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To start, I am 27M.
The prices are a “him” problem. For my girlfriend and I’s first official date, I pick a restaurant that I knew I could afford to pay for both of us at.
He offered to pay, though I will say it is more common to split on a first date, especially if it isn’t going anywhere. So you pushing him to pay may have not been completely appropriate.
I would argue that at most pay him the cost of your food and drink if you just want to get him off your back. But I really don’t think you owe him anything.
btw, for people who don't know how to use their wordy words:
“Hey hon, I've been feeling a bit off lately and I'd like to talk about it. It would help me, I think, if I could see who you've been texting and calling. Would you mind?”
this is something that healthy people do.
healthy relationships require communication.
if your partner doesn't want you to see their recent messages, etc, you have your answer.
It may have been trauma for her, but she is one person. You can't apply that to all other people with similar circumstances. If you've met one person, you've met one person, yknow? If you're looking for advice on this particular one then you need to address that, not go down the road of learning bad lessons about making assumptions about people due to the actions of others.
Instead of sitting at home feeling resentful, get an actionable plan so you can go to a country of your choosing.
How long is bfs trip going to last? If it's a long term trip maybe a break in the relationship is in order. Otherwise, wait to he returns to sit and talk things through. Either way, go out and have some adventures of your own.
Well, you make a lot of sense. The couple of friends I had from high school all left the country. And the 2 persons I call my best friends live! 8000 miles away. I'm fine with that. I don't feel an urge go make friends, as I clearly am on a comfort zone on the friendship aspect.
But you are right, I'm trying to skip the step of making friends before meeting a woman.
STOP VICTIM BLAMING
While his friends are looking over her shoulders, from behind.
You feel like shit because you set yourself up to feel like shit.
I have enough security in my marriage to openly comment about the beauty of another woman in front of my wife because she knows through my actions and words that I find her beautiful in more ways than just looks. This goes both ways. She can comment to me at how very hot a man looks to her, and it doesn't hurt my feelings because I know she loves me for me. Looks are superficial. You have to get these insecurities in check. He dropped the ball, but you teed it up for him.
He sounds abusive and you sound line a doormat (I’ve been in a similar situation and it was awful).
Stop trying to please him and put yourself first. You can’t change him, only yourself.
Are you sure you want to stay in this relationship?
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Thank you for this ?
Time Dilation is one of those things that neither logically nor implicitly makes sense unless you understand why, it happens – otherwise, it just sounds like absolute nonsense. And well, the why for time dilation is a whole bunch of other stuff that is the same way
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Ditto
dude move on.
He’s single. He’s open to casual but honestly I don’t like how I’m feeling. So, I’d rather just walk away if he’s not interested. Telling me, he’s interested in casual after I offer it but then doesn’t even respond when I suggested I’ll be in his area at a friend’s wedding.
I’d rather just say this but it’s confusing (and yes, closure makes me feel better that’s all I care about)
Hey. I think it’s best we just stay friends if that is something you’re open to or go our separate ways and end it on good terms since we are at different phases in life”
Just date asexual men and your issue is solved.
You need a new therapist then.
Cause it's not healthy to be incapable of managing your own mental health when you're not attached to another person.
While he could have helped, and he should have helped, he has no obligation to. He can do whatever he wants with his money, you are not entitled to it.
I mean… look my guy
I'm 27 and just graduated college in December. Your litterally fine. Everyone around me is getting engaged too. Im on 3 weddings this year alone. Admittedly I'm in a relationship too so maybe idk. But it's not too late.
The later you find your person can vary in the baggage. They might be bringing along kids or a divorce. But they also might not be.
Love usually comes when your not looking for it.
I mean… look my guy
I'm 27 and just graduated college in December. Your litterally fine. Everyone around me is getting engaged too. Im on 3 weddings this year alone. Admittedly I'm in a relationship too so maybe idk. But it's not too late.
The later you find your person can vary in the baggage. They might be bringing along kids or a divorce. But they also might not be.
Love usually comes when your not looking for it.
It gives the vibe that she didn't want to be OPs friend and needed an excuse. Which she got, even though it doesn't make any sense.
Let him date the other girl instead, hopefully she will run when she realizes that he only wants a slave.
Not a single person on this website can answer either question for you.
We don’t know her.
Ask your friends and family.
Besides that, that’s something you’re going to have to learn and figure out for yourself.
