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Use the messages he sends to get a protective order against him as he's dangerous. Especially if he's showing up at your work as some workplace shootings have been done by an abusive ex.
No contact is fine if there has at least been a proper conversation had between both people and once belongings have been returned / any other logistical stuff. It doesn't sound like that happened. He dropped her and blocked her immediately. That is damaging behaviour and she is right to feel disrespected.
I don't think you should tell him you told what he was entitled to know which was how many partners you had and even that isn't really needed unless it was a big number and you think your current partner might not appreciate being with someone who had that many previous relationship The only thing I thing you should tell him is what you won't be doing with him sexually as you didn't like it maybe you could try with him to see if you could like it with him but if you're not welling then that should be the end of it However don't tell you don't want to experience with him and be adventurous like you did with the other in that case just leave because you'll be hurting him You should be with someone you're comfortable and desire adventure with obviously except for thing you're not comfortable with
She wants us to tell him for her ?
Sorry-not-sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
Honestly, even if you were to claim now that your boyfriend has only ever been respectful of you and your boundaries, that too would only go to show that he does know how and just chooses to willingly overstep other women's boundaries when it suits him.
You have issues. Not really with the boyfriend but with yourself. Go find a therapist and start getting some help before you devolve into a massively controlling, jealous freak
Why does this matter to him? That’s so weird.
Sorry about your past and also sorry about your present cause this guy doesn’t seem like a keeper
What I’m doing right now is working on myself so that I’m better if we get back together or I’m already in the process of healing if we don’t. I have decided to take a break from social media so that I don’t see reminders of him. I’ve been on Reddit more conversing with people to pass the time. Redecorating my room. Stuff for me.
How will she feel understood? She wants to end things and you’re looking for a workaround! Maybe you don’t understand at all.
You need professional help.
Because they are a sadist and a psychopath? I am kidding. Well, he might be sadistic. He’s probably just rude. Whatever the reason…. Conversely, I would expect to go dutch if a person on SM asked if I wanted to grab a bite. I would never expect them to pay. That is a big assumption. I would have looked at the bill and told them what we both owe with the tip, what their half is. One expects to be treated if someone says I would like to take you on a date, can I take you to dinner..then its implied they will pay.
To be honest, while he (intentionally) was a bit ambiguous about it, when he told you he “might be boys getting everything settled,” that was him telling you the deal.
When someone has an excuse to be busy from a general sense, you’re being blown off. You don’t tell someone that unsolicited when you’re interested in them.
We fought over something extremely dumb I swear to God. Then he seems he got angry and said some of my gifts are crappy and I told him he should return them if they bother him and he said something between the lines I talk crazy and boom block
We fought over something extremely dumb I swear to God. Then he seems he got angry and said some of my gifts are crappy and I told him he should return them if they bother him and he said something between the lines I talk crazy and boom block
The problem is entirely HIM, he decided he wanted to have his wild 20s in his 40s, no one else but HIM. He's a selfish narcissist at best.
Tell them how I see it and wait for their response
The only weirdness will be if you start a serious relationship with someone else in the same group and “forget” to tell them about this person.
Talk to the landlord. 5 months left. Maybe the penalty for breaking the lease won't be too high. Then walk away.
Im sure it's fake but ok
It’s not your responsibility. My ex did to, j left him and he’s still alive and walki around to this day. If she threatens to hurt herself, call an ambulance. You can’t save her life.
America is built on stolen land then built up by slaves and immigrants.
Sorry, I don't mean meaningless dating. I mean undefined seriousness.
Either way… you defined it now, water under the bridge.
Now…
2 months to establish reletionship status. That would be on the quicker side of the spectrum. For myself, we took 1.5 years. Obviously that's the extreme slow end of spectrum. But I found, the slower you take it, the better it is. You're just ensuring that the step is made when its appropriate for both people.
Getting the timing right, its naked to do.
You're excited. Infatuated with your new interest. You want to be there and have it right now. I don't blame you.
So what are you going to do next? … You have two realistic options.
The first one is… you can allow this to break your connection. I am here, ready to take the next step 2 months in, if you're not on the same page as me, then we will not work out. I don't think you view this the same way as me.
Done deal.
The second one is… you take a step back, you want to continue this connection, but slow down the pace. You tell her that you attempted to shift things when she wasn't ready for it. You want to keep this active because you see potential here.
Reconstructing the dynamics.
This getting to know each-other phase, is incredibly delicate. You want to put enough pressure so there's progress and direction. But not too much where it breaks the connection. Discovering that correct balance of weight is hot.
And if you decide to continue this connection. You need to ensure the door is open to you and you have something attainable. She says: not ready for reletionship. That's a good cue to back off a lot.
This situation you're in, does not have to be a make or break thing. You two can certainly get past it and change your approach.
If you're after her for a reletionship, I would assume you want long term. In the grand scheme of things, when it happens is not important. What's important is finding a path that allows you two to reach the end goal.
She's gaslighting u build a case to get custody of your kid then file for divorce do not let on anything is wrong at all till you serve her papers
I’d be more worried about the fact that she’s an enormous thief lol
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Sorry, man. That’s awful and sounds like it’s having a really negative impact on your mental health. Honestly, I’d consider leaving her.
