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Sorry to hear that. Rest assured that it’s his loss, and when he finally realizes that he will come crawling back. I promise that he will but when he does be strong and don’t take him back! Or else he will only hurt you again, make him learn from his mistake! Stay strong!
after i posted this i cut all ties with him, i still see him in one of my classes but we don’t talk. him and his ex are now talking again. tbh i’ve never been more free, happy, but also sad. i miss thinking about the relationship i could have had with him. i love him, even if he did leave me 3 times for different girls, treated me like shit, and admitted that he was manipulating me. deep down i know he is crazy and i will not be getting back with him ever. He has reached out to me since but i haven’t replied and i don’t plan on doing so. to make this clear too, he was telling my friends, to stay out of our “relationship” so yes it was supposed to be exclusive. i love him, but not enough to deal with ruining myself again. i’m starting to talk to this new guy, i will never find someone as attractive as the last guy, but this new guys is 1000 times better in personality!
I started medication for the tumor in March of this year. Immediately, like overnight almost, all my feelings and emotions for my girlfriend drained. Just gone.
Wait what? Have you tell any medic about it? Or are you just assuming? Because they may be able to change your medication.
If you just want to hoe arround is a completly different thing but it probably doesn't have anything to do with medication.
I've always discussed it prior to having sex, honestly. Itncannhe awkward to bring up early in a relationship, but I've always figured that an unplanned pregnancy and realizing you're not on the page would be more awkward.
My advice is to just leave him and move on. You correctly identified your boyfriend wanted to try an LDR because of desperation. I'm not going to throw in your face the fact that you were messing around with other guys. What I will do is give you something to reflect upon and come to your conclusion. The end of our lives is very much determined by the beginning of it. I have a belief that the people were are by 22, (latest 25, usually the outlier) are who we are for the rest of lives.
So far, your actions have shown that you are a selfish individual who has the ability to deceive someone they claim they love and care about. However, there is a lot of positivity in the action of knowing how desperate he is for you and not taking advantage of it. He needs to move on and clearly doesn't have the strength. Sometimes the best choices in our lives are choices made for us. Cutting him lose and staying away could be the choice he needs to live! a happy life.
You also shouldn't have to sacrifice your wants and happiness to keep a friendship. You seem to be fully aware that a friendship between the two of you isn't possible without someone being hurt or unhappy. What kind of friendship is that, then? What kid of friend is he then? What kind of friend are you then? Missing him isn't a good enough reason to keep him around knowing it's going to hurt him. It's also going to cause you to continue to deceive him as I can't imagine you wanting to give up your lifestyle of messing around with guys. You shouldn't be wrong for messing around with guys, and you shouldn't feel wrong for it either. It becomes a problem when it is wrong, when it feels wrong but you do it regardless. This willful acceptance of wrong doing eventually becomes who you are forever, and with it the path to how your life turns out is carved.
My advice is to really think about the person you want to be, as you still are at the age (I'm guessing) where who you are is still being molded and the core of who you are isn't permanent. Like I said, I see a lot of positivity in your awareness of his desperation and not taking advantage of it. It's going to suck not having him as a friend, but know that the best thing you could do is to give him the time and space to move on. You already know that's not possible while remaining friends. Maybe one day years down the road, a friendship will be possible when you both are healthy enough to be good friends to each other.
Anyways whatever you end up doing I really hope you do take the time to think about the person you aspire to be. I hope you have the ability to see yourself with a possible future and not a write-off that can't be fixed due to past mistakes. Good luck
Thinking you are on the same page isn't the same as discussing it. That's just being reckless with a baby. Clearly, you wanted another baby and thought it was going to bring you closer. Babies never do.
The primary problem here is incompatibility and YOUR entitlement. He's allowed to have his standards for people he dates including a potential partner's dating history. You don't meet them and so he tried to let you down easy, you felt entitled to push that and so he told you the truth. He didn't shame you and you being hurt by what he said doesn't mean he did anything wrong, you should've just respected his “no”.
I disagree, but even if you’re right, her current boyfriend is holding something she did 10 years ago. I think everyone would agree that a lot of growth and change happens from 14 to 24. Absolutely ridiculous for him to make this an issue in their relationship now.
His response screams that he doesn’t love himself very much. I’m sure there are qualities about you that he loves but it seems like he’s astonished that anyone could love him.
This seems very easy to resolve:
Have Christmas at home with your husband. Tell the rest of the family they are welcome to drop by and visit all day.
Balls then in their court.
I have no idea at all why you'd support your father in this ridiculous power move he's pulling.
Oh right like I haven’t worked with in cat rescues for years and actual animal behaviorist. Like I haven’t personally hired behaviorist and trainers to come into my home and had them train me how to accommodate animals in my home. Like I haven’t personally rescued and rehomed over 200 animals out of my own home and pocket. But what do I know right
She's an adult, she knows her allergies and that her sister has cats.
It's honestly bizarre that you're blaming yourself for anything here. She isn't a child. Calm down about it and just focus on yourself and your mother.
The alternative is staying with her, and I get the sense that her behavior is going to get worse, not better.
Go live! with your mother. You can rebuild, you’re stronger than the situation.
The gifts he gave you sound great to me. I’d be happy to receive those things. Your solution moving forward is to set a budget for future gift giving events so that you can give relatively equally and not feel weird about it later. I imagine he wishes he’d chosen different gifts now. You saying “good amount of money” is not quantifiable. He spent what he felt was a good amount of money. Not everyone does Christmas gifts the same. He could even be uneasy you spent so much on him. Maybe he wants to limit your spending on him the next time around.
