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That sounds exhausting to me. I don’t know the basis of the fight though or why this would be her way of resolving it, that context may make this make more sense.
But if I think of my own relationship, I like to be able to just (attempt) to hug or kiss my partner without asking (and if he is busy or something and not upto it I respect that).
???
If you need to give your partner permission to touch you every time then you don't need to be in a relationship. If you're partner makes a rule that you need their permission to hug or kiss you every time, then either you did something to make them feel that way or they have developed some serious issues. In either case…bail out.
True, many girls think their guy would like it, and some guys do, but communication is the key. I’ve had multiple exes who were NOT ok with me doing anything with women. And a current boyfriend with whom I had that conversation in depth, and we set boundaries. I know what he’s ok with and what he isn’t, and I won’t cross those lines. Maybe OPs wife genuinely thought he’s be ok with it, but in that case she’s pretty daft if she thought it would work out by just springing it on him. Cheating isn’t cheating because of the specific acts done, cheating is cheating because trust is broken and boundaries are crosses.
I’m not obsessed with her lol I just miss her, and I can’t get a tattoo as it’s against my religion. I’ve thrown away the ring I got for her which I was going to use to propose to her and threw it in to the river
I'd suggest giving his mother a call and asking what you could bring along to help with brunch. Don't arrive with a supermarket salad. Don't get drunk. Help with the cleanup and dishes. Be polite. Don't complain about anything. Chat to people and talk more to them than about yourself. Give MIL a call a day or two after and thank her for the invitation.
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
She may be a strict parent who is very protective of her children's privacy live.
Alternatively she may have a severely disabled child who either does not online with her or has a history of health problems/behavioural issues that will scare away most potential dates. She could also be a liar pretending to be a parent when she has never had any children, have lost custody of her children, be grieving and mentally disturbed to the point of pretending that a deceased child is still alive. I had an elderly neighbour who did this, it was tragic.
We’re the friends hiding it tho? It just seems like there wouldn’t have really been a situation where anyone would bring it up.
Honestly if you really like her just give her time. I had a very similar experience with my current girlfriend and now we have been together for almost a year. There was probably some bad experiences that have happened to her in the past and she is worried that these feelings could make things end up the same way. There is also a possibility that she just wanted someone to make her feel good. But whether you want to continue trying or not. All you have to do is show her you and keep trying. Don’t be pushy about it though because neither you nor her would end up coming out of it thinking you had a good experience
I got ASD (Autism spectrum disorder) vibes reading the post, for whatever that's worth. It looks like I'm not the only one who had that feeling either. I won't pretend to be very familiar with it though and I hope you or anyone else reading this won't be offended by me mentioning it. I really don't know a ton about it.
If that's the case though, I think theres plenty of resources for partners of people with ASD and you could start there.
My mother is white and my father is black and all my life I've dealt with racism from my mother and from her white children from her first marriage, and I think the people telling you that having black grandchildren will automatically flip a switch in their brain are very wrong. If I were you, I would try to limit contact between my kids and the grandparents and in instances where they are the subject of verbal attacks, try to instill a sense of self-worth and pride in them.
Sort of need to agree with the other comments OP, different people have different needs. This applies to your wife who likes to sleep in order to optimize her mood, and to yourself who likes to see her before work.
As you both need to work different hours to save on childcare, the only real solution I can see is spending on childcare or dealing with it until your children don't require it. My mother would rather read a book and relax after work, while her boyfriend would rather build or work on something else.
You are assuming she knew she was a lesbian. As a lesbian who finally realized what the hell was “wrong” with me at 25yo, I can tell you that it is a VERY usual situation so don't be so fast to judge.
if he paid with a card that you share I would say “”I was just checking our card to see what I spent on presents and I saw this $350. What was this for? “
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This is also kinda a cultural thing. Born and raised in the US, but did six years of university in England. Completely different culture around drinking and socializing with coworkers. I had some amazing nights in England where me and several other coworkers ended up crashing at our bosses place – never an untoward word said about it. They also brought in booze in the small call center we worked in! If you didn’t “go out” with the crew after work, you were looked at as kinda strange.
Back in America, this is horrifying behavior to most. Here, I would be EXTREMELY cautious before even accepting one drink with a coworker/boss. There’s always some gossip/drama that ensues for those who do.
OP is not from America, so may not understand the differences here between drinking with coworkers.
