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I can understand from a point of view why you wanted to help these girls. Your heart was probably in the right place but from an outside POV I can understand why your girlfriend reacted the way she did. It sounds sketchy as fuck. My dude, you need to get counselling and therapy sessions ASAP. Look into sleeping medications, therapy and stuff that may possibly help. Start volunteering work and helping troubled teens, homeless shelters etc. I can see why you would want to help someone in trouble. But it does sound like you are taking advantage of these young girls. Even if you hadn’t done anything wrong. We all like being the friendly stranger and being helpful to others. But sometimes a good intention when you think about it clearly. Is actually messed up
He fully proved your point about the last word hahaha. He's an idiot
Did he actually scream in your face? This poop thing is disgusting and dumb af on his end, but if he screamed in your face, that's a whole different level of messed up.
Do you have a poorly ventilated, separate from common areas bathroom? If you do, maybe that should be his where he can mess it up all he wants, and finally learn that his method doesn't make sense.
man I felt that
File a police report for sexual assualt
I really got to agree with the comments here. OP sounds like a terribly self centered person.
If you have to leave him before he decides to make changes then you are better off without him. All these promises will either trickle in over time or will be perpetually pushed back with the promise that it will happen right after the next thing he’s focused on. There is little chance that he’s genuinely going to follow through but if he were going to do so it should be because he wants those things too not because he doesn’t want to lose you.
She is fucking.
It really is.
Believe it or not, I do truly love him. That was the main reason we married. Putting in the effort to make this marriage work is what I committed to, and we’re both on the same page about it. I’m truly at peace with my decision, regardless of what is being said in here.
I’m going to try to be as respectful as possible and I genuinely apologize for coming off as mean here, but I feel the need to be blunt because you need to hear it.
Let’s start with the age gap. Logically, you two are in different life stages. It made me wonder when you started dating. So I went to the post you referenced here which brought a few things to light. First of which that you started dating her when she was presumably 17 and you were 21. That’s obviously going to raise red flags on its own.
Even if we ignore all that, the post from last year warranted a break up and you were given advice accordingly. Clearly you didn’t take it.
But here we are now and you’re asking whether or not you’re the “bad guy.” Why does that even matter? She broke up with you. Even if I or anyone else were to tell you you’re not, what then? It wouldn’t change anything.
Unfortunately, I’m not here telling you you’re not. We obviously don’t have much context here, so we’re in no position to suggest either of you are “right” or that there’s not fault on both sides. I’m certain there is.
At the end of the day, the two of you had issues that never got resolved and you were both obviously miserable. Should she have just ended things sooner as opposed to just cutting you off? Absolutely. At the very least, after two months she did.
As for your living situation, if you can’t afford to online elsewhere, how can you afford to online in your apartment? Having said that, break up or not, I wouldn’t advise you leave if the alternative is homelessness. That’s separate from your relationship status. In a perfect world you’d not live! with each other right now but if it’s truly not a viable option in terms of shelter, then you just can’t do that.
Why is the car in your name? Makes no sense. Much of this makes no sense.
Yup. Tough but rewarding. A surprise cup of ice cream is great. Kids are a torrent of experiences and I don’t think “great” does a good job of expressing the range of emotions that you will go through as a parent.
The thing is I am constantly changing and he refuses too
Definitely the way she talks about the guy… Sounds like she's putting off vibes that she's crushing on him.
MYOB!
You seem to be overlooking two important facts here: 1) it's only been eight months, not nearly long enough to you to expect her family to fully embrace you, 2) people with kids just have to be WAY more careful in whom they allow into their lives. For her to be telling you at less than a full year of in person dating that she “sees a future” with you means she's a little impulsive, something her family surely knows about her. So give this time and don't be petulant about it. You're simply expecting too much too soon.
Imma put this real short, your ex made her choice, she went off, got railed by some dude she thought was better, he didn't want her, now she wants you back, I guarantee you, I fking guarantee you, she thought she found better and thinks you're “the backup”.. fuck that, go with the new girl rather than the one who already made it clear you're not her first choice
She doesn’t know if she’s keeping it yet? Truth. What do you want?
