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1. It looks like there are two separate things that are the issues:

   The disrespect that her parents are showing towards you because of their bigotry. On some part, I don't blame them personally as it's more of a cultural thing. Not saying it's right but it's the truth. The concerns about how your children are going to perceive themselves and will their behavior influence your children's behavior on how they act towards others.

   I definitely see your point, and you're not wrong or crazy for your concerns. I also see the concerns that your wife and your family have by isolating grandparents.

   Honestly, what it comes down to is a heart-to-heart with her parents. Discuss with your wife that you want to talk with her parents on how their bigotry has made you feel and that you have concerns on how they are going to act towards your children.

   Let them know the disrespect needs to stop. Your and your wife's love for each other goes beyond skin color and you want to ensure her happiness. Give them something to consider and ask what exactly is it they have issue with YOU.

   Discuss that you want them to be a part of your children's lives BUT a positive part. And what you mean by that.

   At that point, the decision is theirs to make. Bigotry and prejudice are strong & ignorant behavioral traits but people can learn from it and become better people. Especially if it's for the ones they love and care about.

   I hope the best for you.

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