtly happy for one date.
He went on one date and posted this on a Snapchat story for everyone. If you ever had sex with him will he stream on YouTube?
Nah, this would be a no for a second date from me.
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Dude, you're 19…. shit wasn't that serious and you don't need to worry about it. Y'all probably won't be friends in a few years anyway so just let them go do whatever and you do the same.
an few week isnāt enough to fall deeply in love. take it show
Sheās on medication for the depression. Sheās been trying to get in with a counselor for a while but hasnāt been able to find one that sticks. Thereās always some excuse as to why she stops seeing them. She wanted me to get into counseling and Iāve been going to one consistently for almost two years. But sheās had like 3 in that time and hasnāt stuck with one longer than a couple months.
Eh, emotions are there, but it's your choice to say it out loud. I may find another girl's boobs attractive, but I think I'd be an asshole if I said it out loud in front of my gf.
She isnāt at a point of turning around though, nowhere near it she is growing a baby. The idea that right now she should be making it up to him when she is currently still going through it is ignorant of all the ways pregnancy can mess with a persons hormones and brain function. And if he was going through similar physical and hormonal problems and his wife was posting here insensitive to the stuff he was going through I would say the same thing. When your partner is going through it you just gotta get through it with them sometimes. Then work together afterwards to repair and bridge the gaps and communicate about all of it. When youāre in it for the long haul thatās what you do in situations like this. And you donāt get super dramatic about it during the situation because that doesnāt help anyone, honestly. It alienates the person receiving the dramatic reactions and riles up the person being dramatic about a temporary situation.
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Yes it really does. If thereās an alternative that doesnāt effect you, landlord would actually benefit as he/she gets to keep security deposit, and you donāt take it because you have no empathy for an abused young girl, youāre an asshole.
I wish I could. I hate him
If you really want to stay with her (which you shouldn't do) she needs to completely cut her ex off. Block him everywhere permanently and keep it up. If she doesn't want to she isn't actually apologetic. Second thing should be a policy of open messages. In other words it should be established it is fine for you to see each other messages on social medias and phones. Rule should also be to never delete messages.
Men are not a monolith who all do the same things.
Some men save porn, some men don't. There is no across the board answer. And why would it even matter what other men do?
Hahah, I knew itād get downvoted but I didnāt expect it to occur so swiftly
Appreciate the comment bro.
You said sex is a chore and you only want it once a month. Where is the compromise since he wants it more? You say heās selfish but I see it as youāre the selfish one. You need to convince him to try therapy otherwise youāre going to be stuck in an unhappy marriage where he will definitely cheat based on these parameters that you have set.
Honestly, you donāt get a dog unless you are both onboard.
I bet she wants a threesome with them.
Honestly? It sounds like he's married, or not that into you. You've already lost money on the hotel rooms in the past.
I'm pretty sure that if you insisted on him making all the reservations you'd never end up getting together. So make a test. See if he will make the arrangements. I would insist on it because it's not fair for you to pay all the time. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know. But be aware that you might not get the answer you like.
You are going to have to be sneaky, but you can't say anything to them without proof either and you can't let them see you or hear you. What about text messages between them?
I take levothyroxine and I never noticed a taste. Been on them for over 10 years.
Your mom is not toxic. She cares and worried about you because you are not mature yet and making stupid decisions by going on tinder . Always let someone know who you are meeting and where. Tinder is very dangerous.
What I said wasnāt very kind-and for that I do apologise, I guess I was just in shock that for somebody so smart-youāre severely lacking in emotional intelligence- though I still should not have been so mean.
But seriously-you do need to find a way to curb your behaviour ls/attitudes-because it will continue to push people away, as it truely is exhausting being with a person who feels the need to always correct you or voice their opinions and constantly try to prove why their opinions are the only ones that matter.. thereās a difference between being a know it all and just rude and arrogant, and it sounds like youāre crossing that line
I guess you have no choice but to be honest with her and tell her how you feel. It doesnāt seem like there is anything she can do to change how you feel.
