He says he plans to teach our daughter “ sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me” and I just wanted to laugh… when it comes to children… words absolutely hurt and do damage.
I’m sorry but that’s extremely misogynistic of him. I also have to miss the first day of work when I get my period due to the extreme pain and nausea. It’s really not his place to make you feel bad for taking care of yourself. I’m sorry you have to deal with that, please put him in his place. No uterus? No opinion 🙂
The talking with another woman friend in late hours of the night is something that could be a cause for some discussion, some reassurance, and maybe a bit of a compromise for the gf's sake. Instead she chooses to hurl accusations around. A relationship cannot last without trust in your partner's integrity and honesty. If you don't believe you can leave your partner in a room full of single and attractive men/women and not have them do anything that would hurt you or your relationship, then you are clearly not ready to be in a committed relationship.
i dont want to say its your problem/fault but in his eyes, you were not against having sex at all & if he isnt good at consoling you, maybe he thought thats all he could do to make you feel better. its all about communication & while i do sympathise with you, you need to try to make your needs/wants more clear to him. he’s not a mind reader. when i read your edit tho, i will say that it is kinda weird he wanted to have sex when the whole problem was unwanted sex/rape
I would think the way he treats animals is exactly how he’d act with children. I don’t trust people who are careless/harmful to animals. I’d step away if I were you.
Or maybe it's just her hormones are still settling down / changing and is also finding it difficult to adjust to the new lifestyle? I'm not defending the way she's been, but going through pregnancy, then birth, then looking after a newborn is so, so difficult without having to jump to PPD
He is your friend, you should have told him that what he is doing is wrong and how you feel about it and he has to stop. Telling him that now will just look like an excuse for something else
i’m so sorry to hear that OP and it must really fkn suck. i broke up my one year relationship with my ex around 5 months ago and i’ve been in your exact position! i think one thing that really helped me move on, apart from the whole connecting with friends and hobbies etc., was just reflecting on the past fondly. knowing that i tried and so did he gave me peace. learning to cherish those moments and bring the same good energy but more into my next relationship kept me hopeful! the memories are always nice but they are just that; memories. i learnt to miss the moments rather that him himself.
i still see him often on campus which stings and ofc i think about him time to time just like you, but i think that’s just part of life; c’est la vie. you can only focus on yourself and your own emotions in these moments. most importantly, you are not alone! and i think you will eventually find someone that loves you the way you want to be loved. you got this OP!
I was freshly 24, had gone on a few dates with someone who was just about to turn 20, that still felt very weird, never let it go very far and cut it off quickly. I can’t imagine going for someone almost two full years younger than that.
You haven’t been together long enough stay with him if he treats you like this. No length of time is long enough to justify staying with him. I hope you find the strength and courage to choose yourself over him and leave.
This is interesting. It's different than my situation. Because my friend asked me 1st period she asked me if she could send a picture of her boobs to my boyfriend. And even that was shocking to me. I just didn't understand why she would want to do that. but she was also comfortable with me sending my boobs to her partner. I didn't want to do that. I told her I wasn't comfortable with her sending a picture to my boyfriend or showing her boobs. But this situation of OP seems worse because she just did it without asking her friend or saying anything.
I have huge amounts of sympathy for your husband and your kids – especially the illegitimate one as he is in for a life time of sadness and misery because of your actions and also his wife and young children.
You I have no sympathy for. None at all. Even less for your neighbour.
All of your lives are about to become infinitely complicated and I'm not really sure you have any idea about the level of fuckupedness you are inflicting on everyone.
I wouldn't marry this man. Not because he has HIV, but because he doesn't care about your feelings, needs, etc. He has shown himself to be a very selfish individual and, if you DID marry him, would probably be an even more selfish, heartless husband, father, etc. If he is THAT unsympathetic about YOUR feelings and needs, how much MORE unsympathetic will he be towards any offspring you might potentially have?
Most HIV doctors and specialists will say this. It's not minimal, it's now impossible
I don't have HIV and I agree he should have said when asked, but I do have friends with HIV and think it's important to make sure correct HIV information is shared. Undetectable is untransmittable.
Info: how did this information about her wanting to trap you with a baby come about?
I mean your age gap is a little concerning since she’s clearly in a very different stage of life than you are.
Concerning the birth control, you let her handle all of it – bad move if you’re worried about being baby trapped. BUT people still get pregnant while using multiple methods of birth control (I am exhibit A if you need proof that it can happen).
There’s really a lot to unpack, you clearly don’t trust her about her ex-husband. Why is it het ex and not still current husband of they want to be sleeping together?
I would wait it out and not sign anything until you have confirmation about paternity.
Thank you very much for your response. Honestly, there was still a part of me that thought things could have been different if I knew how to act around her, but it seems I have been in a losing situation unless she were to seek professional treatment. It has lifted my guilt that things escalated to this extent.
As I’ve said in another comment OP. I weighed 100+ for the first two years of my relationship with my boyfriend. He never loved me any less. I’m at 83 kilo now and still dropping. So it is possible. But only if she wants it. It’s about her needs, her body.
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She did talk to her doctor and everything. Shes taken all the right steps in my mind, etc. and Im not concerned that shes unwilling. I can also appreciate that it may not happen bc of age or whatever. Its the want and doing it for me that Im struggling with.
Jesus Christ, how no one is offering up a reason other than him being creepy is really frustrating. Whilst I do think you should 100% trust your gut and make the decision that feels right to you, consider this reason:
Men and women have different pressures that come with age. Women have a literal biological clock that results in a lot of pressure at around 28+, they’re literally running out of time to have kids. What this can result in is on average women are looking to settle down from 28+. The guy in this scenario may have been using dating apps simply for a bit of casual stuff, so younger than around 28 would make more sense for him to put his energy and time into.
Is it right? I don’t know. But it’s an alternative to just ‘ew this guy is a creep’
Depends entirely on the relationship. Some you need to bring it up, others it’s implied. Either way if it’s mentioned or not, we aren’t compatible if they’ll sleep with someone else
Have you talked to him about it? I feel like you can point out to him that he's gotten worse. Is it possible he doesn't realize how bad it's gotten? You can say “Hey, I love you but you have been really snappy, mean, and negative lately. You weren't always like this. Are you okay?” Say it at a time when you're both calm + in a good mood. See how he responds. Maybe bring up all of the stress you're under. Maybe suggest ways for him to get away from it for a bit if you can. (And also take into mind that YOU deserve a break too.)
If he responds to you in a prickly way, back off, give him space, and try to come back to it in a few days. “I know you don't want to talk about this but at this point your attitude is really taking a toll on me. I love you and I don't want you to be miserable. And I also don't want to feel like I'm walking on eggshells around you half the time. So what can we do to help you?”
But I don't think there's a way to not let it bother you. It's normal that it bothers you– he's being a jerk! And I think that if he is the problem, he should also try to be the solution. Don't turn off part of your heart because he's a jerk.
As for the first point, I feel it's a bit unreasonable. She didn't go out of her way to speak with her ex, she didn't seek him out. She was polite when they happened to see each other in the wild. It sounds like they ended things amicably so it's understandable that they'd be friendly together.
As for the second point, that is something to discuss with her first. It's her friend specifically so she should speak with him or at least help come up with a solution (sort of like if you had an issue with her family, it's her responsibility).
Definitely do your own due diligence on the child being yours. A condom, and birth control both failing is insanely unlikely – I mean, providing the condom wasn't tampered with, and didn't visibly split – that alone is so close to 100% effective it doesn't warrant thinking about. Couple that with birth control – definitely, definitely do your own due diligence, your own tests.
Yeah this is the way.. the predator isn't committing a crime, but if the brother seriously hurts him or kills him, then he's going to jail.. then the predator will just swoop back in.. the issue is with OPs sister being vulnerable to grooming and that's where the focus should be.. even if the predator gets spooked out, OPs sister is still vulnerable to being preyed on by other older men
I think she doesn't trust you. You are an objectively BAD teacher – crushing the kid is not helping him, it can actually put him off chess forever (letting him win each time is a bad way of teaching too, but CRUSHING him EACH TIME? Dude. Wtf. You WANT him to dislike chess??? Is this about your ego, do you feel smart when you win with a child? xD).
Like, it can legit ruin his interest in chess for the rest of his life. I think she wants to prevent that from happening, and she is scared that if she admits to playing on a lower level, you will inform the son. Which I get why she thinks that bc again: you objectively suuuuck at teaching him chess. So it's logical you would make another bad decision here, too. So she won't admit it to you. Ever.
TLD; it's not a mental illness, you are the problem.
