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Dude,
This is not a thing we simple redditors can solve. This is scary. I sincerely hope you will seek professional help to understand this situation and do what is best.
I have a lousy old truck. Sometimes when it needs repairs I come on Reddit and get advice. Sometimes it needs repairs by a professional. I pay some money and take it to a real mechanic to sort out and fix.
Please get a real mechanic. This is not a problem for Reddit.
His intention is this case doesn't matter. It still showed her he has the potential to hurt her. Fear is not something that you can control like that.
It's always subconsciously known by women that their male partners can hurt them and overpower them. His actions have moved that from the subconscious to the conscious. You can't take that back unfortunately.
This is definitely not in your head, given what you've said here. I REALLY recommend that book. The gaslighting and the abuse cycles you are describing are pretty textbook. He will also use your kind nature and empathy to manipulate you – which is exactly what sounds like is happening. Getting away from it is the answer. Please listen to and let your family help you get safe, because abuse ALWAYS escalates. And if he is threatening your life and doing things that risk your life, you don't have much room for escalation.
Why haven't you left before? Are you worried about how he'll react? Does he have you convinced that it's you? Do you think you don't deserve something better? What has you stuck there?
I personally don't know very many people who have never cheated on somebody at some point. I have to imagine it's a lot more common than someone who has never cheated. I don't think it should be that big of a deal and certainly doesn't mean she will definitely cheat on you. I think the mature thing for you to do is decide to trust her until she gives you a real reason not to…like if she actually cheats on you.
Terrible idea
Kick him to the curb. Don't enter into financial situations you are not comfortable with.. A joint account for everything will end it being policed by one or both of you, and you being questioned about buying things. Fuck that.
Always found it weird when people refer to women as 'females'.
If the reason he does not want another one is trauma relating to pregnancy, birth, and the first few months of a baby, and not because he doesnt really want a second child, maybe you can discuss adoption .
What??? XDDDD yes I'm sure I was a pedophile as a child that makes complete sense. Also thanks for validating my gender btw I'm a trans man. Which is why I said I take testosterone, dumbass. I'm starting to doubt you can even read. It's all that piss you guys drink. Where tf did you hear that bud light lost $6 billion? They're literally making more money because idiots like you are buying all of it to dump it out or destroy it?? They're fucking selling even more beer now dumbass. Alright I'm actually losing brain cells talking to you which is sad because I get the feeling you're older than me. So once again, kill yourself you British idiot, shove a scone up your ass, and have fun never finding love or getting laid just because you're a piece of garbage.
Going through her partners messages is definitely unhealthy
Sounds like there may be body dysmorphia going on here or some other perceived insecurity, real or imagined. For instance, I have a friend who likes sex with the lights off because of her scars from former cutting. And I had an ex who couldn't be persuaded to go to the beach if he had carbs that day despite having a 6 pack (I'm assuming since most people take off their shirts).
If she is resistant to gentle conversations about this and/or going to therapy, you'll have to determine if it is something you can live! with. Personally, touch is one of my primary love languages and it would be difficult for me to feel that barrier in intimacy on an emotional level.
He's definitely sleeping with her. Or trying to. This is not normal.
We already both have trust issues.
How on earth would opening the relationship help with this?! It's going to completely destroy your relationship and you both know it.
That's why you're so apprehensive and he stopped it last time.
Don't do it.