No. That's not weird. Alone time together is healthy. You'll be less stress. You can talk with each other without anyone else hearing. Just spending time together alone.
Yes tell the wife since it is always the right thing to do but my only hesitation is that she’s pregnant and we don’t know if that news can affect her/the pregnancy.
This extreme emotional swing, made me think of a borderline personality disorder, but I could be completely wrong. You know her only for a couple of weeks, don't rush into marriage! Get to know her first.
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Oblivious and not realizing, or doesnt care and counts on you accepting and believing his excuses? Which you are, because he has otherwise been so amazing that you think he could be the one after two months, even when he treats you like that anytime he thinks sex could be on the table.
This guy is physically harming you, ignoring your safety, is telling you that he is dangerous by not being able to control himself, has given you an infection, keeps groping you even tho you have work in the morning and you said no…no one who have survived to the age of 30 is actually that oblivious.
I'll steal this one from my mom. “You can either accept the disappointment that he doesn't put you first or you can leave. But they won't change.” Mom is a trooper. Put up with my dad's inability to function at the same stuff the BF is failing on. But, mom had 3 kids. He was a good dad. Soooo… marriage sucked, but family life was good. But that's her takeaway. Good luck OP.
It would make you not very kind. You know that. Of course he’s going to get hope if you offer to start having sex with him. Don’t do it. It will hurt him in the end.
Regardless of what to label this. Your wife is emotionally abusing you. And I don’t agree with the comments saying it’s just anxiety. I think that’s people down playing it because ya’ll are women. Which is incredibly common in queer relationships. If this was a man doing this to you, people wouldn’t be excusing it.
Had a feeling he was one of those guys that as soon as he knew you were a virgin, he’s run in the other direction cause it’s too much pressure or 180 double down on sex more.
Either way, you can find someone else who is closer to your age and also is maybe a Virgin or had only one or two other experiences, so this way it’ll be easier for you.
Unless its the girlfriend who is your friend and she just brought him along there is zero reason to still be hanging with an abusive guy. Is he bullying your entire friend group that you are all scared to exclude him?
My guess would be there is third: he just wants to share something insightful he has learned with his SO, which doesn't seem.all that crazy to me. He just needs to understand that his SO isn't always uo for that. His love language probably is words, so when she says no, he feels totally rejected. Something OP needs to understand as well.
Both need to have more understanding and make mental room for one another.
That doesn’t mean he won’t trying crawling back after “punishing” you and “forgiving” you. These are red flags and what abusers and controlling, manipulative, jealous men do.
How many years until you can apply for citizenship? I'd suggest if you wanna get out of it mainly waiting till then for something drastic. Otherwise try communicating with him?
I don't know, but to me loyalty is one of the most important components in a relationship and if someone you just started dating a MONTH ago is already acting like this then I would move on. This isn't just a small red flag. It is going to become a huge issue in the future. You do know that someone with this kind of mentality will eventually cheat on you right? He is going to tell you it's your responsibility to stop him from cheating & that he's a man so he can't help it.
My mom did this to my dad when I was three and my sister was five. She literally ran away to go online with a drug addict and dropped off the face of the earth she came back a few years afterwards but was in and out of programs. My dad wasn’t a citizen and got screwed over bad by the courts he had to pay her child support. When she was homeless we weren’t even in her care and she was in Europe partying it up for months on end.
My dad was bitter towards her I could tell. But he never said bad words about her. Never talked down about her living situation and still tried to make sure she was always welcomed in our lives when she was healthy.
He didn’t get to date and busted his ass our whole childhood. Now he retired early. Moved back to his home country has a beautiful home and lives with the love of his life. Me and my sister have such a great bond with him. And I know he felt bad taking the move. And felt like he was abandoning us. But we never felt like that bc we always felt like if anyone deserves to retire to Mexico and live in a beautiful villa and just relax it’s our dad.
Just know that even when you get burnt out your kids will forever remember their dad and how much you stepped up for them. Me and my sister don’t have a relationship with our mom even tho we tired (My mom included) but I would not trade any of the heartache if it meant we didn’t get the close relationship we have with our dad.