And if you do want kids with him, what if you get married, get pregnant, and then the baby has a severe abnormality that will mean it wouldn't survive more than a couple hours and has a really painful life for those couple hours after birth? I guess you'll have to divorce him to have that abortion.
I think you should shut down the babymaking altogether because this seems likes he is making you an incubator rather than wanting to have kids because that is what he wants.
It’s only two of you. If she wasn’t unconscious and insisting you continue then she’s the only one to blame (and will go to hell maybe?)
5 years in prison and permanent SO registry. Very limited job prospects, or even where you can live!, for life.
You are not his piggy bank or his babysitter. And he is not your problem to fix.
I think you should just move out. Sublet if you need to.
Age gap, end it!
Let him go & find some one better
Yeah I don't know what the fuck the other guy is saying LMAO. If she was forced to “let loose”, or in other words be her true self, it's still bad.
Values, morals, standards—a lot of these (not all) are social constructs that change drastically depending on time period, environment, culture, etc etc, this is a very close minded mindset to have. i’m sorry if the only experience you’ve had with poly ppl/ENM are annoying fckers (of which there are a lot) but thats not all of them. i’ve met lots of people in open marriages that have successful relationships because they’re doing what works for them instead of listening to ppl like you ☠️?
Turning off the location means he knew it was wrong and chose he didn’t care about you. What you do with that information is up to you OP, but you deserve someone that treats you with love and kindness.
So she sent me the txt instead of sending it the her cousin thats how I got this info so it is straight from my gf. And yes I found it really odd that she was having this with family but not myself.
OP there’s nothing inherently wrong with a low/no sex drive. What IS wrong is for you to consider yourself normal and others abnormal. “It’s just sex” and calling his sex drive “high” just because he wants more than once a month (or so.)
You need to find a better match, but also find more empathy. He’s not wrong to want a physical relationship with his partner.
Look into BDSM and CNC and how to beat and effectively communicate with your partner!! It can work as therapy but only if it's done right under a totally control environment. Research extensively before moving forward! Please do not jump into it be fore having a good and long conversation with your partner, and never ever break their trust!
Thank you for this comment, this definitely brought me the most insight. In terms of my personality, im definitely not a very patient person in many aspects so it’s been very hot, especially having it gone this long. Yes there have been faint glistens of real sparks, but it’s just so spread out and it’s been so long since it was at least relatively normal. I really don’t want to lose her and she swears the same, she agrees I screwed up and have changed but understandably holds somewhat of a distrust and resentment for me. I know I just have to hold out longer, I’m not losing feelings for her at all, I love her just as much as I would if we were intimate with each other, but it just makes me sad that I can’t show her how much I love her in what used to be a love language for us both.
He wasn't though. This guy's was outside his familys party.
don't be with anyone who would call you a slur. leave.
Yea in hindsight I agree with that. I have asked her have a conversation with me about the other stuff.
Dude, when you leave someone's home because they think it's ok to lie and ruin your life if they're angry enough, you don't ask them to drive you home and you don't get in a car with them and continue arguing. You walk out the door and walk home, call a friend to give you a ride, call an Uber, or take a bus.
I pray you find a place to live! away from the to ic vampires.
Then block
This sounds like a man beaten into submission, and walking through life as a zombie designed to his fate.
I would love to hear his side of this story, and how he came to be someone who just absolutely doesn’t care about life anymore.
Considering the fact that you seem to know what’s going on in his personal therapy sessions, which should be private, coupled with you flagrantly stating he’s crazy for expressing things he experienced, this sounds like a frightening case of gaslighting on your part.
Please just leave this man alone and divorce him.
I don’t think I’ll ever trust a woman again.
Don't be a dipshit. This has nothing to do with women. People cheat.
OP. You need to step away. This is your BFs problem, and he needs to sort it out.
If your communication with his ex is unpleasant, DON'T HAVE ANY. Again, these children are his responsibility, and he needs to handle her and them.
No interactions of any kind should include you. No transportation of his children should be done by you. No childcare of his children should be done by you.
This is exactly why I tell any friends who ask NEVER to date a single parent. Because you're not just dating them. You get a package deal that includes their kids and their ex.
Just walk away. There are so many red flags from him in your story that I lost count. He's cheating. If he's not yet, he wants to and he will.
