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She didn't care about her lack of resources, far from home, etc when she was treating you like shit and fucking some other guy. Why should you now?
She has zero respect for you. Have some respect for yourself. I bet they both were laughing at you laying in bed together after they fucked.
Kick her to the curb asap.
A year and a half with one person isn't just cheating, that's it's own separate relationship.
This wasn't a mistake. Highly doubt he ended it, and the fact that he wouldn't let you confirm just means he now has an excuse to use while hiding that he's still cheating.
If he loved you, he wouldn't have cheated on you for over a year. He does not love you.
You deserve love, and he's not going to give you any. Not real love. Not many commenters are going to tell you that staying with him is the right choice.
You deserve better.
You have some major issues….
If you where a guy you would be blasted, both live and in real life
Leave him alone as this is boarder line harassment .
Your so immature and it's very unlikely he will even accept your advances
This is so creepy
i think we both kinda know a little bit..? like when we drunk we js like say something along the lines of ‘GIVE IT TIMEEEEE’ like yea we both probs kinda know it a bit awquard
Happy birthday from Italy – I really hope that on your birthday next year, you'll be feeling much happier and contented. It'll get better.
Nope you have a Lotta small children. But after reading Reddit post, I’m gonna tell you take care of your husband sexually. It’s also for your good and bonds the two of you. I know it’s exhausting, but I promise it will get better and you will be so much more grateful and not writing a Reddit post about how your husband cheated or your marriage became a dead bedroom.
I don't know, I guess I'll figure it out in time or just wing it. My mental health isn't a high priority for me at this time.
Maybe suggest to live separately? You could invite her to live with you again when you feel like y'all in a good place again.
Closure isn't something you get from someone else. You have to work toward it.
I totally see your point. The thing is we talked about it on our first or second date and he said he would do it in college and agreed it is too much to always be high so I’m just confused if he’s always been lying or if it’s new. I’ll talk to him though to find out more, just not sure how to even bring it up I guess
yeah i know…
Who the hell keeps a shirtless pic of their ex on their phone wtf. Listen, you definitely have some issues to deal with on your own, but I honestly dont think this relationship is something you want to waste your time on. She is just looking for someone that has money so that you can pay shit for her and so she isnt a single mother.
Thank you for sharing, sorry that you are in a similar situation, wishing you the best of luck
Just curious..what would be the point in telling him now?
Fuck, I briefly scanned the post, and then I read it again. You weren't talking about clothes, OP.
I would love to do that but I feel like it would make things worse I’m just very scared and terrified to be honest with you I’m just stuck
There are Rules and then their are Exceptions to the Rules. Generally, usually expect to be a Rule and not an Exception in life.
Sometimes cheesy movies / books like “he’s just not into you” do give good advice lol
Your guy friend is attracted to you and you’re either:
a) attracted to him b) keeping him as a backup c) testing your bf’s resolve to put his foot down d) you have every intention of cheating but you want plausible deniability that “it just happened”
That’s the real SURPRISE
That is unfortunately what I have been thinking about. It might not happen for me at all. I feel like I have been robbed of that and it makes me angry
If you dont want to be there then there is no helping it, you dont want to force being together and dont want to be tied up, I would say that is a valid reason for a breakup. I do not recommend to take a break, it will make you feel more trapped when you go back to it
Wow, what a terrific argument. So convincing
This is a massive compliment to you. Hope you can move past it together
Yes he actually wrote “I find myself not having to try very hot because I can do no wrong in her eyes. I miss the excitement of trying to impress x”.
Ok well it’s not a good look to show insecurity to her about sth like that, women like men who are self validated + comfortable in their own skin. But if u can find out what she’s watching, might give u some ideas on how to spice things up
I have never seen people have a professional only relationship that felt comfortable enough to send a message like that.
Well, that is a pattern you are definitely going to have to reflect on, obviously, but regarding this scenario I will put it like this:
Whatever negative scenario you worry about coming from ending or at least confronting this now, it is absolutely nothing compared to the version of that scenario that would play out as a result of you fully burning out.
Like while you've still got the energy you can talk, reason, accomodate, look into support options, etc. But if you just keep getting more and more fatigued and then one day you take a nap or watch a movie with a friend and you come out to 200 messages and you just say fuck this and send her something snarky or turn off your phone or call and tell her to leave you alone, and keep in mind this is still all pretty tame, you know the reaction will be a million times worse. And that's assuming these simple scenarios, eventually she will press too very hot and you will just scream, howl, in her face and you will potentially say things you never imagined you could and it will scare you that at that moment you meant it.
Just be careful. I know you think dragging it out is the better thing to do for her or find it naked to rip the bandaid but I am sure you've already sensed you ability to humour this slipping. And that's not even factoring all the potentially lifelong damage she is doing to you emotionally, something that even if she magically got cured tomorrow would still take you a long time to heal from… and she won't be changing potentially ever at this rate.