Go out for a coffee and see if you like the vibe. If not, then you’ll know there wasn’t anything there. If so, see where it goes from there. This is one you can’t solve in your own head in advance – going to have to show up and see what happens,
I will tell you what my thoughts are based on my experience.
For many women, attraction is largely psychological. So the level of attraction can fluctuate over time based on different conditions. That's the way it was with my ex. Figuring out what those exact conditions are can sometimes be a puzzle. At least with my ex, she didn't even really understand why her feelings for me were constantly changing.
There's also this notion of “sliding into a marriage”, which is what I think happened to you.
The idea is that you started living together 5 years ago, which in itself didn't feel like a huge commitment at the time, just a natural progression of your relationship.
Over time, you both felt very comfortable in the relationship. So that's why neither of you ever left. She may have had doubts for some time, but because the relationship was comfortable and she was afraid of suddenly being alone and the uncertainty that comes with suddenly leaving, she stayed.
When you proposed, she said “Yes” because she didn't feel she could say “No”. Saying “No” meant turning her life upside down and giving up the comfort of the relationship she had with you over the last few years. Many women stay in relationships they think are less than ideal because they've grown to used to them. But the very thought of marriage made this nagging thought grow in her head that she might be in the wrong relationship.
She probably hoped this thought would go away upon marriage, and it didn't. And that's where you are today.
Other possible factors:
She may have gotten bored in the relationship because it's become too predictable. That would possibly be why she sees you as a roommate rather than a romantic partner. My ex would sometimes say the exact same thing to me. She didn't necessarily cheat but she may have developed a crush on a dude while she was away. A lot of this may have to do with the fact that New Guy is unpredictable, and therefore exciting. Again, she may simply be less attracted to you, because she understands you too well now. You're kind of like a video game that's been played a million times. It was fun the first few times. Now she's bored and wants a new game. The so-called “Honeymoon Phase” of your relationship like happened long before you were married — this is when the relationship was new and exciting to both of you. Some people don't understand that this doesn't last, and hence become serial monogamists, going from one relationship to the next because they want to keep experiencing that feeling. A third factor that's unrelated to the first two is there may be aspects of the relationship that she was unhappy with from the beginning. Many women stay in a relationship expecting men to change over time, not realizing that men don't change much over time. For many women who are in unhappy relationships, they assumed that the things that bothered them about their partner would magically disappear over time. Now that you are finally married, she may have realized that is not going to happen.
I know it's very hot to be in your situation, because I've been where you are. You feel like your world is suddenly upside down. Things seemed great.
And things were probably great in many ways. But the reason you were blind sighted is because men like you and me are much easier to satisfy than most women. I know that's cynical, but it's at least been my experience. Men are relatively easy to satisfy. If there's a woman out there that's as easy to satisfy as most men, I'd certainly like to meet her.
The other annoying thing is that a lot of women seem to believe their partners should be able to read their minds. That may be why she didn't bring up her uncertainties about the relationship with you earlier. She may have assumed you knew and felt the same way.
Anyway, hope this helps. And hopefully you've found a smart marriage counselor that can figure out what's going on. What I wrote above may or may not apply, but your situation reminded me a lot of what I've been through (minus the marriage). I've also talked to women who weren't satisfied with relationships they had been in for a long time. Some stayed. Others left. But the reasons they felt unsatisfied were usually common in theme.
Either it's the husband's baby, or she cheated.
There literally is no other way….. Other than stupidly outrageous scary ideas like her using your husband's used Condoms or shit like that.
So yeh, it's cheating.
Is there something you're not telling us?
No. That's not weird. Alone time together is healthy. You'll be less stress. You can talk with each other without anyone else hearing. Just spending time together alone.
Yes tell the wife since it is always the right thing to do but my only hesitation is that she’s pregnant and we don’t know if that news can affect her/the pregnancy.
This extreme emotional swing, made me think of a borderline personality disorder, but I could be completely wrong. You know her only for a couple of weeks, don't rush into marriage! Get to know her first.
