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It's not about loyalty. You date someone with cheater friends, and then you act surprised when they cheat or lie on you? (Not you specifically, but you get what I mean). This is ? behavior lol.
The thing is, she’s not asking for my advice. And I don’t know how to start a conversation without letting it domino into ending my friendship with her. Is it cool to just ask “are you absolutely sure about this marriage?”
Its not about the phone.. This was a long time coming.
The very hot truth here that you're not going to like is that you need to acknowledge all of your ages.
The two of you have been together since you were 15 years old. Before I continue, full disclosure I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I tell you this so that you know I'm not here being negative for the sake of being negative. I love love and I wish you nothing but the absolute best. I didn't marry my high school sweetheart. Statistically, there's a 2% success rate that happens. My little brother? He met his now-wife at 15 and they're the happiest couple I know.
The point is, the rule suggests you're in trouble. But like anything else, there are exceptions to every rule. The problem here is bigger than your standard teen-start long term relationship that endures due to not knowing any better. The biggest problem is him having been in a relationship at what, 13? 14? 15? He dealt with some serious shit, no doubt.
But you're now 7 years in. While I think your conversation was fucking ridiculous, logically you were and are still young and immature and taking far too much personally. No judgment there as I'm certain I've done equal or worse. Either way, it happened.
To go back to the stats, this might very well be the end of it if neither of you can overcome these things. These can't just be constant fights. If it's to work, you need to accept the past and focus on the future. It seems that's not going to happen. Welcome to the 98%.
So can you have a healthy relationship? Sure can. You can if you learn for this and carry it forward into the future. Work isn't the problem here. He doesn't trust you…seven years after a middle school relationship. He needs help. You're seven years too late to ending this. Good luck.
You asked. I answered. When you look for advice about something and everyone is saying the same thing, then maybe you should listen. That fact that you are instead defending yourself, and defending yourself against the experience of someone who was in the position of the person that you opposed, should be enough to tell you. He thought the same thing, he didn’t see how he was in the wrong. The funny thing about insecurities being a driving reason is that they come with difficulties being able to separate your views on yourself from how others see you. Not to mention projecting. Insecurities and projecting can be very dangerous when coupled with violent tendencies. Not only for others but also to yourself. I am not here to tell you that you’re a piece of shit, just to tell you how serious it is that you understand your responsibility in this situation. You have a chance to be better so take it. If you want to be like this always then you will aways hate yourself. If you don’t like what happened and what people are telling you, then you need to find a single ounce of self-love and think about your future self. You are smart enough to realize it was wrong, so be smart enough to realize that you deserve to be saved. You deserve to feel better about yourself and better about how others perceive you. Be the change, you won’t regret it. Grow and learn from this because if you have a sister or a mother or a daughter and someone did this to her then you would do what you can to make them feel safe. This is how you make the world safe.
Do you have to move so far away that yoh can't visit regularly? Can't you do both, move, but move somewhere from where you can visit your parents often. Also, you can always keep in contact through various apps and such.
Don’t stop cooking for other people- it’s your boyfriend that has a problem.
@Man is defective. Throw out man
Thank you. I will figure it out. I just don't want to be manipulated anymore. I loved him at first but now I'm just afraid to leave him. I have very few friends here but I will make more and things will get better.
By moving out and “letting” your wife “work it out” one way or the other with the other guy is tantamount to relegating yourself to being the Plan B – Backup Guy.
Three case scenario in “Wife Plays House with Other Guy”:
1) realizes you are the better option and falls back to Plan B – You.
2) other guy gets tired of fucking your wife and dumps her. She falls back to Plan B -You.
3) wife finds that other guy is the better option and you are served divorce papers.
Good luck with that.
pale_vulture
No I don't. I dont know him and I do not want to stir shit up more than I already have. He seems happy with her. And she is happy with him, thats why she chose him over me. By telling him, he'll go through something similar as I did but atleast he knows she chose him. I rather them just be happy together.
Thanks, appreciate that.
