UPDATE: I found a video of my gf in bed with 3 guys. She said it’s an old video (26M) (24F)
2KLink to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11w6p1o/i_found_a_video_of_my_gf_in_bed_with_3_guys_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Hi again. If you didn’t see my first post I found a video on my gf’s phone of her having a foursome. She told me it was a video from college but I wasn’t sure.
After reading the comments on that post I talked to her again later and tried to really be honest about how I was feeling. I told her I truly wasn’t snooping through her phone, and that her past didn’t bother me. I said I just wanted to be sure that the video wasn’t recent.
Then I asked if I could see the time stamp on the video. She said the time stamp wouldn’t be accurate because she just turned on the cloud storage option on her phone a week ago and it loaded a bunch of old videos from her laptop that were on the cloud before. She said that’s how she realized she still had that saved and decided to delete it.
So now I’ve been stuck for the past few days because her story makes sense logically to me. Our relationship has been great and I don’t want to end it if I don’t have to. But everything still doesn’t feel right in my gut. What do I do?
TL;DR Gf says a sex tape of her is old and the time stamp isn’t accurate.
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For the life of me, I can't understand why this comment was downvoted.
It's really strange to me, I'm 33 and everyone my age I know has always been religious about birth control. The 18-25 group these days is VERY anti-pill and act like it's no big deal if they get pregnant. They see things on TikTok about “empowering your body” by not taking safe effective medication…yikes.
You're 22 and plenty of life left to live!.
Its multilayered. His mom was the exact wife he described and she's an amazing wonderful woman but was in an abusive marriage with his father. After she left his dad his dad took his own life.
He's always so keen to defend his mom and say that she did all the work raising them and all his dad brought home was money and “money doesn't matter for love” so to see what go out the window when he wanted to make a point/be hurtful was a bit of an eye opener.
He sounds exhausting. What was your reaction when he showed up to your house unannounced and uninvited? I know I would have laid down a boundary about that, but to me it's about respect for my time. If you want some of it, you need to ask me for it in a nice way, in advance. And I'm more than happy to spend it with people who make me feel good. This guy sounds like a drag all around.
Flipping someone off for being cut off? Understandable in most people's books.
Speeding off and tailgating after them Etc? Not fine.
You're going really wild with your internet armchair psychologist theories, I'm glad people like you don't actually practice.
Been working since I was 15, only time I was laying around like a mushad like your wife was when I was severely depressed…not making light of your feelings do you think that may be the case with her? Or has she always been lacking with employment ?
Lol nah bro please have some self respect on this one
Flip. You're in a bind. First things first, you need to get a therapist, you need a calming thoughtful influence through this. Tell him you're struggling mentally and you're working through some issues. If he tries to ask about your therapy tell him that's not healthy, its time for you to process your own feelings. To respect your boundaries and ask that he don't ask about privileged conversations. Stay firm about this. Leave the room if he persists. Simply leave every time he tries to bring it up. Lock the door, have a bath. Start to create some distance for yourself to process.
When you're ready, let him know that you're in a place where you need a break. Relationship on hold, he needs to move out. You need a reset. You'll give him a month to figure it out but he needs to leave your house, space, you need time to think. You feel like your boundaries were never implemented in a healthy way in the relationship. It's not a negotiation, remember that. Your therapist will help you find the language. There may be local laws in your area that prevent this, so check that out. But try to be upfront and respectful first. Tell him you need this if you're going to continue the relationship to marriage. You want it to work but you need space to feel your feelings. It's not negotiable, remember that. You're not asking, you're informing. He has no choice but to move. He can keep on working on the relationship of he wants, you want to. And if he doesn't want to try this then it's over. His choice. This is something you need and you'll talk through the reasons why when you have the space to do so. Get him out.
If he moves out peacefully, you guys have a chance. If he doesn't, you don't. Simple as that.
If he moves out, change the locks the next day. I'm not being dramatic. He's very intrusive you need to make sure he can't get in.
Then work through contact with him. KEEP IT LIMITED. He doesn't want to have to listen to you, if you want to stay with him, you have to FORCE him to listen. And you do that by stating your boundary and following through, no matter what. He can cry, he can be sick. He can be desperate, he can lose his job. You keep that boundary. And if it feels like he won't, after a month, like he's looking for ways to breech it, you draw back and take away even the little time you'll give him until he learns that you're serious. Be ready to feel like you're being mean ( you're not) be ready to feel overwhelmed ( that's intentional on his part, he knows it works on you). You're in a power struggle here. You either fight it out with this guy or walk away. Use your therapist to help figure out how you feel. Tell him you don't want to pursue this unless he goes to therapy, seperately first, and starts working on his extreme attachment style. If he makes an excuse, tell him you won't see him until he starts.
This isn't normal. He has gloamed on to you. Remember – if he loved you he would find joy in giving you what you need. In helping you fulfill your needs. He would find joy in seeing you happy after having your own time. He doesn't care how you feel as long as he gets what he wants and he will push, beyond your comfort and happiness to get that. He will guilt trip to get what he desperately needs – all of your time and attention.
If you have kids with this guy he will lose interest and leave you raising them. Your attention won't be available anymore. And you'll be alone. Why settle for that, you don't have to. Be strict! Be strong! And stop eating sh!t for someone who won't listen to you.