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I don't understand how I'm avoiding to answer? I'm only 21 dude and I'm still figuring out my own life. I don't think it's that bad of a think to be still thinking about what I want in a marriage, or if I even want a marriage.
There are a lot of people that are turned on my their partner having sex with someone else. It isn't that rare. But usually the fantasy about doing it is far different then what happens when reality hits and your partner is getting railed and you are thinking, what the hell did I just do? Then the mental games start and it's something that can't ever be undone. If your both not 100 percent into it, just say no. Even couples that are totatally into trying it fail more times than succeed.
What should I do?
………………………..jesus christ
This level of self-abandonment is incredibly concerning.
Rationalizing abuse is a pretty severe symptom of trauma.