Well Oo thank god for being reasonable and actually communicating with their partner
I'm going to re-summarize based on what the OP and your comments but not sure if I got it right.
You asked your boyfriend to open your relationship for sex with this other couple You swapped with the other GF/BF Your BF and the other GF fell in love You now want to know what to do?
As I understand it you don't come out as poly, its a lifestyle not sexual orientation.
Sure, What if? BUT What if he hits you so very hot in the head that he kills you? Then what happens to your child. You can defend him all you want. But if you wanna bury this and say it won't happen again, I'm here to say you're mistaken. It might be 2 or 3 years, but he's gonna hit you again.
I don't see any reason to be upset unless she is being inappropriate with her coworkers. I have worked with lots of women who like to dress and look nice who are also in committed relationships. Everything is above board.
As u/DplusLplusKplusM mentions, a person's appearance has a direct effect on their employer's perceptions which can impact pay raises, promotions, etc.
How often are you watching with a dopamine fix?
This advice needs to be higher. So many young people make this mistake
Typically when thereās a huge age gap, the younger person feels so mature and flattered that they were chosen. When really, the older person is most likely a huge loser who mature people wonāt touch with a 10 foot pole. And the younger person is too naive to know better
He cheated after not even a year and now he physically abuses you. Why are you still with him? Leave.
If he's referred to your child as a “mistake” you need to leave him.
Do NOT move in with him.
The good news is, it's only a promise ring. This is your opportunity to tell him when it comes to your engagement ring you want to be involved in selecting it.
It's also you chance to tell him to look at your jewellery and compare it to the ring you got. You can then ask him, what can I wear my promise ring with? Can we go back and exchange it for a silver one.
you need to tell him. BDSM is only fun if both people are into it, i used to think i liked rough sex, till i realized what i ālikedā was pleasing guys that were into rough sex, and then i started to hate sex because it was never about satisfying my urges and it made me feel used, specially with people that donāt know aftercare. if rough sex isnāt for you, rough sex isnāt for you, period. it isnāt for me! iāve been roughed with enough through life, now i just want romance and intimacy, and itās fine if you do to. sex is for you too.
Dude. You're thirty two. Why are you fucking around with a teenager? Dude. She has a boyfriend and she's using you for moola. She's getting that cashola. Dude.
This is pure manipulation. “I'm so unsure about us… but if you change yourself in such a such way!”
Where are you at with coke? Have you stopped using it? Honestly I feel like that's a bigger issue than this relationship stuff. You need to sort that out.
As long as you are not sending very hot photos or videos then do it. If you have illicit photos send it is illegal. Meet up and show
I just don't want him to wonder if he's doing anything wrong. Even if I say he didn't, you know?
No worries. It just might get removed is all. I think your post would be fine if you werent asking “am i the asshole”. Thats not even what really matters here. What matters is that you're freshly exiting an abusive relationship and are at high risk for falling back to him due to how the cycle of abuse works. Hence why I highkey suggest getting in touch with a counselor/DV organization ASAP. I think its also important to tell trusted friends/family members the truth of your relationship so they can support you (and opening up about it can help provide some accountability on your end).
Posts like this will get removed pretty quickly from AITA bc no violence of any kind is tolerated there. It also wouldnt be helpful at all for you, as a very recent abuse survivor, to hear some contrarian tell you that technically you're both the AH bc two wrongs dont make a right or something. Dont worry about reacting a certain type of way after months of abuse. You maybe should be ecstatically proud of it or something but please dont waste energy on feeling guilty. He's harmed you enough. You dont need to do that to yourself.
Taking back a cheater is giving them permission to do it again.
Why would you try to be with someone who sees you as a second fiddle ?
Thanks for that. Movies have messed us up for sure
Why not just be straightforward?
āHey babe, I was scrolling your photos so I could send a few to me and I saw a pic of a ring. If thatās something you are looking to get me, Iād like to talk to you about it. If itās for someone else then no worries.ā
And then be honest if he says itās for you. Just tell him that you like your current ring, only wear yellow gold, etc.
I think itās odd he wouldnāt know that you donāt like silver or white gold by this point but if youāve always just ever hinted around then I guess he wouldnāt know per se.
