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You did not develop trust issues. She broke your trust and you figured out how. It sounds like you don’t want to admit you found out because you’re holding onto the hope that some piece of your former relationship can survive the separation. While I don’t know whether this is feasible in your situation, I can tell you that you don’t want it to be based on dishonesty. She’s being dishonest and now you are considering doing the same. Your future friendship will be based on lies.
Tell her that you know, and come clean about how. Say that you’re sorry for violating her privacy but she made you feel insecure and now you know that those feelings were real and not just in your head. You would like to have a friendship with her moving forward, but only if both of you can be honest with each other. You can also reassure her you don’t want the infidelity to be a factor in the division of assets (if that’s what you want). However, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want to tell you the details of her affair – although you’re her partner at the moment, that’s a part of her life she’s worked very hot to keep a secret from you.
You really want to trick him into wanting you more? Would you want him to do something like that to you?
I think he’s trying to see other people. In fact, I think there may be one person that he likes. And because he don’t doesn’t know if it’s going to work, he’s leaving the door open with you to be friends. Let him go.
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Ohhh gotcha! Well I'd say arrange which two days you're going to meet them and then keep your phones on airplane mode the rest of the time. Your hotel can provide you maps and taxis and things
It seems he could have her if he wanted her, so he probably doesn't.
Maybe get him to clarify or if he’s not a great communicator, offer up the readings. You’ll find lots of translations of various readings live that might be able to enlighten. But honestly, he kinda sounds pretty pompous. Good luck
On the surface, the man being more “soft” and the woman being more “tough” is not wrong and often works. In the my own relationship I could be viewed as “soft” and my girl as “tough”. I’m often non-confrontational, I de-escalate things, and I generally keep the peace without ever raising my voice while my partner is more likely to head into confrontation with high energy. The way you talk about it shows you don’t respect him and you think less of him. Also the way you view yourself as the “man” is problematic no matter who you’re with because you’re setting yourself up to only view guys even more aggressive than you to be manly enough. More aggression tends to lead to abuse. Also, being loud, outspoken, aggressive, and confrontational are not what makes someone more manly.
That seems pretty suspicious considering he’s pushing to meet in person…
Honestly I’m not stressed about it. Other than this our relationship is truly wonderful, although it’s impossible for me to prove it to you I guess!
Right. Yeah, I'll talk to him about it for sure. Thank you 🙂
Sticky date pudding?
This a funny ass comment.
You said that the cheating took place 6 years ago, but she only found out 3 months ago. You can not expect her to have any answers right now. It would probably be cut and dry if you didn't have children. However, she has her children to think of. Also, for you to even mention intimacy at a time like this, shows how selfish and self centered you are. You destroyed your family. You are the one who has to atone for that. If she chooses to forgive you, that will take time.
That’s a really good idea. I think I’ll try that. I really appreciate your advice!!
Someone who abuses your dog needs to be out of your life.
That's a non negotiable deal breaker.
Then why lie about it !? What was he hiding?? He is the one to blame not your DIL.
Then why lie about it !? What was he hiding?? He is the one to blame not your DIL.
He should 100% be willing to put your dish in the dishwasher. That’s just bizarre, or he is working off of a very entitled worldview where somehow your job is to do the dishes.
As you said.. you could cook too, but he has made it his job to cook and yours to clean.
I think you need to figure out exactly what his expectations of you might be. This is some thing couples need to grapple with when they first get together.
Maybe?
At the end of the day, you need to look out for yourself. You gave educational goals, career goals, relationship goals, and family goals. Whomever you date needs to fit into all of those or you have to make some accommodations.
When I was your age, I was engaged and took a job half way across the world (literally). It was only going to be for a year. My fiancé knocked a chick up and married her while I was gone in the first 4 mos. (Going home once or twice a month). I’m glad I took that job as it was what got me into the career I’m in and really elevated things for me.
So I personally think you should prioritize yourself and your career early on.
Condoms decrease the chances of spreading STIs. Pursuing serial exclusive sexual relationships without protection very much does not.
How did you know it was finally over and time to move on from a relationship?
Probably around the time you come to a forum such as this and ask complete strangers if your thoughts are valid or not.
Handy hint; they are perfectly valid.
There is a process that a lot of people find is a good way to do this, and the very first step in the process is to go and find a decent lawyer. They will walk you through the practicalities of what a divorce will entail, can help you with the legal and financial aspects of this, what to do if there are kids involved etc.
This first step allows you to see a realistic picture of what a divorce will look like and will give you a good indication if you are ready and willing to take that step.
Once you see a lawyer and are comfortable with the process (and the price) involved, the next is to work out logistics. Things such as “who stays and who goes”, how will custody work, etc. Again, a lot of these are fairly formula driven depending on where you live and a lawyer can help you with this.
As part of the logistical side then is the planning side. if this is the path you wish to take then you need to start planning for the aftermath – the actual separation. It could be finding a new place to live, working out how to live on a reduced income if her leaves and so on.
There are many things you need to consider and whilst you may want to pull the trigger now, the practicalities of the day to day may make it not a possible “thing” to do right now. You may even consider a period of separation to see if this shocks him into not being an arsehole and that may give you pause.
So as I said at the start, how do you know when to move on, well coming here is the biggest step, talking to a lawyer and finding at what needs to happen is the second step. Then planning it out and enacting is the next one after that. Then you pause, check to see if this is still what you want to do and if it is, file and tell him and enact your plan.
I agree with DearDorothy that it’s a completely normal urge, but not a healthy one. Read all the stories from people who weren’t planning on cheating, but started getting emotionally attached through what started as innocent flirting.
When you’re on trips, you can try to schedule planned time with your BF and even role play.
There’s nothing wrong with flirting with your girlfriends either. When my wife is traveling, she uses that time to catch-up with all her friends and extended family, which she’s unable to do while she’s at home with me and the kids each night.
A cuckold is a man who’s been cheated on by his wife.