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Threatening divorce as a means of getting her way is considered emotionally abusive. Has she done this before? Is this generally how you guys resolve conflict?
That said, her concerns are valid. She is scared. You have a baby, and she is worried about being on her own with him for two years while having to fret about expenses due to lower income. Those are reasonable worries, even though her threat is completely unacceptable.
You should spring for a consultation with a financial planner, where both of you can talk through what your future looks like on your current income. This shouldn’t be you vs. her, it should be the two of you working together to figure out how to have the life that you want.
HE WAS DECENT BUT WE DIDNT THINK WE WANTED A RELATIONSHIP OTHER THAN BANGIN
Do we know how long they have been together? That seems like a crucial piece of information. I was very sure I wanted to marry my wife a few months into dating her, but I still waited to move in because I didn’t want things to move too quickly
Yes she does but like I said I’m another reply she is debating on 2 people
I don't know about now but maybe 20 years ago. I went to the police with a similar situation. They laughed at me and told me to leave. I have had it happen since then but never tried to report it ever again. I do feel bad for you and hope you have a better experience if you report this.
Jfc, children are not keepsakes for relationships. You have enough children on your plate combined already, and it sounds like your partner at least has the sense to see things for what they are.
It’s simply disgusting. Why would I ever want to be in a company of a woman my partner slept with? Like, ew.
It says something about seducing how do I seduce
What do I do ? Speak to him I don't wanna make him choose between us or hurt him
What a shite comment
Some guys require time to be alone, where there is absolutely nothing happening or anything affecting our mental state. Us asking to be alone usually has nothing to do with anybody, we just want our alone time. It could be five minutes, could be a day. If a guy asks for him, give it to him. And just because he’s alone and still checking up on social media and your texts, doesn’t mean he’s willing dodging you, but that he just doesn’t have the mental space for talk to anybody right now.
Talk to her. Talk to your friend.
It is weird that they went out without telling you first – more so your friend than the girl (Does she know you two are friends?)
On the one hand? You aren't exclusive and they are adults, free to do stuff. Doesn't sound like you're exclusive based on how you describe things.
On the other hand? Very sneaky for them to go out on a date – or multiple? – without at least giving you the consideration of a heads up.
I am in a surprisingly similar situation, but my boyfriend is the one that moved from abroad. He got stuck here before COVID, never left, and had to leave his job, family, friends, apartment, etc. He has similar thoughts to yours.
From the other perspective my best advice is to talk to her. Please. My boyfriend also internalizes his sadness and does not share it often. It personally eats me up inside that I cannot help him, but it is very hot to help or understand if one does not share.
Some things that have helped my boyfriend: really getting into his hobbies, sporadic day trips.
Definitely talk about what you both want in the future. If that makes you uncomfortable start smaller. Talk about where you see yourself in half a year or so and work up to the end goals.
If you are both open to it and need help facilitating the conversation, maybe see a couple's therapist. We did and it helped a lot by just providing talking points and a mediator.
He’s juT hoping to keep her around until he’s actually ready for her, doing whatever he wants in the meantime
Simply put, you want to change her. That will always fail. You should accept her as she is, or move on
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Thanks a lot for that. Yeah I do think I’m the peacemaker, and am struggling to let go of that role. It’s not so much my Dad, he’s relatively mature but it’s my brother who I find more difficult
You need to talk to him asap and just let it all out. Your feelings, your anger, everything.
You can do this after Christmas if you think you can hold your feelings in till then or you can do it before if you think you can recover after telling him. How you feel.
Yes. It's a pretty big red flag that you're not the couple you thought you were because he just didn't tell you he was putting money into something while you're asking to fix something else.
If you dont think this is salvageable, then there's not a lot you can do. It's pretty crazy to think he never mentioned to you he was buying it.
You break up with her.
Oh I agree there, if everyone waited for irresistible chemistry they might get one partner a year or less. Also, I won't even say after which date it is appropriate to end a FWB engagement in favour of your new budding relationship. Many relationships don't go past the 1st date, many don't go past the 2nd. Ending all sexual relationships because you want to go on a 2nd date with someone seems annoying, considering the odds of it working out in the long term.
If anything the main mistake here was her not being honest about already having a sexual partner at the time. One could argue it's not something a prospective partner has a right to know on 1st or 2nd date, it's one's own business who they sleep with and when. But at the same time, if you feel that telling a guy you're on a 2nd date with that you have arranged to sleep with some random guy later that evening he might not want to pursue you any further then it means that it clearly matters. If you feel like your date might walk if you're honest about your lifestyle and that leads you to omit it, then you are deceiving them, and building a relationship on false pretenses. People should be honest and open, especially about things that are likely to be dealbreakers to the other party. Things like “I already have kids from a previous relationship” or “I am currently casually sleeping with/dating multiple people” or “I am recovering from an addiction” or “I am HIV positive”. This goes for both men and women in dating.
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Maybe wait until she actually gets the news before assuming the worst. The saying “at first if you don't succeed, try and try again” exists for a reason. Try being a bit more supportive.
didn’t get time to put myself to together before I went to meet him he said that I look extremely ugly
Curb the man. He is verbally and emotionally abusive. This is a deliberate attempt to ruin your self-esteem to mire you into this relationship. Dump him now; the sea is wide, and the fish are plentiful.
Honey breaking up is naked but not your responsibility .
He brought it on himself and if you go back to him its giving him free passes ones to cheat another to use the death card on you.