“I get jealous every time he's on his phone not even when not on social media”
“We love each other deeply”
Sorry but none of this is normal in a 4 month old relationship. I'm not trying to sound like an old boomer right now but i suspect allot of this is coming from immaturity in your experience with relationships.
The rest of your life through all your relationships your bf/husband whatever is going to look at other women. It's a fact of life and you have to get used to it. It doesn't mean he's thinking about cheating or anything of the sort. And I'm not really sure where your getting that leaving him to be himself is at your expense? That sounds extremely self centered because you gave us no indication that he's actually done anything wrong.
Are his parents rich enough/will they leave him a large enough inheritance to support him for his entire life? If so, let him “work” as a professional musician is he wants to, unless you have a problem being with someone who spends his life being a freeloader, but it'll be difficult to motivate him to give up his dream if he isn't financially forced to do so.
However, if it's made obvious that sooner or later he'll no longer be able to financially depend on his parents, then you need to be realistic with him. A 35 year-old who's never worked will already have an incredibly nude time being even remotely professionally successful. If he waits for his parents' support to run out and you stick with him, you'll end with a broke loser with no professional chances.
You’re most likely right she did not get a PHD but if she’s silly enough to lie about that she’s not likely to back down when questioned. Leave it alone, it’s such a ridiculous assertion that any knowledgeable person will know she’s lying. It’s quite possible she didn’t even get her bachelors because if she did she’d probably have a better idea how degrees work.
I’m sure she’s not applying to jobs with her “credentials”.
He did you a favor kicking you out. Abuse always escalates. If you stay with him one day he’ll likely kill you. Go back to your parents or a friend and tell them he hit you. Go to the police and file an assault charge.
He did you a favor kicking you out. Abuse always escalates. If you stay with him one day he’ll likely kill you. Go back to your parents or a friend and tell them he hit you. Go to the police and file an assault charge.
Abortion does horrible things to your body and you may be burdened with guilt. Your marriage is only 7 months away so it’s not like you’re going to be a single mother. On top of that your partner will be deeply affected by an abortion. I urge you to think carefully about this. The changes to your relationship may be permanent if you have any relationship left.
When I confessed my feelings to her, she did admit while she did love me too but not in that kind of way……. As you said, she very well could've just used me as a fling, but it's tough reconciling that after she revealed all that to me.
I don't want to dismiss that you guys had something special, and she certainly had her reasons, I'm sure she cared for you and you for her. I'm sorry I was dismissive of that
Here’s what I wanna know If it is a gay hookup spot, whyyyy did they all pick him up? Regardless, OP, this is not the innocent conclusion you are making it out to be. I just have more questions now.
Here’s what I wanna know If it is a gay hookup spot, whyyyy did they all pick him up? Regardless, OP, this is not the innocent conclusion you are making it out to be. I just have more questions now.
So to be fair, you just asked him to plan something right? Which he did – he just executed it poorly and thought he could pick a place to eat the weekend of Valentine’s Day.
You had every right to be disappointed, but the expectation for him to call around endlessly until he found a place that was taking reservations is super ridiculous. He effed up, 100% – but he really tried to make it up to you.
Is he a good guy in other aspects of the relationship? Does he make you happy in the day to day? If yes, then help guide him when it comes to the romantic stuff you’re looking for. If not, then take this as a sign that maybe he’s not what you’re looking for.
Only if he wants to change. Odds are he liked the situation and wants it to stay that way.
You’ve changed a lot because you were a new adult when the relationship started. He was beyond fully grown and had decided who he was going to be in life when he met you. He was his fully formed self, you were not. Expecting him to change is not realistic.
I mean you had an affair with a married man. Are you sure you really want to explore this? Yes you were young but if you are really going to get to the bottom of this you should explore your role too.
Oh my GAWD. I had an ex like this. Now I have an amazing husband who still has no problem going down on me and having sex with me even though I haven't shaved in almost 3 years down there, I trim and whatnot and used to shave and wax but when the hair would grow back I'd get painful ingrown acne and cysts that made sex impossible. It would also cut him up if he shaved also and we ended up with rashes from hell and were so sore. Now I just trim once in a while but don't actually take a razor down there, only legs and armpits. It definitely wasn't a joke from your boyfriend it was a request and didn't go over the way he thought it would. Burgers 3 months ago? We have a 2 yo and my husband took me out for drinks and lettuce wraps at P.F. Chang's for Valentine's Day. Wtf is wrong with him? Before we had a kid we would go on picnics and when I was pregnant he would take me for ice cream even when it was winter time and then massage my feet. Get you a better man.
The problem here is your misophonia, not her nails. The simple answer is that this disorder is going to cost you a lot of relationships until you got it under control. Good luck.
You wouldn't care that his dick was in another woman before he stuck it in you? Really?
This doesn't have much to do with their exclusivity. It's about common decency. She had the right to fuck who she wanted but going from one dude straight to another without informed consent is really gross and disgusting.
Not sure how it would be if I never sign anything and it all continues to stay separate like it is right now. I'd literally just be e transferring him 1000 dollars monthly and going half on basic needs (food, gas etc).
It's not typical for platonic friends to invite you to meet their family, or to agree to go away on couples-style holidays, unless they have known you so long that you think of each other as almost-siblings. So it sounds to me like she may have changed her mind. Maybe she waited until she felt ready for a relationship before she started texting you again. The only way you'll find out for sure is to ask her. Good luck!
Appearently not these people. There's nothing wrong with this question. If he didn't want to say that yes you are the most beautiful in his eyes then it's not your fault for feeling shitty
You sure the texting and seeing each other everyday is the issue? Because you spent eight paragraphs complaining about the sex. But ok, the texting and seeing each other. Google “how to turn complaints into requests” and “the problem with unexpressed expectations” as you seem to know what you want and expect but it doesn’t seem like you know how to ask or negotiate for it.
Take the L and walk away, she’s too shallow to be capable of a real relationship. Let social media have her, since it’s more of a priority to her than you, dude.
I have told her to be her own person and make her own decisions. I had a breakdown in front of her one day because she was complaining about how hungry she was, then wouldn’t pick out anything from the 3 places I stopped but wouldn’t tell me what she wanted.
With this whole attitude that she can’t do anything without me being involved, there’s not a lot of surprises from her side in our relationship. I’ve randomly popped up at her place on many occasions or gotten her gifts with no reason behind it, even though I don’t care much for material goods. She’s never surprised me for anything. I have 1 gift from her and it’s a admittedly clearance racked pair of sandals. Otherwise she gives me her art projects sometimes but it’s not like they were made just for me (besides one of them).
I have told her to be her own person and make her own decisions. I had a breakdown in front of her one day because she was complaining about how hungry she was, then wouldn’t pick out anything from the 3 places I stopped but wouldn’t tell me what she wanted.
With this whole attitude that she can’t do anything without me being involved, there’s not a lot of surprises from her side in our relationship. I’ve randomly popped up at her place on many occasions or gotten her gifts with no reason behind it, even though I don’t care much for material goods. She’s never surprised me for anything. I have 1 gift from her and it’s a admittedly clearance racked pair of sandals. Otherwise she gives me her art projects sometimes but it’s not like they were made just for me (besides one of them).
Counter point, if the guy was willing to get aggressive why would she be safer at his place, then consider she's been drinking and not safe to drive? In this space she had two friends who could intervene. However that is a contract with the friends that I'm not sure they agreed to.
Angry half nude drunk guy asking “who the fuck are you” is rather unpleasant. But fine you deal with it.
What’s worse is, a roommate who can’t seem to understand how much it sucks to have to sort that out for someone at 1am. Wtf?
Op should be thankful her friends care about her. They’ve sorted out her shit and given her some simple guardrails – for her own safety, and also theirs.
This is terrible communication from both of you. But at least she’s explaining how it makes you feel. And then you’re dismissing her feelings by simply going “no I don’t”. The reality is you are doing something to make her feel that way. That is what she is saying. In your example I could critique what she says. But honestly do you want to pull apart and put down your partner? Or be a better communicator yourself and work this out?
Because I’m your example here is what I can see. You pass over how she feels. You immediately deny the behaviour you’ve been accused of. Then you defend the behaviour (that you’ve just denied doing) by saying it’s justified because of how you feel.
So her feelings are irrelevant. Her perception of it is wrong. And your feelings are more important anyway even though you’ve only now just decided to communicate them.