I know that what everyone says on reddit, but it sounds like she is using you. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is talking to other guys because it’s obvious she doesn’t respect you. When a woman doesn’t respect you, doesn’t take your concerns seriously, and dismisses your feelings it usually means that she is, or is going to, cheat.
I guess she could have some mental health issues but based on the fact that she doesn’t do anything in counseling, doesn’t care about your feelings, and doesn’t communicate, I’d say she has emotionally left you.
You can either stick around and wait for her to destroy you or put yourself first and leave her. You are more important than her and you have to start acting like it. She doesn’t want to put anything in the relationship, so leave. You’re not in a relationship, you have a roommate that’s lazy.
Just do yourself a favor and find a woman that will appreciate how much effort you put into your relationship. Find a woman that’s going to nurture your loving side instead of pissing on it.
You should be posting in r/JNMIL group for advice here.
Many people on this sub have issues that stem from age gap relationships, and statistically age gap relationships don’t last.
From my perspective, it is an assumption that an age gap relationship isn’t going to work out, but it’s not an uninformed one.
I’ll totally agree that attraction is important, though attraction and predation aren’t mutually exclusive. Part of the attraction can also be that a younger partner is perceived as easier to manipulate.
I was dating a girl who was on the cusp of turning 19, I had just turned 24 I think. Not a big gap, but even then I absolutely felt the age gap, and it felt like there was a very shifted power dynamic that I felt super uncomfortable with. So I never let things get very far, and we only went on like 2-3 dates before we called things off. This is part of why I have disdain for the older partner, they have to be aware of the power dynamics, and they know they’re taking advantage.
In my opinion it sounds like things with her and her boss aren’t done. If she was unable to say sorry no I’m in a relationship then that could mean she wasn’t interested in going back to the hotel because she was actually tired. Honestly not saying that she would cheat on you or anything as I don’t know how your relationship is but maybe she has feelings about her boss that she is to ashamed to admit or feel so she try’s to hide them by being with you.
I’m sorry probably not what you want to hear but that’s what I got out of what you have said.
You keep posting this Please get therapy
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Is this for real? Did he think he married a Barbie doll?
Look at the way you’re wording it “Buying a car for someone else’s wife” as if she’s just an extension of her husband and not an adult herself. If he’d bought a car for someone else’s child without speaking to the parents my comments would be very different.
Sometimes I feel that I am wrong. That she has the right to spend time with her family. And she does have the right to do that. But I think it is too much. I searched on reddit for similar situations and the answers were pretty much like yours.
It would be a mistake NOT to plan your exit. I get it, he was disappointed that his kids preferred staying with their mom (which I'm not surprised, aside from the extended family, their father doesn't sound like such a lovely person so they probably prefer being with their mom anyway), but his disappointment doesn't justify in any shape or form what he said and what he did.
He may beg your forgiveness, he may promise this is not going to happen again….don't give in. This was supposed to be your first Christmas together, and he selfishly couldn't care less. He showed his true colors, and unfortunately you are just now getting to see why his wife ran for the hills and why his marriage broke down. It's not too late to end this marriage, you haven't invested that much time in it yet and luckily no kids yet either.
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I would invite a realtor over and list the house. Then she gets an ultimatum, work, sell or divorce. There are no other options in this situation.
Have you ever asked about childhood? Is this learned behavior? A result of food uncertainty? Some things happened when I was a kid that don't cause me a lot of problems but every now and then, I get weird about food. My husband caught on pretty fast and alerts me.
Planning? I’d bet they’ve been boning for a while now
I'm order to evict him the landlord needs to send a notice she wait 30 days before the lease can be changed.
My boyfriend now husband got me two lovely pieces in a row, that were elephant shaped and I saw a trend so I nipped it in the bud. I know exactly what happened, I have a massive wall hanging I got that was quilted to look like an elephant from my travels but I do not by any means like or love elephants. The art on my wall was art but he being a thoughtful partner took it as a sign. The first one I thanked him profusely for….. the second, I thanked him and said it was so nice but asked that it would be the last elephant gift I got and explained. He understood. I still wear the pieces now even though they aren't to my taste and one piece is incredibly ugly in my opinion but I wear it 2-3x a year and make sure it's in a way that he sees it.
In the case of engraved jewelery, I'm with you it's absolutely not my cup of tea. I assume (sorry if I missed it) that there is no return policy. So here we are dealing with it. I would personally ask to go together to get something for him and you that matches your tastes and his. Maybe a nice bracelet for him? Maybe a vintage locket for you with the fam pic in it? I think this is a salvageable situation
Rene Angelil wasn’t a friend of Celine Dion’s father. He was a professional record producer who was sent a recording of her by her family. He recognized her talent and signed her and made her a star. Yes she was only 12 and yes he probably groomed her because she never had a childhood since she was always performing. And there were 14 kids in her family so he was the only one paying attention to her. Still they had a happy marriage and three beautiful children. She became a young widow but hundreds of millions of dollars make the age gap disappear.
Every time I read these really venomous comments I think the same thing. The people commenting them have either been very hurt in the past, cannot see past their own personal hurt, and cannot see that people are all different, and things can and do happen for different reasons and with different effects. And, that they have probably never been in very long term relationships where they did have to work through some hardships.