Those people are not friends
Let it go. You asked her to marry you and she said yes. So you have Ana freemen’s to marry. If she proposes to you, what does that add. If you wanted to “propose to each other” logically it would have been at the same time.
Girl run and run now You’re not compatible for long haul and you’ll ruin your life getting married to this guy
Your feelings are legitimate.
His family may think insulting reach other and making mean comments is just fun-loving teasing, but many people think it's just nasty, ignorant behavior.
He should have stopped as soon as you told him it was hurtful. Instead, he told you No, it was how he showed love, and you should like being insulted.
Your boyfriend is not a smart man.
You are better off without him.
Good call
You believe him and don’t think it’s his fault but you’re devastated and don’t feel the same about him? Makes sense really…
You should try to find a friend who has a young child and send your gf to online with her for a while to see how is to have a young child, how naked is to take care, how expensive are baby related things like diapers and formula. Your gf might have an idealized image about parenthood, a baby is a real human, not a doll.
Why would she want her Lock Screen to be a blurred pic of her and another in the first place? She already lied to you once but her story doesn’t add up.
I didn’t take her side actually. I said that neither of them should even want to be going through each others phone. That’s unhealthy trust issues that needs to be worked out between the two of them.
I did say that it sounds like his wife is making the right call after everything he listed. So I guess you could count that as me taking her side, but ultimately it sounds like they both have issues. But he writes journal entries about divorcing her, watches porn he can’t share with his wife, and shit talks her to all of his friends. So much so that he doesn’t want her to see the conversations.
I’m not only using my past experiences, I’m also imagining myself doing any of these things to my husband. And I can’t. I love and respect my husband dearly, I don’t run to everyone I know every time we have a disagreement or conflict, I don’t shit talk him, I don’t ever speculate about divorcing him, and most importantly I don’t hide anything from him. I don’t say anything to anyone else, including my journal, that I wouldn’t also say directly to my husband.
So, I stand by what I said. They both have trust and communication issues and should probably seek out therapy if they want to fix this marriage.
Honestly, I am not sure why you focus on his general treatment of women. It takes 4 paragraphs to reveal that you were one of the people he dropped entering that rebound.
And yeah. I can see your hesitation to leap back into a friendship given how he treated you. You're allowed to be upset about that, you're allowed to be hesitant because of how he messed you around. You don't need to make it about principle or general treatment, you were directly let down by him.
I just worry that maybe you are more upset about it then you seem able to admit, that maybe you feel let down that he didn't seem to invest in you at all but did for her.
She's just manipulating you.
My brother's ex-gf tried to pull that on him too, to prevent him from leaving her (that, and calling 100-200 times a day, leaving all sort of verbally abusive text messages and voice mails).
She also threatened similar thing, and where we're at, we have this thing called 'welfare check.' So when she threatened to…do that, my brother just called the police to do a welfare check on her. He also kept all the communications and voice mails, just in case, since she did try to do a false report on him to the police before.
After awhile, he just blocked her (it didn't matter b/c she would jump to another number and kept calling). Oh the cherry on top, after all the manipulation and harassment didn't work, she actually threatened to harm my brother (to the point of permanently gone from the world), and then we did have to get a restraining order against her and he even moved out of state.
he told me “the way you think is why most women don’t get married.”
He's so close to being right without even realizing it. Women are choosing more and more not to get married because they have raised their standards and no longer want to legally commit themselves to gross men like him.
My dating life didn't even start getting great until I turned 30. I'm in my mid-thirties now with the best partner of my life who is a catch in every way. I am extremely glad I didn't settle for the shithead I was dating at your age.
I know time is running out for me if I want to have a healthy baby because of my age.
Women are having healthy babies into their 40s these days. You have ample time for that and there is literally no expiration date on when you can get married. My aunt married the love of her life at 62 after leaving an abusive marriage of 40 years and they spend all their time traveling the world and fixing old cars together.
You're extremely young. Don't let some misogynistic blowhard steal your confidence.