It sounds like that instance was an experience thing and not an “ex” thing. In other words, the sex was great because of the setting and situation. It could have been you, or him, or some other guy.
I read it as she wants to lay down and snuggle at 5pm. And he wants to be able to sit up and drink. There is. I mention of alcohol, just that he wants to have a drink and be up right in the early evening hours.
Did you say to her first: “You do not want to know” .? “Are you prepared to wish you hadn't learned the truth? Because that is what will happen once you know” I know its very hot, but a painful lesson I've learned is: Before you reveal anything, ask yourself 1st: what good will come of it? If nothing good, then keep it to yourself.
Tell him to get over it or hit the road.
what the fuck is wrong with your husband?
Its insane until you meet someone who this happened to. Happy marriage trusted their spouse had no reason to believe they were cheating. Turns out 23 and me doesnt lie.
Shit my cousin just learned that her dad wasnt her real dad. Shes in her 30s now and just learning that her mother has lied to her and her “father” her entire life about who her father was.
It happens and when it does its almost always someone who never had a reason to suspect otherwise.
NEVER SIGN A BIRTH CERTIFICATE WITHOUT A PATERNITY TEST.
Omg I cackled
I love the comments in your original post defending her. If you posted her picture under the same circumstances there would be hell on earth.. the double standards. Good for you man
This! Also I have a feeling he was loud with other girls previously so that you would hear. He probably liked you and it was a manipulation tactic.
Why did she allow him to touch her? That is the problem here. If someone touched me I would run not allowing him to do that shit to me. You should fish her out, just listen to what she says with a poker face on. If she says that she let him do that then yes it is cheating.
sheās still talking to me tho so idk
Donāt ever feel guilty for saying no to sex. Ever. You are not āmaking him feelā anything. He is not entitled to sex on demand simply because he is your boyfriend. Sex is not something you owe him, so why would you feel guilty for sometimes not wanting it?
That said, compatibility does include how often two people want sex, not just whether the sex is good or desired when it does happen. So, if he wants it 3x as much as you do, yes that would be a compatibility issue.
But it sounds like, perhaps even more than frequency, he wants you to be a bit more assertive and demonstrative when it comes to sex. He has said do directly. Is that something you can do?
That is a reasonable request. It is not reasonable to make you responsible for his self-esteem. And itās really unreasonable to link your consent to his self-esteem. You see how fucked up that is right? If you saying no to sex plunges him into a self-hating spiralā¦ thatās a toxic dynamic and, in my book, a deal breaker.
You guys need to have some major serious conversations about all of this, at a time when sec isnāt on the table ā so not right in the moment after youāve said no. Go out for coffee or something and lay all of this out.
No. He has not changed and will not change. Block him. Don't give him a chance to beg and manipulate you back.
I canāt leave him. I canāt explain why. Iām stuck.
buh, buh, buh, bullshit…there always seems to be reasons but it isnt very hot at all to do. You leave, end of story.
You were better off cheating and getting caught my guy
Let him sulk off, go a different direction
I would not call you crazy for doing it. Now you know everything. That does, however, mean the deceit is over and itās time for you to go no contact.
Definitely seek out a trauma therapist to help you process and move on.
FYI, am a man.
I mean, what we were taught at school was absolutely full of holes. I was never taught about the forced sterilization of a lot of people, for instance. But that's beside the point. If you don't agree with her you don't agree with her and it probably wouldn't work out anyway.
Free Ukraine, but Ukraine was never some bastion of human rights. They don't deserve to be taken over by Russia but you can still be critical of an ally nation.
What kind of problems do you and your partner have that make you worry? Like did something particular happen to make you post this? Why do you think you lack things like communication or critical thinking?You seem to be doing both of those things really well in this post. This reads like you're trying very very hot and that there's maybe more context to this! Hope you're doing okay! š
That makes 0 sense
“I'm not excusing what I said” but you literally are. Every single comment you're excusing your behaviour bc you were shocked and blindsided. Nothing you do or say is going to ever fix the hole you're dug yourself dude
The way you reacted, it was like she told you, Iām not having kidsāeverāand thatās nonnegotiable, I donāt care what you say.