Ummm that sounds like a completely thoughtful gift. I think he's a weirdo for having an issue with it. Like…what a brat! Have we lost site of gift giving in this modern world? At least he got a gift FFS! And he used your debit card for your gift???? Girlllllll…get some self worth! You seem like a great partner. Do NOT beat yourself up over his completely childish response to your gift. You did good. It's his problem.
1, he is a grown man. if his kids meant so much to him that he wanted them to have those cookies. why didn't he attempt to make them himself or learn?
2, he could have spoke to his ex and enforced the custody agreement. that's his own fault. not the OPs.
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if YOU care about the weight gain, then please still take the meds and just try to eat healthier and incorporate more activity into your day (which produces serotonin to double win!) if YOU dont care about the weight gain, then dump this man bc he obviously doesnt value you as a person
Forgive? Wtf did she do to you? NOTHING!.
She should get the ex arrested for revenge porn and seriously reevaluate whether you are worth keeping!
Hell no. Why would you ever agree to that?
Talk to an attorney. They can tell you if this was illegal. If it is, press charges against your now ex-boyfriend.
This comment is from OP and this proves for me that OP wife is definitley cheating or on the verge of doing so
regarding the friend's trustworthiness, her relationship has involved cheating on both sides.
Another odd thing I have noticed is my wife has stopped wearing her engagement ring and only wears her band now. Not sure if that is normal but when I asked her she said it was. I just always assumed girls like wearing the sparkly part of the ring setup. And if saw a girl just wearing a silver ring I wouldn't assume that she was married so I thought that was weird.
Before Vegas we have been to a club during our relationship, I believe twice in total with big groups of friends and they were fun but I am also not going out of my way to go to one. After Vegas the talk about clubs just has significantly ramped up and seems just them two that mostly want to go out of our friend group.
I have suggested to drive them and pick up but they declined and said a hotel room would be easier. We are about 30mins away from the city so not super far. My commute to work is generally about an hour so I have no problem making that tri
This is not your fault.
None of this is your fault.
You need to understand this.
I had a gf kill herself when I was in high school (sophmore). My stepfather was in the Navy and was re stationed, so we moved. Being 14 it was silly to try to maintain a relationship so we mutually broke up. Six months later I received a VERY nasty letter from her parents informing me that GF had killed herself, and the reason was that I left. They unleashed a shitstorm of criticism and guilt on me for it It fucked me up for a really long time (it didn't help that my parents made me go to a psychologists, who promptly groomed me, used me for sex, and got me addicted to heroin and cocaine before I ultimately cleaned myself up at 15 and was kicked out, but that's another story). I was in my 30's before I finally “got over it” and recognized the situation for what it was.
Manipulation. A person's happiness is their own responsibility. Make sure that sinks in, and really, get therapy, you might not know you need it now, but you need it. This shit isn't your fault, don't let him back into your life, don't be manipulated or blackmailed by him or his family, look out for your own mental health, and good luck. Reach out if you feel the need.
You can call your insurance and ask them for a list of in-network therapists in your area that do telehealth.
No I absolutely would not be telling her to leave? Why would I tell her something different, that makes NO sense.
I don't see why you assume she wants to be with anyone else? A fantasy IS NOT reality, all we “know” is she had a fantasy. Does a rape fantasy mean a person wants to be raped?
If you fantasized about being killed, would that mean you wanted to be murdered in real life?
No and no.
Doesn't matter, set the boundary and if that doesn't work than go for a morning walk, lock the room you're in and put head phones on etc.
Tell her straight up: Either she learns to control herself or you'll ignore her until she's done behaving like a child.
You need to read what you wrote out loud and see if it makes sense. Alyssa is suggesting he goes into an open relationship (aka sleeping with other people). He is now talking to you about him being able to sleep with other people, but he’s calling it one night stands instead of an open relationship. It’s the exact same thing. Do you honestly
All of what you said in that massive paragraph was a lot of help thank you, yes I suffer from a few mental issues (social anxiety, anxiety in general, most recently depression has entered the fray) I have been live dating for.. 4 years now? Because I find it very hot to be sociable. Plus my irl girlfriends before didn't really treat me well either and messed with me a lot. But I will take a look into those books thank you, I'm sometimes with my mum but most of the time I'm in my room playing games because I use them as a bit of an escape but recently they haven't been, they haven't been making me all that happy tbh, also yeah I say sorry a lot haha like pretty much all the time when it's not even my fault.
Yes. They lied to everyone about me until I tracked them down.
The thing is, I’m trying to figure out what’s right.