But if you say something because he makes good money and you don’t think he spent enough on your- you’re WAY out of line.
Wait until the next bday and say “hey can we set a budget for gifts?” Don’t say anything now, because you’ll sound entitled and ungrateful … which I’m kinda feeling like those descriptors are accurate based on your post. So here’s my challenge to be better OP, but also set budgets so this doesn’t get awkward in the future.
Well said!
What you did to him is abusive and he was right to cut you off. Please go to therapy
Yeah. That’s exactly how I feel. I’m sure she would understand but I feel bad not going.
I’m not sure why this trend has started. Some people I know are in a 3-4 weddings and all the bachelor/bachelorette parties are 3 day destination parties. Of course it would be fun but who has the time and money for these things??
Sunk cost fallacy is a B.
Get out now.
Nobody is saying that once she enters this guys room, her right to not consent to sex is null and void.
What we are saying is she kissed him, flirted with him and went to his room. Whatever happened after is irrelevant to OP. What she did was cheating. Whether she was coerced into sex after that is another matter entirely.
This one hit me hard. Thank you
Your best friends bf is more a paedophile than you are.
She has maybe been accused of being groomed by her bf so is now turning it on you.
Sounds like she’s made her decision that she no longer wants to to be friends and is using this as an excuse.
Leave her alone for now. She may come round, but be prepared for her to not come back from this.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it
Your FIL is choosing to not have a relationship with his grandchild because of a last name. You and your husband don't need to do anything in this situation. Let FIL live! a miserable life and leave him alone. He either pulls his head out of his ass or he doesn't. Personally I can't see this man respecting or upholding any parenting rules or request that y'all have and I can't actually see this person loving and caring for y'alls child in a healthy way. If his love is so conditional then your child will learn that love from grandpa is conditional on whatever and that's not OKAY.
So you're one of those “I can change them” type of people….
She isn't your property, you don't really NEED to know. Maybe you should feel happy that she felt comfortable telling you as it literally does NOT effect your life
In this case, it’s 100% the parents fault. OP is not even saying his wife’s age. The kid is definitely feeling replaced by this do-over family that OP got.
Your brother seemed to realize that this wasn't normal for him to share a bed with you, that's why he said the couch was fine, especially after a relationship ending, that's when we need intimacy, maybe this is something women don't have idk.
There's like a subtle discomfort I would have if this happened to me, it's not rational because I really don't have a lot of reservations otherwise, I think as men we think in terms of ownership still and having an other man sleep in our bed next to our wife is deeply unsettling, I'm trying to think of a female equivalent, hmm. Maybe when your child likes hanging out with someone elses mom more. Or when your boss pays attention to someone who got there later than you did. There's no clear rule or moral offense in those situations but you feel like you're being disrespected.
Hope that makes sense, depending on how mad he got it's your decision, that's all on him.
Sounds a lot like projecting. The same exact sentiments could be said about MOH for what she did to you. You do not owe either of them anything, and they are obviously no friend of yours. Ghost and block because neither deserves any more from you.
Dude he sucks he spends money on their pleasure and food but not to help you when you have a medical emergency?
7000 dollars?! he’s their sugar daddy and he values them over you
So he had a shitty reaction 12 years ago and you then blocked him, moved away, and never bothered to tell him he had 2 children.
This is what evil looks like.
You have literally robbed him of 10 years of his children's life. You have stolen something from him that he can never recover.
The sickest part is you think you should have some say on if he can see HIS CHILDREN THAT YOU HID FROM him.
I don’t want to send them away with a stranger now. Maybe he’s changed but I still don’t want him in their lives as he’s a complete stranger and even though he’s biologically their father he’s not their emotional father.
That's because the asshole in this story, you, never let him.
You are the villain here and don't even seem to understand it.
In a just world you would be in jail for kidnapping. It's insane that people are backing you up.
Same exa t thing happened to me when I was 14. My ex husband acted like OPs fiance. I was cheated on by him twice (that I know of for sure, it had to be more), I think he felt justified in sleeping around because he thought of me as a hoe.
My new husband, empathetic as fuck. I swear, I assumed the worst when I finally told him but his eyes got so heavy looking and I felt the sincerity in his sympathy. It was night and day. That's when I knew I could be with him forever. He is 100% there for me without judgment and feels the hurt as genuine empathy. I never thought there would be such a good soul out there for me to find. We've been together almost 7 happy years now!
The social safety nets I’m sure are better in Canada than the USA but that doesn’t mean that leaving her baby daddy is actually feasible unless her mother was actually a better situation. According to her she has an abusive family so who really knows if that would even be an improvement…
No shit Sherlock. First time is always a virgin.
Trust your gut. Move in with your parents or a friend until he tells you the whole truth.
I asked to do that and see the bills she will just write numbers down and I'm like I want to see physical bills and she gets mad at me and says I don't trust her
I hate pedophiles, rapists, and their apologists.
My boyfriend never told me this… But he was trying to reassure me telling me his father is a changed man and I have nothing to worry about.
Your boyfriend is an apologist for his father, a pedophile and a rapist.
You are already coming in second to the other guy. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings but doesn't care about yours. She is protecting him, not you.
There is no saving this. You love her but you can't trust her. My personal experience was that after being cheated on I lost respect for my partner and when I couldn't respect him the love disappeared. It wasn't overnight but after while it was totally gone.
People. Not only women are murdered.