Just walk away. There are so many red flags from him in your story that I lost count. He's cheating. If he's not yet, he wants to, and he will.
Yeah I know but it's very hot cause he's been quite depressed and I'm worried it won't get better if I leave him and he has to go back to his parents place…
Holy shit. My fuckbuddy sometimes gets friction burns on his dick if we go too many rounds or aren't diligent enough about using lube, and I would NEVER pressure him to have sex with me while in pain – and that doesn't even compare to a foreskin tear! I remember the first time he complained of pain I felt supremely guilty (even though it wasn't anyone's fault) and didn't even bring up sex again until he did.
Sounds like she's seriously lacking in empathy for you, which is the last thing you want in a partner. She doesn't see or respect your humanity.
Just leave her alone. She clearly going through something that only she can work out aside from the miscarriage. A miscarriage is devastating. (I miscarried our son) So, she is probably very depressed at the moment too while feeling so many other emotions, guilt, anger, etc.
You’ve already made it clear to her that you’re there for her. The ball is in her court.
This man groomed you. Now he actively abuses you. Please leave.
Just be loving and supportive, and let time heal. If you talk about the missed promotion too much he will just dwell on it longer.
Lovely sweet caring people don’t spout misogynistic abuse apologist bs.
He’s showing you who he is, believe him.
I think there is no person and she is trying to catch you out on a lie and is an extremely jealous person. One year is way too soon to get engaged while this kind of thing is happening.
I don't think there is a person, it's her.
I have something similar in my home. My fiancé is king of the outbursts at inanimate objects. Never at me. When I ask him why he has to yell,his answer is “better to let it out than keep it bottled” shit like that you can’t take personally, it’s not about you. The only thing you can do is have a conversation about it to let him know it makes the environment feel hostile so he needs to tone it down.
HOWEVER, the way he treats his mother is an entirely different story. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother, and what you’re telling in the post is ????
Get rid of him.
So if my partner told me a relationship I had made me uncomfortable, I wouldn't dismiss them, I would ask them how to fix it. If it was their friend, it would be very easy for me to scale back the time I spent with them.
The fact that your boyfriend was just like “nah” and kept up the same level of contact would concern me as well. He very easily could have comforted you and then just not invited YOUR friend over anymore and let you reset the boundaries.
So first, gather yourself and your emotions, and talk to your friend. I'd keep it short and try not to use any blame language. Maybe something like: I love that we all spend time together, but lately my boyfriend has made some comments about the 3 of us that made me feel weird and even a little jealous. I know that isn't coming from you at all, so I raised it with him and he honestly made me feel worse. I'm not sure what to do, but I don't like the way he is acting.
And before you have that conversation, you can also just start by putting some distance between her and your boyfriend. If there is nothing going on between them, then if you start going to visit her and not bringing him, don't invite her over as much, etc., it should just solve the problem. Invite her to the movies for a “girls night”, involve other friends in going out and doing something. See how in these scenarios you are involving HER and not him? Because he is the problem so far. Just start doing stuff out of the house and away from him, which is good in general, helps you see how he will react (will he keep inviting her over, will he be mad when you go out without him), and will help you see that your life is filled with other people, not just him.
If this is a “Closer” reference you are awesome ?
Yeah I definitely feel we jumped right in. Marriage is the goal but I essentially feel like we're playing house and already are married all of a sudden. It's a lit of change really quickly.
I guess it’s very hot when these occasions make up like 5% of the friendship, max. The rest of the time she’s funny, loving, loyal, and deeply caring. Maybe I’m too much of a softie, but when you can see exactly where someone’s issues come from, and you can see in theory that they’re trying to work on themselves, that they deserve your empathy. I don’t think anyone deserves to have no friends because they struggle to handle themselves in one area of friendship. Do you think this is a ‘me’ problem? Or do you think I should push on with the kindness?
Very hot to know what the deal is with your 2nd eldest sister, she strikes me as rather narcissistic. You should stand your ground though, and though it's nude if you live! in the same house, keep your distance from her. Use the gray rock technique with her – just don't engage. Don't let her get your goat.
She moved out already, they're broken up. She cheated, no personality disorder excuses this. Say they did get back together, would she have an excuse to cheat every time she had an episode?
OP, don't go see her, it's just salt in her wound and unnecessary pain for you. She needs to focus on getting better. Not going to see her further drives home that you are no longer together.