Oh well let them think you are transphobic, you aren't so it don't matter. I support transgenders but I'm not trying to be hot around them. It's my body, my choice. Just like she had the choice to become Trans you have the choice to not want to be around her hot body.
If she's just looking for reassurance and you feel like it could work out, tell her you see yourself getting married to her? What was your end goal with all the other relationships? If she demanding you put a ring on her rn it's a no go through
It's incredibly common for false positives on a chlamydia test during pregnancy just FYI. She should speak to her doctor before blowing up her marriage.
It sounds like your husband's wishes are for you to be distant from your children, and your wishes are to be closer to your children. I doubt you're going to find a way to satisfy both.
You get one life to live!. Do you want to spend it making yourself happy by bonding with and celebrating your family, or your husband happy by sitting at home listening to him say mean, bitter things about your children?
Tell her that one of you will be out of her life by the end of the week. Let her make the call.
This isn't a normal friendship she is keeping close by and it's totally reasonable for you to issue an ultimatum. This guy doesn't respect you or the relationship. Why would she want to be friends with this guy?
Yeah, I’ve gone with immediate family and children. There is so much to see and do that it’s easy to not pay attention to the kids. Disney really is for everyone.
I understand she’s not me, but If you knew she was going to say no, you could at least have asked her if she wanted to go so it didn’t look like you weren’t thinking of her.
As far as the main issue, is your daughter responsible-ish enough to where she’s not asking you for help 24/7? You said you helped her with bills, is this because you offered or because she’s having a hot time to get by? I ask this because if she has a low paying job then it would be kind of hot to save up some money for an emergency.
Yes definitely break up with the boyfriend. And from someone who has two 60lb dogs that both shed A LOT, I find if you brush them with the firminator every day or every other day, it can be manageable. It takes some effort to have a clean house with the dogs, but it is doable. But that is besides the point, a dog shouldn’t have to be stuck in a kennel all day long. Poor baby
It's your dog or your boyfriend. That doesn't make your boyfriend a bad person, but it's clear he can't live! with the dog in a way that is healthy for either him or the dog. Everyone's telling you to choose the dog, because that's Reddit, but it's your decision to make. It's not an easy one, but your boyfriend isn't a villain here. It's just an incompatibility.
Once is an event, twice is a potential coincidence, thrice is a pattern. He doesn't, won't and never will find Valentine's Day to be of any major significance. So now that you understand this it's up to you to decide if his reticence to embrace sentimental things is a dealbreaker for you. Good luck
Yeah I know I’ll look back and feel stupid for worrying and being so insecure. I guess I just don’t want to make a fool of myself asking out a guy I work with only to be humiliated by his rejection and having to see him everyday. I just have to get over it and be brave and finally pull the trigger. I’m not even sure if he doesn’t have a gf or wife he doesn’t wear a ring and he has no one posted on social media.
Back in August you posted a comment in r/jerkbudss asking “Anyone want to jerk off to my girlfriend? Asians only.” With the timeline you just gave us, that's your girlfriend you were referring to.
Given that, it would be very helpful if you clarified the boundaries of your relationship with us. Is this an open relationship? Did she give you permission to post that comment? The sub in question was banned for, among other reasons, posting of involuntary pornography by users.
If it is an open relationship, that's very relevant here. If you both also have an agreement that your girlfriend can engage sexually with other men or have men jerk off to her either on her own or facilitated by you, that's also extremely relevant here.
If none of the above, AND your girlfriend didn't give you permission to post the aforementioned comment, that's a concern.
Medium answer: Yes, every trans person experiences being trans differently. There is no “one size fits all.” You can be trans with crippling amounts of dysphoria, or trans with no dysphoria at all. You can be trans just because you'd rather be a different gender even if you don't particularly mind being the gender you were assigned. All that matters is that you feel like you're yourself and you enjoy being that. It doesn't matter how you go about it or why.
Long answer (and I mean long): Yes, and I'm one of them. Sort of. For one, there are varying degrees and types of gender dysphoria. Someone can have severe dysphoria and experience a lot of suffering due to it, another can have very mild dysphoria and not be bothered by it much if it all, and some simply don't experience any dysphoria at all and just feel better as another gender rather than worse as their assigned gender. One can have dysphoria over their body, or their gender presentation (clothes, hair, etc.), or the way they're perceived by others (their name, pronouns, titles, the way people treat them based on how feminine or masculine they look) and people can have any combination of these types of dysphoria to any degree.