So next time she says something along the lines of “you doing x makes me feel y” if you actually want to hear her (because she’s right you’re not) repeat back you’re understanding of what she has just said “so you’re saying that when I say x in such a way, it’s making you feel y”. Then decide if that’s the actual result you want. Do you want to make her feel that way? Because that feeling isn’t solving your issue. And then maybe offer a practical solution. Like doing a chores roster. Or both setting time aside after work to blitz the main areas.
This is going to seem oversimplified, but the only advice I can give is that you're 32, and it's not her business. If you're comfortable in the relationship, you're going to have to set the boundary that it's not up for discussion with her.
I haven't told them they're wrong? I'm trying to tell them the whole story? I'm honestly trying to gather up the strength to distance myself, realising there's a strong trauma bond. It's not that easy though. No need to be rude.
if it isn't that serious why couldn't he just respect her boundaries and not eat her fries. It's a sign of other things. If he can't respect the small things then he won't respect the big things either.
I'm fully puerto rican and she's half Cuban and white. Her dad never spoke Spanish to her, hence her being a no sabo kid. Yeah, she comes from a family that's been pretty much financially set her entire life.
But that’s the thing, I didn’t take her Tip money from the savings jar she is referring to. I took money from an alternative savings jar that we both share. The whole purpose of this post is that she strongly believes I took her tip money, which I did not nor would I.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your marriage is effectively over. There are four things that cannot be reversed: opportunity missed, words once spoken, time wasted, and trust once broken. Once the trust has been broken it cannot be put back together again. Concentrate on your two children and try to put this woman out of your mind. My advice would be to get a lawyer and begin the process of divorce as soon as possible. Don't bother with legal separation and under no circumstances leave the house and always do what your lawyer advises. Plus keep as much to yourself as possible and if you're nervous ask your doctor for benzodiazepines to deal with your anxiety, sleeplessness, and dark moods swings. God bless you and good luck, and by the way, welcome to the club.
I know you want words of hope, but she did not come forward.
You need to choose your own well being. I know she has been a part of your safe place for a decade, but you are just learning she wasn't all that safe.
Trust your eyes and your mind. Your heart will only be loyal to longing, not to wisdom.
It was 20 minutes later, not nearly enough time to say he is going to block her. He was probably in the middle of something or with his fiance at the time.
It was 20 minutes later, not nearly enough time to say he is going to block her. He was probably in the middle of something or with his fiance at the time.
You don't need someone who will lie to you while fighting those tumors. You also don't need a leech of resources, physically and emotionally, while dealing with them either. If she wants to explore, she can go explore elsewhere. You don't need to compete with her on this.
End the relationship, or at least take space until these big life changes have resolved, then re-evaluate when you're not as stressed.
The first step is to tell someone you trust. Next find out your options regarding evicting him. Simultaneously, you’ll want to sever all financial ties ie remove 50% from any shared accounts, cancel any cards or shopping sites he has access too. Set up a babysitter for the pups, hide valuables, pack a small bag, have a trusted friend at the closest coffee shop or right outside and then you tell him it’s over. That you’ll be gone for 24-48 hrs so he can pack and make a plan. “This relationship is over and I need you to move out. I’m going to stay with friends to give you a few days to figure out a plan”. If he argues “there is nothing to explain or discuss. If you don’t see how toxic we’ve become then no use explaining and if you do see it than you know you’ll feel relief when the shock wears off” Probably a little warmer and more personal but something to that effect
Nude to say in front of colleagues though. Sounds like she tried to take evasive action while not looking unfriendly; women still feel so much pressure to 'be nice'. Difficult to get right.
yeah, the advice is mostly – talk to her NOW, no more procrastinating. They are already in counseling, OP says they have had problems for quite awhile now: “we are in an unhappy relationship, and we have been for a long time.” So yeah, they are getting married because they got pregnant. They are still arguing over everything. The fiancee is getting stuffed around by OP, because OP doesn't have the guts to sit down and have that honest conversation with her about “what are we doing here? Does either one of us really want this, when we can't even agree on cake??”
Or it’s because you didn’t respect her boundaries a few days ago and ended up drunk “assembling furniture” and intended to sleep over at your “friend’s” house while your partner has been home with your child ?
Or it’s because you didn’t respect her boundaries a few days ago and ended up drunk “assembling furniture” and intended to sleep over at your “friend’s” house while your partner has been home with your child ?
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My (25) girlfriend (22) still lives at home with her mom and her stepdad. One thing she hates is sleeping alone. Sometimes when she has trouble falling asleep she goes to her parents bedroom to sleep with them.
I also have to add she almost always goes to bed nude when sleeping alone or with me.
Last week her mom was out of town and she told me she slept in the the bed with her stepdad a couple times. I was kinda surprised because I thought she only did that when her mom was in the same bed too. It sounded kind of weird to me but I didn't think much of it because I shouldn't judge other families boundaries and dynamics.
One important detail is that we've talked about her relationship with him, and she doesn't actually consider him a stepdad but more like a distant family member. I'm not sure about his age but he is somewhere around 50.
Today we talked about the whole sleeping together situation and I jokingly asked if it's annoying having to sleep with clothes on (which she hates) when she goes to bed with him. Her answer shocked me, she told me that she sleeps nude next to him like she always does. I got really mad because I feel that it's inappropriate behavior considering their relationship and their ages, and btw she told me he sleeps without clothes on too.
She told me that I'm being unfair, unreasonable and that it is not a big deal.
I told her that we need some time apart because the whole situation feels kinda weird and that I need some time to process the whole thing.
Im pretty sure there's nothing sexual about the whole thing, but I can't help but feel that what she did (or does on a regular basis) is kinda disrespectful towards me. We've been together for a year.
I would never for the life of me think about sleeping hot next to my dad's wife who's also naked.
She apologized and told me she didn't know it would make me uncomfortable and that it's never going to happen again. I just don't know if this is something I can just forget and look past, at the same time she makes it sound like there's nothing to forgive as she didn't du it to purposely hurt me and didn't even think it was wrong or weird in the first place.
Even if you did warn her, would she believe you? Or would you be painted by him and his family as the crazy ex? I mean, you could try, but would it be worth the hassle of dealing with his family again?
I'm not pursuing her anymore and have no interest, but I'll be damned if she does this with more guys behind his back. Dick move, shes the one that made the commitment, shes the one that lied to him and cheated on him, i've no commitment to anybody, especially not after being used myself.
Imo, you should just break up with him. You're not ready and the reasoning behind it doesnt really matter. Its also ok that he wants a partner who is ready to have sex but him giving you this ultimatum is coming across as manipulative. He should have just left rather than pressure you in this way.
what have you told him so far about not wanting to have sex yet?
I’m just going to put this out there. Your wife is telling you she’s cheating without telling you. She wants to tell someone but make it look like she’s not interested so she can have deniability. She’s lying and you shouldn’t fall for it.
I never called you a stalker. Im saying thats the energy you are putting off. Sending someone mail (twice) because they didnt answer your texts when you werent even in a real relationship is stalker, clingy, obsessive energy.
If that was me it would be a nude no. Emotional affair treads the line already, but telling her he loves her, involving your children into this affair.
Of course he’s a wreck. He wanted his family life and to have a little thrill on the side. He should have thought about that before doing what he did. This wasn’t a little crossing the line flirting and messaging. Telling another women he loves her should be the end.
He wants to fix everything but where was that will and drive before he destroyed his family?
You have to make that choice but I’ve seen a lot of stories just like this. And rarely does the cheating stop if the wife decides to forgive, it just sets a precedent that some tears and promises are enough to get another chance.
Absolutely not a snow flake. None of what he said makes sense. Why did the cat have bad karma? Why does think rape is okay? He sounds like the kind of guy who thinks a woman getting drunk, or wearing revealing clothes is an invitation & a justification for rape. Get a new friend, you’ll be better off without him.
Same! If this is a true story, this is absolutely terrifying. Literally stalking him, forcing him to cut his hair, etc. It's the perfect setup to one of those stories on ID. Holy shit.
That's wild. Is it completely open? I'd probably get jelly if I was either one of you.
Just be friends with benefits at that point. That could include the tax benefits from the marriage. I've yet to see successful polygamy. Kinda… Backing that up here.
No one is saying your marriage is in trouble. Therapy is so that you can process complex emotions in a healthy way. .
If the plan is that you both pretend everything is fine and he just stops 'moping about' and 'gets over himself' well, that isn't dealing with it, nor is it realistic. You two experienced a trauma. Accept that you need help.
No one is saying your marriage is in trouble. Therapy is so that you can process complex emotions in a healthy way. .
If the plan is that you both pretend everything is fine and he just stops 'moping about' and 'gets over himself' well, that isn't dealing with it, nor is it realistic. You two experienced a trauma. Accept that you need help.