I have luckily never had to work through straight up cheating, but we had our almost-deal-breaker ups and downs at the start of our relationship. And honestly? Working though them and becoming able to communicate more openly made us into one of the happiest couples we now know. He's literally my best friend as well as partner, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I'm happy you guys worked it out, I hope you're both stronger for it! Also I hope he did some major repentance haha.
This sounds like it’s in your head tbh
Stand up for yourself and go! Her controlling behaviour will ruin the relationship if you both don’t sort this out
It all depends on how much you love each other, see a future together & whether you have a mutual desire to find a compromise. You can’t do all the work for him & you can’t make him want to do it.
Talk to him openly & express that you would like to find some common ground – anything, that you could do as a couple.
Ask him to think of something he might enjoy trying – from cooking classes to mountaineering, literally anything.
If he’s unwilling or uninterested in putting any effort into this then I guess you have your answer.
This. But also as they said they don’t mind taking another kind of transportation
I believe she is hurt by the change of circumstances.
It's one thing to share a house with friends, it's another to share a house with friends and their newborn. They are a handful, noisy, sometimes smelly, people usually begin to suffer from lack of sleep, not even mentioning the time consuming and changing in general they bring. I love them, but they are a lot. Most people do not want to online with people with a newborn and some are even pissed when they are in condo above or bellow or even the next house (not saying they are right, just saying they are noisy and most people notice).
I think she is afraid of what this change will bring. She may feel like she will loose friends and her place go stay. However, she shouldn't have brought this to social media, this was unnecessary.
Have a serious talk with her about what will change and how you will prevent it from disturbing her and making things comfortable for everyone, she should do the same, have a brainstorm about it. Build new boundaries and keep them. But be sure to think this through before the talk.
If you are willing there are also therapists who receive friends. But if it comes down to it, maybe you shouldn't online together.
They make enough money to support us both with our current expenses and I’m SO grateful.
Just to clarify, have you thought about the new expenses with the newborn and the delivery? Will they also be able to cover it or will you be working after the maternity leave? Childcare is very expensive but maybe she could be concerned about you relying on her for this too. It's always expensive having a child sadly and I believe unfortunately a lot of people don't think this before the baby arrives. Try to budget and see how much you would need. (You probably did it already, but I think it's nice to get a head start and they have been having a lot of sale items for babies).
Good luck!
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I’m sorry but this is such a shit take. She’s protecting herself, which is completely valid. She isn’t responsible for his actions. It’s easy to say she should tell people when you’re not the one risking your reputation, friendships, and safety.
Sounds like you never fully healed the hurt your original comment of “it’s your money” caused. You working and her staying home, she’s putting a LOT of trust in you to provide and share. That comment wasn’t just hurtful but also probably greatly shattered her trust in your ability to see you both as a team. And though it got better with time, it seems like it’s pretty raw to her still. I’d suggest googling how to sincerely apologize then use that to address this situation. Acknowledge that her hurt feelings now are probably a reflection of the broken trust from before and tell her you want to re-earn that trust back, not just hope the hurt fades with time. And then really do your best to repair and rebuild that trust. If that doesn’t work, might be time for couples therapy.
Yup.. she’s a selfish bitch but man, what he did the day before the wedding. Unforgivable.
It's troubling that you didn't have any clear marriage talk 6+ years into the relationship. What else isn't being communicated?
What you did was massively invasive and you clearly have no respect for your sister. Yes, your sister messed up on most of her relationships, but this is something SHE needs to work on. Not you. It is not your job to babysit her relationships; she needs to develop on her own (and she probably wouldn't have cheated on her current bf? You don't even know now because in your heart, you strongly believe she would've cheated).
First and foremost, you ARE NOT going to reply to the boyfriend. You already set the tone in the relationship by stepping in and telling him about your sister's past. This should've allowed her to come clean to her boyfriend and he needs to discuss this with your sister, not you. You passed on your feelings of hatred onto the boyfriend. Now he's left with this constant paranoia of whether or not she is or will cheat on him. He's also having trust issues, seeing as how he went to you, and not your sister with these questions (plus, you told him. OF COURSE he's going to have more questions). You singlehandedly ruined this relationship by telling him your sister's dating history and you thought your sister would ruin it, but it was YOU.
Secondly, I find this very naked to believe that you did this with no malicious intentions. Your actions were EXTREMELY calculated (popping up at someone else's home to be alone with their partner because you know that person ain't going to be home but just their partner is a little sus imo. You could've called, knowing she wasn't there; yet, you decided the best course of action was to go there in person and tell him? That's weird). With the way you speak about your younger sister, it makes me think that you are jealous of her relationships and feel that this man is too good for her. Who are you to judge whether or not someone is a decent fit or not for them to be in a relationship? You aren't the one in the relationship; I'm sure you do not know this man as well as your sister (But you spent the WHOLE YEAR getting to know him /s).
Lastly… you need to distance yourself from your sister. You know waaaaay too much about her dating history. You mentioned that she has told you about her affairs and how it has impacted your view of her. Well, obviously, you don't feel as close to her as she does to you. You clearly have a bad image of your sister, so why are you continuing to be close to her knowing all of this? You betrayed your sister super hot and it's no wonder she doesn't want to speak about you, especially if she is trying to change.