When ppl show you who they are, believe them. Your gf's actions showed you who she was. If you forgive you, she moves closer, you eventually move forward, get married, have kids, and a decade later, she cheats again, you'll have no one to blame but yourself. If you leave at that point, it'll be a lot harder and cost a lot more.
she doesn't feel anything towards me or anyone except for her grandmother
Maybe it isn't that she's lost feelings for you. Maybe it's that she's caught up with what's going on with her grandmother. Just be her friend for now and see if her feelings come back for you. Maybe that's what she needs at this moment.
It was interesting till it became clear you're not even considering the person who found it is having a reaction to more than just a story or two of some bdsm themes.
Nothing about any of these interactions sounds inappropriate to me (44F). If he wanted to hide some secret relationship from you, he wouldn’t be inviting you to come to his work or tell you he’s getting a ride home from her.
I think you’re being pretty ridiculous here. Like…you’re even mad that she said something nice about your BF with the whole homeless woman/dog story.
I’d maybe do some therapy to get control of your insecurities. It’s not an attractive feature.
You are not a good match anymore. Break up
It’s what I had to do too
I just saw this same post earlier n commented there.
This is copy and paste what I said to him after he sent that text. This was hours ago. : And you can be alone if that’s how you think. I am not your property or your mother. We are not repeating your parents relationship. I will NOT let you treat me like shit. You have overstepped my boundary and that is not okay. So respectfully, go screw yourself and don’t ever talk to me again if this is how you think a marriage should be controlled. I am not to be controlled.
…. Talk to a lawyer on what the rules for eviction is where you online are.
Get the paperwork drawn up, and server her with them now.
Most places require up to 90 days to evict someone who is not a tenant from a shared accommodation.
And when you talk to the lawyer, ask them about what aspects of privacy this process needs to follow.
Because public shame is a powerful tool, and you can let it be knows on all social media platforms that she’s on, to all her family and friends, and to this ex that she’s back with that she is being evicted.
Another tool at your disposal is going to your landlord and asking to break the lease (ask if you can transfer it to another property they run as well) because then she’ll have no recourse and will have to leave.
This is horrendous behaviour. Your boyfriend has behaved unforgiveably, and being drunk is no excuse. He does not have your back, and he joined in with his friends childish humiliation of you. That shows you his priority, and it isn't you or your comfort and happiness.
I am so angry on your behalf, and I'm so sorry you went through this nightmare experience. I hope you ditch him and his friends. You deserve so much better.
So wearing a certain, particular colored garment to a wedding would be grounds to cut someone out of a family?
That family wouldn’t be one I would want to be in in the first place then…
This all sounds so petty. Don’t you have anything else to worry about than the color of a dress?
Id consider a relationship if she apologized as sincerely as you did for the same actions. I don’t think she’d be capable of being sincere though, she held a grudge on a child for 15 years…
You’ll never rebuild her trust while you’re insisting that you assaulted her for her own good. You still think “she learned a valuable lesson.” The only thing you taught her is that her boyfriend cannot be trusted to stop holding her down while she’s panicking and crying.
That thing you were worried about, with a man overpowering her and her not being able to defend herself? Yeah, you need to understand that YOU turned out to be the perpetrator of exactly what you feared. Guess she was right to not worry about walking home. She got attacked at home, by you.
You have a wide degree of moral responsibilities depending on your level of relationship to individual people.
Your responsibility to be trustworthy and loyal to your partner is tremendously greater than it is to do the same for random strangers.
That’s not to say it ever doesn’t exist, but the level to which is crucially important does vary.
Someone cheating on their wife is doing something MUCH worse than a single person cheating with someone else’s wife, despite both acts being wrong.
Who pursued who first? Did you pursue her in which case you didn't respect her relationship and were the other man. In which case she may not respect you enough to tell you anything about him since it doesn't sound like they were actually going to break up before you hooked up with her.
She has never wanted to he with you per se. He broke up with her after she chested and she hasn't moved on. You sound like the rebound or temporary place to stay until she can either get back with him or move on from him. But if you are what broke them up you don't have a long term future. You're relationships foundation is based on her relationship with her ex, you can't undo that. She will never look at you and not see him in some way.
Not sure that's a compliment coming from Satan……
A lot of the interactions with her have indeed circled around her anxiety, but it’s nothing new and I’m still supporting and helping her as much as I can in the present since she’s still significantly struggling with that. In fact, it’s far from over, she’s currently in the process of determining what kind of professional help she needs since she’s being released from the hospital this week (she’s been hospitalized in psychiatry for several weeks now, so her medication has been adjusted, but obviously, despite being helpful, drugs can’t treat mental health illnesses on their own).
