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Don't be with someone you don't trust. Be with someone else who is only attracted to you.
Jesus cracker jacks on a balloon, and I thought I had a bad one. This needs to be talked about, even if it’s indirectly saying she burned you tragically. You got this my guy. This situation going to feel like 12 fans with shit thrown at them but gotta stay strong. Fight the good fight ?
Since you hate hm and have never got along, it's unlikely he'll take your advice. And since you hate him, why do you care what he does? Does it reflect on you directly? How?
I'm so proud of you ?
Either they had those fights a while back or she figured there's no point in trying and checked out emotionally. Shockingly he didn't notice that either.
I think you should let him know that there’s no animosity between the two of you but that you do need some space for now because jumping straight from a romantic relationship into an “everyday friendship” could be really confusing for you.
you make op the bad guy without a shred of evidencehe did anything wrong.
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yeah…. you're being toxic.
Shes just riding on the back of his bike. Its odd that you reached out to him (with out telling her), and got so offended that he didn't answer you. But also shes your girlfriend. Do you not trust her at all?
She has known this guy for a long time, and its not like he is her ex boyfriend. I wouldn't be too worried about this. How long have you guys been together? And do you have a problem with all of her male friends or just the two that you mentioned?
I do appreciate you saying to be respectful towards her… but this issue is on you dude.
Ew, girls aren't “yours” just bc you date them. And they can't be “stolen” or “won”– bc we aren't fucking property. Jfc.
Thank you, I honestly don’t want to drink at all. I never want to hurt him again.
Your not getting me I don’t control her or any of that sorry if I implied it somehow but like I said I don’t stop her from going or hanging with her friends I don’t have her on a leash I did invite her over for new years but instead she chose what she chose she told me there was no bar when I confronted her about it the plan was the club all along she didn’t tell me so I didn’t know until afterwards I’m not gonna invite myself when I’m not invited sort just expected her to do it I always communicate with her talk to her about our issues to resolve them I just don’t understand why she lied to me about it why she couldn’t just be straight up and tell from the start she literally admitted that she thought that was the right thing to do Lie that’s where my problem is at I just want advice on the matter whether I’m overthinking I’m 50/50
Updateme!
Tough love
I agree. I bit the bullet and told her we need to talk, so we set up a time. I feel like I'm going to be sick, but it's the right thing to do.
We can't help someone who is not even honest with himself.
You say “it's fine” but then you also describe when it's not. The reality is that you aren't happy with your sex life and like you said it's driving you crazy. And you are hanging onto this fantasy that she is going to initiate out of pity.
STOP LETTING HIM INSIDE!!!!
Why not implement what she thinks the hottest sex is into your relationship!? Have even hotter sex…
I was in a relationship between the ages of 23-27 with who I thought was the love of my life
When talking about your ex.
a year later I met the man who is now my husband of 1 year. I’m very happy in my marriage
And this is all you have to say about your husband?
I don’t think he is a bad person, he just made a horrible decision that did hurt me at the time and obviously ended things between us.
There it is! In your heart, you want to see him because he is still the love of your life and you have feelings. This is not for closure. Why are you willing to risk your marriage for this ex that cheated on you? Is it because you feel that you can forgive him now and see where your mutual feelings could go? There is no room for that in a marriage.
The thing is he’s very nice and understanding but I don’t want to cause a rift in my happy situation now
You say that you do not want to cause a rift in your “happy situation”. Nowhere in your comment did you talk about loving your husband, only your ex. Just leave your husband so that he can find someone that loves him, and not their cheating ex.
And you mentioned none of them so clearly this is a more important trait than the rest
Dude is about to have his mid-life crisis and youre not even 21 yet.
She is his midlife crisis.
Never respond.
Any acknowledgement (even asking for zero contact) will encourage him to follow you and reach out again someday.
The most powerful response is no response because it shows he has zero value.
He told me he was going to go to the store (couple miles away) but decided half way there the walk wasn't worth it and turned back. The going out was the first very weird out of character thing he did and it didn't set me off, until I realized he groomed and put on nice clothing, also very out of character, to supposedly walk 3 miles one way to a store he hates shopping at.
She is trying to flirt with another male employee not him
And if I walked away he would take that as a form of disrespect and my girlfriend still probably would've said something after him making a comment. The best thing to do in my case was to do what I did, stay for the little 30 second chat and be on my way.