I know I am hitting you with the grim talk but friend, I want to be honest with you: I think right now you really need to consider the potential outcomes of the path you are walking.
My ex did that to me, and he turned out to be all sorts of manipulative and gaslighting.
Girl you're being shat on by like 5 different people. You ever stop to think there's a good reason for it, or do you always feel like the world is against you? Learn to take an L. Sometimes we gotta.
You said the quiet part aloud.
You are supposed to pretend that LGBTQ+ people are never identifiable by behavior or mannerisms.
Don't get canceled! Knuckle under to the petty tyranny of your reddit overlords!
She talks about sex like other people talk about lunch.
Ask her to stop. Its one thing to know your partner has history and then dealing with it. But her constantly bringing it up is not ok. Very few people would be fine with their partner bring up sex stories from the past constantly. Its just a normal boundary in a relationship.
As a person with ADHD I'm offended, what does her horrible personality have to do with ADHD?
I’d feel shit too. You were falling for her while she was fucking other guys, and just happened to pick you over the other one.
“Technically” she did nothing wrong, because nowadays unless you sign a contract saying you won’t fuck someone else while we are just starting to know each other, you are not allowed to get upset.
In reality its really shitty. It completely changes how you perceive the beginning of your relationship. And I find it really disrespectful to not give someone you actually like and want to keep seeing some time til you both figure things out. Instead choosing to go out and have sex with randoms.
Dealbreaker for me. For you? Who knows? You can accept it was shitty and it hurts and still forgive her for it. As for perspective you can always have some in that “technicality”.
So you…want your bf to put himself in harms way? Willingly?
Nooo noo, sorry, I didn't mean it to come off that way either. I'm definitely not attacking you. I love what you said, and I was just saying that I'm fine with being called an asshole by others if they can explain to me how I am one. My bad I didn't mean to offend you at all.
Join the club.
You had so many chances to prove that you are ready to change and make it work yet you didn't but now that he broke up with you suddenly you are serious.
Leave that guy be and work on yourself before pursuing another relationship because you are not ready for one. Love is only portion of healthy working relationship.
I agree with your first statement, about getting aroused during a massage or in this case waxing. But i do believe that we get into another territory (cheating) when you don't do anything to remove yourself from the situation that is getting you increasingly aroused and pretend that because you didn't have any control over it at the start, you are innocent for continuing the situation that's bringing you sexual pleasure to the point that you need to cum so bad that you have to consciously stop yourself and then run to masturbate. That's completely avoidable and OP obviously choose to let it get to that point because he was enjoying himself.
And for the people that will defend him and say that he couldn't leave with dry wax.. in my many years if waxing they never put all the wax at once, it goes by small patches of skin, so he could leave or find other solution to the problem.
Leave. He's playing stupid psychological games. You play stupid games, and you get stupid prizes
Sorry but you claim “Wife material is a misogynistic term” but are OK with “surely isn't husband material”. Sorry but even the blind can see though this argument.
Cmon my dude you cannot possibly be this naive. She’s figured out every lie in the book to tell you and you’re falling for it hook, line, and sinker.
Her story makes zero sense logically she’s just hoping that you don’t know enough about technology to figure it out.
This much argument is not normal
You did nothing wrong. Sometimes the other person is just a genuinely unprovoked asshole.
Yea it is messy for sure. She’s already in therapy and her next appt is Monday. She has blocked him, I found a text from him in her phone, and she didn’t have sex with him but did kiss him (afaik). Not tested for stds but I can ask her to. Yea I’ve told her it seems like she has no respect for me or this marriage, and she apologized and said it’s her own shit that she needs to work through. She says she is incredibly insecure and is struggling with self worth issues that really fuck with her. She has said if I feel like I need to leave, or make her stay elsewhere for a while, or whatever I feel like I need to do she will accept but she does love me and does want to stay in the relationship and is sorry. Yeah it’s a weird situation and I mean I could just up and leave but I do love her even thought it’s all fucking rough and not something I’ve dealt with before
You need a safe word. Talk about it when you are not getting ready to have sex. Ask her to be as specific as possible. Listen. Then make sure that there’s a word that means stop, she’s uncomfortable. Don’t wait until bedtime. Sex is way better than doing dishes. She’s asking for you to go for it when she’s least expecting it. You look over and find her so irresistible that you can’t help yourself. You want it now. But. Most of this is not about sex. It’s about her lack of self esteem. It’s a very good thing that you are starting couples therapy.
Then yeah don't even sweat it. He should be able to get a hotel room and work. you got this man!
Why exactly do you keep on getting back together- is it familiarity? What exactly do you have in common?
Its not normal to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't enjoy touching you at all, it sounds like your BF isn't into you.
You seem like a great person who’s trying to better your life. If he’s always down on you and not lifting you up maybe find someone who values you and is right for you?
She's not in love with you. I hate to say it, but that's what everything points to.