I mean he comes from a family of yellers, so he yells easily. I don't come from a family of people who yell, I don't like to be yelled at especially aggressively/unsure if it's playful, it wobbles me brain, makes me want to hide. I've told him this multiple times. I just wish he would apologize when it does happen, but I think his family is used to yelling and moving on so he just acts like nothing happens and I never know how to kind of approach it so he understands it's impacting me more when he does that.
Start communicating solely by email. Make sure you have a record of all agreements made. Stop seeing him in person. Find a lawyer, make sure your ex knows he will be responsible for child support. Make a request in writing that he attends a parenting class ( you should too, they're actually amazing and so helpful). Mindfully separate the person you thought he was from the person he has shown himself to be. When he tries to play nice, remember it's a tactic. Do not soften.
I'm torn on this one, and honestly, have gone back and forth on my answer. On the one hand, I think, he's grieving, and even adults screw up sometimes.
However, on the other hand, and this is the one I'm leaning towards…when it comes to kids, for some things, I don't believe in second chances. A *first* chance is pushing it. Being violent in front of the kids and scaring them, is one of those things that I think is a “leave after the first time” offense.
My mother was abusive. To sum things up in a nutshell, I got…manipulated into letting her be a part of my life again because she wanted to be a grandmother. But I never let her alone with my kids, even though she begged for sleepovers or for them to spend the summer with her and swore she'd changed, because I wasn't going to give her the opportunity to hurt my kids the way she'd hurt me.
My sister let my nephew spend the summer. And my mother hit my nephew. That was the last time my nephew stayed for the summer. Unfortunately, my mother ended up hurting my kids emotionally, and I'm kicking myself for even giving her the chance, because I knew better.
Learn from my mistakes without repeating them. Your kids can not protect themselves, so they need you to protect them. Even from their father.
Ok you don’t love your current gf in the way you might think you do. You care about her, have developed a sense of routine and stability and there’s things about her you like but for you to be thinking about another woman and even considering what it would be like if you pursued a relationship with her – that says it all. Your user name says it all and the title of this post does too. So the main thing here is that you need to do the right thing and not waste anymore of your current girlfriend’s time because she deserves to be with a man who truly loves her and thinks only of spending his life with her. Something is very wrong if you are thinking about this other woman. If your current gf was talking to an ex and was considering leaving you for him maybe you wouldn’t be that bothered or maybe you would but I’m sure you would want to know where you stand and not suddenly one day be hit with a shock revelation especially if in your mind everything is fine. Your gf would and could leave you, don’t get too comfortable. It would be very normal if she finds out about all of this that she would leave because it is the most insulting thing and you are prioritising another woman. Life isn’t a game and you can’t waste people’s time including your own. Do the right thing and give your girlfriend respect. She will be heartbroken but it’s better that this happens now rather than when she’s given even more years of her life to you and she has got older when she could have been in a relationship with man who cherishes her and is loyal and thinks only about a future with her, not about another woman.
This is an Empire State Building sized red flag. Don’t pursue a married woman. You are separated from your soon to be ex wife. You are possibly cheating with a married woman. She has not actually separated from her husband and he will probably claim adultery and fight your possible girlfriend tooth and nail for every penny.
Stay away from this mess. Why are you putting yourself into the middle of this mess.
I am an active investor. I look at past performance to see future direction. This lady is not happy with her husband and is cheating with you in an emotional affair. What’s to stop her from doing this to you?
It isn't so much that he said it, It's that he's thinking that and thinking it's okay to let other people know how little he values you as a person.
If at any point in your life together you fall apart in any way, which will happen I promise you as a 40-year-old woman, he is going to make it worse. He will not assist you.
This isn't the kind of person who is an all-weather partner. Their a fair weather partner.
Tell her to send a text (or some other method) if it's important and that you don't use your voicemail and don't like talking on the phone. Then stop listening to her messages, and stop answering her calls. Let her fill up your inbox until she can't send any more voice mails. Make it clear that communication will be on your terms with respect to your boundaries, or there will be no communication at all.