You didn’t do everything you could. At all. You could have gotten protection yourself. You could have said no. I’ve never been so horny I couldn’t stop, that’s a lie romance novels tell you. You made a choice and now you have consequences.
You are lying to yourself if you think this guy is going to stay in a relationship with you if you have the kid. At best, you’ll split custody.
did he recorded you without your knowledge? if he did and then posted it on-line, that is also a crime (even if you weren’t nude). you can’t go around recording someone without their knowledge and then posting it online… beyond breaking the law, that is also a huge breach of privacy …showing a disrespect for you.
im sorry to hear that you love him deeply and your lives are intertwined as you really should consider breaking up with him as he lacks respect for you… lack of morals and respect is huge in relationships.
Man, you don't sound like you want the truth. You want to believe the lie, but that shred of self-esteem won't shut up. How does her story make anything Ok? She still messed around with her friend in front of her husband, and you KNOW that's not where it stopped. You just can't avoid the thought of them going at it with her and then knowingly smiling behind your back for 4 years. She lied about nothing happening, from there on out, it's just semantics.
She needs a medical team and probably medication to manage physically and mentally. She needs to see a specialist for a official diagnosis for hashimotos, a therapist at least once a week and a psychiatrist. Her medical doctors will need to work closely with her psychiatrist because MDs aren’t familiar with psych meds.
What your partner is dealing with is beyond your capabilities to “fix”. She needs professional help. Does she have health insurance or are y’all in a country with provided health coverage? If she does, help her find a therapist on-line. It can take weeks to months to get into a practice. It’s a lot of back and forth; helping her make those calls would be helpful. Sometimes therapists work with psychiatrists, but they’ll definitely have referrals. Still search online for them.
So I’m 31 and just started dating someone who is 23. Even with that age gap I have reservations about it. If you’re looking for a long term/life partner you should move on. Half your age plus 7
Okay so why tf are you here asking us about this situation? You know you’re liking her attention and pictures. You not blocking her and continuing this flirtation is you seeking her attention because you know she isn’t single. She’s also just seeking attention. You suck if you don’t block her.
It was a school break. And since we leave far away from each other, we couldn’t see each other for those 4 weeks. And as for the relationship, she doesn’t want her private life out there, so she wants everything low-key
What was the adult thing he did? Expressing discomfort? That is not the adult thing to do if the alternative is getting rid of someone else's animal without permission.
Dolphins kill babies, gang rape and commit necrophilia.
They can do cute and kind things, yes, but they're basically in this cognitive gray zone where they're smart enough to form a unique personality but not smart enough to develop a strong sense of empathy like most people do.
They're basically the equivalent of human sociopaths/narcissists – can be nice, maybe even most of the time, but won't hesitate to be pure evil with no remorse.
It’s him who wants the fancy house… not me….. so his plan is to borrow from his brother instead of working hard to save for it himself. Please stop making assumptions as if I’m some gold digger. Him declaring bankruptcy and me making 7 times less then his salary and having just as much saved as him should tell you whose the irresponsible one and whose not.
Looking for a new job will help but I encourage you to say nothing especially when he opens up to talk about it, which may be nude for him but listen. Just be there and listen. That’s the gift so many of us need and do few provide. You can’t fix it but you can be there.
Edit: Forgot to mention that I went back in my conversation with X and found out he had a crush on me when we first met a long time ago and a text from him that dates back to 2017 where he tells me he used to think I'm cute when we first met. I get the feeling that he might also have (or have had) the same feelings for me, at least until B's sister showed up, cause there were hints and signals I picked up from our conversations after the movie incident day, and they're all very sus.
And like why can’t the age gaps ever be somewhat normal?? A lot of the posters tend to be young adult women younger than 25 who are in toxic relationships with older men. It’s less often that the poster will be someone who has their frontal lobe developed ffs!
No it was him who said it, and when I told him I believe I was drugged he admitted that he had nothing to do with that, but at the bar I had disappeared for about an hour. I don’t suspect him of drugging me to be honest. I filed a police report for being drugged just not rape because I don’t know if that is the right call.
Why do you want to be throat fucked? If he forces it you can get damage. What is missing from this whole conversation is what YOU want. You are so focused on him that you are forgetting yourself. He is an abusive POS
You don't deserve any of this. You deserve to be in a happy and loving relationship where your bf won't treat you like this. Leave him asap and block him.
You don't deserve any of this. You deserve to be in a happy and loving relationship where your bf won't treat you like this. Leave him asap and block him.
I do love him by definition, I literally put him first in every aspect. I have sacrificed so Much of myself to be everything I could be for him, but it was mutual. Suppose that’s my bad still. I’ve been think about divorce but I wanted to try and fix me first.
I’m this way (f) and my fiancé loves it. He’s the first person it ever happened with though.
I was in an abusive relationship in the past and honestly have felt alone for most of my life. He’s the first person to truly make me feel like I’m not alone anymore.
He probably really truly loves the hell out of you. Lol
I’m this way (f) and my fiancé loves it. He’s the first person it ever happened with though.
I was in an abusive relationship in the past and honestly have felt alone for most of my life. He’s the first person to truly make me feel like I’m not alone anymore.
He probably really truly loves the hell out of you. Lol
Time to back out of the deal, unless she's the one putting her name on the mortgage and you pay her rent, or some similar arrangement.
Don't on-line outside your means. You're signing up for disaster that way.
He says he plans to teach our daughter “ sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me” and I just wanted to laugh… when it comes to children… words absolutely hurt and do damage.
Call it quits, tell her you snooped and tell her what you saw, and that's a deal breaker. Then start moving on.
I’m sorry but that’s extremely misogynistic of him. I also have to miss the first day of work when I get my period due to the extreme pain and nausea. It’s really not his place to make you feel bad for taking care of yourself. I’m sorry you have to deal with that, please put him in his place. No uterus? No opinion 🙂
It’s your money do what you want with it.
Either you’re a troll or your “date” has been posting about you too in this sub lol
Sounds like a date
Because she is heavily insecure and controling.
The talking with another woman friend in late hours of the night is something that could be a cause for some discussion, some reassurance, and maybe a bit of a compromise for the gf's sake. Instead she chooses to hurl accusations around. A relationship cannot last without trust in your partner's integrity and honesty. If you don't believe you can leave your partner in a room full of single and attractive men/women and not have them do anything that would hurt you or your relationship, then you are clearly not ready to be in a committed relationship.
i dont want to say its your problem/fault but in his eyes, you were not against having sex at all & if he isnt good at consoling you, maybe he thought thats all he could do to make you feel better. its all about communication & while i do sympathise with you, you need to try to make your needs/wants more clear to him. he’s not a mind reader. when i read your edit tho, i will say that it is kinda weird he wanted to have sex when the whole problem was unwanted sex/rape
Check out
r/narcissisticabuse
r/narcissism
r/raisedbynarcissists
Today, please.
I would think the way he treats animals is exactly how he’d act with children. I don’t trust people who are careless/harmful to animals. I’d step away if I were you.
Can confirm from my own terrible past relationship. The anxiety will probably destroy her
Or maybe it's just her hormones are still settling down / changing and is also finding it difficult to adjust to the new lifestyle? I'm not defending the way she's been, but going through pregnancy, then birth, then looking after a newborn is so, so difficult without having to jump to PPD
He is your friend, you should have told him that what he is doing is wrong and how you feel about it and he has to stop. Telling him that now will just look like an excuse for something else
Right? There is no way she gave and didn’t receive.
i’m so sorry to hear that OP and it must really fkn suck. i broke up my one year relationship with my ex around 5 months ago and i’ve been in your exact position! i think one thing that really helped me move on, apart from the whole connecting with friends and hobbies etc., was just reflecting on the past fondly. knowing that i tried and so did he gave me peace. learning to cherish those moments and bring the same good energy but more into my next relationship kept me hopeful! the memories are always nice but they are just that; memories. i learnt to miss the moments rather that him himself.
i still see him often on campus which stings and ofc i think about him time to time just like you, but i think that’s just part of life; c’est la vie. you can only focus on yourself and your own emotions in these moments. most importantly, you are not alone! and i think you will eventually find someone that loves you the way you want to be loved. you got this OP!
I was freshly 24, had gone on a few dates with someone who was just about to turn 20, that still felt very weird, never let it go very far and cut it off quickly. I can’t imagine going for someone almost two full years younger than that.
You haven’t been together long enough stay with him if he treats you like this. No length of time is long enough to justify staying with him. I hope you find the strength and courage to choose yourself over him and leave.