Well, you can't change the past. Sounds like possibly he hid some of these beliefs until you got married and is now showing you who he really is.
There isn't really any helpful advice for this though, other than to divorce him. Forced counseling isn't going to change anything if he doesn't respect you.
I'm not sure how long you two dated, but maybe take longer in a future relationship. You're both quite young, him especially, and people change quite a lot from 20 to their mid/late 20s.
7 star restaurant????? Goddamn, lookout Gordon Ramsey
Oh u shouldn't bt thank u. I'm luckily not married to someone that has to be emotionally manipulative to keep me with them. I've been in relationships like urs but as a teenager! Actual abusers. Emotionally, sexually, physical abuse. I recognize gaslighting when i read about it. If u this this is a healthy relationship…
Yikes..
I Wised up and expected more health from my partner for my own sanity and theirs in the future. I can actually have healthy communication with my partner. I'm a happily married woman to a man that hates abusers as much as i do!
Can u say the same?!
If u want to stay with this chick go ahead dude.
No one is stopping u bt everyone except u can see how toxic this relationship is. So again good luck and strongs if u wanna build a marriage on a relationship with a start like this!
Ul have some entitled ass kids who think this behavior is healthy because mommy exhibits it and daddy just takes it!
Have fun!
The insecurity and immaturity waft around him like a cloud of axe Phoenix. Good on ya for leaving.
Next time he says he’ll kill himself and disappears like this, call the police and have him placed on a psych hold at the hospital.
Let the medical professionals deal with him and leave him for good
Read my first reply to you
Wow i’m teary eyed. Thank you. I think he just doesn’t think about my side or realize how well i treat him. Maybe he’ll realize and maybe it’ll be too late. I don’t think i ask too much, im just a really hard lover. This comment means so much to me.
Not that much, though. She fucked up big time somewhere. Whether it was choice in degree or choice in institution.
“I miss my old girlfriend who did so much for me.” Well she misses her old boyfriend who brought more of a stable income.
She shouldn’t have to ask you to help out more. You should already be doing more because that’s what sharing a home is about. If it’s 50/50 finances, than it’s 50/50 household. Or better yet, you as a good boyfriend knowing she has serious health issues that are impacting her wellbeing and her finances should be taking on more just to take some of the weight off her shoulders. Why a 24 year old needs to hear that from reddit is beyond me.
Thank you so much for writing this ❤️
Spooky about it being that easy to find where someone lives
I have no problem w my wife going out w her friends etc. never have. however the difference in your situation is her immediate defensive attitude, the new guy & the texts and shutting down over it all. When all you said is you’re uncomfortable w this.
Has she ever acted like this before? Is this behavior normal character for her or is this suddenly new?
There has to be something different w her because of your gut feeling. You’re concerned for a reason.
How about tell her you need to talk to her and she doesn’t have to say anything just listen but you want her to know how you feel. Tell her that her being defensive, shutting down and refusing to talk to you is hurtful and you don’t understand why she can’t talk about it w you. Just tell her you feel she’s dismissing your feelings and if she doesn’t want to talk at least she knows exactly how you feel. Tell her how you’re having trouble concentrating at work and you just want to know what she’s acting this way.
It’d be hard for me to continue day to day knowing my actions or inactions were hurting my wife. It just seems she doesn’t care how you feel about this work thing and has dismissed you. It just doesn’t make sense.
She’s never given you a reason to doubt her until now in my opinion. Her evasiveness & attitude to something that doesn’t require it is deafening loud to me.
Please take reddits advice on this one op, lawyer up bc if she’s not willing to admit it, she’s gonna see someone else to see if it’s worth leaving you for. This is messed up and your worth more. Please protect yourself with a lawyer and do not speak any of this with her, just protect yourself
Please help?
Dude.
Grow a pair and take her to the cleaners. Document her new convict boyfriend so you can use that in court.
True – I just re-read OP and she put the same boundary on her bf yet she did the same thing.
Messes like this happen because people stopped using the term “FWB” trying to be cute and coy about a relationship. With FWB you know exactly what you are.
Get (or make) her a card. And write how you feel about her inside it. She will treasure that forever.
I agree with this. I think people are jumping way too quickly to “she's a gold digger.” She's apparently going to medical school and OP even says she'll be making more than him. I don't know that her proposal is necessarily the most fair, but there's no evidence that the future doctor who wouldn't live with her boyfriend so that she could contribute financially is actually just secretly after his money.