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I told her that this bothered me and she says that since what she did was only in reaction to what I did, that blame cannot be placed fully on her, since I technically had no reason to “lie” and she had a reason to not know it was my daughter under the blanket.
So if you punched her for throwing the lamp, she would completely understand that your behavior was her fault, right? Bullshit. The biggest red flag of an abuser is the belief that their behavior is someone else's fault. She chose to physically attack you and your daughter for laying next to each other. That is the reality of the situation. She will eventually harm your daughter physically in addition to the emotional damage she has already done. I think I know why your daughter likes to sleep with the blanket on her head… What she hears at night scares her. This is only the beginning. You have to decide if you your daughter to be raised in fear or not.