I can't think of a bigger red flag.
block him and end everything. NOW.
make sure he can't easily get to you/find you
Yea but she's lonely your at best a rebound, at worse an emotional crutch.
I was just a roommate… that breaks me
And it'll probably become physical too, not just emotional, which I have my doubts about.
Don't let him get behind that wheel drunk.
I was hoping for a typo.
?
There's many silly posts and questions, that also encourages trolls to come.
“I broke my arm, now what should I do?” Like they don't have common sense or can't think.
It appears you’re at a hotel, I’m sure there is a reception. Or you can send it via regular mail, addressed to him personally with hotel’s address.
This is interesting. It's different than my situation. Because my friend asked me 1st period she asked me if she could send a picture of her boobs to my boyfriend. And even that was shocking to me. I just didn't understand why she would want to do that. but she was also comfortable with me sending my boobs to her partner. I didn't want to do that. I told her I wasn't comfortable with her sending a picture to my boyfriend or showing her boobs. But this situation of OP seems worse because she just did it without asking her friend or saying anything.
Yep, this is some very messed up shit.
I have huge amounts of sympathy for your husband and your kids – especially the illegitimate one as he is in for a life time of sadness and misery because of your actions and also his wife and young children.
You I have no sympathy for. None at all. Even less for your neighbour.
All of your lives are about to become infinitely complicated and I'm not really sure you have any idea about the level of fuckupedness you are inflicting on everyone.
I wouldn't marry this man. Not because he has HIV, but because he doesn't care about your feelings, needs, etc. He has shown himself to be a very selfish individual and, if you DID marry him, would probably be an even more selfish, heartless husband, father, etc. If he is THAT unsympathetic about YOUR feelings and needs, how much MORE unsympathetic will he be towards any offspring you might potentially have?
Most HIV doctors and specialists will say this. It's not minimal, it's now impossible
I don't have HIV and I agree he should have said when asked, but I do have friends with HIV and think it's important to make sure correct HIV information is shared. Undetectable is untransmittable.
Where do you want to work? Fairy land?
Haven't you ever heard about office politics? You are so naive.
Info: how did this information about her wanting to trap you with a baby come about?
I mean your age gap is a little concerning since she’s clearly in a very different stage of life than you are.
Concerning the birth control, you let her handle all of it – bad move if you’re worried about being baby trapped. BUT people still get pregnant while using multiple methods of birth control (I am exhibit A if you need proof that it can happen).
There’s really a lot to unpack, you clearly don’t trust her about her ex-husband. Why is it het ex and not still current husband of they want to be sleeping together?
I would wait it out and not sign anything until you have confirmation about paternity.
Thank you very much for your response. Honestly, there was still a part of me that thought things could have been different if I knew how to act around her, but it seems I have been in a losing situation unless she were to seek professional treatment. It has lifted my guilt that things escalated to this extent.
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Not true in your case, but if you don't care about keeping fit at all you won't be able to keep that up into your 50's.
As I’ve said in another comment OP. I weighed 100+ for the first two years of my relationship with my boyfriend. He never loved me any less. I’m at 83 kilo now and still dropping. So it is possible. But only if she wants it. It’s about her needs, her body.
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She did talk to her doctor and everything. Shes taken all the right steps in my mind, etc. and Im not concerned that shes unwilling. I can also appreciate that it may not happen bc of age or whatever. Its the want and doing it for me that Im struggling with.
Jesus Christ, how no one is offering up a reason other than him being creepy is really frustrating. Whilst I do think you should 100% trust your gut and make the decision that feels right to you, consider this reason:
Men and women have different pressures that come with age. Women have a literal biological clock that results in a lot of pressure at around 28+, they’re literally running out of time to have kids. What this can result in is on average women are looking to settle down from 28+. The guy in this scenario may have been using dating apps simply for a bit of casual stuff, so younger than around 28 would make more sense for him to put his energy and time into.
Is it right? I don’t know. But it’s an alternative to just ‘ew this guy is a creep’
You need to put YOURSELF FIRST OP!! Please distance yourself for the both of them… you deserve better than this…
No you are not being overly dramatic, you are entitled to feel the way you feel. It’s messed up
Depends entirely on the relationship. Some you need to bring it up, others it’s implied. Either way if it’s mentioned or not, we aren’t compatible if they’ll sleep with someone else
Love, sex, and relationships, especially in early stages (less than two months in this case) and at early ages are rarely so clean and well defined.
“Love is a battle field”, etc.
Have you talked to him about it? I feel like you can point out to him that he's gotten worse. Is it possible he doesn't realize how bad it's gotten? You can say “Hey, I love you but you have been really snappy, mean, and negative lately. You weren't always like this. Are you okay?” Say it at a time when you're both calm + in a good mood. See how he responds. Maybe bring up all of the stress you're under. Maybe suggest ways for him to get away from it for a bit if you can. (And also take into mind that YOU deserve a break too.)
If he responds to you in a prickly way, back off, give him space, and try to come back to it in a few days. “I know you don't want to talk about this but at this point your attitude is really taking a toll on me. I love you and I don't want you to be miserable. And I also don't want to feel like I'm walking on eggshells around you half the time. So what can we do to help you?”
But I don't think there's a way to not let it bother you. It's normal that it bothers you– he's being a jerk! And I think that if he is the problem, he should also try to be the solution. Don't turn off part of your heart because he's a jerk.
As for the first point, I feel it's a bit unreasonable. She didn't go out of her way to speak with her ex, she didn't seek him out. She was polite when they happened to see each other in the wild. It sounds like they ended things amicably so it's understandable that they'd be friendly together.
As for the second point, that is something to discuss with her first. It's her friend specifically so she should speak with him or at least help come up with a solution (sort of like if you had an issue with her family, it's her responsibility).
They obviously didn’t “meddle” with it. I never heard OP say she didn’t cheat on him
Definitely do your own due diligence on the child being yours. A condom, and birth control both failing is insanely unlikely – I mean, providing the condom wasn't tampered with, and didn't visibly split – that alone is so close to 100% effective it doesn't warrant thinking about. Couple that with birth control – definitely, definitely do your own due diligence, your own tests.
Yeah this is the way.. the predator isn't committing a crime, but if the brother seriously hurts him or kills him, then he's going to jail.. then the predator will just swoop back in.. the issue is with OPs sister being vulnerable to grooming and that's where the focus should be.. even if the predator gets spooked out, OPs sister is still vulnerable to being preyed on by other older men
No
I think she doesn't trust you. You are an objectively BAD teacher – crushing the kid is not helping him, it can actually put him off chess forever (letting him win each time is a bad way of teaching too, but CRUSHING him EACH TIME? Dude. Wtf. You WANT him to dislike chess??? Is this about your ego, do you feel smart when you win with a child? xD).
Like, it can legit ruin his interest in chess for the rest of his life. I think she wants to prevent that from happening, and she is scared that if she admits to playing on a lower level, you will inform the son. Which I get why she thinks that bc again: you objectively suuuuck at teaching him chess. So it's logical you would make another bad decision here, too. So she won't admit it to you. Ever.
TLD; it's not a mental illness, you are the problem.
“today i suggest i go through his follow list
“I get jealous every time he's on his phone not even when not on social media”
“We love each other deeply”
Sorry but none of this is normal in a 4 month old relationship. I'm not trying to sound like an old boomer right now but i suspect allot of this is coming from immaturity in your experience with relationships.
The rest of your life through all your relationships your bf/husband whatever is going to look at other women. It's a fact of life and you have to get used to it. It doesn't mean he's thinking about cheating or anything of the sort. And I'm not really sure where your getting that leaving him to be himself is at your expense? That sounds extremely self centered because you gave us no indication that he's actually done anything wrong.
This sounds very much like negging. Google it up.
Girl, he wants you so beaten down emotionally to the point you're too scared to leave him despite him abusing and mistreating you.
Give him the great surprise of his life by actually leaving him ASAP.
Are his parents rich enough/will they leave him a large enough inheritance to support him for his entire life? If so, let him “work” as a professional musician is he wants to, unless you have a problem being with someone who spends his life being a freeloader, but it'll be difficult to motivate him to give up his dream if he isn't financially forced to do so.
However, if it's made obvious that sooner or later he'll no longer be able to financially depend on his parents, then you need to be realistic with him. A 35 year-old who's never worked will already have an incredibly nude time being even remotely professionally successful. If he waits for his parents' support to run out and you stick with him, you'll end with a broke loser with no professional chances.