What you did was a gamble and it is an extremely risky one that could hinder your sister's progress to change or make her relapse. But, it sounds like your opinion was already formed and you couldn't careless to actually see if your sister would change.
didn't read it all, but – go ahead and get the insurance without telling him. You're merely protecting yourself, and he gets a free ride. If it causes a fight, maybe that tells you something about the relationship.
Do you know him personally?
Yes, you should let them escalate it!!
It is your right to not take any ridiculous fetisch seriously.
It is his right to not want you as a friend anymore, if you choose to not take his fetisch seriously.
First of all, thanks for your comment..especially for sharing your experience!
But I have a question on this (and since you were in the situation maybe you have more insight on this)
She says she’s drinking because she’s unhappy (lack of physical touch, cuddling) but she doesn’t see that drinking, swearing,… lead to emotional distance from my side. Do you get my point or do you think that if she „gets what she wants“ that she might change?
Thank you for explaining that. I thought he was probably just doing it because he didn't understand how it was hurting me. I think he's doing it because he's trying to show me things that I would like to do myself and doesn't realize that it's making myself a steam take a hit.
This is biphobic. When you thought she was straight were you worried that she would want to explore sec with other people and doubting if she would be happy in a monogamous relationship?
I like you. I think you seem fun, sweet, engaging and silly. I don't know about your rude ass bf. He seems to enjoy getting under your skin and then plays the victim. After he changed the subject you might as well of stopped communicating with him. As a bf he should want to talk about things that make you happy.
You need to go NC. Things get messy when you're trying to be friends and still have heavy feelings for them. You might be healed enough to be able to look at a friendship in a year or more, but you're just muddying the issue with all this contact at a time when you need to heal. (Politely & with an explanation) cut them off and let yourself start actually healing.
Very few people are 30kg up in a year. Especially without childbirth. Very different scenarios, mate. This is a pretty legitimate health concern.
This is so difficult, your wife shouldn’t be judging people on their size. This is a typical situation where ‘Health at Every Size’ matters. Your mum has worked really naked. She’s following her medical teams advice. She’s maintaining healthy habits and working always towards healthier lifestyle. She shouldn’t therefore be judged on the number on the scales. It’s irrelevant. Especially by someone who is not her doctor nor cares very much for her. And also, BMI is nonsense. I’m 5’9 and when you’re taller it swings so much. And it’s nonsense. It takes no actual health related factors into account like medical conditions and advice.
On this basis would she leave you when you put on your dad bod? It’s a ridiculous notion. She needs to speak to some professionals who actually know what they’re talking about and not be so ignorant.
Why are you forgetting to take your medication? If you are forgetting and then keep running out, it’s never going to work properly.
Once your medication is working properly, you might be more stable and able to focus on college/a job.
This is bait
Just ask yourself whether you’d wear a thong if your girlfriend told you she’d love to see you in them. Go a step further and try some on for one hour. Whatever your response is, that’s your answer.
My bf loves thongs and I love high waisted underwear. Look on Amazon and you’ll find best of both worlds. Works for us
It is bigger than an ant. It is smaller than the Eiffel Tower. You get to decide what you think 🙂
It is bigger than an ant. It is smaller than the Eiffel Tower. You get to decide what you think 🙂
He assumed you were outside “cooling off” for 2 HOURS?
First point: He knew you were upset. Otherwise why would you need to 'cool off'?
So, he didn't check on his upset wife 15min after you left…
He didn't check on his upset wife 30 Min after ahe left.
He didn't check on his upset wife ONE HOUR after he thought you 'went outside to cool off'.
He didn't check on his upset wife an hour and a half after you left.
I would bet money that SOMEONE ELSE asked where you had gone around the 2 hour mark OR he was thinking he wanted to leave soon and then realized the car was gone.
The only suitable way to talk to this moron at this point is to start phrases with “What the fuck is wrong with you?…”
For example,
“What the fuck is wrong with you that you think that bringing up me being a surrogate for ANYONE at a friend get together is funny?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you that you think humiliating your wife in a group hangout is really fucking funny?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? You just made it so that your friends will never be confortable around me AND you made fun of your friend's pregnancy issues?”
Basically, “I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you but you are so stupid and immature that I'm filing for divorce to get away from you.”
… you embarass yourself and the people who arrive with you so badly. I don't want to join you in being the brunt of the joke with your friends anymore. You can now keep that honor to yourself.”
And in the meantime, I would send a polite apology to the surrogacy couple. “I'm sorry my husband thought to make your challenges into the butt of his jokes. I've had enough of how inconsiderate he is. I'm done. I wish you all the best in your family plans.”
Frankly, if I could sabotage his relationship with these friends on the way out of the picture, I would.
This is not a healthy relationship, and your best call here is to end it. If you refuse to do that, you need to at least change your passcode so that he can no longer access your phone. It isn't just about your privacy, you owe your friends privacy. They believe they are having private conversations with you, and you are breaking their trust by allowing your boyfriend to access their private information and feelings.
But I hope you have the self respect to see that he assumes you're hiding something worth fighting or breaking up over because that's precisely what he is doing and move on with your life to someone who will trust you. Without trust a relationship can never be healthy.
He has a pretty good understanding of how much his company will profit as it's the kind of stuff where you get paid by projects, and he has a bunch of big-money projects agreed on. Thank you for your input! I have such a naked time understanding how my boyfriend could be in the wrong since he's a very caring, socially talented person who would never hurt me on purpose. I feel like not prioritizing this little detail is dumb of me as he'd very perfect in all the other ways possible.