My best friend is a trans guy who experiences body dysphoria and social dysphoria, he wears a binder and uses a masculine name and he/him pronouns, but he's totally fine with painting his nails and wearing jewelry and he wants to grow out his hair. I am trans nonbinary with very very mild dysphoria, so much so (or I guess, so little so) that it wouldn't matter much whether I considered it dysphoria or not. I'll wear dresses and suits and jewelry and cargo pants, I'll paint my nails and play video games and I use they/them pronouns but don't mind that much when people misgender me and I still use my vaguely feminine birthname, I wear a binder sometimes but other times I opt for low-cut crop tops, my hair is 37″ long and I like it that way but I plan to buzz it all off in the future. It bothers me when people treat me as objectively feminine because I look it or treat me as if I must be incompetent with masculine things (primarily video games) or call me a lady or a girl because I'm not one, but it doesn't bother me nearly enough that I'll stop doing feminine things or appearing feminine. I'm not a binary trans person so I suppose I'm not the greatest example but I am trans with almost no dysphoria and that was your question.
Additionally, I'm not at all saying this is what you're doing but dysphoria isn't the best way to judge whether or not a person is trans although many trans people do experience dysphoria. Why measure trans-ness based on how much they suffer with the gender they were assigned? Though not a perfect metric, it's better to look at the euphoria that presenting as their actual gender brings them. I don't care that much if people misgender me or treat me as if I'm female, but I really enjoy fitting in with more masculine crowds. I feel like I'm part of “the guys” again, I feel like I'm being taken seriously and being seen for who I am rather than who I look like. I love looking and feeling masculine when I wear a blazer or cargo pants, I love when I'm able to genuinely partake in conversations about dumb nerd shit like video games and Marvel superheroes and engineering because the guys I'm talking to about it are taking what I say seriously even though “girls” aren't “supposed” to know anything or care about those things; in the moment they don't see me as a man or a woman, they just see me. I'd love to have shorter hair and confuse people who try to figure out if I'm male or female, I'd love to be muscular and have a slightly more masculine body, I love the fact that my voice can get relatively deep. I wouldn't like to be a man, but I'd love to be closer to that in-between right in the middle of being male or female.
And don't even get me started on gender conformity. Sometimes people identify as one gender and present as another simply because that's what makes them feel the best about themself. Sometimes dysphoria can play a role in that, sometimes it's euphoria. Sometimes they're just fucking around because it's fun and has nothing to really do with how they perceive their gender.
Sorry this got so long, this is just a nuanced topic I like talking about and I infodumped juuuust a bit. Hope I answered your question well though!
YOur not over reacting, but his dad is sexualizing you and a mysognist at that. So I would limit time around him. You won't change him at his age….
Get custody papers drawn up by attorney to leave. Frankly kids do better where it is peaceful and they are loved. Better two separate parents happen than fighting and frustration. Good luck. I just read second Edit, and realized we both were thinkng the same thing-attorney.
I assume that's a lot of money to people in their early twenties, but I guess it depends on their income/background.
I'd still be pissed if this happened to me, and if there was no immediate offer to repay me I think we'd breakup, but the amount of money itself wouldn't be a concern.
Thank you for commenting. I’m glad he told me to build our trust but yea ignorance is bliss and kinda wish I didn’t know at the same time. He knew I’d react this way I guess ? anyways I appreciate the advice it’s a very good stance.
Did you agree not to watch porn? If so she is probably leaving because you are a liar.
If not then you are not compatible, If she thinks watching porn is cheating she is clearly wrong. However she can still dump you for any reason if she wants to. Dating is not a job you don't need a “just cause'. She either wants to be with you or not.
A 34-year-old convincing a 24-year-old she's obligated to give him blow jobs every day, and making her worry that she'll hurt his feelings if she expresses that she isn't always 100% in the mood to suck him off. This should be in a textbook somewhere.
That’s gross tbh. Why spend time deceiving people just to feed your ego? Is it fun to toy with people? Eh.
I’m not saying it makes her a bad person, I can see how it would be ‘entertaining’ but it’s really just ego ego ego ego ego, and that’s not a good look on anyone.
I'm sorry, he makes you pay 1/2 for going to visit *his* family? That is rediculous! And if he's going on the trip anyway, then yes it's nice to offer some gas money if you hitch a ride, but it should never be more then you can afford. It's different if it's a trip you two plan for the two of you special, but not something like this were he'll spend the money to go whether or not you are there.
Honestly, I'm more worried by the fact that you think it could be a “red flag” and are so concerned about his rather sweetly and inadvertently, um, expressing love for you, in totally appropriate contexts, that you've taken to Reddit and are asking strangers if you need to be worried. I kind of want to ask if YOU'RE okay.
