Don’t blame this on mental health. OK? Mental health issues may have made you sleep with guys like that on tinder but most women I know bond once they sleep with somebody almost automatically. Even the women I know that her Polly or in the kinky stuff bond wants to sleep with somebody. I’ve decided after watching this to only sleep with people were there’s potential to be with them because of that. I suspect you’re like that to.
I'm just guessing here but it almost sounds like his issue was he was staying with someone who he knew was not good for him but could not break it off, but obviously eventually he got up the ability to do so.
I mean yeah but also different people have different things that bother them. I would personally just tell my partner that I straight up don’t want to know about their past and if they tell me after I’ve said that then THAT would be what bothers me. Kind of a “what I don’t know can’t hurt me” type of thing.
Cheating starts at the emotional side of the spectrum. So you two clearly have some chemistry and have already crossed that line. You further crossed the line when you started cuddling. You went even further by making a pac with each other.
So to answer your question, yes, you messed up big time. Best thing to do is to come clean, own it, be truthful, and realize the trust will be completely wiped out to 0. Starting couples counseling will likely be necessary to repair the broken trust and sort through your issues as your cheating is likely the result of deeper issues that need to be addressed professionally.
Source: I went to couples counseling. We read a book called, “Not Just Friends”, which by many therapist is regarded as the infidelity bible to navigating these situations. These aren’t just my opinions.
Shouldn't matter? Maybe. Does it matter? Yes. It clearly does to him. It's pointless looking for logic in it, just accept it for what it is. The man does not what to hear about you having sex with other men. It's not a difficult thing to avoid talking about.
The entirety of reddit is full of people screaming about pedophilia in every corner. At least it's on topic for this post, but no a 5 year difference (at the legal age limit) is far from vile.. Lmao
Does it bother you simply that he’s not divorced? Or do you have some reason to think that he’s still in some sort of romantic or sexual relationship with his ex wife?
Yeah you are definitely right to have her end her friendship. She is a homewrecker, and imo even dating her at all is risky. She clearly does not value or respect relationships very highly.
I dont want to break up over something that, imo, can be resolved with just a bit more intimacy.
But he has told you and shown you over and over he isn't going to change. It doesn't matter if he could change.
I could start training to run marathons, if I wanted. Anyone waiting around for me to start running marathons is going to be disappointed. Anyone telling me over and over that I need to start running marathons is wasting their time and should go find someone else who's actually interested in running marathons, because all they're gonna be doing is annoying the fuck out of me.
The change in the relationship after a child is born can be unsettling for anyone. Your struggles might translate into him not feeling like he’s valued enough, or any number of other soul foundation shaking feelings.
It sounds like he thought you were his safe space to explore emotions that he has no idea what they are.
It sounds to me like you are struggling with committment. Your willingness to stay with him is conditional. Your fears are driving assumptions.
Or maybe, you both are in a difficult place emotionally, and are both struggling to make sense of it.
Reddit is strongly biassed towards outrage farming, and the simple answers you’re getting here are designed to feed that, not to actually help you.
Therapy for both of you before making any major decisions. More thinking and exploring, less assuming what things mean. More asking.
Now, if you find he has someone lined up, and lied about it, that would be a big deal. You can’t be a team if there is no honesty in communication.
But, if he’s being truthful, there’s more for both of you to work on.
He violated, didn't and doesn't respect your boundaries. And he's done it multiple times. Absolutely Dump him.
I'm worried he's going to restore them from recently deleted
Of course you should be worried – he's proven he's not trustworthy and doesn't and won't respect your boundaries – so you're right to be worried.
fair of me to ask him not to take pictures
Absolutely.
he was quite an OF user
I don't care if he's a green alien from Mars. No excuse.
fair for me to expect him to not want
He can want whatever the hell he wants, that doesn't mean he gets it or is at all entitled to it. He can want a five million dollar mansion … that doesn't make it his to take. He took from you that which was never his to take. That's seriously messed up.
advice
Dump him, run like hell, don't look back. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. He's untrustworthy – so don't trust him – period – you can't and should not.