I have accepted it. And that’s why I haven’t reacted or made any further steps toward notifying my partner about any of these concerns lol.
Codependency isn’t scary for me, and I have known for a while that I exhibit codependent behavior. It’s better now than it was last year and I thank god for that! Thank you, I know it’s not easy for anyone to find out who they are but I feel like I’m on the right track.
Absolutely under no circumstance should you let go of this house. It is a wise financial investment – espcially in a desirable suburbs that families want to move to.
Like others are saying, highly recommend renting it out. I don’t know how long you’ve owned it, but if you don’t want to deal with the hassle, you can hire a property management company for a % of the rent.
Also, if you online in a major city, I’m assuming there might be big companies that are headquartered there, and often times their HR departments can tell you if they have employees they bring in for 1-3 year periods from other places. This is often a great place for finding qualified long-term renters.
Anyway, KEEP THE HOUSE.
I for one don't believe you. Long term it will fail.
If y’all were to theoretically get back together, his relationship with your family has to improve or this situation will repeat in similar fashion. I can understand why this has jeopardized all trust for him.
Has he even lived on his own before? If a guy can’t even do basic chores or cook basic foods…we’ll that’s pretty pathetic. Or he might be just that stupid. Either way, I wouldn’t marry him until he learns how to properly functions like an adult. This is already a hella big problem that will probably get worse if you marry him.
Ooof. The MIL on video every night is SO WEIRD!
I appreciate that your wife is invested in supporting her mom, but part of what needs to happen is that MIL needs to broaden her circle and carve out a life of her own. Your MIL likely has another 20 years on her. Her heavy dependence on you guys is too much.
Get a new bed out of him.
Absolutely. You can't get urine stains out of a mattress. He did this deliberately and owes her a new mattress
This is reaching imo.
I may end up saying this, thank you for the advice!!
Maybe first tell them they need a few meetings with a psychologist to learn something about trauma. If your family is just ignorant of how this all works then of course they could never understand your husband's bizarre reactions to things.
It just comes off like she’s basically been angling to get access for awhile, and he was responding to that.
Postpartum depression?
Does this man even like you?
Step one, cut a hole in the box…
Yeah this isn’t a culture difference – he’s just doesn’t respect you, unfortunately. Sorry OP. Move out/get him to move out and break it off. His selfish behavior will continue – he will not change.
Would you rather he starts beating up guys that say something he doesn't like?
This legit made me say “holy SHIT” out loud.
Wtf…
Safe for sex, BUT the flavoring outside can irritate your insides if you're unlucky.
Even so, no condoms are 100% safe, just saying.
You need to deal with your trust issues in councilling. You are bordering on paranoid and I'm sure that's not helping your relationship. This is a You thing. Do not further invade her privacy or continue to make really weird sexually assumptive leaps.
This guy will escalate.
100%, he already is. He’s a predator just waiting for the optimal opportunity to really corner OP to himself. I don’t say this to be hyperbolic — my job literally entails working with victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking. Unfortunately, several of my clients have endured stalking similar to OP’s situation. Creeps like the dude don’t just go away, especially if they have given wealth and privilege. OP, please heed the advice provided in this thread. It’s good that you’re somewhere safe for now, but there’s more you can do to protect yourself.
35 usually means he is stable and ready for kids probably already has a stable income and either ready to buy house or apartment if he doesn't already own one. it's not a trap it's just the stage he is in life.
you are 20 not at that stage yet and that's ok too. not everything is a malicious trap. if you think you are ready to be in a serious relationship at 20 and start to build a family then by all means do so, but 20s and responsibility aren't exactly the best combination.
Dude, it's a fart… Farts are funny, but not worth starting an international incident. What, exactly, do you hope to accomplish by talking to her? She can't control it. You fart in your sleep, too.
Yeah imagine how bad this would feel if you’d been in a relationship for months and then she did that shit dude. I know it doesn’t feel like it but this is the best case scenario with this person. She’s for the streets.
I don’t have a problem saying all of this. But the people in my life keep saying he’s still a really great guy and has potential, so I feel like I’m being too critical. I wanted to seek an unbiased perspective.
True. If that's a thing for him, that's fine. But there are ways of communicating that can be more mature.
He sexually assaulted you. This was not accidental. You only relented after he kept insisting – that is coercive.
Oh my gosh, it’s not that deep.
Honestly, you’re an asshole for saying she “manipulated” you and saying she was like her mother. Look at the world we are living in. I don’t blame her for not wanting to bring kids into it. She probably was pretty certain that she wanted kids before and just….grew up more and changed her mind. That’s not manipulation or a crime. Plenty of people have changes in their wants from their early 20s.
A difference in opinion on kids being a dealbreaker is absolutely fine and I would encourage you to leave if you want kids and she does not. But she reached out to you to have a dialogue about it and you just got up and left? That is absurd. I can understand the hurt and shock but this is your fiancé that you’ve been with for 5 years. She deserves more respect then you just walking out on her during serious talks about life.
