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He said that this should all stop, but said it would be naked, my suggestion for limited contacted is for the best. Despite his past affairs, I really don’t believe he will pursue things with me further after this conversation.
I don’t think this changes my answer. You told the truth when asked. You didn’t update, but things weren’t serious then. It’s been two years.
Honestly, your girlfriend sounds like the selfish one. Mighty convenient that she decided out of all days to visit a friend nearby to you that same day you wanted some alone time, then put herself into a position where she'd be unable to travel home and subsequently expects you to allow her to stay by you. If she wanted to visit her friend and was intending to drink, she could have: 1) Not drank to the point that she'd be unable to drive, 2) If she was planning to drink to rather decide to Uber to her friend and back, or 3) Arranged with her friend to crash at her place. I'm sure if it was a desparatr situation you'd have made a plan, but quite honestly the fact that she can't even bother to give you a single night off is very selfish
You went no contact. No contact means no contact. Period.
The fact that you went NC and are wondering why he isn't “fighting for you” is baffling to me. You're not in contact with him. Why would he fight for you? How would he fight for you?
He cheated on you. Why would you take back someone who doesn't value you at all? He put you through hell and you're on here rambling about why he won't take you back, if he really loved you, does he want you to beg – why does it matter??
He CHEATED ON YOU. He NEVER LOVED YOU. If he did, HE WOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED ON YOU.
You need to stay no contact and find someone who will value you.
Unless you enjoy being devalued and being treated as less than. Considering you want to take him back, that wouldn't surprise me at all.
She was late to his birthday because she was having sex with someone else… Doesn’t matter who. That’s cheating.
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Not even close to grooming.
You’re also too young/inexperienced to fully understand being in a different phase of life as someone else. Although, I do commend you because it seems like you’re starting to think like an adult. I’m not trying to be condescending to you at all. I’m just old enough to be your father. Bravo for asking. It sounds like you really care about this young man.
In a few years, you’ll hardly notice the two-year age difference. If you’re going to stay in this relationship, you’re going to be the “guider.” That’s entirely different than grooming or manipulating him.
When I was 32, I dated a 19-year-old young woman who was a server in a restaurant I frequented. I thought she was older. She is a terrific person. While definitely not illegal, I began having moral reservations about our relationship. Everything I said was gold in her eyes, and I began feeling that I was hurting her ability to be a 19-year-old. 32-year-old activities became boring to her, as they should have been. The age difference was one thing, but the phase of life was the bigger deal. I had an advanced degree, a career, and a great income. She was still living with her mom, going to college, and working a low-wage job. It wasn’t fair to either of us, and I REALLY didn’t want to hurt her, change her, or ruin experiences she needed to have – ones I frankly didn’t want to repeat. So, it ended very amicably.
Anyway, hope this helps.
Of course, and that’s why I said no part of my take is to police his emotions. Now that he knows, he should absolutely go NC if he’s so motivated.
I’m just pointing out that the person telling him didn’t have his best interests at heart. If she divorced her husband over it, sure, but no – she just informed him and let OP deal with all the things that came out of it.
She’s not doing this for ethical reasons or out of respect for OP. There’s a reason and a motive here.
Often people worry that they'll “look stupid ” if they change their original decision to be with someone, but the others around them don't see it that way if they have a healthy relationship lens. You have more information now than you used to.
It sounds like a lot of manipulation is in play. If he looks bad, it's because he's not showing care to others in the expected way.
Please look at the resources provided by u/Ebbie45
This screams potential violence, yelling or abusive behaviour to me, and appears that the wife is reluctant to bring a child into a DV household.
He doesn’t want to be a parent but he wants the name legacy. You will be like a single mom.
He cheated on you, he already proved his loyalty is not with you so why are you continuing to be? Call that girl back, tell her he’s her problem now and she can visit him in the hospital and get out.
If he wants to try to mend things/clear the air he can reach out later but he doesn’t deserve you by his side when he clearly is not by yours.
Probably not a popular response in this forum, but here goes….
Its not always a red flag…it’s just potentially a red flag. Ultimately you’ll have to make the call on whether it’s a symptom of other larger problems in the relationship or if you guys just clicked despite the age gap.