I do not believe I'm able to have kids, and nor do I think I really want them. I am using birth control. But to answer your question, about once a month he will vacuum the house. I will say that he does all the outside maintenance during the spring into the fall. I moved in with him in August so I guess I just haven't witnessed the amount of work he puts in into the outside chores yet (he has shoveled the driveway etc when it's snowed).
He might, in a twisted kind of way, think he's helping “she won't grieve a perfect husband forever if I am a cheating bastard”. Or he might just be a cheating bastard. Who can tell?
So many people died or are disabled for their lufetime because of people like your ex. Or your friends who play it down and since they were partying eith him, didn’tstop him driving drunk. Of course they see no problem with it. Maybe they also drove home drunk.
It is great that say “i can't accept such behaviour” and stay to this. So often people take so much awful behaviour just because “but i love him/her…”.
Cut those people off. You are young with great principles, you will find better friends!
I cannot block her as she still owes me money yet i am also not comfortable asking for it lol. I'm also not really comfortable expressing my emotions(both positive and negative) to her maybe from the trauma of stonewalling or just my personality.
Most likely, i'll just leave her stuff at my door for her to pick it up.
I really wanna thank you guys for reading and providing advise. I don't have someone to thank to about this. Thank you.
Omg I just re-read that. How do you even cram that many into an appliance to cook? And after rejected a pancake meal made FOR him? OP please show this man child the door.
So you’re uncomfortable because you can’t have sex. That’s funny. You have an emotional connection, yet, you can’t wait.
Tradesmen make bank (I’m an electrician) but I’m currently finishing my associates degree and my girl doesn’t bat an eye to it
A made up term. But he made his point with it I guess
Rape me once, shame on you, Rape me twice, shame on me, rape me 3 times…I like claiming rape
Don’t blame this on mental health. OK? Mental health issues may have made you sleep with guys like that on tinder but most women I know bond once they sleep with somebody almost automatically. Even the women I know that her Polly or in the kinky stuff bond wants to sleep with somebody. I’ve decided after watching this to only sleep with people were there’s potential to be with them because of that. I suspect you’re like that to.
I think you've posted this twenty times.
I'm concerned that you may actually lack the ability to learn things.
This is 100% a made up post by a bored teenager.
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No if OP is an 8yr old boy
She is not a therapist. I meant that she thinks she knows herself so good that she does not want individual or couples therapy.
Separate beds and no sex for six months, this is awful but it's definitely not shocking
I'm just guessing here but it almost sounds like his issue was he was staying with someone who he knew was not good for him but could not break it off, but obviously eventually he got up the ability to do so.
I mean yeah but also different people have different things that bother them. I would personally just tell my partner that I straight up don’t want to know about their past and if they tell me after I’ve said that then THAT would be what bothers me. Kind of a “what I don’t know can’t hurt me” type of thing.
Tbf whenever I sleep at someone else's place, I have a habit of bringing a spare piece of underwear.
Number of nights plus one kinda deal.
Cheating starts at the emotional side of the spectrum. So you two clearly have some chemistry and have already crossed that line. You further crossed the line when you started cuddling. You went even further by making a pac with each other.
So to answer your question, yes, you messed up big time. Best thing to do is to come clean, own it, be truthful, and realize the trust will be completely wiped out to 0. Starting couples counseling will likely be necessary to repair the broken trust and sort through your issues as your cheating is likely the result of deeper issues that need to be addressed professionally.
Source: I went to couples counseling. We read a book called, “Not Just Friends”, which by many therapist is regarded as the infidelity bible to navigating these situations. These aren’t just my opinions.
So you're saying he should tell his wife?
Shouldn't matter? Maybe. Does it matter? Yes. It clearly does to him. It's pointless looking for logic in it, just accept it for what it is. The man does not what to hear about you having sex with other men. It's not a difficult thing to avoid talking about.