Did you ever stop to ask WHY she was feeling that way? Maybe she’s feeling like you’re not helpful enough around the place now and can’t imagine adding more to her plate, maybe she’s just nervous about the state of the world, maybe she’s just really valuing the private time you guys have together, or maybe she’s scared of what a pregnancy would do to her body. It could be a million things and some might just require a little help and reassurance from you or for her to just have a little more time to think about it…and she may realize she was just having some anxiety and land back on wanting kids. But you didn’t give her a chance to explain ANYTHING or hear her out. Even if she solidly decided that she didn’t want kids and the relationship was understandably ending, that shouldn’t stop you from being a compassionate person to her?
And if one thing like this is enough to make you lash out and then abandon the conversation, you aren’t ready to be a dad. Because parenting is not easy and you will have to compromise and listen. To your wife AND children.
We go a touch further. We treat their s/o’s like family. It’s made a huge difference with my son’s fiancée whose own family treated her like shit.
Can't you just hang out with your friends while she goes and sees hers? I'm not sure why anyone has to choose. It's okay to see friends separately.
He cheated while you were away… Is my take on this situation. If this is how he treats you now, when you have no particular commitments, then I'd just walk away. It'll only get worse.
R/survivinginfidelity
All the downvoted comments. There got to be bots or something downvoting us cause that is some bratty ass behavior we calling out. OP said it's been a while since that proposal too. I want to say I remember seeing months or years??? Like bro. And to the chump who commented she didn't reject him… they aren't engaged. He was rejected harder than Isaiah Thomas driving in the paint against Shaq. She didn't just say no and not accept the ring. She belittled him and told him to do better. The disrespect ?
Let's not forget doing a line of coke off of sone guys dick too! Lolol. I can't believe anyone believed that story even the first time around.
That makes no sense. Is writing verses about bitches and hoes somehow magically easier than writing about literally anything else?
Ah so even worse, she is a spiteful hypocrite.
‘Looking sweet’ is about a valuable and important as a TrumpU degree in astrophysics.
Watch after the divorce they suddenly try to reach out and call him dad as soon as they have a minor financial struggle or get ready for college and need money.
You should have disclosed your history with him immediately, and really? You’re thinking of hooking up with him AGAIN after he’s been with your sister for six months? Just… just NO! Throw the whole man away!
“she realized how much she liked me after having him over”…this thing will haunt you forever, OP.If she had told you that you were among the 5 guys she was talking to, then you'd have walked away right? This is more like a learning opportunity I guess. Good luck OP.
Yep.
Ask him to mail them to you. Or put them into your mailbox. Then just notify you by text that he did it. He can do it whenever he has time and you don't have to see him.
I wonder what excuse he will find for not being able to do it…
man i'm 21 and i'm having a naked time believing that someone older than me is whining over twitter likes lmao.
How delusional do you have to be to think/believe your perfect?
OP I get it you’re young, but you don’t have to be so naive.
Sounds like your in need of a reality check.
Be happy she wasnt amart ebough to hide her character until she was pregnant or married to you..
Also kudos on your success, love to know how you did it.
Why do you care or need to know if he's into you? Are you actually considering pursuing a relationship with a married man?
Yes. I try to help where I can. Obviously I don’t just atm money to people because where do you stop.
Don't have sex with him until he gets it fixed. That should motivate him. He's 18 after all
OP themselves described their relationship as volatile.
Love the downvotes on this one.
It's my favourite series of first world problems, “woman surprises man with unprompted changes to hair arrangements and is absolutely devastated he wasn't immediately super excited.”
That's just creating drama for the sake of it.
Thank u 🙂
She's so crazzzzzzzy! Love her!
I don’t even want to comment on him. All I want to say is that I am SO proud of you making these amazing life changes for yourself and I hope that these changes have increased your happiness and energy. Wish you all the best ?
I don’t even want to comment on him. All I want to say is that I am SO proud of you making these amazing life changes for yourself and I hope that these changes have increased your happiness and energy. Wish you all the best ?
And the cheater
Break up with him, he’s a pig
Good awareness on the codependency. Someone told me once that it is better to be lonely by yourself than to be lonely in a relationship. The biggest challenge for those not raised in love is learning to love ourselves. When we learn how to do that, THEN we can learn to love someone else. At least that is what I have learned about me.
I don't feel like I'm being emotionally abused. I believe that he doesn't fully see me as an equal partner and that's why he undermines my decisions.
I'm not communicating with him effectively so he's struggling to see me as an equal partner who is capable of making decisions within our relationship. I want to know what I can do to change that.
yeah, tell the girl and tell management. also, an “old man crush” sounds exactly as gross as it does. he's been married for 30 years YES, you out this disgusting garbage.
I hope you're gf is not hearing this shit talk about her!
maybe they were half way through a really important mission style dream.
Excuse me? I do not post stupid cheating stories, nor do I rarely talk about this as its a sensitive subject unless you were talking about op being the troll.
❤️
I can honestly say that I trust my DH 100%. Outside of responding to this post, it is not something that has crossed my mind since.
My feelings were deeply hurt, but I was willing to give him another chance. First, I realized we had wildly different experiences that we were bringing into our joint life. He came from a stricter, nuclear family that emphasized healthy eating and cleanliness. I came from a blended family and hopped between houses, so healthy eating and chores weren't a priority. I realized I did need to step up on household tasks (but I still did not force myself to become Suzy Homemaker). DH learned I came from an affectionate family and needed kinder communication; a strict “my way or the highway” demand would just push me away. I also knew that he'd already been divorced once (BM left him for someone else) and knew he was scared of being hurt “first.” It doesn't make what happened okay, but it gave us a starting point for understanding each other better.