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Oblivious and not realizing, or doesnt care and counts on you accepting and believing his excuses? Which you are, because he has otherwise been so amazing that you think he could be the one after two months, even when he treats you like that anytime he thinks sex could be on the table.
This guy is physically harming you, ignoring your safety, is telling you that he is dangerous by not being able to control himself, has given you an infection, keeps groping you even tho you have work in the morning and you said no…no one who have survived to the age of 30 is actually that oblivious.
He literally said that she was drunk at the party. She wasn’t a little drunk. So he masturbated thinking about a drunk women essentially
I'll steal this one from my mom. “You can either accept the disappointment that he doesn't put you first or you can leave. But they won't change.” Mom is a trooper. Put up with my dad's inability to function at the same stuff the BF is failing on. But, mom had 3 kids. He was a good dad. Soooo… marriage sucked, but family life was good. But that's her takeaway. Good luck OP.
Dude you look fine. Peoples’ insecurities tend to be magnified by themselves…
Personally I find online dating the absolute worst but for what it’s worth none of your profile pics will really show that part of you..:
Anyone worth your time will not give a shit either. Be yourself!
Are you one of those “life ends at 30” people? Because you sound like one of those life ends at 30 people.
You’re 26, chill, you’ve got plenty of time.
I like to trick my procrastination brain my making it a challenge. “If I time my shower I can see if I can be done in 10 minutes! Yes! Speed Demon!”
It would make you not very kind. You know that. Of course he’s going to get hope if you offer to start having sex with him. Don’t do it. It will hurt him in the end.
Regardless of what to label this. Your wife is emotionally abusing you. And I don’t agree with the comments saying it’s just anxiety. I think that’s people down playing it because ya’ll are women. Which is incredibly common in queer relationships. If this was a man doing this to you, people wouldn’t be excusing it.
Had a feeling he was one of those guys that as soon as he knew you were a virgin, he’s run in the other direction cause it’s too much pressure or 180 double down on sex more.
Either way, you can find someone else who is closer to your age and also is maybe a Virgin or had only one or two other experiences, so this way it’ll be easier for you.
Unless its the girlfriend who is your friend and she just brought him along there is zero reason to still be hanging with an abusive guy. Is he bullying your entire friend group that you are all scared to exclude him?
My guess would be there is third: he just wants to share something insightful he has learned with his SO, which doesn't seem.all that crazy to me. He just needs to understand that his SO isn't always uo for that. His love language probably is words, so when she says no, he feels totally rejected. Something OP needs to understand as well.
Both need to have more understanding and make mental room for one another.
That doesn’t mean he won’t trying crawling back after “punishing” you and “forgiving” you. These are red flags and what abusers and controlling, manipulative, jealous men do.
How many years until you can apply for citizenship? I'd suggest if you wanna get out of it mainly waiting till then for something drastic. Otherwise try communicating with him?
I don't know, but to me loyalty is one of the most important components in a relationship and if someone you just started dating a MONTH ago is already acting like this then I would move on. This isn't just a small red flag. It is going to become a huge issue in the future. You do know that someone with this kind of mentality will eventually cheat on you right? He is going to tell you it's your responsibility to stop him from cheating & that he's a man so he can't help it.
What a lame excuse. Asking questions, smiling and being enthusiastic at work is normal. It’s called a positive work environment.
what kind of an idiot stores cash in the house in large enough quantities to worry about in case of a fire and not in some form of fireproof safe?
If only there were places where you could safely store your money, like some kind of a sperm bank, but for money.
My mom did this to my dad when I was three and my sister was five. She literally ran away to go online with a drug addict and dropped off the face of the earth she came back a few years afterwards but was in and out of programs. My dad wasn’t a citizen and got screwed over bad by the courts he had to pay her child support. When she was homeless we weren’t even in her care and she was in Europe partying it up for months on end.
My dad was bitter towards her I could tell. But he never said bad words about her. Never talked down about her living situation and still tried to make sure she was always welcomed in our lives when she was healthy.
