You are right. But this particular thing is one guys cares a lot about. Sex workers views sex a lot different than normal people. If I told you a was a axe-murderer and slaughtered people until we were exclusive, would you say it’s fine and in the past? Habits form the creature, not the other way
Wow, I didn’t even realize I said currently twice when I shouldn’t have said that at all. I was honestly expecting all the advice to just be “the grass is greener on the other side” stuff but your comment really has me thinking about it differently now.
Sounds like this is for the best. He deserves to have a partner who is ok with him forming close friendships and caring about more than only his significant other
And what? you’d lose a shitweasel of a “friend”? This guy will stab you in the back, hit/screw your GF & walk away feeling no remorse. It’d be a blessing to lose this self centered jerk.
Geez, all this “you should've talked to her husband first” is throwing me back to the 1950's. The only person I think you should've consulted, besides your girl, is your friend. New cars, even gifted, can be a lot of money upfront. You commented that your friend likes the car, so I'd say your in the clear there. I would maybe call your friend and express to her that you didn't intend to cause in issues in her relationship, and go from there.
Aside from all the other red flags here (bought a puppy on sale, bought from a shit-arse pet shop that gets their dogs from puppy mills, no thought put into breeds etc.), you also speak about your wife like a child, and it's really fucking weird.
“She's been begging for a dog”, “I trusted her with it”, “I've given her that responsibility”, “I sat her down for the second time”. Do you not see that this is how people talk about their children, not about adult human beings? Yuck.
She might have taken it infront of you just to show you shes on it should either of you want to take things further.
Unlikely. It was just time to take that pill, and so she took it. Generally, you just take The Pill at the same time every day, and her time is probably just 'after dinner' to make sure she remembers.
That'd be like saying someone who takes blood pressure medicine was showing off that they are on blood pressure medicine. Nope. You just take each of those pills once a day, generally 24 hours apart.
Well, what you've learned is that the friend group is much more your friend's friends than yours. That they didn't want to “step in” is bullshit, because they all stepped in the second the didn't invite you to group events that you normally would have been invited to. They chose your friend and your ex – they can't claim neutrality. Neutrality would have been inviting everyone and letting the chips fall where they may.
I'd say something to my “friend” along the lines of “Hey friend, I maybe could have eventually gotten past the fact that you started dating my long term bf weeks after we broke. But what I can't get past? You lying to me for almost a year. You convincing people I thought were my friends to lie to me for almost a year. You convincing my supposed friends from excluding me from friend events for almost a year because you wanted to get away with your lie. You made a concerted effort for an entire year to lie to me, betray my friendship, convince my other friends to betray our friendship, and to exclude and isolate me from the friend group. That isn't something I can just get over now that YOU have decided you want me back in the group that you kicked me out of. Life doesn't work that way.”
His mental health is not your job. I know it's hot, but remember that his actions are not your fault. You do not owe him anything, especially after he cheated on you.
What is the endgame here? If you go back to comforting him, what happens when you step out of his life again? Same shit because he learned that this gets a reaction from you.
Block him, block his mom. She should not have put this on you. I get that she's hurting from her son's attempt, but that was way out of line.
Well, your 26yo friend is pretty immature – living at home & working minimum wage. His best hope is finding a college student who will eventually support him.
You know, when it comes to the people our friends date, if no one’s being hurt, you shouldn’t say anything more critical than “you do you.”
Damn, you are so right… i just hate to be that person yk. But im so done with listening and listening and listening. Especially when theres nothing in return. I just wanna have fun friends, that laugh, and do stupid shit, and love, and care! Guess thats my next mission in life 🙂
Yeah, I'm usually in favor of platonic friendships regardless of gender but, uh…
I would not be comfortable with my husband having this kind of emotionally enmeshed friendship when he has already tacitly supported infidelity for “reasons.”
FYI, OP, people who cheat always have a reason, oftentimes one that even seems totally valid, but that doesn't mean it's ok. It's still a betrayal to cheat on someone when you can instead act like an adult, hand mature conversations and break off a failing relationship instead.
Movies. He got it from movies. A few years ago there were two movies in the same year based on the FWB idea? That could skew the perception of commonality.
You mentioned you don't have enough info to contact his wife… then get it. In conversation with your friend you can innocently ask questions, try to get details. So where do you guys go? Does he pick you up? What kind of car does he drive ? OR some around the back way “wow I saw a really nice car the other day, whish I can afford that one day. Do you have a favorite? I don't mind mine that I have it's comfy but I hope to get something sporty one day. What do you enjoy about cars? What does teacher drive?”
Once you know the car you can find it at the parking lot of school and see where he drives to if you're comfortable with that. Now you have an adress and know where to knock or send a letter to.
Or in conversation just find out the name of the wife. Ask questions, I'm sure she'll mention something about her like that he had to sneak out or go a call from her or his kids and wife all went on some outing. Then just ask “oh you always refer to them as kids, what are their names? How about his wife? So we can stop saying wife and kids in future conversations. It's annoying” when you have a name check the phone book, check social media, you can even just type the name in Google with your location and probably find some info where she works.