I mean, yes, two months in is kind of early, which is why he's embarrassed and insisting that it's an accident. And to be clear, it probably IS accidental, in the sense that he's not saying it with any sort of deliberateness or forethought. But the reality is that the guy is falling for you, and his subconscious is throwing it out there.
And of course it's not a red flag, LOL. A red flag would be him love bombing you and making a huge deal out of constantly gushing it at you . . . not him being so genuinely taken with you that in moments of heightened emotion it just keeps slipping out unprompted. Some people fall in love quickly. There's nothing bad or wrong about that unless you have some sort of trauma that makes it difficult for you to be receptive to it, or unless you aren't really developing feelings for him (you don't have to love him yet, to be clear, but you should have a sense of whether that's a direction you're headed in).
So no, it's not a bad thing . . . unless it's a problem for you. And if that's the case, then you need to be gently honest with him. But he's not doing anything wrong by having feelings and being transparent about them. That's kind of the goal.
You're combing through her search history, and you wonder why she's searching about abuse?
*facepalm*
Oh well let them think you are transphobic, you aren't so it don't matter. I support transgenders but I'm not trying to be hot around them. It's my body, my choice. Just like she had the choice to become Trans you have the choice to not want to be around her hot body.
Look outside school. Try a dating app, or take part in activities and events that interest you. Like-minded people will be there.
If she's just looking for reassurance and you feel like it could work out, tell her you see yourself getting married to her? What was your end goal with all the other relationships? If she demanding you put a ring on her rn it's a no go through
The first time I brought her home, she took her pants off and sat on my couch and said do me, so I don’t think it’s a low libido.
?Tale as old as time?
It's incredibly common for false positives on a chlamydia test during pregnancy just FYI. She should speak to her doctor before blowing up her marriage.
Thanks man, I did the right thing. Sometimes you just have to hear from other sides who are being objective.
It sounds like your husband's wishes are for you to be distant from your children, and your wishes are to be closer to your children. I doubt you're going to find a way to satisfy both.
You get one life to live!. Do you want to spend it making yourself happy by bonding with and celebrating your family, or your husband happy by sitting at home listening to him say mean, bitter things about your children?
Tell her that one of you will be out of her life by the end of the week. Let her make the call.
This isn't a normal friendship she is keeping close by and it's totally reasonable for you to issue an ultimatum. This guy doesn't respect you or the relationship. Why would she want to be friends with this guy?
If he reacts strongly instead of answering a simple question, you might've uncovered something. Red flag.
Yeah, I’ve gone with immediate family and children. There is so much to see and do that it’s easy to not pay attention to the kids. Disney really is for everyone.
I understand she’s not me, but If you knew she was going to say no, you could at least have asked her if she wanted to go so it didn’t look like you weren’t thinking of her.
As far as the main issue, is your daughter responsible-ish enough to where she’s not asking you for help 24/7? You said you helped her with bills, is this because you offered or because she’s having a hot time to get by? I ask this because if she has a low paying job then it would be kind of hot to save up some money for an emergency.
Yes definitely break up with the boyfriend. And from someone who has two 60lb dogs that both shed A LOT, I find if you brush them with the firminator every day or every other day, it can be manageable. It takes some effort to have a clean house with the dogs, but it is doable. But that is besides the point, a dog shouldn’t have to be stuck in a kennel all day long. Poor baby
It's your dog or your boyfriend. That doesn't make your boyfriend a bad person, but it's clear he can't live! with the dog in a way that is healthy for either him or the dog. Everyone's telling you to choose the dog, because that's Reddit, but it's your decision to make. It's not an easy one, but your boyfriend isn't a villain here. It's just an incompatibility.
Once is an event, twice is a potential coincidence, thrice is a pattern. He doesn't, won't and never will find Valentine's Day to be of any major significance. So now that you understand this it's up to you to decide if his reticence to embrace sentimental things is a dealbreaker for you. Good luck
Yeah I know I’ll look back and feel stupid for worrying and being so insecure. I guess I just don’t want to make a fool of myself asking out a guy I work with only to be humiliated by his rejection and having to see him everyday. I just have to get over it and be brave and finally pull the trigger. I’m not even sure if he doesn’t have a gf or wife he doesn’t wear a ring and he has no one posted on social media.
How is that mysogyny? Many women would feel the same way.
Back in August you posted a comment in r/jerkbudss asking “Anyone want to jerk off to my girlfriend? Asians only.” With the timeline you just gave us, that's your girlfriend you were referring to.