He didn’t get to date and busted his ass our whole childhood. Now he retired early. Moved back to his home country has a beautiful home and lives with the love of his life. Me and my sister have such a great bond with him. And I know he felt bad taking the move. And felt like he was abandoning us. But we never felt like that bc we always felt like if anyone deserves to retire to Mexico and live in a beautiful villa and just relax it’s our dad.
Just know that even when you get burnt out your kids will forever remember their dad and how much you stepped up for them. Me and my sister don’t have a relationship with our mom even tho we tired (My mom included) but I would not trade any of the heartache if it meant we didn’t get the close relationship we have with our dad.
Go out for a coffee and see if you like the vibe. If not, then you’ll know there wasn’t anything there. If so, see where it goes from there. This is one you can’t solve in your own head in advance – going to have to show up and see what happens,
I will tell you what my thoughts are based on my experience.
For many women, attraction is largely psychological. So the level of attraction can fluctuate over time based on different conditions. That's the way it was with my ex. Figuring out what those exact conditions are can sometimes be a puzzle. At least with my ex, she didn't even really understand why her feelings for me were constantly changing.
There's also this notion of “sliding into a marriage”, which is what I think happened to you.
The idea is that you started living together 5 years ago, which in itself didn't feel like a huge commitment at the time, just a natural progression of your relationship.
Over time, you both felt very comfortable in the relationship. So that's why neither of you ever left. She may have had doubts for some time, but because the relationship was comfortable and she was afraid of suddenly being alone and the uncertainty that comes with suddenly leaving, she stayed.
When you proposed, she said “Yes” because she didn't feel she could say “No”. Saying “No” meant turning her life upside down and giving up the comfort of the relationship she had with you over the last few years. Many women stay in relationships they think are less than ideal because they've grown to used to them. But the very thought of marriage made this nagging thought grow in her head that she might be in the wrong relationship.
She probably hoped this thought would go away upon marriage, and it didn't. And that's where you are today.
Other possible factors:
She may have gotten bored in the relationship because it's become too predictable. That would possibly be why she sees you as a roommate rather than a romantic partner. My ex would sometimes say the exact same thing to me. She didn't necessarily cheat but she may have developed a crush on a dude while she was away. A lot of this may have to do with the fact that New Guy is unpredictable, and therefore exciting. Again, she may simply be less attracted to you, because she understands you too well now. You're kind of like a video game that's been played a million times. It was fun the first few times. Now she's bored and wants a new game. The so-called “Honeymoon Phase” of your relationship like happened long before you were married — this is when the relationship was new and exciting to both of you. Some people don't understand that this doesn't last, and hence become serial monogamists, going from one relationship to the next because they want to keep experiencing that feeling. A third factor that's unrelated to the first two is there may be aspects of the relationship that she was unhappy with from the beginning. Many women stay in a relationship expecting men to change over time, not realizing that men don't change much over time. For many women who are in unhappy relationships, they assumed that the things that bothered them about their partner would magically disappear over time. Now that you are finally married, she may have realized that is not going to happen.
I know it's very hot to be in your situation, because I've been where you are. You feel like your world is suddenly upside down. Things seemed great.
And things were probably great in many ways. But the reason you were blind sighted is because men like you and me are much easier to satisfy than most women. I know that's cynical, but it's at least been my experience. Men are relatively easy to satisfy. If there's a woman out there that's as easy to satisfy as most men, I'd certainly like to meet her.
The other annoying thing is that a lot of women seem to believe their partners should be able to read their minds. That may be why she didn't bring up her uncertainties about the relationship with you earlier. She may have assumed you knew and felt the same way.
Anyway, hope this helps. And hopefully you've found a smart marriage counselor that can figure out what's going on. What I wrote above may or may not apply, but your situation reminded me a lot of what I've been through (minus the marriage). I've also talked to women who weren't satisfied with relationships they had been in for a long time. Some stayed. Others left. But the reasons they felt unsatisfied were usually common in theme.
Exactly. Don’t trust adults who threaten you verbally and physically when they feel frustrated. They’re eventually going to actually hurt you.