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So move on?
Let's see, she was about 25 when she got together with a man old enough to be her dad and now she is looking to get out by latching onto another man who is similarly isolated as she is. Yeah, that should go well.
You are barely mid twenties. Don’t throw your life away with the bath water. He’s not going to give you what you want. This should be the happiest time of your life – newlywed. And you’re miserable, trying your best to patch together his life for him while he berates your every effort.
Let him get that lawyer. He will look for another almost-teenager when you’re gone who is more easy to manipulate.
Haha I just wish he'd see that the 10 seconds it would take for him to text me would save all of this angst between us the next day. I really think if he'd just agreed to it and kept to his word this would never have even felt like a big ask to either of us, but now it's snowballed. But thank you for your kind words 🙂
I just wanted to give you a perspective on the kids thing, cause I have been there. My ex told me he'd rather be together with no kids than have kids with anyone else, guess why we are exs? Those are empty promises. And given that he does no housework, I think it's safe to say he will be expecting mom to do the heavy lifting once baby is here. I have seen that exact scenario cause many divorces despite both parents wanting the kids. So even if you did change your mind (which you shouldn't assume you will) you won't enjoy getting pregnant since he's selfish in bed, and you'll be the primary parent. This man ain't it.
Suicidal ideation on the part of your ex is not your fault. If he murders himself that's on him. Trapping you into a relationship with a suicide attempt is abuse.
Source: Am a person that struggles with suicidal ideation.
I think your boyfriend is being unreasonable. Having to now micromanage your dad’s angry outbursts and your boyfriend’s sulking over nothing makes your interpersonal life twice as difficult. Having a problematic parent is not that unusual.
Why does he need your dad to know? Protecting your freedom to have a car and study so you can go out into the world with and education is a good priority. Your boyfriend should be supportive of that decision.
Why is his father taking a position on the issue at all? It seems like he’s encouraging your boyfriend’s attitude? He should just butt out.
Obviously lying to your dad isn’t great, but you’re doing it with good goals in mind. In the end it’s not really fair that you’re having to manage your dad at just 19.
I will say, as a guy, that plays a lot of video games. My wife is so much fucking better at video games than me.
She can crush me in COD, Destiny 2, etc.
Hell, she even beat a duel I was struggling with in Ghost of Tsushima where we took turns fighting the duel. She had never played the game before that day.
When I was younger, I definitely could have seen myself subconsciously getting frustrated that a girl was better than me at something I should be better at because “boys play video games” was the worldview of the time I grew up.
However, I’m 32 now and it’s so fun seeing her be so damn good at games and I love watching her crush it.
I imagine OP is just a guy who has too much ego and the need to be right that he can’t let this go. He would rather watch his child lose and be discouraged than let him win and feel encouraged to continue.
They do have an appointment at a counseling center in a few weeks and I hope they can find an agreement that is best for their daughter. I didn’t know that “parenting apps” existed, so thanks a lot for that tip! I just hope she would accept using it
I feel bad for your husband. Why would you marry him if you “always felt the same”? You are a terrible partner and a horrible person because of this. What advice is there to give? You either spare your husband the misery of being married to you or stop talking to your ex. What a joke of a post, you are a grown ass woman and you are acting like some kind of rom com lead.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My gf and I have been dating for 2 years, and things are going reasonably well, except this one thing. She will not just come to my house or let me go to her house to watch a movie or TV show, she won’t let us just cuddle or hang out or anything. There has to be a date or dinner first. She’s not so picky on what we do, but that part is important. She makes time for this once a week usually on the weekends, but I usually plan all of our activities.
I feel like I’m not getting enough intimacy in the relationship because it’s confined to narrow moments, usually once a week. What do you think I should do?
When I’ve brought this up, she says she’s old fashioned and just hanging out isn’t something she does.
TL;DR: GF only wants to see me if there’s a planned date
Edit: To add some more information, she’s not seeing anyone else, I’m sure of it. We have sex and sleep over after dates, and the dates don’t have to be expensive or anything, they can be going for a hike. It just has to be something.
You are a good person caught in the age old clichéd bad luck of ending up with a bad dude – one who is trying to move in on a married woman – and getting short with you when you interrupt his romantic conquest journey.
She said she would be going to bed soon, so he told you he will pick you up.
She then maybe changed her mind when hubby fell asleep – so she asked him if he could continue – so he happily said YES – and fibbed to you about being stoned.
So he started an all nighter with her. Expecting to be alone the whole night, undisturbed.
Unfortunately you did get back, it broke his flow and his privacy – which means the 2 of them might already be doing improper stuff – so he took his frustration out on you – as you rightly guessed.
You need to leave, but prepare for it quietly. Get your ducks in a row as best as you can.
Make a plan, and AT LEAST 2 backup plans.
I am going to be completely honest, expectations will ruin your life. You can't change people, last time I tried and it didn't work even if I felt I gave everything I had. I thought to myself “how is it possible I give everything to this person but she can't give me the minimum” then I realized in her eyes, she was giving me all she had. It wasn't enough for me and the more I tried to change it the worst it got. The lesson here, if drop expectations, you can talk to him, see if he magically tries but it is unlikely. Once you realize he ain't what you need, time to say bye. However if you are just going through a rough patch maybe you can try and wait.
This is such a bad take. I feel like so many people on this sub just wants to break up couples. He’s cool with it, she’s cool with it, it’s just porn, she didn’t commit war crimes, she didn’t hurt anyone.
You played stupid games and won prizes! Ha ha ha!
I like your DIL. I hope her, her husband, and two children have very happy lives without you in them.
Work husband/work wife is very often tied to limerence. The idea that it's a cool thing to foster and cultivate just because you aren't banging is far from universal.
“I will be more aware (of the consequences of getting caught).”
Dude, break up, kick her out. Go hangout with your friends and date someone closer to your age next time.
I can understand as a cultural thing some people want their mom to online with them as a way of repaying them for raising them. So that I can understand you trying to work with him on. But he very casually called a girl he was with for years “his future.” Im sorry, it sounds like he’s settling and is just using the mom situation as a form of self loathing. I personally would advise you to move on but if you feel you have to stay with him, dont move in or bare minimum look for a place with a mother in law suit so you have some privacy.
Proof?