When I was in college I knew this shit head kid. We went on a weekend trip with friends to the beach and had a condo. One morning I was sleeping late and everybody wanted me to get up, and I kept telling everyone to let me sleep. Then she came in, sat down next to me and sang me awake while rubbing my back. I almost cried because it was the best thing ever and I’ll never forget it and not a time goes by where I’m forced awake for any reason that I don’t think of her.
This last paragraph. I’m currently on my 6th or 7th “love of my life”. Not downplaying how much I love my partner because it literally gets better every time I break up an ltr the next one I get into is leagues better.
I think this is a step in the right direction. She can be wonderful and not be for you. You can love her and still she may not be the one for you. If you cannot accept what she does and she does not want to change… it is just torture on you to try and make it work.
Also who would bother hacking a tinder account? Fakes and catfishes are already crazy in live dating. Who would waste time breaking into an account when you can just make one to scam others with?
No, absolutely no, I'm just thinking about this and I wanted to ask if I'm wrong
I don't think op blames his gf for what happened. It just hurts him because he is insecure. But as you said love gets better with intimacy. When I got with my girlfriend I was also inexperienced and insecure. I definitely wasn't her best. But now 4 years later and she taught me how to get her off. Don't worry op. Just give it some time and everything will be good.
It isn't fair to place that expectation on a person I'm dating without discussion about it.
I agree, it sounds like that was a discussion had in these 2 years. And if they're not on the same page now, it's better to split before becoming even more emotionally attached. There's a 7-year-old child involved here, I'm mostly thinking of their well-being, not the two adults.
In addition, as a parent we need our time of too.
Of course I know that, but under the circumstances as outlined in the post, where their time together is already limited, I don't feel like this would have helped.
Not fair to him to force him into the step-parent role prior to actually being the step-parent.
Agreed, it's absolutely not fair to force it. But it is a role you should expect to fill if you're going to seriously date a single parent with minor children. Far too many people, both the single parents and those who chose to date them, don't always take that into consideration. It's not an easy responsibility to take on.
Which is why I've never done it,
Continue to work on your relationship OP but any sort of I'll feeling will be due to you. You'll deserve all the hurt she has in store for you in the future especially with the lack of remorse.
If this was male strippers at a private function then anything goes and it likely wasn't just a nipple. Move on.
If this was male strippers at a private function then anything goes and it likely wasn't just a nipple. Move on.
If this was male strippers at a private function then anything goes and it likely wasn't just a nipple. Move on.
What has she done for you?
I wouldn't be moving anywhere new with him. The “reuse dirty dishes” thing is disgusting. I really can't believe he would suggest that just so he doesn't need to clean.
I'd break up with him because he has growing up to do. This kind of behaviour rarely gets better. You don't want to on-line that way forever do you?
They said that guns arent a problem in their country but then also mentioned something called “white weapons”.
Idk if theyre calling guns “white weapons” as in white people, or what. But they definitely said “white weapons” because another person asked about it too
Good for you for recognizing that she can do better.
I don't even have a college degree and I still make 5$ more an hour, work 40-60 hr weeks, and maintain a dog and home. I have a partner, but things are actually split equally or done together. OP is a man child.
It doesn't sound like shes been able to get a hold of MOH since she texted her a few days before her wedding.
He literally said he didn’t know what a deal breaker meant ?
Leave him and move on, please. You tricked him, if it was the other way around, including you wanting distance and talking to another person, whould it be ok?
I'm a 32 year old female and I loved Catherine called Birdie. I thought it was sweet, funny and I got a bit tearful at the end too lol. Your partner has issues. If she thinks you're a pedo for watching that, she must think you're totally depraved for watching and enjoying Stranger Things. It's a very odd view to have.
My Mom had Alzheimer’s and I agree, lie by omission. Whatever it takes to let her live out her life in PEACE.
Am I the only one who thinks him playing dumb to the fact that she does everything in the house to him saying he doesn't love her and wants a divorce to not wanting a divorce sounds like one big manipulation tactic?
You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel heard. A relationship where your partner loves you. A relationship where your partner doesn't cause you to leave your dream school. A partner who pulls his weight and doesn't make you do an exhausting amount of the workload.
It sounds like this relationship is not working. He told you he doesn't love you. Why are you even considering staying?
She feels comfortable enough with you to tell you. Don’t blow it. Get her what she wants and she will be able to come to you in the future.
It’s definitely a big deal, no different than if it was a guy.
And it’s actually a bigger deal, because it was a close friend.