Lol if that’s the case why not just take a pregnancy test instead of running around asking random people when you could just have a guarantee answer
You’re most likely right she did not get a PHD but if she’s silly enough to lie about that she’s not likely to back down when questioned. Leave it alone, it’s such a ridiculous assertion that any knowledgeable person will know she’s lying. It’s quite possible she didn’t even get her bachelors because if she did she’d probably have a better idea how degrees work.
I’m sure she’s not applying to jobs with her “credentials”.
He did you a favor kicking you out. Abuse always escalates. If you stay with him one day he’ll likely kill you. Go back to your parents or a friend and tell them he hit you. Go to the police and file an assault charge.
He did you a favor kicking you out. Abuse always escalates. If you stay with him one day he’ll likely kill you. Go back to your parents or a friend and tell them he hit you. Go to the police and file an assault charge.
Abortion does horrible things to your body and you may be burdened with guilt. Your marriage is only 7 months away so it’s not like you’re going to be a single mother. On top of that your partner will be deeply affected by an abortion. I urge you to think carefully about this. The changes to your relationship may be permanent if you have any relationship left.
she cheated on you 5 times and didnt pretended to tell you, dont tank her back, dont be weak
When I confessed my feelings to her, she did admit while she did love me too but not in that kind of way……. As you said, she very well could've just used me as a fling, but it's tough reconciling that after she revealed all that to me.
I don't want to dismiss that you guys had something special, and she certainly had her reasons, I'm sure she cared for you and you for her. I'm sorry I was dismissive of that
This really jumped out to me too.
Here’s what I wanna know If it is a gay hookup spot, whyyyy did they all pick him up? Regardless, OP, this is not the innocent conclusion you are making it out to be. I just have more questions now.
Here’s what I wanna know If it is a gay hookup spot, whyyyy did they all pick him up? Regardless, OP, this is not the innocent conclusion you are making it out to be. I just have more questions now.
So to be fair, you just asked him to plan something right? Which he did – he just executed it poorly and thought he could pick a place to eat the weekend of Valentine’s Day.
You had every right to be disappointed, but the expectation for him to call around endlessly until he found a place that was taking reservations is super ridiculous. He effed up, 100% – but he really tried to make it up to you.
Is he a good guy in other aspects of the relationship? Does he make you happy in the day to day? If yes, then help guide him when it comes to the romantic stuff you’re looking for. If not, then take this as a sign that maybe he’s not what you’re looking for.
You don't fix that kind of selfishness. Use the seventeen days to pack and move.
Only if he wants to change. Odds are he liked the situation and wants it to stay that way.
You’ve changed a lot because you were a new adult when the relationship started. He was beyond fully grown and had decided who he was going to be in life when he met you. He was his fully formed self, you were not. Expecting him to change is not realistic.
I mean you had an affair with a married man. Are you sure you really want to explore this? Yes you were young but if you are really going to get to the bottom of this you should explore your role too.
Oh my GAWD. I had an ex like this. Now I have an amazing husband who still has no problem going down on me and having sex with me even though I haven't shaved in almost 3 years down there, I trim and whatnot and used to shave and wax but when the hair would grow back I'd get painful ingrown acne and cysts that made sex impossible. It would also cut him up if he shaved also and we ended up with rashes from hell and were so sore. Now I just trim once in a while but don't actually take a razor down there, only legs and armpits. It definitely wasn't a joke from your boyfriend it was a request and didn't go over the way he thought it would. Burgers 3 months ago? We have a 2 yo and my husband took me out for drinks and lettuce wraps at P.F. Chang's for Valentine's Day. Wtf is wrong with him? Before we had a kid we would go on picnics and when I was pregnant he would take me for ice cream even when it was winter time and then massage my feet. Get you a better man.
Ask him how often will they visit, because I’m afraid you will have them there far too often for your liking if they on-line close by.
You need all this information before marrying this man and his family.
The problem here is your misophonia, not her nails. The simple answer is that this disorder is going to cost you a lot of relationships until you got it under control. Good luck.
You wouldn't care that his dick was in another woman before he stuck it in you? Really?
This doesn't have much to do with their exclusivity. It's about common decency. She had the right to fuck who she wanted but going from one dude straight to another without informed consent is really gross and disgusting.
Not sure how it would be if I never sign anything and it all continues to stay separate like it is right now. I'd literally just be e transferring him 1000 dollars monthly and going half on basic needs (food, gas etc).
It's not typical for platonic friends to invite you to meet their family, or to agree to go away on couples-style holidays, unless they have known you so long that you think of each other as almost-siblings. So it sounds to me like she may have changed her mind. Maybe she waited until she felt ready for a relationship before she started texting you again. The only way you'll find out for sure is to ask her. Good luck!
Appearently not these people. There's nothing wrong with this question. If he didn't want to say that yes you are the most beautiful in his eyes then it's not your fault for feeling shitty
If a pregnancy scare is going to break you up, there's not much to the relationship to begin with. Give it up and move on.
If a pregnancy scare is going to break you up, there's not much to the relationship to begin with. Give it up and move on.
You sure the texting and seeing each other everyday is the issue? Because you spent eight paragraphs complaining about the sex. But ok, the texting and seeing each other. Google “how to turn complaints into requests” and “the problem with unexpressed expectations” as you seem to know what you want and expect but it doesn’t seem like you know how to ask or negotiate for it.
If you wanna include the word brat in it fine but at least include the proper ADVICE you can give??♀️
Take the L and walk away, she’s too shallow to be capable of a real relationship. Let social media have her, since it’s more of a priority to her than you, dude.
I have told her to be her own person and make her own decisions. I had a breakdown in front of her one day because she was complaining about how hungry she was, then wouldn’t pick out anything from the 3 places I stopped but wouldn’t tell me what she wanted.
With this whole attitude that she can’t do anything without me being involved, there’s not a lot of surprises from her side in our relationship. I’ve randomly popped up at her place on many occasions or gotten her gifts with no reason behind it, even though I don’t care much for material goods. She’s never surprised me for anything. I have 1 gift from her and it’s a admittedly clearance racked pair of sandals. Otherwise she gives me her art projects sometimes but it’s not like they were made just for me (besides one of them).
I have told her to be her own person and make her own decisions. I had a breakdown in front of her one day because she was complaining about how hungry she was, then wouldn’t pick out anything from the 3 places I stopped but wouldn’t tell me what she wanted.
With this whole attitude that she can’t do anything without me being involved, there’s not a lot of surprises from her side in our relationship. I’ve randomly popped up at her place on many occasions or gotten her gifts with no reason behind it, even though I don’t care much for material goods. She’s never surprised me for anything. I have 1 gift from her and it’s a admittedly clearance racked pair of sandals. Otherwise she gives me her art projects sometimes but it’s not like they were made just for me (besides one of them).
Counter point, if the guy was willing to get aggressive why would she be safer at his place, then consider she's been drinking and not safe to drive? In this space she had two friends who could intervene. However that is a contract with the friends that I'm not sure they agreed to.
Angry half nude drunk guy asking “who the fuck are you” is rather unpleasant. But fine you deal with it.
What’s worse is, a roommate who can’t seem to understand how much it sucks to have to sort that out for someone at 1am. Wtf?
Op should be thankful her friends care about her. They’ve sorted out her shit and given her some simple guardrails – for her own safety, and also theirs.
This is terrible communication from both of you. But at least she’s explaining how it makes you feel. And then you’re dismissing her feelings by simply going “no I don’t”. The reality is you are doing something to make her feel that way. That is what she is saying. In your example I could critique what she says. But honestly do you want to pull apart and put down your partner? Or be a better communicator yourself and work this out?
Because I’m your example here is what I can see. You pass over how she feels. You immediately deny the behaviour you’ve been accused of. Then you defend the behaviour (that you’ve just denied doing) by saying it’s justified because of how you feel.
So her feelings are irrelevant. Her perception of it is wrong. And your feelings are more important anyway even though you’ve only now just decided to communicate them.
So next time she says something along the lines of “you doing x makes me feel y” if you actually want to hear her (because she’s right you’re not) repeat back you’re understanding of what she has just said “so you’re saying that when I say x in such a way, it’s making you feel y”. Then decide if that’s the actual result you want. Do you want to make her feel that way? Because that feeling isn’t solving your issue. And then maybe offer a practical solution. Like doing a chores roster. Or both setting time aside after work to blitz the main areas.
How to handle this? By not and finding another bf. This one isn’t invested in you, so walk away.
This is going to seem oversimplified, but the only advice I can give is that you're 32, and it's not her business. If you're comfortable in the relationship, you're going to have to set the boundary that it's not up for discussion with her.