That behavior has flipped upside down between the last time we’ve seen each other (the subject of this post) and the other time before (several weeks before the switch in her behavior, but we’ve been texting every day and calling each other every now and then between those two periods).
That’s why I’m very confused. Several years have passed and all of a sudden she’s confortable with all this + felt the way I described when we had to go? Plus, she exclusively asked for me to pick her up at the hospital later this week so that we can spend the day together, only the both of us. It obviously makes me happy, but extremely confused at the same time. What could’ve happened all of a sudden? What’s happening at all?
“Is something like this a “mistake”?”
He was walking around the massage parlor, he tripped and his penis ended inside the mouth of a gal, and after that he felt he needed to pay off a bit more because reasons.
Sigh… dont be a doormat, grow some spine, ditch the cheating assho**. And btw, once a cheater, always a cheater. You cant never EVER trust this guy again. Why would you believe a thing that he says? Why would you believe that he has not cheated on other ocassions? Or that he wont do it again?
She commented in one of her other posts that her daughter has already cut her off.
Holy shit… I wouldn't be surprised if she knows about it.
I'm shocked at everyone saying this is childish to ask. I ask my husband hypotheticals all the time. Not to judge him about a possibility, but because I'm genuinely interested as to how he would process it, and to know his feelings. This is childish to do?? Having an existential crisis now
Huh?
you're friends with his ex who apparently had a pretty steamy relationship with your now boyfriend, so maybe ask her what he likes? probs a bad idea if you don't like the idea of ur friend fucking your boyfriend tho
Firstly I'm supper against phone snooping, yuck. But anyways since you have the information you have now. The fact that he would go out of his way to contact a woman that doesn't even want him means that you're wasting your time. You're clearly what he settled for not what he wanted and eventually they'll be another woman to catch his eye too. What do you think would have happened if that woman said sure I'll go out with you for drinks? he would have been all for it. And he's already lying to you about where he is to see other people. This is a total loss. Be strong enough to end things and move on
You need to discuss this with a therapist
You should leave her be. Maybe her ex has changed, maybe not. If not she will go looking for you once more, only to discard you once more for someone else.
You deserve someone that will commit to you, so if she can't choose you then she has made her choice.
Why didn’t you stop at the point of him signing up and have a full discussion at that time? You didn’t have to stop golf lessons, you put that out there expecting him to stop you from being a martyr, and when he didn’t you built resentment.
He’s not pulling his weight, and you are overworked- but not communicating is not helping.
That's just the worst possible solution all around. Firstly, she is going to find out. Secondly, if you have to lie to make a relationship work then the relationship is dead in the water.
I will good night I'll update
I bet he got As in English though.
It won't be worse than what you are going through now
Lack of commitment and she cheated on you? Lol
This is what you get when you get back with a cheater, once she cheats again, I hope you don't go back for another round.
You can be a carrier which means you don't have the disease, you just give it to other people. GET TESTED, both of you.
I noticed you’ve comment about having a baby in other posts (quick peek at your history)- Was she having the relationship before you had the baby? Wondering if it could be some kind of postpartum reaction if it’s after the baby came? Either way, she needs a psychiatrist
Sorry I had to get less specific because It kept telling me post removed, I mean fish smell downstairs
You aren't crying because of the proposal.
The proposal is what you mind is latching onto, to express bigger emotions.
Get some therapy, figure out what you are really feeling.
And, judging by your comments, don't marry the dude anyway
A lifetime is a long, long time. Well, if you’re happy it’s not, it’s too short. But if you’re unhappy, it will go by so slowly. And so painfully. And when you come to the end of it, it will feel like you wasted such an incredible opportunity.
Especially since your dreams are so wonderfully exciting! I’m happy for you just reading about what you want to do.
Please take a step back. You can always marry him later, easily, if that’s what truly fulfills you. But it’s a huge PITA to undo a marriage, legally, financially, and emotionally.
You have big dreams and they sound so beautiful. Don’t throw them away. You have just one life. It’s all yours right now, no one else’s. Grab that life with both hands. Have a wonderful time.