The most important thing though – what makes me know deep down that DH is best friend, my loyal husband, and my life partner – is the tough times we've gone through since: health issues of our youngest child, homeownership and fixing things with low finances, custody concerns with his ex, job changes, mental health. While housework and chores used to seem so huge, it pales in comparison to the bigger challenges we face in later years. We occasionally bicker (usually it still about cleaning) but when push comes to shove, we huddle together and support each other through the worst.
I am definitely not saying you MUST forgive and forget or that things WILL work out. You are totally right to feel hurt, devastated, and to reevaluate what you want/need. I just wanted you to know that there CAN be a happy ending, and you are not wrong if you decide you want to give him another chance.
Frankly, your reasoning doesn’t seem to change what you said. It still comes out as, I had more fun when I was single.
If I were you, I’d respond this way. “When I was single, I did a lot of things I considered fun that we don’t really do now. However, that doesn’t mean I want to be single. What I want is to create new fun and enjoyment with you.” Hopefully, that’s what you meant and he will understand if you put it that way. Our lives will always change when we go from single to in a relationship. There’s another person to consider. You didn’t do a good job of considering how your words will be perceived, better to say nothing next time until you can think of the right words to say.
She was the one to bring up doing monogamy and has asked about what happened with my long term ex before her, so it all seems to be moving in that direction anyways
That is insane behavior. I would divorce immediately.
It doesn't really sound like he's your friend. This is just a guy you'll know for the couple of years you're at college – and then you'll never stay in touch again. He's an acquaintance. Someone you have shared personal details with – and who is now disregarding your feelings. Bear that in mind with what you share with him in future.
why are you dating someone that is financially illiterate?
I'm sorry your dad is sick, but glad that you are happier now in your relationship with him.
So younger men can’t be toxic and manipulate? Young men can’t use his power over you ? Lol. Yeah
There are women who can’t even get a phone password.
I just wanted sex after a baby. Which is a normal thing that happens with relationships all the time.
It's not romantic if you don't like them sexually… It's just called platonic friendship at that point
If the feeling is mutual then it does appear he is lying.
This is lovely, OP ? I understand the question but I wouldn’t put this pressure on yourself. It doesn’t need to be a bug planned occasion. Just wait till you feel it, and tell him. Sending good vibes ?
Honestly I wish more people would be open about this innocent type of turn on! Like, I don't get the jacket being sexy, but if it was a thing for someone else who then did cool stuff to me while I wore the jacket, that jacket would soon be sexy to me as well. Anyone who gets freaked out by such an easy ask really isn't mature enough for a sexual relationship
The guy she works with has been texting her. Wife plays it off to husband. Gets mad when he wonders why she would rather stay at hotel in her bday rather than take free Uber 30 minutes home , or invite him to meet coworkers and hand out at after event and stay at hotel.
I would suggest you each go to your own friend’s wedding. You aren’t attached at the hip.
Focus on what I was saying to you, not what the other person was saying to you. Again, you have a problem with reading comprehension.
A 45-year-old giving whisky to 28 years. The only one I know carrying whisky you need to stay away from them.
Also pregnant ATM! Congratulations!! So excited for you!
Look…the only thing you can do is refuse to tolerate the abuse. And it's time you start now, because you cannot let that into your child(ren)s life in the future. You need to just decide you won't accept it, state your boundaries, and walk out when they break them. And if it leads to NC in the future, then it does, but that's on them.
Eg.
“Mom and dad, we have to talk about our relationship. It is important to me that the negativity about my life choices end, because the way this relationship is progressing is not sustainable. I am deeply unhappy with our relationship, and no longer in a position where I can handle it. I need to request that moving forward, if you can't say anything nice about my decisions, to not say anything at all. If this is not possible, then I need you to understand that I will be walking away when the negativity begins, and it will have a drastic impact on our relationship. I cannot and will not hear it any further.”
This conversation should happen before your pregnancy announcement, (ideally today) and it is important to remain calm, but firm in the discussion. You are not telling them how to act or controlling them, you are asking them to treat you better, and making it clear that if they cannot, then you will walk away. And you need to be firm, and walk away every time the negativity begins, from now on. They will arch up and become emotionally manipulative after you say this, but that is why you do not allow it to become a conversation. You are stating your boundaries, and they don't get to argue them. If they argue, then get up, and walk away, while reiterating that this is how you will be responding to these sorts of tactics moving forward.
This is going to be significantly more important, to establish this boundary, than it will be to tell them about your pregnancy (but it will also support it greatly, because if the negativity begins, you just walk away). It is so important as it will establish that you are not going to allow them to treat your child(ren) the way they treated you, and that you will not allow yourself to be treated that way any longer either.
Clearly what you need to do is draw attention away from the rug. My advice is to go to any store that sells posters, buy one of the Mona Lisa, put it in a nice frame. When they get to your house direct their attention to it right away and tell them that it's not a replica, it's the original that you stole from the Louvre.
This should start a conversation that distracts from the rug, and if they do manage to notice the rug at some point they will just be flattered that an art thief with your tastes and credentials found their discarded Target rug worth stealing.
I'm surprised you haven't been stoned yet!