When she actually saidā¦I donāt THINK I want kids.
You immediately throw a fit, and knowingly, on purpose, go for the lowest blow you could ever possibly give her, and called her a manipulator just like her mother, which makes me think youāve done this to her before. Compare her to her mom. You get angry and throw her mother in her face because it is the perfect weapon to use against her.
Iāve been married twice. I just wanted for a relationship to not fail. You have a point. Iām shaking, canāt eat and have lost ten pounds in a week so this canāt continue.
You gotta post the picture, dude.
Stupid women enable stupid men by pairing up with them. This 100% wasn't the first time he's been like this, and she knows it. He fits rules 1 and 2 and so she ignored the red flags.
“Every time I want something for myself, like concert tickets, itās āhisā money Iām spending (we share a joint bank account). But whenever he wants something, whether it be from my paycheck or his, itās āourā money. I just donāt know what to do. He is making me feel worthless. Not to mention I do 90% of house hold chores- because he doesnāt consider my studying work, and I therefore need to make up for it by doing all of the chores.”
Get your own account each.
Pay your paycheck into your private account.
Transfer an amount being your fair share of houshold money into a third common account- being neither his private nor yours.
Pay household bills out of that one.
Pay off your debt from your own money. Now. Not “once you finished med school.” You are not there yet.
And??
Fuck someone who does?
He may have been abused in the past, and heās just not ready to share that with you.
Play fighting can be triggering and annoying.
But often, play fighting can turn into something more sinister and abusers (doesnāt have to be a gf but a parent or a toxic friend or bully) can hit too very hot on purpose and act like theyāre just playing and gaslight their victim for being too sensitive. Maybe he has experience in this?
Butā¦
He restrained you and used all his force to stop you from leaving. He was upset that time, what is he going to do when heās angry and you want to walk away?
And often abusers will play the victim over every little thing and gaslight their victims theyāre the problem. Example- You didnāt like him holding you down, but he says ābut youāre the one who pretended to want to hurt me, youāre worseā. But I donāt know if that will be the case here.
And are you in denial about how upsetting your actions could be and triggering if someone has had issues with toxic, violent play fighting?
I find it nude to judge this one.
Why would you ever want to have sex again with someone whoās basically planned to (and possibly already has) stealthed you into an extra kid?
Women already take most of the responsibility for all reproductive issues, without having to guard the contraception for the rest of your fertile life to make sure it hasnāt been sabotaged.
Ditch the nutcase
Got you what now?
Attending a wedding is a need but giving birth is a want? On what planet? You are allowed to have genuine needs for your partner as a step-parent, especially if the children are adults. You sound like you've been gaslit into completely sublimating your own needs.
I dont know why in my head – I can't just go easily. As bad as I can feel and as much as I know I want to be treated better, I think about the very minimal things that I like. The bad outweighs the good by far much but my head still fights with my heart.
I wish I didn't have to feel the sadness to get away from him.
thank you, you stupid kid.
Wow. Thatās weird as fuck. Like the other commenter says this could be dangerous. Do not do this again.
I suspect a number of people would make the argument about control, and she's free to have male friends etc. Simple fact is, most people, regardless of gender, would be uncomfortable with their partner being in contact with exs and people they had a sexual interest in. It's not even really a question of if it's ok, but why a responsible person would pick social media over making their partner feel secure and confident in their relationship.
If I were in your shoes, I'd explain the situation, and that you're one of many people who thinks following a bunch of random guys on social media isn't fair or respectful in a long term relationship, let alone guys she's been involved with. The vast majority of people, men or women, would read that as their partner keeping their options open, or trawling for an upgrade. Try and have an honest discussion and hear her side and see if there's anyway you two can both be happy.
If she can't wrap her head around this concept pretty quickly, and this isn't resolved amicably, I suspect you're going to have other trust issues with her in future. This is one of those things people either get or they don't, I feel anyway.