My sister-in-law’s abusive ex did it too. He called her immediately after he took the pills, and told her that if he dies it will be all her fault. And when she brought him to the hospital, and he woke up, he said that he knew this would work and that she clearly didn’t mean it when she ended things. She stayed with him for longer, and he did it again when she tried to leave it the second time.
I blocked to refrain from checking to see if her was live and to avoid feeling ignored which would then turn into feelings of resentment and anger.
I agree I should have specified that prior to blocking. But I felt myself spiraling into an episode and wanted to not fall into that rabbit hole again.
She made her choice when you told her that you were uncomfortable. Quit trying to hold on to her and move on. It’s not a break but a break up. One of you keeps the dog and the other moves on.
You are both 20 years old, and you see future with this girl?
Don't get me wrong but this is wrong. Live your life, both of you. If it does not work it does not work. Communication is essential in any relationship but if certain things cannot be overlooked then best way to proceed is to go separate ways.
It is never a good idea to have one person suffer just because they are a pleasing person while the other person gets to have it their way. Compromise is everything.
From someone who found out my bio father was another man than the one who raised me at age 31 I can tell you it SHATTERS your perception of who you are. I am now almost 34 and I am still lost, hate looking at myself in the mirror and quite frankly have had a complete identity crisis. But I have been in therapy and I am working thru it.
Her situation is even worse as she’s a product of incest and her bio mom did some not good things to her father. Give her space and time to process this. There isn’t a clear and right way to handle complex situations.
Get out of this situation. That other girl is after your guy if something isn’t already going on. Her cold behaviour towards you makes that obvious. This guy doesn’t care about you at all. You are lucky he has shown his true nature before you got married. The truth is that he has probably always been like this but its only now you took off your love soaked rose tinted glasses for a minute and you noticed something blatantly obvious to the rest of the world.
Hey OP, I know it doesn’t feel like it but you’re young as fuck and have so much time to have a family. Remember, no GOOD RELATIONSHIP ends. Only bad ones that have run their course. You win in this situation.
No, you think that the world revolves around fucking you and if doesn't want to fuck you right when you want it, or beg and plead and jump at the first chance, then he doesn't want you enough.
You aren't 17 anymore. Neither is he. Sex is no longer a precious and rare experience. You're never going to feel like you did at that age when men would do anything for a glimpse of your panties.
It was even worse than saying it would be solo – he said he WANTED it to be solo, meaning he didn't just hide the fact but actually took steps to ensure it would just be the two of them. If OP had been like “great news! I can go with you now!” then BF would have cancelled, changed plans, found a reason why OP couldn't possibly go, etc.
Dude, you’re not gonna be able to control anyone looking at her. Sure, you can help out if someone gets aggressive, but just looking is gonna happen, and probably does even when she’s wearing normal clothes. Dozens of people probably do it without you even noticing even when you’re around. You’re not the police for her body and can’t control her or the people around you.
My parents cheated on each other , and my mom was a drug addict ( clean for 20 yrs now )so I wouldn't trust either of them. Depend tho ,both were ” scarred” but financially I could depend on them financially.
Call the authorities and report he is abusing the children. Press charges.
I mean he comes from a family of yellers, so he yells easily. I don't come from a family of people who yell, I don't like to be yelled at especially aggressively/unsure if it's playful, it wobbles me brain, makes me want to hide. I've told him this multiple times. I just wish he would apologize when it does happen, but I think his family is used to yelling and moving on so he just acts like nothing happens and I never know how to kind of approach it so he understands it's impacting me more when he does that.
Start communicating solely by email. Make sure you have a record of all agreements made. Stop seeing him in person. Find a lawyer, make sure your ex knows he will be responsible for child support. Make a request in writing that he attends a parenting class ( you should too, they're actually amazing and so helpful). Mindfully separate the person you thought he was from the person he has shown himself to be. When he tries to play nice, remember it's a tactic. Do not soften.