You get your stuff and leave and don't go back. You go forward either on your own respecting yourself or with someone else who respects you. Someone who has cheated on you the whole relationship. All of it is a lie
You don't have to “earn” anything dude. What people are telling you is that if a woman spends years upon years being your mommy, don't be shocked when she reaches a point where has a hard time wanting to bang you anymore. You sound really resistant to opening yourself up to an honest dialogue with your wife about what the issue is.
Dude has been lying to you your entire relationship. You don’t even know who he is. I would break up and see the world with fresh eyes.
The best advice I ever got on this topic is this: your relationship will be what your child looks for when they first start looking for love. You are modeling for them what a marriage should look like and how people who say they love each other act.
I (M27) have been dating my Girlfriend (F26) for 10 months
My current gf and I have a bit of an unexpected surprise that we’re expecting a child together now too.
You have bigger issues ahead of yourself than just that. Still, you shouldn't try to make them alienate your ex, but for your gf you might need to estrange them to an extent.
Your gf does not want to build spend time with people that still would prefer you were with your ex. That is natural. I imagine she wouldn't want your ex to have any contact with your child, you probably want it neither. Make this clear to them. Tell them you will stop asking them to alienate your ex, but you will simply do what is best for your relationship with your gf, and your future child. As it stands, it will mean distancing yourself from them
We agree that he can have boundaries, eg he and his new girlfriend don't want to see his ex – I've said multiple times (though possibly not in this thread, I'm losing track) that that's completely reasonable.
Reasonable action and consequence pairs:
“If you are unkind to my girlfriend, we won't see you any more.” (Or “I will see you alone”, or “we will spend holidays with her family”.)
“If you don't agree to follow my (reasonable) rules when caring for your grandchild, you won't get to spend time alone with them any more.”
“If you keep a gun in your house outside a safe, we will not allow our grandchild to be in your home.”
In all of those, the consequence is a reasonable and proportionate response to the action.
But seeing his ex GF, when he and his GF aren't around, is really none of his business. His parents seeing his ex GF does not harm him or his GF.
If the parents are being unkind or unwelcoming, that's a separate issue that absolutely should be addressed, without a doubt. There is no reason, however, why his parents can't both see his ex GF when he and his current GF aren't around, and be kind and welcoming to his current GF.
Doesn't sound dumb at all. I've known at least two couples that divorced because they went from being socially active to home bodies.
Although in this case, maybe he never was.
How about you go old-school and implement date-night, or activity-day or something. One day a week, or one evening, or one morning, whatever, you take turns organising an activity out of the house.
The relationship is over. So you should be really happy that he actually went. And move on
She’s trying to gaslight you into thinking this is normal.
Do you have savings to cover for that month’s lack of income? I think that he’s too focused on that to show empathy. I’m not trying to justify him but maybe explain him. He probably feels helpless as a SAHP to cover for your income loss and he’s possibly angry at him and quite stupidly takes it out on you.
the only thing you lose if you freeze your eggs if you don't use them is time and money
Dump his ass immediately!
I just didn’t wanna go up to him and be like “hey i’m breaking up with you because you smell bad”. i just felt like that would be really mean. I wanted a reason to breakup with him that wouldn’t make me feel like I’m a bad person
I'm the kid in this picture too, except unfortunately the narcissistic father in my story didn't lose his job. In fact he's got a fancy job that just reinforces his narcissist ideas about himself.
Seems like therapy might help; it never really hurts; you and him as well; however if my parents are any kind of indication; people will not participate if they feel cornered. Probably don’t ultimatum. But give your practice some time; learn some techniques; strategies; maybe put into play some more subtle of them. I hope it’s not a daily stress for you tho l; if it is you may consider taking some time to yourself; not cohabiting.
You likely don’t
Wait – are you mad that she’d go on a trip without you or that the trip sounds suspicious and you’re worried for her safety? Cuz it sounds like the former.
The only thing this guy is naive about is that he thinks he's being clever fucking around with this child.
He sounds like a psycho and clearly doesn’t care about you, just exchange laptops and have nothing to do with him after that.
Yeah, that's called bias and as a man it's hurtful
Do you believe a person can only have one true love.
So he wants you in his car, under his control without any way to easily escape if things go badly as he drives you wherever he wants to go. I'll assume if there are stops at motels, he's going to want to share the room? And you don't even know this guy irl, he could assault you and you'd be stuck with him God knows where with no way out. How could he not realize how creepy that situation comes off as?
Thank you ??