I’m 9 years older than my wife. We met shortly after she turned 21. She was finishing up undergrad while I had just finished grad school. (Her roommate was dating my roommate.) We met a couple of times at bars in the city where we on-line and ended up chatting a couple of times. I eventually asked her on a date, and she accepted (for the free dinner I think). At dinner, our waiter carded us for our drink purchase and learned it was our first date. He commented how he was 10 years older than his wife and that their marriage was awesome. That the 10 year gap happened to match their maturity levels.
My wife was ready to get married very early on in our relationship and made that very clear to me. While I definitely loved her, my opinion was that she was too young to make that decision. That she’d probably change quite a bit over the next 5-10 years. We finally got married when she was 28. That long wait caused some issues between us along the way, but I’m glad we waited. The down side is that it resulted in us having children later in life than I would have ideally wanted. When I think about how long it’ll be before I will likely have grandkids, it makes me sad to think I probably won’t have that much time to see them grow up.
Anyway, all that is to say that an age gap by itself doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. If it’s part of a pattern of establishing control in the relationship, or it seems like you don’t have an equal voice in the relationship, then I’d start to worry. If you feel like things are healthy/balanced, then maybe that’s what matters most.
I’m my case, my past relationships have been with women my age +/- 1 year. I wasn’t seeking out a younger partner, I just made a connection with someone who happened to be younger and it worked for us.
Wishing you health, happiness, and success in the new year.
My ex did this to me and it and the very next day. I said I was done and moved out. It made me realize he was petty and I ain't want to on-line a life with someone who would go out of their way to punish me. I'm not a child
Don't listen to this dumbo. This is a domestic violence issue… Contact police/lawyer.
The “Get Therapyyyy” posts on reddit are repetitive and unimaginative.
It's not failing. Did I say it was failing? Just because a couple have an issue to discuss does not mean it's failing. I have a lot to hold in my my head at the moment and I was looking for perspectives, rather than “don't do this”.
I agree and I say this as a single mom. I separated from my son's dad when my son was 3, and at some point he even said I should ask the guy i was going out with for money for my son, to which absofuckinglutely no..why would I expect someone that is not my son's father to provide for my son? Even with my next bf when we lived together, he still paid his part and I paid mine, I never asked him to support my son because that's insane. There's one thing paying for food here and there but very different one expecting a partner to fully support while together and into the future if there's a separation. I wonder where I can find one like OP lol I don't expect to take advantage but it would be nice for once to have someone treat me the same way I treat them.
Shit she was even gonna go back after she got home. Love has nothing to do with this now.
Bro i dunno if i even would get one anymore, yeah i will starting going to gym for sure, also thank you man your words really helped me T-T also i wanna know how long did it take you to move on
2+ years…
I guess it'll come down to, what about motherhood does your wife not want? Is it the pregnancy? The infancy? The actually having a being relying on you for everything? Because there are parts about having a six year old come on-line with you that would be easier on her than, you know, if she had still been a small baby. Just talk to her. Find out how much it will bother her, and what parts wouldn't. Be prepared to hear she wants none of it, but also to hear that she will be just fine since your daughter is of the age to have school be a large part of her day and to take care of the most basic necessities mostly by herself with still a little bit of assistance.
You’re married a month. Go get that annulment and go on with your life before you get in any deeper into this relationship. He is already blame shifting and trying to gaslight you into talking responsibly for his actions. Don’t let him.
He's only sorry cus he got caught
Good lord. Your mother is manipulative as heck. I’m sorry OP, but you may never see that money and I’d strongly consider going NC with mom, at least until she realises her betrayal and mistake with you and apologises. That’ll show her.
You’re thinking of breaking up with her because she expressed her feelings and emotions at the time? You stated your feelings on the subject, which is fine. But you followed it up by explaining your reasoning in a way that makes it seem like anyone who disagrees with you is “wrong“.
“No, because we are in a monogamous relationship…”
Just so you know, just about every couple in the lifestyle started out in a monogamous relationship. That’s not a reason to never want to try something different. Please don’t misunderstand me. It’s 100% fine that you don’t want to do that. Most people down and there’s nothing wrong with it.