I think youāve already got some good ones in the comments here, but some kind advice to not give more than your neighborhood to someone youāre not familiar with. You can just say youāll meet them there and leave it at that š
How is it different?
No, keep it to yourself. This is the biggest couples disconnect and also the only one where compromise isn't possible. It would be incredibly unfair to him, and even if he has the same feelings, he'd end up resenting you.
Its possible she's on some video chat with somebody else at the same time, which I'd figure would hinder the videos, but I know there's nobody else coming over. Like I said, security system around the house. Its possible she's lost feelings for me, in which case I'll have to figure out the best course of action. Not looking forward to the “So you're going through my history?!” conversation. Which, yes, I am, but it started accidently. Still won't help that argument at all.
I would tell her you're moving too quickly and that you don't think this is the right relationship for you.
I'd also recommend to date someone like 23+
Depends entirely on who you marry. And also taking the time before marriage to make sure they are who they say the are.
Iām about to brag but my husband is a competent adult who cleans up after himself, does all the cooking and shopping, 90% of the pet related tasks (I do the occasional feeding or out and basically just get to snuggle them), he shares the mental load on gifts and planning, and does all the outdoor work on large unruly property, and helps my Dad with his projects. I can walk out of the house without having to tell him anything beyond āthe dogs are liars I did feed them on timeā and āyour Mom had her thyroid pillā and come back to everything handled. I do 90% of the house cleaning and 75% of caregiving for his Mom but I can tap out whenever I need to.
Things that matter: He was 30 and living by himself when we met. Heās progressive and has become even more feminist over the time Iāve known him. We dated and lived together 7 years before getting married. In that time we had been poor together, traveled together, renovated a condo together, each lost parents, set and achieved long term financial goals together, gained and lost weightā¦ point is I knew him well and how he deals with what may come in life BEFORE I married him.
Just keep your standards high and insist on an actual partnership. Lots of women are discovering that being alone is preferable to being a Mom to an adult man.
I am trying to quit. It was a couple of moments of weakness. I should have known better.
Hereās a thing the way sheās talking to you sounds like she might be testing you to see what kind of partner you are. Apparently, this other guy is extremely aggressive and she finds that attractive if you sit there and do nothing then she will see you as a weak spouse. It may be not manly enough for her. What sheās doing is emasculating you to your face. If you want your wife and you want your marriage, you need to step up now be strong and set naked boundaries. If you do not do this, and you continue to play the pick me dance with her or be afraid to confront her, you will lose her.
no and yes
Thank you for some actual good advice!
Being into & agreeing to freeuse is one thing but the fact that you then withdrew that consent when you realised that you were too drunk and he agreed but proceed to do it anyway is a huge red flag. He didnāt forget. He just got excited at the fact that you like freeuse and thought he could use it as an excuse. Please be careful around a guy like that. He knew what he was doing.
Your mental health issues are 100% your responsibility. You don't 'let' an adult, let alone your spouse, do something. If this is a dealbreaker, you leave and get into therapy.
Lmao.. as a ranter myself, this seems a bit harsh.
Ya, keep this up like i said.
It's a great way to push him away.
Your limited view on women has nothing to do with her. Plenty of women, look good for themselves and other's lives don't revolve our the men or their validation.
It's insecure because this has everything to do with how you feel about her and this man. He might have no interest in her but your type of behavior is a great way for him to want someone else.
It won't be because she looks better, dresses better or has perfect hair. It'll be your behavior that makes anyone want someone else.
Itās taking too long????? LOL.
I hope she dumps you and find a real man who loves and treat her like a queen.
I'll ask the same question the person above me did.
Take a breath and really sit with the idea that this is the rest of your life. Is that ok?
If not, time to do something about it.
The cops really go out of their way not to ever do anything about sexual assault.
I worked with one of my clients to try to report the rape of a 14-year-old girl. The cops laughed in my face and asked me what they expected me to do.
Thats suspicious and also pretty sad. You should confront her about it tho
On a side note, if you were sleeping with all those guys to deal with self esteem issues then you should probably get some counseling. Just because you are no longer doing that doesn't mean there still can be some challenges in you life from that, that manifest in dysfunctional issue in your marriage or life down the road if you don't deal with it.