I'm torn on this one, and honestly, have gone back and forth on my answer. On the one hand, I think, he's grieving, and even adults screw up sometimes.
However, on the other hand, and this is the one I'm leaning towards…when it comes to kids, for some things, I don't believe in second chances. A *first* chance is pushing it. Being violent in front of the kids and scaring them, is one of those things that I think is a “leave after the first time” offense.
My mother was abusive. To sum things up in a nutshell, I got…manipulated into letting her be a part of my life again because she wanted to be a grandmother. But I never let her alone with my kids, even though she begged for sleepovers or for them to spend the summer with her and swore she'd changed, because I wasn't going to give her the opportunity to hurt my kids the way she'd hurt me.
My sister let my nephew spend the summer. And my mother hit my nephew. That was the last time my nephew stayed for the summer. Unfortunately, my mother ended up hurting my kids emotionally, and I'm kicking myself for even giving her the chance, because I knew better.
Learn from my mistakes without repeating them. Your kids can not protect themselves, so they need you to protect them. Even from their father.
I wish you the best.
Ok you don’t love your current gf in the way you might think you do. You care about her, have developed a sense of routine and stability and there’s things about her you like but for you to be thinking about another woman and even considering what it would be like if you pursued a relationship with her – that says it all. Your user name says it all and the title of this post does too. So the main thing here is that you need to do the right thing and not waste anymore of your current girlfriend’s time because she deserves to be with a man who truly loves her and thinks only of spending his life with her. Something is very wrong if you are thinking about this other woman. If your current gf was talking to an ex and was considering leaving you for him maybe you wouldn’t be that bothered or maybe you would but I’m sure you would want to know where you stand and not suddenly one day be hit with a shock revelation especially if in your mind everything is fine. Your gf would and could leave you, don’t get too comfortable. It would be very normal if she finds out about all of this that she would leave because it is the most insulting thing and you are prioritising another woman. Life isn’t a game and you can’t waste people’s time including your own. Do the right thing and give your girlfriend respect. She will be heartbroken but it’s better that this happens now rather than when she’s given even more years of her life to you and she has got older when she could have been in a relationship with man who cherishes her and is loyal and thinks only about a future with her, not about another woman.
She’s out of your life for the price of nails. Too easy.
She doesn’t sound like good friend
Are you sure?
This is an Empire State Building sized red flag. Don’t pursue a married woman. You are separated from your soon to be ex wife. You are possibly cheating with a married woman. She has not actually separated from her husband and he will probably claim adultery and fight your possible girlfriend tooth and nail for every penny.
Stay away from this mess. Why are you putting yourself into the middle of this mess.
I am an active investor. I look at past performance to see future direction. This lady is not happy with her husband and is cheating with you in an emotional affair. What’s to stop her from doing this to you?
It isn't so much that he said it, It's that he's thinking that and thinking it's okay to let other people know how little he values you as a person.
If at any point in your life together you fall apart in any way, which will happen I promise you as a 40-year-old woman, he is going to make it worse. He will not assist you.
This isn't the kind of person who is an all-weather partner. Their a fair weather partner.
Did you offer him therapy after you got married and started a new family? Individual or family?
Figure out what she did first.
I love this!
Tell her to send a text (or some other method) if it's important and that you don't use your voicemail and don't like talking on the phone. Then stop listening to her messages, and stop answering her calls. Let her fill up your inbox until she can't send any more voice mails. Make it clear that communication will be on your terms with respect to your boundaries, or there will be no communication at all.
Right. That part lol I wonder if the load approved by the insure company is also in ops name . Cause thats another story ?
if she wanted to try something more hardcore she’d say it, maybe its too early in the relationship for her to feel comfortable bringing it up.
You gotta do what you gotta do. At least give him a couple weeks to find new shelter.