I haven't told them they're wrong? I'm trying to tell them the whole story? I'm honestly trying to gather up the strength to distance myself, realising there's a strong trauma bond. It's not that easy though. No need to be rude.
if it isn't that serious why couldn't he just respect her boundaries and not eat her fries. It's a sign of other things. If he can't respect the small things then he won't respect the big things either.
They're having phone sex
if you think Africans view themselves the same as African Americans, ive got a bridge to sell you.
hell, hellenic greeks view themselves as superior to us diaspora greeks
I'm fully puerto rican and she's half Cuban and white. Her dad never spoke Spanish to her, hence her being a no sabo kid. Yeah, she comes from a family that's been pretty much financially set her entire life.
But that’s the thing, I didn’t take her Tip money from the savings jar she is referring to. I took money from an alternative savings jar that we both share. The whole purpose of this post is that she strongly believes I took her tip money, which I did not nor would I.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your marriage is effectively over. There are four things that cannot be reversed: opportunity missed, words once spoken, time wasted, and trust once broken. Once the trust has been broken it cannot be put back together again. Concentrate on your two children and try to put this woman out of your mind. My advice would be to get a lawyer and begin the process of divorce as soon as possible. Don't bother with legal separation and under no circumstances leave the house and always do what your lawyer advises. Plus keep as much to yourself as possible and if you're nervous ask your doctor for benzodiazepines to deal with your anxiety, sleeplessness, and dark moods swings. God bless you and good luck, and by the way, welcome to the club.
I see that but I also see that he did not break up with her because he did see HER.
I know you want words of hope, but she did not come forward.
You need to choose your own well being. I know she has been a part of your safe place for a decade, but you are just learning she wasn't all that safe.
Trust your eyes and your mind. Your heart will only be loyal to longing, not to wisdom.
I’m hoping he is my Mr Right tho haha ?
Everyone is giving good advice good luck. Also notify the HR department of her job that she and a cowor are dating. Torpedo her career
It was 20 minutes later, not nearly enough time to say he is going to block her. He was probably in the middle of something or with his fiance at the time.
It was 20 minutes later, not nearly enough time to say he is going to block her. He was probably in the middle of something or with his fiance at the time.
I wonder how far I'll have to scroll before the first Friends reference
I wonder how far I'll have to scroll before the first Friends reference
Life is too short to be unhappy in your love life. If other people want to give their opinions, let them know they're welcome to take her in.
You don't need someone who will lie to you while fighting those tumors. You also don't need a leech of resources, physically and emotionally, while dealing with them either. If she wants to explore, she can go explore elsewhere. You don't need to compete with her on this.
End the relationship, or at least take space until these big life changes have resolved, then re-evaluate when you're not as stressed.
That's such a childish outlook. Using your logic, we can also assume she wants to marry him and divorce him in two years so she gets a free pay day.
The first step is to tell someone you trust. Next find out your options regarding evicting him. Simultaneously, you’ll want to sever all financial ties ie remove 50% from any shared accounts, cancel any cards or shopping sites he has access too. Set up a babysitter for the pups, hide valuables, pack a small bag, have a trusted friend at the closest coffee shop or right outside and then you tell him it’s over. That you’ll be gone for 24-48 hrs so he can pack and make a plan. “This relationship is over and I need you to move out. I’m going to stay with friends to give you a few days to figure out a plan”. If he argues “there is nothing to explain or discuss. If you don’t see how toxic we’ve become then no use explaining and if you do see it than you know you’ll feel relief when the shock wears off” Probably a little warmer and more personal but something to that effect
Nude to say in front of colleagues though. Sounds like she tried to take evasive action while not looking unfriendly; women still feel so much pressure to 'be nice'. Difficult to get right.
yeah, the advice is mostly – talk to her NOW, no more procrastinating. They are already in counseling, OP says they have had problems for quite awhile now: “we are in an unhappy relationship, and we have been for a long time.” So yeah, they are getting married because they got pregnant. They are still arguing over everything. The fiancee is getting stuffed around by OP, because OP doesn't have the guts to sit down and have that honest conversation with her about “what are we doing here? Does either one of us really want this, when we can't even agree on cake??”
Or it’s because you didn’t respect her boundaries a few days ago and ended up drunk “assembling furniture” and intended to sleep over at your “friend’s” house while your partner has been home with your child ?
Or it’s because you didn’t respect her boundaries a few days ago and ended up drunk “assembling furniture” and intended to sleep over at your “friend’s” house while your partner has been home with your child ?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My (25) girlfriend (22) still lives at home with her mom and her stepdad. One thing she hates is sleeping alone. Sometimes when she has trouble falling asleep she goes to her parents bedroom to sleep with them.
I also have to add she almost always goes to bed nude when sleeping alone or with me.
Last week her mom was out of town and she told me she slept in the the bed with her stepdad a couple times. I was kinda surprised because I thought she only did that when her mom was in the same bed too. It sounded kind of weird to me but I didn't think much of it because I shouldn't judge other families boundaries and dynamics.
One important detail is that we've talked about her relationship with him, and she doesn't actually consider him a stepdad but more like a distant family member. I'm not sure about his age but he is somewhere around 50.
Today we talked about the whole sleeping together situation and I jokingly asked if it's annoying having to sleep with clothes on (which she hates) when she goes to bed with him. Her answer shocked me, she told me that she sleeps nude next to him like she always does. I got really mad because I feel that it's inappropriate behavior considering their relationship and their ages, and btw she told me he sleeps without clothes on too.
She told me that I'm being unfair, unreasonable and that it is not a big deal.
I told her that we need some time apart because the whole situation feels kinda weird and that I need some time to process the whole thing.
Im pretty sure there's nothing sexual about the whole thing, but I can't help but feel that what she did (or does on a regular basis) is kinda disrespectful towards me. We've been together for a year.
I would never for the life of me think about sleeping hot next to my dad's wife who's also naked.
She apologized and told me she didn't know it would make me uncomfortable and that it's never going to happen again. I just don't know if this is something I can just forget and look past, at the same time she makes it sound like there's nothing to forgive as she didn't du it to purposely hurt me and didn't even think it was wrong or weird in the first place.
How would you feel about this?
Even if you did warn her, would she believe you? Or would you be painted by him and his family as the crazy ex? I mean, you could try, but would it be worth the hassle of dealing with his family again?
Yeah I don’t think he likes me I think he just tolerates me because we’ve been together so long
Breaking up with someone who has admitted to wanting rape you is bad advice? Are you a rapist yourself or some shit? Go fuck yourself.
It's been a month and he's displaying weirdo behaviors. Move on.
I'm not pursuing her anymore and have no interest, but I'll be damned if she does this with more guys behind his back. Dick move, shes the one that made the commitment, shes the one that lied to him and cheated on him, i've no commitment to anybody, especially not after being used myself.
“We can’t afford” who said he couldn’t afford it? He wasn’t there and it wasn’t his responsibility.
I know right? I mean, I could see it if he were like PoopKing3 or something, but 5? I mean, come on.
I encourage you to be brave and try leaving him.
I encourage you to be brave and try leaving him.
Imo, you should just break up with him. You're not ready and the reasoning behind it doesnt really matter. Its also ok that he wants a partner who is ready to have sex but him giving you this ultimatum is coming across as manipulative. He should have just left rather than pressure you in this way.
what have you told him so far about not wanting to have sex yet?
I’m just going to put this out there. Your wife is telling you she’s cheating without telling you. She wants to tell someone but make it look like she’s not interested so she can have deniability. She’s lying and you shouldn’t fall for it.
Lol okay well there’s a reason why I’m asking advice . Please don’t belittle me !
I never called you a stalker. Im saying thats the energy you are putting off. Sending someone mail (twice) because they didnt answer your texts when you werent even in a real relationship is stalker, clingy, obsessive energy.
it’s neither. it’s HIS personality, which is that of an asshole
If that was me it would be a nude no. Emotional affair treads the line already, but telling her he loves her, involving your children into this affair.
Of course he’s a wreck. He wanted his family life and to have a little thrill on the side. He should have thought about that before doing what he did. This wasn’t a little crossing the line flirting and messaging. Telling another women he loves her should be the end.
He wants to fix everything but where was that will and drive before he destroyed his family?
You have to make that choice but I’ve seen a lot of stories just like this. And rarely does the cheating stop if the wife decides to forgive, it just sets a precedent that some tears and promises are enough to get another chance.
A big part of this is it becoming long distance. It honestly scares me and there is no guarantee when it won’t be long distance.
Absolutely not a snow flake. None of what he said makes sense. Why did the cat have bad karma? Why does think rape is okay? He sounds like the kind of guy who thinks a woman getting drunk, or wearing revealing clothes is an invitation & a justification for rape. Get a new friend, you’ll be better off without him.