Which is why sex count isn't unimportant like some folks thing, when you are choices a mate, both men and women. If someone is using sex as a gauge on their worth or a coping mechanism, that is unhealthy and doesn't go away just because the get married. Often it is still one of their gotos when they feel down on themselves, or there are challenges in the marriage.
it's wise for both men and women to take these things into account.
Brock gave you the baggiest, non-sexual attire and your boyfriend would rather see you suffer.
Dump the boyfriend, be with Brock
I think that you're right. But why would he first tell me that he's done with him after 9 pm? And why would he tell me he would text me at 6,7, but he didn't? This is so disrespectful for me and my time. I will ghost him for 2 days for this
If he's only been there for one week it seems like you're asking a lot from him in a short space of time. Additionally, it's a big change for him to adjust to as well. I'm not saying he's behaving well but if it's literally only been a week it feels like you're jumping the gun a bit to throw it all in. Have you tried talking to him about it and understanding how it is for him? What his expectations were of living together and expressed yours?
“He doesn't hit me, but…” That's literally a red flag for abuse. It might be stable, and it may never escalate to physical harm, but my experience from volunteering at a domestic violence nonprofit taught me that emotional and verbal abuse is just as crippling (if not more so) than physical abuse. It's just less obvious because it's only your spirit that gets broken, not your bones.
This is a āherā problem.
I can see it escalating again though as she will keep arguing with you about your family.
You are the only one that can decide if and when youāve had enough of it because it at not ever stop.
Sheās decided sheās the innocent party here despite her behaviour being the cause of your breakup which indicates narcissistic behaviour.
If you want to stay with her youāll just have to put up with this major character flaw ?āāļø
After reading your edit, you shouldāve dumped this girl along time ago. Itās not too late start today.
I made a rule when I started dating that I'd never date or marry a man who had never broken a major bone in his body. I should have listened to my own advice as I had to quite literally defend my reason for pain for the first 4 years we dated, when he literally saw me survive a. Rollover in truck hit by a work truck crash that only my noodle hypermobile body saved me from certain death. Not to mention a lifetime of just general injured ness from BEING ALIVE OUTSIDE. I would… find a new dude. You are so young… if you don't learn some pain tolerance from at least contact sports horses or generally eating some shit as a kid? Getting hurt as an adult TERRIFIES you and literally can stop grown ass adults in their tracks. My brother in law is basically catatonic rather than grateful for life after his last terror health scare. My hubs has learned but…. hes 42…. do you want to wait that long?
I made a rule when I started dating that I'd never date or marry a man who had never broken a major bone in his body. I should have listened to my own advice as I had to quite literally defend my reason for pain for the first 4 years we dated, when he literally saw me survive a. Rollover in truck hit by a work truck crash that only my noodle hypermobile body saved me from certain death. Not to mention a lifetime of just general injured ness from BEING ALIVE OUTSIDE. I would… find a new dude. You are so young… if you don't learn some pain tolerance from at least contact sports horses or generally eating some shit as a kid? Getting hurt as an adult TERRIFIES you and literally can stop grown ass adults in their tracks. My brother in law is basically catatonic rather than grateful for life after his last terror health scare. My hubs has learned but…. hes 42…. do you want to wait that long?
I don't think random people from the internet should be suggesting specific medications to someone they've only heard about secondhand. Even doctors shouldn't do that. I think this guy should get evaluated. He's already seeing someone who can prescribe. I guess this chick having an almost totally unregulated job that hires children means that she gets to prescribe, though, so maybe I'll try getting a paper route and get back to you.
like, op, just be firm. it is what it is. if they dont deal with the facts its just not your problem.
Can I have your advice on how to fix the problem?
1.) Stop sleeping on call
2.) Date locally. What you have is a pen pal, not a gf
You know heāll say he wouldnāt be concerned because he trusts her. Itās not true but heāll say it anyways if he gets what he wants.
