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Honestly, even if it does turn out this isn't cheating there is a lot here that is disappointing.
The double standards she tried to establish. I personally have a huge issue with the way she tried to frame the threesome as you wanting another woman while sidestepping that she was explicitly requesting the freedom to have an ongoing sexual partner, because it implicitly implies her bisexuality counts for less or something. That is just… yeah. Very bad. And precisely the sort of shit that gives bisexuality a bad reputation. Further she actively pursued it on apps, that is in my eyes outright cheating.
So yeah, all of that would be enough and now it is compounded by her absolutely shady behaviour. I am sure if you pointed out the obvious, that if you acted even 1/5th as shady as her with another woman she would have a meltdown, wouldn't help but it really does need to be pointed out just to bring the absurdity of this all into focus.
Like make it clear: her exploring that side with a woman is cheating. You have a 1 year old together. If she chooses cheating that will impact your dynamic with her and the future of her child. She can make that choice but she has to make it aware of the reality of what this all means.