She’s not going to die if you leave her. But it’s your choice. If you stay, she has to go NC with Amanda. But that will likely lead to resentment, and some eventual relapse
When are you getting married?
I had a very small wedding and I would be naked pressed to recall everyone who was there. Weddings are a blur. I doubt they will care that much. Just pick one. If people ask your wife about you, she can say you had another wedding to attend. It's not like you're just skipping cause you don't want to go.
Thank you so much.
It's past time to be moving on from the girlfriend you picked when you were 13
The only way this would be important is if she was a minor when you started dating. If not, how does being 19 or 18 make any difference?
It's not like you are 37…
When I said good reason, I didn’t mean it as in a “good?” reason. I mean as in something that contributes us both to act crazy to each other sometimes. N I’m not giving bullshit though, I don’t see how there’s anything to read through. This is my honesty and ask for help for us. Why would I lie to myself when asking for advice.
have you considered honesty? Something like “I was drunk yesterday and feeling discontented. It was wrong of me to reach out in the way that I did and Im really sorry if my behavior hurt you in any way or was just confusing. I've realized that I need to work on me and get my shit together, and to do that, I need to not be texting with an ex. I hope you can understand, and again, im really sorry for behaving like that.”
Ask to see her ID to make sure you haven’t really gotten into a spot.
From there it’s up to you. This wouldn’t bother me. Her age probably came up what, once? when you first met. She told a dumb immature lie but she’s 18 (and you’re 21) so dumb and immature is probably par for the course. If this is the only problem I personally would laugh it off.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with saying this isn’t something you can on-line with and breaking up over it. Trust your instincts and feelings.
I also hope that destiny does bring you two together. All the best
Dude. Dump this girl. This is a toxic need for attention shes got going on here.
(1) she told him essentially she always wanted him not just that night and you believe her saying it was not her that night? because of what? She swore it just drunk gibberish? Trusting her based on what?
(2) she is totally damaged control mode, seem the husband is a doormat probably his so insecure (she told ya he told his own wife she would be better with someone else?)
(3) that he immediately went to say deleted everything sound sus.
Yep. Just end this shit now before you move in and get stuck on a lease with this ass
Yes, continue to see him if this is the only drawback. I have healthy relationships with my exes. I still consider my ex husband that I divorced in the year 2000 my best friend. He is a great guy. The reason that we split was because I wanted kids and he did not. Dealbreaker. We were together 13 years. He is still a great guy. Will we ever get back together? No.
Don't let the circumstance taint you. Examine people and determine who they show themselves to be.
Being called by an ex's name stings, but put it into perspective. You represent the good, not the negative, in the person this partner had chosen at one time to spend his life with.
Did I say fire? She needs to be gone from her husband's phone and life outside of work, no more be chummy during work.
I have been this girlfriend. I felt the same way she does. She loves you, there’s no doubt. But this is something she needs to experience or she’ll resent you or never be fully happy. She doesn’t really know if she wants to be in a poly relationship in the future, her mind is just exploring and she’s testing where you would go. But she does love you and isn’t lying when she says she feels you’re her soulmate, it’s not that she really wants other people, but it’s an experience she wants to have.
Detective work is needed:
Close friends of the both of you. You both have friends at different places and share information with these said friends.
Possibly someone looking to acquire you or your man by manipulating the good relationship you have. Trust is a big thing and once it is in questions.. you can only do so much.
Good luck and I hope you figure it out.
My husband wanted to get a motorcycle. We have 4 children together and we already are deep into this marriage. If I was his gf I might have reacted like you did where in I didn't put my foot down. I get that everyone is their own person and entitled to do what they want. Except, my husband is a father of 4. He has responsibilities that are bigger than me and him. I told him adamantly NO FUCKEN WAY. I told him if he did so he would be hurting our marriage in a way that we may not recover from.
My first funeral I attended was from a motorcycle accident at 16 years old.
My husbands supervisor died after driving his motorcycle on a swerving road 4 years ago.
My brother in law was struck on his motorcycle by a car on the streets and nearly died. He couldn't eat solids for months, all his teeth were lost and broke his ribs.
He really needs to let go of his pride and ego and understand that this is a deal breaker for you. If he chooses to still argue you on it, then I think you will have your answer as far as how serious he is about your future together.
Law school will be over, eventually, and then the two of you can move. Meanwhile, it was a good idea to join the workout studio, so how are you gaining weight? You might get some advice on better routines. Think of some hobby or service groups you might join. Any place with a law school can't be that isolated.