You need to tell her. Do it anonymous and send proof even if it's just days and times when you know they met so she can start being suspicious.
Wow… OP you do not deserve this girl. If you truly loved her, she alone would be enough for you. You wouldn’t feel like you were missing out because she would be all that you needed and no one else. Why do numbers matter? And you wanted to flirt with another girl at the bar…? You have no respect for your girlfriend. She is in a committed relationship with you. You definitely need to work through those insecurities, perhaps through some therapy. But I would not be surprised if the relationship ended before then. She deserves so much better.
I don't think it's just a frequency issue. She seems to want the man to do all the work when it comes to communicating. She won't initiate communication and then gets upset they're not communicating enough. It's fine if that's what she wants, but it's much more than frequency of communication that's the issue.
It’s your kid man. Only get a chance to be this child’s dad one time. Don’t let it get away. It’s not the end of the world for your current situation. Will it be tough. Sure but you can bet your ass it will be worth it.
The only way to make it stop hurting more in the short term is to go full No Contact, usually a month or more. I never advise my friends to maintain friendships with ex's in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, even if they are great friends and lousy partners. That clear separation needs to happen so you can heal and move on. Only after you have moved on, will exploring actual friendship not hurt you more.
It’s depressing how many adults have the emotional maturity of a child. I dated at guy once that threw tantrums like this, going so far as to be jealous of my cat. It’s exhausting, and while I put up with it in my 20s, thinking that maybe he just needed more time to mature, I have zero tolerance for shit like this in my 30s. I went through years of therapy and hot work to become who I am today, so I want a partner who has his shit together too. I don’t want to help someone through their 20s ever again. That shit was naked.
I don't really say no… the sex is great it's just the frequency. I know it's not going to be a bad time I'm just exhausted after and sometimes kind of sore. I just need rest days like with the gym yunno. It's only now really becoming a problem as I'm getting older so I just want some ideas to start a convo and get ghetto ball rolling on this
You are right. But this particular thing is one guys cares a lot about. Sex workers views sex a lot different than normal people. If I told you a was a axe-murderer and slaughtered people until we were exclusive, would you say it’s fine and in the past? Habits form the creature, not the other way
Wow, I didn’t even realize I said currently twice when I shouldn’t have said that at all. I was honestly expecting all the advice to just be “the grass is greener on the other side” stuff but your comment really has me thinking about it differently now.
Sounds like this is for the best. He deserves to have a partner who is ok with him forming close friendships and caring about more than only his significant other
And what? you’d lose a shitweasel of a “friend”? This guy will stab you in the back, hit/screw your GF & walk away feeling no remorse. It’d be a blessing to lose this self centered jerk.
We go on dates often! I try to talk to him but i end up feeling unheard so i’ve just given up.
Geez, all this “you should've talked to her husband first” is throwing me back to the 1950's. The only person I think you should've consulted, besides your girl, is your friend. New cars, even gifted, can be a lot of money upfront. You commented that your friend likes the car, so I'd say your in the clear there. I would maybe call your friend and express to her that you didn't intend to cause in issues in her relationship, and go from there.
Aside from all the other red flags here (bought a puppy on sale, bought from a shit-arse pet shop that gets their dogs from puppy mills, no thought put into breeds etc.), you also speak about your wife like a child, and it's really fucking weird.
“She's been begging for a dog”, “I trusted her with it”, “I've given her that responsibility”, “I sat her down for the second time”. Do you not see that this is how people talk about their children, not about adult human beings? Yuck.
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That's not “traditional” that is “insecure”
She might have taken it infront of you just to show you shes on it should either of you want to take things further.
Unlikely. It was just time to take that pill, and so she took it. Generally, you just take The Pill at the same time every day, and her time is probably just 'after dinner' to make sure she remembers.
That'd be like saying someone who takes blood pressure medicine was showing off that they are on blood pressure medicine. Nope. You just take each of those pills once a day, generally 24 hours apart.
Well, what you've learned is that the friend group is much more your friend's friends than yours. That they didn't want to “step in” is bullshit, because they all stepped in the second the didn't invite you to group events that you normally would have been invited to. They chose your friend and your ex – they can't claim neutrality. Neutrality would have been inviting everyone and letting the chips fall where they may.
I'd say something to my “friend” along the lines of “Hey friend, I maybe could have eventually gotten past the fact that you started dating my long term bf weeks after we broke. But what I can't get past? You lying to me for almost a year. You convincing people I thought were my friends to lie to me for almost a year. You convincing my supposed friends from excluding me from friend events for almost a year because you wanted to get away with your lie. You made a concerted effort for an entire year to lie to me, betray my friendship, convince my other friends to betray our friendship, and to exclude and isolate me from the friend group. That isn't something I can just get over now that YOU have decided you want me back in the group that you kicked me out of. Life doesn't work that way.”