But you also want to make sure that your partner is Zoe‘s comfortable and feel safe bringing to you whatever ideas pop in her head. If she’s made to feel guilty or bad, because of a fantasy or emotion that washes over her, that’s when things go to shit .
I don’t know if this makes you feel any better, but when I first broached the subject with my girlfriend, it was just a fantasy that I had, not much more than that. If she had respectfully told me that she was not interested, my interest in the idea would have gone away. She’s my partner and I’m only interested in sexual adventures with her that we are both excited about. It just happened to work out, but she was also interested in exploring it, so we very slowly deep, dark toe into that world together, as a team.
I just hope that you were response was respectful rather than coming across as judgmental. But you automatically assume that because she brought this up to you that she is not in love with you, or somehow, doesn’t respect you… That’s projecting your own feelings onto her. Maybe try having a heart to heart conversation with her where are you? Ask her what it is specifically about the idea that sounds appealing? we should always sick to know and understand everything we can about our partners, right?
And by having that conversation, you might relax her a little bit in case she’s feeling uneasy about how you might respond to things.
Hey, maybe I’m reading that into your post and you were very respectful and not judgmental in your response to her ??♂️
If that’s the case, then I apologize for my own bad assumption
Do not go there again.
If you believe that C can be brought back to her senses, write her a letter. Maybe get in touch with that lifelong friend she recently cut off, and write the letter together. Make it clear that you cannot support her marriage to a literal fucking Nazi, and also offer support getting out of the relationship if she needs it.
It’s reasonable for her to not want you to watch porn, the porn industry is built on exploitation, sex trafficking, and rape.
It’s NOT reasonable for her to not want you to masturbate, that’s really kind of weird and controlling.
Uh, not an option. You are generally asked to stay within 30 minutes of your hospital during the 3rd trimester when you're high risk. Rural hospitals in the US are few and far between, so if OP needs to go in, she can be looking at a multiple hour drive to get to the nearest one and they may or may not even have a L&D department or be equipped to handle a premature baby.
OP needs to stay home and stay near her hospital and her partner needs to skip this trip.
Pretty gross that you're dating a teen. Obviously you'll pay for everything…..
I got you sis. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders and a clear view of the world from what I can tell. Keep trusting your gut and looking out for yourself. You got this.
My partner has raised his voice and slammed a door around me exactly once. It wasn’t even aimed at me—he was frustrated with a video game. It triggered a c-ptsd attack so bad that I left the apartment and went to sit outside and cry. When my partner realized what he’d done, that he’d hurt me in that way, he never raised his voice or slammed a door ever again. It’s been years.
Oliver should be able to see that he’s hurting you and rectify the behavior. And if you don’t even feel safe enough with him to talk to him about it? That’s not a good sign. I couldn’t stay in an environment like that, and I’m not convinced you should, either. 🙁
My best friend's boyfriend admitted to cheating on her, literally almost 20 years ago. Now, there is never a good reason, valid excuse for cheating, so I don't really know how to word this. But there was a lot going on with her at the time and she understood what prompted him to do it. She also is confident that she doesn't have to worry about him doing it again, which I also assured her I really don't think she needs to worry. I have known him just as long as she has, and I genuinely do not think that she has anything to worry about. So, she forgave him. She still trusts him. Great, right? Wrong. To this day she throws it back in his face. Every time they have a fight, a serious issue to work through, it comes up. She and I are very close, we have been best friends for 30 of my 40 years of life. She knows that I will tell her the truth, and not just what she wants to hear. And this is what I told her in reference to the situation… Either you really forgive him and you move on together, or you end things. But what you absolutely cannot/ must not do, is continue to throw it back in his face like this. Honestly, her doing that has caused way more turmoil in their than his actual cheating did. He has even told that maybe it is best if he just leaves, because the poor guy is simply worn out, exhausted from having to pay for his crime for the past 20 years. If you don't think that you can truly forgive and move on, like REALLY REALLY, do both of you the favor of ending it now.