The entirety of reddit is full of people screaming about pedophilia in every corner. At least it's on topic for this post, but no a 5 year difference (at the legal age limit) is far from vile.. Lmao
Does it bother you simply that he’s not divorced? Or do you have some reason to think that he’s still in some sort of romantic or sexual relationship with his ex wife?
TL;DR Op married Maureen ponderosa
Where do people find these men???? ???
Yeah you are definitely right to have her end her friendship. She is a homewrecker, and imo even dating her at all is risky. She clearly does not value or respect relationships very highly.
I dont want to break up over something that, imo, can be resolved with just a bit more intimacy.
But he has told you and shown you over and over he isn't going to change. It doesn't matter if he could change.
I could start training to run marathons, if I wanted. Anyone waiting around for me to start running marathons is going to be disappointed. Anyone telling me over and over that I need to start running marathons is wasting their time and should go find someone else who's actually interested in running marathons, because all they're gonna be doing is annoying the fuck out of me.
The change in the relationship after a child is born can be unsettling for anyone. Your struggles might translate into him not feeling like he’s valued enough, or any number of other soul foundation shaking feelings.
It sounds like he thought you were his safe space to explore emotions that he has no idea what they are.
It sounds to me like you are struggling with committment. Your willingness to stay with him is conditional. Your fears are driving assumptions.
Or maybe, you both are in a difficult place emotionally, and are both struggling to make sense of it.
Reddit is strongly biassed towards outrage farming, and the simple answers you’re getting here are designed to feed that, not to actually help you.
Therapy for both of you before making any major decisions. More thinking and exploring, less assuming what things mean. More asking.
Now, if you find he has someone lined up, and lied about it, that would be a big deal. You can’t be a team if there is no honesty in communication.
But, if he’s being truthful, there’s more for both of you to work on.
He violated, didn't and doesn't respect your boundaries. And he's done it multiple times. Absolutely Dump him.
I'm worried he's going to restore them from recently deleted
Of course you should be worried – he's proven he's not trustworthy and doesn't and won't respect your boundaries – so you're right to be worried.
fair of me to ask him not to take pictures
Absolutely.
he was quite an OF user
I don't care if he's a green alien from Mars. No excuse.
fair for me to expect him to not want
He can want whatever the hell he wants, that doesn't mean he gets it or is at all entitled to it. He can want a five million dollar mansion … that doesn't make it his to take. He took from you that which was never his to take. That's seriously messed up.
advice
Dump him, run like hell, don't look back. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. He's untrustworthy – so don't trust him – period – you can't and should not.
I do not believe I'm able to have kids, and nor do I think I really want them. I am using birth control. But to answer your question, about once a month he will vacuum the house. I will say that he does all the outside maintenance during the spring into the fall. I moved in with him in August so I guess I just haven't witnessed the amount of work he puts in into the outside chores yet (he has shoveled the driveway etc when it's snowed).
He might, in a twisted kind of way, think he's helping “she won't grieve a perfect husband forever if I am a cheating bastard”. Or he might just be a cheating bastard. Who can tell?
So many people died or are disabled for their lufetime because of people like your ex. Or your friends who play it down and since they were partying eith him, didn’tstop him driving drunk. Of course they see no problem with it. Maybe they also drove home drunk.
It is great that say “i can't accept such behaviour” and stay to this. So often people take so much awful behaviour just because “but i love him/her…”.
Cut those people off. You are young with great principles, you will find better friends!
I cannot block her as she still owes me money yet i am also not comfortable asking for it lol. I'm also not really comfortable expressing my emotions(both positive and negative) to her maybe from the trauma of stonewalling or just my personality.
Most likely, i'll just leave her stuff at my door for her to pick it up.
I really wanna thank you guys for reading and providing advise. I don't have someone to thank to about this. Thank you.
He needs therapy and get away from his mom
Omg I just re-read that. How do you even cram that many into an appliance to cook? And after rejected a pancake meal made FOR him? OP please show this man child the door.