I suppose you’re right.. it’s a naked situation as i do love my boyfriend a lot
Just be careful with birth control and manage it yourself is all I’m gonna say. A vasectomy would be smart. She might stop taking her birth control.
His mental health is not your job. I know it's hot, but remember that his actions are not your fault. You do not owe him anything, especially after he cheated on you.
What is the endgame here? If you go back to comforting him, what happens when you step out of his life again? Same shit because he learned that this gets a reaction from you.
Block him, block his mom. She should not have put this on you. I get that she's hurting from her son's attempt, but that was way out of line.
Dang! I was just going to look!
Well, your 26yo friend is pretty immature – living at home & working minimum wage. His best hope is finding a college student who will eventually support him.
You know, when it comes to the people our friends date, if no one’s being hurt, you shouldn’t say anything more critical than “you do you.”
So you’ve done everything except ask him? Okay.. he probably had a traumatic experience
Damn, you are so right… i just hate to be that person yk. But im so done with listening and listening and listening. Especially when theres nothing in return. I just wanna have fun friends, that laugh, and do stupid shit, and love, and care! Guess thats my next mission in life 🙂
Yeah, I'm usually in favor of platonic friendships regardless of gender but, uh…
I would not be comfortable with my husband having this kind of emotionally enmeshed friendship when he has already tacitly supported infidelity for “reasons.”
FYI, OP, people who cheat always have a reason, oftentimes one that even seems totally valid, but that doesn't mean it's ok. It's still a betrayal to cheat on someone when you can instead act like an adult, hand mature conversations and break off a failing relationship instead.
Movies. He got it from movies. A few years ago there were two movies in the same year based on the FWB idea? That could skew the perception of commonality.
You mentioned you don't have enough info to contact his wife… then get it. In conversation with your friend you can innocently ask questions, try to get details. So where do you guys go? Does he pick you up? What kind of car does he drive ? OR some around the back way “wow I saw a really nice car the other day, whish I can afford that one day. Do you have a favorite? I don't mind mine that I have it's comfy but I hope to get something sporty one day. What do you enjoy about cars? What does teacher drive?”
Once you know the car you can find it at the parking lot of school and see where he drives to if you're comfortable with that. Now you have an adress and know where to knock or send a letter to.
Or in conversation just find out the name of the wife. Ask questions, I'm sure she'll mention something about her like that he had to sneak out or go a call from her or his kids and wife all went on some outing. Then just ask “oh you always refer to them as kids, what are their names? How about his wife? So we can stop saying wife and kids in future conversations. It's annoying” when you have a name check the phone book, check social media, you can even just type the name in Google with your location and probably find some info where she works.
You need to tell her. Do it anonymous and send proof even if it's just days and times when you know they met so she can start being suspicious.
Wow… OP you do not deserve this girl. If you truly loved her, she alone would be enough for you. You wouldn’t feel like you were missing out because she would be all that you needed and no one else. Why do numbers matter? And you wanted to flirt with another girl at the bar…? You have no respect for your girlfriend. She is in a committed relationship with you. You definitely need to work through those insecurities, perhaps through some therapy. But I would not be surprised if the relationship ended before then. She deserves so much better.
I want to salvage this and try to be more
How about you listen to what she said and take it on the chin instead?
I don't think it's just a frequency issue. She seems to want the man to do all the work when it comes to communicating. She won't initiate communication and then gets upset they're not communicating enough. It's fine if that's what she wants, but it's much more than frequency of communication that's the issue.
I highly doubt this is fake. People are psychotic nowadays when it comes to identity politics.
??, exactly…like this is on any level of normal.
It’s your kid man. Only get a chance to be this child’s dad one time. Don’t let it get away. It’s not the end of the world for your current situation. Will it be tough. Sure but you can bet your ass it will be worth it.
Just let it go. It isn't worth it. Move on and find someone who has a job that you would be comfortable with.
UpdateMe!
Welcome to reddit. One of the largest echo chambers in existence ?
The only way to make it stop hurting more in the short term is to go full No Contact, usually a month or more. I never advise my friends to maintain friendships with ex's in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, even if they are great friends and lousy partners. That clear separation needs to happen so you can heal and move on. Only after you have moved on, will exploring actual friendship not hurt you more.
It’s depressing how many adults have the emotional maturity of a child. I dated at guy once that threw tantrums like this, going so far as to be jealous of my cat. It’s exhausting, and while I put up with it in my 20s, thinking that maybe he just needed more time to mature, I have zero tolerance for shit like this in my 30s. I went through years of therapy and hot work to become who I am today, so I want a partner who has his shit together too. I don’t want to help someone through their 20s ever again. That shit was naked.
What ever you do dont have kids with her.
You are no one's Plan B. Don't settle. Ignore him and move on. Find someone who puts you first.
I don't really say no… the sex is great it's just the frequency. I know it's not going to be a bad time I'm just exhausted after and sometimes kind of sore. I just need rest days like with the gym yunno. It's only now really becoming a problem as I'm getting older so I just want some ideas to start a convo and get ghetto ball rolling on this