My sister-in-law’s abusive ex did it too. He called her immediately after he took the pills, and told her that if he dies it will be all her fault. And when she brought him to the hospital, and he woke up, he said that he knew this would work and that she clearly didn’t mean it when she ended things. She stayed with him for longer, and he did it again when she tried to leave it the second time.
Lmao this dude is a fucking joke. Please tell the wife and block this dude on everything.
So is he saying he never masturbates? Its no different
I blocked to refrain from checking to see if her was live and to avoid feeling ignored which would then turn into feelings of resentment and anger.
I agree I should have specified that prior to blocking. But I felt myself spiraling into an episode and wanted to not fall into that rabbit hole again.
I will definitely think before I block again.
She made her choice when you told her that you were uncomfortable. Quit trying to hold on to her and move on. It’s not a break but a break up. One of you keeps the dog and the other moves on.
Yeah that’s a big one huh
You are both 20 years old, and you see future with this girl?
Don't get me wrong but this is wrong. Live your life, both of you. If it does not work it does not work. Communication is essential in any relationship but if certain things cannot be overlooked then best way to proceed is to go separate ways.
It is never a good idea to have one person suffer just because they are a pleasing person while the other person gets to have it their way. Compromise is everything.
It’s ok, in the last post the friend was disabled but in this post OP has changed it to OP is sleeping with the groom. Gotta keep changing the bait!
Time & therapy.
From someone who found out my bio father was another man than the one who raised me at age 31 I can tell you it SHATTERS your perception of who you are. I am now almost 34 and I am still lost, hate looking at myself in the mirror and quite frankly have had a complete identity crisis. But I have been in therapy and I am working thru it.
Her situation is even worse as she’s a product of incest and her bio mom did some not good things to her father. Give her space and time to process this. There isn’t a clear and right way to handle complex situations.
I get it, I really do. Honestly good luck in whatever decision you make. Maybe update though if you feel like it.
Get out of this situation. That other girl is after your guy if something isn’t already going on. Her cold behaviour towards you makes that obvious. This guy doesn’t care about you at all. You are lucky he has shown his true nature before you got married. The truth is that he has probably always been like this but its only now you took off your love soaked rose tinted glasses for a minute and you noticed something blatantly obvious to the rest of the world.
It sounds like an abusive person testing you to see how much you will change yourself to suit his needs. Run, this will not end good.
Hey OP, I know it doesn’t feel like it but you’re young as fuck and have so much time to have a family. Remember, no GOOD RELATIONSHIP ends. Only bad ones that have run their course. You win in this situation.
He needs to tell her, straight up, that she’s making him uncomfortable and needs to stop. She’s not going to take it from you.
girl dump him
No, you think that the world revolves around fucking you and if doesn't want to fuck you right when you want it, or beg and plead and jump at the first chance, then he doesn't want you enough.
You aren't 17 anymore. Neither is he. Sex is no longer a precious and rare experience. You're never going to feel like you did at that age when men would do anything for a glimpse of your panties.
A guy! But yes lol
It was even worse than saying it would be solo – he said he WANTED it to be solo, meaning he didn't just hide the fact but actually took steps to ensure it would just be the two of them. If OP had been like “great news! I can go with you now!” then BF would have cancelled, changed plans, found a reason why OP couldn't possibly go, etc.
Yay for grown up communication!! Good for you two OP.
Waiting a month is waiting too long.
There is more to it than she told you.
Dude, you’re not gonna be able to control anyone looking at her. Sure, you can help out if someone gets aggressive, but just looking is gonna happen, and probably does even when she’s wearing normal clothes. Dozens of people probably do it without you even noticing even when you’re around. You’re not the police for her body and can’t control her or the people around you.
is this not against guidelines and nah we just weren't compatible long term probably. There were issues we could fix but she said she didn't want to
My parents cheated on each other , and my mom was a drug addict ( clean for 20 yrs now )so I wouldn't trust either of them. Depend tho ,both were ” scarred” but financially I could depend on them financially.
with someone you love.
They've been dating for 6 months barely i doubt they're there yet