Yeah, perfect response. Neither person is wrong here. She's totally fine to want one, and he's totally fine not thinking they look good.
I suppose we could find out what she wants, where she wants it, and how big it's going to be. But in the end, it's up to her, and whether she wants it and wants to deal with her husbands reaction.
It's important to talk about it and then just make the best decision. Small example. My wife had beautiful long hair when we got married. Right after she asked if I'd be ok if she cut it all off and got buzz cut. We were both honest. I said I didn't like short hair, but said it in a non-cruel way, and that i'd prefer it long, but support whatever she wanted. She cut it off, but also knows not to come home after each fresh buzz cut and say “how do you like it honey?” It's her hair, her choice, and we talked about it, and moved on.
Tf
they're all parts of a big weird venn diagram, but like… sexual and romantic are not required to overlap by definition
Shout out to anyone who read all this. Also send me the link for spark notes.
If you know you'll be uncomfortable, don't force it. Do separate things with each of them. Maybe you can get a birthday breakfast with mom and do your birthday dinner with dad or vice versa.
I understand wanting to “best” your anxiety and get outside your comfort zone, but there's no need to rush something like this. Your birthday should be about you and what you want. You're the last person who should be worried about any awkwardness of discomfort on the day of your celebration, so do what is best for you and what sounds like is best for your parents too.
Good luck! My parents are divorced and the first few years after, things were supremely awkward and they kept trying to show my brother and I that they could do things together but it only put all of us on edge. We started to do things separately and, over time, we've begun to do things together too.
Get a grip, my dude. Itās a platonic friend. How would you feel if she demanded you not see your friends? How does she know youāre not gonna hook up with one of them since you seem to think that sheās gonna hook up with someone? AT A GROUP HANGOUT. My guy take a chill pill and let your gf have her friend. If youāre that jealous thatās on you.
You'll definitely get a lot better answers in r/polyamory
I know, it's very hot though. I had everything I ever needed tbh so when I come home alone without the kids it's honestly wrecks me as a human.
Very common in thailand
I had seen worst, people give up their life savings
Move on and never love such a person
Why does their opinion matter? Now that you will be a parent you need to do what is best for your child. Having these toxic people around and letting them have some rent free space in your head is not good. I personally wouldnāt let my kid be around a couple did xenophobes who hated my spouse and criticized the pregnancy that.
When we had our daughter I told my parents they were welcome to visit but they needed to leave their opinions and criticisms at the door. My dad threw a shit fit so I didnāt talk to him for 8 months. Thatās 8 months he didnāt get to see his first grandchild because he couldnāt agree not to share his opinions. He learned his lesson.
If youāre already this unhappy, you wonāt become magically happy unless he makes some massive changes. And he doesnāt sound capable or like he wants to make any changes, so are you going to wait around for a grown man to turn into the man you deserve, or will you respect and love yourself enough to know when you need to check out of a relationship?
>I of course, thought that all this was manipulative bullshit so I didnāt allow myself to believe that for a second and have been trying to heal.
>I really didnāt expect him to ācome backā to me. Not that I would want him to come back even if he did.
This is so refreshing! It's nice that you wanted to reassure this woman, but I think any sort of engaging (with her or him) is just feeding into the toxicity. I would just block and not reach out to him. This is his problem, not yours.
Seems like time may be the issue then. I don't see it as unreasonable to expect a little extra help for paying $300 more a month. BUT expecting you to be his maid (which seems mostly what you described) that's ridiculous. If I were in that position, I'd merely hire someone to help with cleaning, or set better boundaries at work so I have time to contribute equally.
I'm sorry you're going through this. If he can't resolve the anger issues, it may be for the better though. He doesn't seem receptive to working on that at all which is very concerning imo.
Sorry but lying about your height is nowhere near as similar as lying about your age especially when you're bordering being a legal adult and the person you're tricking into having sex can be arrested for statutory rape. Lying about her age is an indicator of her immaturity and if she can so easily lie and be selfish about this I wonder what else she has said that is made up.
Everyone is giving you good advice OP, but I saw one thing that no one seemed to be mentioning.