Independent woman you say!
That's just blasphemy. Depending on cuddles from some demonic furbaby. How dare you.
Unfortunately for you this isn't the times of old you would've been married off at the old age of 14.
No you need a man like OPs one that still acts like the Kings did, taking whatever they wanted with no regard for respect or common decency. Tsk Tsk!
I fair thee well hopefully my time will come.
It's never that easy
Yeah. It will hurt. The moment that you truly accept that it is over is the moment you can start to grieve the loss. It might take up to 3 months of grieving before it stops hurting.
But if you don’t accept that it’s over, you can torture yourself for years.
Step 1. Break up all the way. Move out or kick him out. Separate all belongings, and throw away or put in storage anything that has too much sentimental value. Completely out of sight.
Step 2. Block him on everything. Don’t try to be someone who can “stay friends.” You need to get him out of your system. Cold turkey. You can always be friends later, once you’ve moved on. You probably won’t want to tho.
Step 3. Ban make-up fantasies. If you find yourself hoping he’ll come back, interrupt that thought. Distract yourself, call a friend, take a cold shower, do something to put an end to those thoughts. If you feel sad, that’s fine, feel sad. Cry, rage, whatever. But don’t romanticize this or feed into a narrative where the door is still open.
Step 4. Take care of yourself. Drink water, get exercise, reach out to friends and family who make you feel supported. See a therapist, attend doctors and dentist appointments. Eat healthy food.
Once your emotional brain realizes it’s over, it will start dedicating itself to creating new connections. You won’t remember why you stated so long.
Yes we were ?
If you are not ready (and there is nothing wrong with that) and she's pressuring you, break up and let her find her prince charming.
“So that's what that smell is.” Cruel but probably an effective way to get him to start cleaning.
My ex was like this, imagining he'd have two SOs and us being fine with it, sorry but I wasn't stupid like those polygamists sister wives and now he's an ex. Yours should be too
Exactly.. this is so obviously a troll creative writing post.. no one can be this naive.
Shit sucks but we see the double standards all the time lmao
He also wants his kids homeschooled. And wants me to be a stay at home mom like his mom. Does he not see where that got his mom after the divorce? No retirement, no job, having to go back to school in her late 50s. He says I don’t trust him, and I guess don’t completely because I just can’t see a future like that with him where I’m happy.
When you break up lr fight over and over again because of the same reason it means nothing is going to change. You are just treading water instead of growing. It is time to rip off the bandaid and work on yourself before getting into another relationship. You need to work on why you have been in a dishonest relationship in the first place. If you don't take the time out you will keep repeating the same mistakes
There's a solution for this:
It's called restraining order. Get one ASAP. I'm quite certain that stalking and harassing are good enough reasons.
Talking is obviously not working, so it's time to pull off the kid gloves.
Breaking up is always naked. But I guarantee you, the feeling is freedom and relief you'll get after it's done it's 1000% worth it.
I was in an unhappy marriage, but I put off divorce just because I dreaded the conversation of ending the relationship. But I finally made myself do it. And afterward the feeling I got was euphoric. I literally felt like I had done drugs lol. I was so relieved to be done with all the animosity and negative feelings. I felt like a different person.
Your future self will be so grateful that your present self took the plunge, even though it's one of the hardest things you've ever done.
I don't really have friends (I'm so introverted I don't really need them). And I'm not breaking up with him.
Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him? If yes then that is a massive red flag. He sounds crazy.
Ugh she is vile, please be careful leaving. She sounds psychotic
It's worrying and frustrating that he's just completely not listening to you ever. He doesn't sound like he prioritises being your boyfriend. And you should hold him to account for that. ?
I think that if she’s texting you frequently and engaging in the conversation then you have the OK to ask her out and it seems like she is equally as interested in you 🙂
So we're all unanimously agreeing that OP's husband is an abuser, and OP shouldn't have to waste time, effort, and nerves trying to salvage the situation, right? Please stay safe.
He’s a mummies boy, prepare yourself
You're right, if he never said he'd keep it or expressed there was an issue then it would be on me. But that wasn't the case.
I moved to CA for college initially and lived in a tiny apartment. Most college kids aren't expected to take all their belongings with them, and I took as much as I could possibly fit in our cars and Uhaul. He said not to worry about the stuff I couldn't fit, and I took more and more back with me each time I visited over the years. I could understand if I had a bunch of crap I left, but the only stuff of mine that was left was about 4 small boxes worth that were organized and put in the attic, as well as my old bedroom furniture (I understood entirely getting rid of the furniture). And it's not like he's a clean freak, the house was in a chaotic state when he moved because he impulsively buys stuff too and it all stacked up.
And I did add my age (30f). Yes I am serious….would you expect someone with a broken middle finger to be able to move heavy solid wood furniture, bring inside big plants (we online in Houston, so hurricanes) or pull crab grass from a flower bed? Like I said I never asked for anything, and still was able to help him with most things that didn't involve heavy lifting or pulling. I stood my ground on the few things I wasn't able to do since my finger was severely fractured and I wasn't supposed to lift more than 10 lbs. He still ridiculed me for it, but that wasn't the main point of my post. I mentioned it to help paint a picture of his recent behavior.
You do you. If he can’t handle who you truly are? Maybe he’s just not that into you as you guys first thought.