Not sure you understand what violence or abuse mean?
Same! If this is a true story, this is absolutely terrifying. Literally stalking him, forcing him to cut his hair, etc. It's the perfect setup to one of those stories on ID. Holy shit.
That's wild. Is it completely open? I'd probably get jelly if I was either one of you.
Just be friends with benefits at that point. That could include the tax benefits from the marriage. I've yet to see successful polygamy. Kinda… Backing that up here.
Thank you
Very true. Hopefully she will be embarrassed and might offer you more of what she meant
Well OP said part of the reason why they didn’t work is because he made plenty, so I would guess he does
But they should instead take your unqualified advice?
No one is saying your marriage is in trouble. Therapy is so that you can process complex emotions in a healthy way. .
If the plan is that you both pretend everything is fine and he just stops 'moping about' and 'gets over himself' well, that isn't dealing with it, nor is it realistic. You two experienced a trauma. Accept that you need help.
No one is saying your marriage is in trouble. Therapy is so that you can process complex emotions in a healthy way. .
If the plan is that you both pretend everything is fine and he just stops 'moping about' and 'gets over himself' well, that isn't dealing with it, nor is it realistic. You two experienced a trauma. Accept that you need help.
Yea, 100? Lol
You didn’t do everything you could. At all. You could have gotten protection yourself. You could have said no. I’ve never been so horny I couldn’t stop, that’s a lie romance novels tell you. You made a choice and now you have consequences.
You are lying to yourself if you think this guy is going to stay in a relationship with you if you have the kid. At best, you’ll split custody.
Just because It wasn't sex doesn't mean it wasn't cheating. There are other forms of cheating.
did he recorded you without your knowledge? if he did and then posted it on-line, that is also a crime (even if you weren’t nude). you can’t go around recording someone without their knowledge and then posting it online… beyond breaking the law, that is also a huge breach of privacy …showing a disrespect for you.
im sorry to hear that you love him deeply and your lives are intertwined as you really should consider breaking up with him as he lacks respect for you… lack of morals and respect is huge in relationships.
Shit! You just made me realize I tell my wife this all the time and she has never said the same back to me.
Shit! You just made me realize I tell my wife this all the time and she has never said the same back to me.
Man, you don't sound like you want the truth. You want to believe the lie, but that shred of self-esteem won't shut up. How does her story make anything Ok? She still messed around with her friend in front of her husband, and you KNOW that's not where it stopped. You just can't avoid the thought of them going at it with her and then knowingly smiling behind your back for 4 years. She lied about nothing happening, from there on out, it's just semantics.
I missed the part where gf and uncle knew each other before she started dating OP. Where is that mentioned?
She needs a medical team and probably medication to manage physically and mentally. She needs to see a specialist for a official diagnosis for hashimotos, a therapist at least once a week and a psychiatrist. Her medical doctors will need to work closely with her psychiatrist because MDs aren’t familiar with psych meds.
What your partner is dealing with is beyond your capabilities to “fix”. She needs professional help. Does she have health insurance or are y’all in a country with provided health coverage? If she does, help her find a therapist on-line. It can take weeks to months to get into a practice. It’s a lot of back and forth; helping her make those calls would be helpful. Sometimes therapists work with psychiatrists, but they’ll definitely have referrals. Still search online for them.
So I’m 31 and just started dating someone who is 23. Even with that age gap I have reservations about it. If you’re looking for a long term/life partner you should move on. Half your age plus 7
Hence why I’m rethinking the whole relationship.
Okay so why tf are you here asking us about this situation? You know you’re liking her attention and pictures. You not blocking her and continuing this flirtation is you seeking her attention because you know she isn’t single. She’s also just seeking attention. You suck if you don’t block her.
There is a saying when it comes to poker:
Never play poker using borrowed money.
So, you taking her 3 K and blasting it. Yeah, no shit she never wants to see you sit down at the tables again.
She broke up with you. Let her leave in peace.
Frankly, you were lucky she put up with your shot as long as she did. Good for her for kicking you to the curb.
It was a school break. And since we leave far away from each other, we couldn’t see each other for those 4 weeks. And as for the relationship, she doesn’t want her private life out there, so she wants everything low-key
What was the adult thing he did? Expressing discomfort? That is not the adult thing to do if the alternative is getting rid of someone else's animal without permission.
Ugh. This guy sounds like A LOT. Also a little old to be messaging old flames or interests… top it off with a binge drinking problem..
It’s only been 7 months. You can still run.
None of her behaviour is beneficial to your relationship.
You may wish she was the girl but she’s not ready to be a reliable partner and you weren’t able to enforce your own boundaries.
There is nowhere positive for this relationship to go.
Dolphins kill babies, gang rape and commit necrophilia.
They can do cute and kind things, yes, but they're basically in this cognitive gray zone where they're smart enough to form a unique personality but not smart enough to develop a strong sense of empathy like most people do.
They're basically the equivalent of human sociopaths/narcissists – can be nice, maybe even most of the time, but won't hesitate to be pure evil with no remorse.
I think it's absolutely weird that he even thought this is in any way normal. I think maybe he doesn't see you as seriously as you see him :/
It’s him who wants the fancy house… not me….. so his plan is to borrow from his brother instead of working hard to save for it himself. Please stop making assumptions as if I’m some gold digger. Him declaring bankruptcy and me making 7 times less then his salary and having just as much saved as him should tell you whose the irresponsible one and whose not.
Looking for a new job will help but I encourage you to say nothing especially when he opens up to talk about it, which may be nude for him but listen. Just be there and listen. That’s the gift so many of us need and do few provide. You can’t fix it but you can be there.
Wtaf? Stop enabling this. There are REAL victims in this scenario
Your first instinct was right. Break up with him.
Now, girl… ?
For a lot of years i would have sex with her even if she wasnt in the mood
So you have been raping your wife for years and years and are now surprised that she doesn't enjoy sex with you??
You're not a safe person.
You’re 24 and 27. That age gap is nothing. You’re both adults in your 20s.
Just communicate with her about it. I’m a shit texter, it’s just something I sick at and sometimes I need reminding.
Edit: Forgot to mention that I went back in my conversation with X and found out he had a crush on me when we first met a long time ago and a text from him that dates back to 2017 where he tells me he used to think I'm cute when we first met. I get the feeling that he might also have (or have had) the same feelings for me, at least until B's sister showed up, cause there were hints and signals I picked up from our conversations after the movie incident day, and they're all very sus.
Does he have brothers or sisters?
Please don’t marry her – it’ll be the biggest and most costly mistake of your life.
She’s shown you exactly who she is. Don’t ignore or rationalize her disgusting behavior.
And like why can’t the age gaps ever be somewhat normal?? A lot of the posters tend to be young adult women younger than 25 who are in toxic relationships with older men. It’s less often that the poster will be someone who has their frontal lobe developed ffs!
No it was him who said it, and when I told him I believe I was drugged he admitted that he had nothing to do with that, but at the bar I had disappeared for about an hour. I don’t suspect him of drugging me to be honest. I filed a police report for being drugged just not rape because I don’t know if that is the right call.
Why do you want to be throat fucked? If he forces it you can get damage. What is missing from this whole conversation is what YOU want. You are so focused on him that you are forgetting yourself. He is an abusive POS
You don't deserve any of this. You deserve to be in a happy and loving relationship where your bf won't treat you like this. Leave him asap and block him.
You don't deserve any of this. You deserve to be in a happy and loving relationship where your bf won't treat you like this. Leave him asap and block him.
Oh I read it fast. Still as a women that is 28 I would NEVER dare someone way younger then me
Integrity is doing the right thing regardless of anyone is watching.
Hidden camera or a camera right in front shouldn’t matter when in a business or even public setting.
I do love him by definition, I literally put him first in every aspect. I have sacrificed so Much of myself to be everything I could be for him, but it was mutual. Suppose that’s my bad still. I’ve been think about divorce but I wanted to try and fix me first.
He sounds like a 12yo.
I’m this way (f) and my fiancé loves it. He’s the first person it ever happened with though.
I was in an abusive relationship in the past and honestly have felt alone for most of my life. He’s the first person to truly make me feel like I’m not alone anymore.
He probably really truly loves the hell out of you. Lol
I’m this way (f) and my fiancé loves it. He’s the first person it ever happened with though.
I was in an abusive relationship in the past and honestly have felt alone for most of my life. He’s the first person to truly make me feel like I’m not alone anymore.
He probably really truly loves the hell out of you. Lol