“cannot be paused”. Is there even a game like that?
There are entire genres of games like that. Even games that can be paused, normally cannot be paused under certain conditions
Okay thank you I appreciate it. I will definitely reflect on my decisions and get passed these issues I have. I will be trying to improve myself.
She is a cheater. No other way around it. Either deal with it or have some self-respect and divorce her. You deserve better. There's no possible scenario where she wasn't cheating on you. Your call probably interrupted and that's why she seemed upset with you.
You are also leaving out that those groups are being used to slander men that women don't like
He's just not that into you.
Your boyfriend is slowly isolating you from any support system outside of him. He's manipulating you into doing what he wants. He's trying to “protect” you by controlling what you do.
Take off the rose coloured glasses and look at all the red flags around you.
He sounds like a foul human being in more ways than one.
Itās been 5 years and you can count how many times heās cleaned. He lashes out and says things like: stop being petty, just clean it and shut the fuck up. My husband of 10 years has NEVER spoken to me like thatāeven when things were badālet alone told me to shut the fuck up. There is nothing you can do or say for him to start pulling he weight around the house.
Who manages the finances? Iām assuming you do.
You are his bang maid, sorry, OP. Break up with this emotionally stunted loser.
Consider powering through and having sex every day for a week. At the end of the week, see if your libido has returned. It can be normal for your drive to fall dormant after a while with no sex. Your body gets used to the status quo. I find the more I have sex, the more I want it.
If that doesn't work, consider seeking out medical advice. If you're on birth control, drop that shit for good old fashioned condoms.
If that doesn't work, consider that maybe too much non-sexual familiarity with your boyfriend has put him in a sort of “sexual friend zone”.
This happened to me often in my 20's and early 30's. You said you felt “repulsed” and that's exactly how it was for me… š
I loved these boyfriends but one day they began to feel like a “brother” and sex became repulsive for me too.
This can often be the death of a relationship despite everything else being great. If you have to cringe and wait for sex to be over, that's not healthy for you, or sustainable.
I thought I had a low sex drive. Nope, not at all. Turns out I needed to be with someone different.
I hope you are able to solve it!
Not all men think like this. I'm happily married to a wonderful man, I was his first really sexual partner and he sure as s*it wasn't mine. He honestly doesn't care one bit. He finds it hilarious when I tell him about some of my sexual mishaps. He's a strong, confident and secure man who is kind and loving. These men are out there. You're just dating a total moron neckbeard.
It's not shallow. You need someone who 1) is responsible enough to carry their weight of household chores 2) cares enough about themselves to do basic hygiene. Guys may be stereotypically dirtier and smellier but what you're describing is beyond that and is something else altogether.
Your āifā is irrelevant here he said no to the tracking and she went behind his back to do it anyway
Dude! Wtf are u saying. U were being inappropriate with someone THAT WASN'T YOUR HUSBAND!
if he did tht and u found out wld u have been thrilled i doubt that a fucking lot.
No one thinks divorce is great but yall are not good together.
Im not. I literally called myself shit.
Hmmm…you tell us that you only want to hear one thing. You don't want to hear anything else we might have to say.
Your wife feels that you are too demanding. You feel like she doesn't take your feelings into account. Is it possible that your feelings are as rigid as your first sentence? That would match up with your wife's assessment.
You know it “looks like” you have an issue with authority, and in six years you've already had issues with two supervisors. What were those issues exactly?
I believe your wife misspoke, and you chose to take offense instead of asking for honest clarification. From the context you have given, I believe the words she may have been looking for are compromise and flexibility.
I had the exact same thing happen to me. We did two things. I did lose some weight (slowly and in a way I wouldnāt put it back on). But we also started couples therapy because while truth is helpful, there is a way of doing it that is not hurtful. We realized that communication could be improved
My husband has one of my baby pictures as his phone wallpaper, your bfās reaction is extremely strange and concerning.
Heās dating you because he sees you as beneath him. Thatās why he isnāt dating a 30 something year old med student and wants a 22 year old nursing student. Youāre in for a bumpy, unpleasant ride! Baby consider!