What kind of life will that be?
How can you be happy?
Always waiting for shoe to fall him in bed with another then You find out..I will kill myself if you leave.
No run and block him
It is on him let him pick himself up and find another victim to his mind games not your rodeo of stress and lies
Block him and banish him from your life. And tell his family bye..and block..
He needs to control how he feels and analyze why he feels the need to control YOU. You can't control all the people at the gym and whether they look at you.
Also his point of a 12yp daughter is totally irrelevant. You are 22 yo and an adult. I also see plenty of women wearing what you are. You are gonna get stared at no matter what.
I mean how I found the account. How I found the account is not important
Probably just tell her you think that kind of stuff is sexy. Ask if she’d be into it at all, obviously not as an all the time thing. Maybe ask her to wear lingerie for your birthday or something, she’ll probably take the hint eventually.
If you don’t want to get back with her then you should cut contact with her. It’s not good for either of you and is preventing the both of you from moving on.
You have to decide who you believe and act accordingly.
Has your sister done things similarly disrespectful previously?
People who are nice to bad people are bad people. It's really that simple. Your boyfriend is a bad person. The excuse that no ones perfect applies to things like being late, or having a bad day. Not being friends with someone who sexually assaults women.
What does “rough sex” even mean? You are making me feel old.
To me, rough sex means I am thrusting in and out fast, with enough force to make her tits bounce or something.
It doesn't really need to hurt to be “rough”. Just faster and more force than usual sex. All I know is my wife liked it.
But I already told her that I was going to visit him with the kids. That day, I told her. She kept telling me they wouldn't like it, they get shy around new people, etc. So when I did go visit him and their reaction was the complete opposite of what she said it would be, she got annoyed and told me I shouldn't have went.
Run away
It isnt your job to fix her. Encourage her to get help with her depression and decide what your own needs/boundaries are.
They did multiple checks and sperm was absent in all of them, don’t screw with this guys head he’s going through enough as it is.
I specifically said before the holiday please book a room with a gym. They are my needs and gym helps with my mental health. He wanted to go cheap so we agreed that I would work out in the room while he did something in the morning.
You did enough. Stop beating yourself up about it. That’s what they want. You need to set boundaries. Not about your wife but about how your daughter can treat you and what she expects.
So, I'm an executive that assigns mentors and I would just want you to come to me and be up front. Say your mentor's availability isn't meeting your current needs and could you be assigned elsewhere.
She might ask some clarifying questions, but it's her job to make sure you succeed so just set up a meeting and do it.
Thanks, dear. It was a sh*t time and I wish so many people didn’t have to go thru it. ❤️
My dad had this problem and my mom had to sleep in a separate room, it’s called REM sleep disorder. There’s medications and ways to help it but it is a symptom of an underlying illness like sleep apnea for example is the most common. Best to go to a doctor and for the meantime have him take some melatonin before bed.
Honestly surprised people aren’t saying “ men are visual, he loves you but this is ok, don’t try and control someone’s masturbation fantasies, you’re insecure”.
So sick of it. I get it, we can look at anything we want. I occasionally seek out visual stimulus for like 2 minutes because I remember that I can get rid of stress by getting off. I go pretty quickly into thinking about my mate and all the yummy things we do. I do not consistently search for “hot guys” to mindlessly stare at. Maybe that’s hypocritical of me but the whole following IF accounts, following porn accounts, Facebook searching, beating off to wife’s friends is so fucked.
Exceptionally, succinctly accurate read.
Sounds like you are diverging in life goals and interests.
He’s wants someone to on-line an inert lifestyle with. He’s not building himself or you up, but just bringing you down. He’s not offering anything of growth. If you think this could be a permanent lifestyle change then maybe he isn’t the ideal partner?
Most people enjoy a physically fit partner. Maybe your effort reminds him of his lack of effort.
You didn’t notice this before marriage? “Work life isn’t for me” is very alarming. Nobody wants to work, but we kind of have to. Her crying when you try to talk about this is extremely manipulative. You don’t have a wife, you have a leech.
After you've met in person so she can feel you out for being who you claim to be. Apps like Hinge offer some sense of security to people (mostly women) given that all too often someone (often a guy) will flip out if the flirtation doesn't result in sex. Once you have her number she's kind of at your mercy and no one wants to have to change their phone number to get away from a weirdo. She doesn't yet know if you're potentially dangerous in that way. The freaks out there are far more common than you might wish to imagine. So let her get to know you (IRL) a bit more and then ask for her number).
I wouldn't give this another chance. It's happened twice now. F that. Go find someone who's actually loyal.
Forcing a child on someone who doesn’t want one and isn’t ready to have one is like a prison sentence. You have every right to do what is right for you and the decision is yours alone, but unfortunately for him, your decision determines the rest of his life.
Try to see things from his perspective, and it’s pretty easy to see why he wouldn’t want to maintain a relationship with you if you choose to have the baby. Your decision alters the course of his life, and it’s fair for him not to want to be with you if you choose to do something that he’s told you he’s unprepared for and doesn’t want.
If you really wanted a long term and healthy relationship with him, you should wait to have children until you’re both comfortable with it and respect that he’s not ready to support or raise a child with you right now.
You should see a relationship counselor together.
Change all the passwords you can remeber and block your credit, if you have credit cards, report them as stolen an ask for new cards just to be sure that he doesn't has that information.