Given that, it would be very helpful if you clarified the boundaries of your relationship with us. Is this an open relationship? Did she give you permission to post that comment? The sub in question was banned for, among other reasons, posting of involuntary pornography by users.
If it is an open relationship, that's very relevant here. If you both also have an agreement that your girlfriend can engage sexually with other men or have men jerk off to her either on her own or facilitated by you, that's also extremely relevant here.
If none of the above, AND your girlfriend didn't give you permission to post the aforementioned comment, that's a concern.
Short answer: Yes.
Medium answer: Yes, every trans person experiences being trans differently. There is no “one size fits all.” You can be trans with crippling amounts of dysphoria, or trans with no dysphoria at all. You can be trans just because you'd rather be a different gender even if you don't particularly mind being the gender you were assigned. All that matters is that you feel like you're yourself and you enjoy being that. It doesn't matter how you go about it or why.
Long answer (and I mean long): Yes, and I'm one of them. Sort of. For one, there are varying degrees and types of gender dysphoria. Someone can have severe dysphoria and experience a lot of suffering due to it, another can have very mild dysphoria and not be bothered by it much if it all, and some simply don't experience any dysphoria at all and just feel better as another gender rather than worse as their assigned gender. One can have dysphoria over their body, or their gender presentation (clothes, hair, etc.), or the way they're perceived by others (their name, pronouns, titles, the way people treat them based on how feminine or masculine they look) and people can have any combination of these types of dysphoria to any degree.
My best friend is a trans guy who experiences body dysphoria and social dysphoria, he wears a binder and uses a masculine name and he/him pronouns, but he's totally fine with painting his nails and wearing jewelry and he wants to grow out his hair. I am trans nonbinary with very very mild dysphoria, so much so (or I guess, so little so) that it wouldn't matter much whether I considered it dysphoria or not. I'll wear dresses and suits and jewelry and cargo pants, I'll paint my nails and play video games and I use they/them pronouns but don't mind that much when people misgender me and I still use my vaguely feminine birthname, I wear a binder sometimes but other times I opt for low-cut crop tops, my hair is 37″ long and I like it that way but I plan to buzz it all off in the future. It bothers me when people treat me as objectively feminine because I look it or treat me as if I must be incompetent with masculine things (primarily video games) or call me a lady or a girl because I'm not one, but it doesn't bother me nearly enough that I'll stop doing feminine things or appearing feminine. I'm not a binary trans person so I suppose I'm not the greatest example but I am trans with almost no dysphoria and that was your question.
Additionally, I'm not at all saying this is what you're doing but dysphoria isn't the best way to judge whether or not a person is trans although many trans people do experience dysphoria. Why measure trans-ness based on how much they suffer with the gender they were assigned? Though not a perfect metric, it's better to look at the euphoria that presenting as their actual gender brings them. I don't care that much if people misgender me or treat me as if I'm female, but I really enjoy fitting in with more masculine crowds. I feel like I'm part of “the guys” again, I feel like I'm being taken seriously and being seen for who I am rather than who I look like. I love looking and feeling masculine when I wear a blazer or cargo pants, I love when I'm able to genuinely partake in conversations about dumb nerd shit like video games and Marvel superheroes and engineering because the guys I'm talking to about it are taking what I say seriously even though “girls” aren't “supposed” to know anything or care about those things; in the moment they don't see me as a man or a woman, they just see me. I'd love to have shorter hair and confuse people who try to figure out if I'm male or female, I'd love to be muscular and have a slightly more masculine body, I love the fact that my voice can get relatively deep. I wouldn't like to be a man, but I'd love to be closer to that in-between right in the middle of being male or female.
And don't even get me started on gender conformity. Sometimes people identify as one gender and present as another simply because that's what makes them feel the best about themself. Sometimes dysphoria can play a role in that, sometimes it's euphoria. Sometimes they're just fucking around because it's fun and has nothing to really do with how they perceive their gender.
Sorry this got so long, this is just a nuanced topic I like talking about and I infodumped juuuust a bit. Hope I answered your question well though!
What's the difference?
Where do I find girls like that bro
How long did she stay at her house?
Pay extra money and get separate rooms or don’t go. If I was your boyfriend, and you went you come home single.
YOur not over reacting, but his dad is sexualizing you and a mysognist at that. So I would limit time around him. You won't change him at his age….
Get custody papers drawn up by attorney to leave. Frankly kids do better where it is peaceful and they are loved. Better two separate parents happen than fighting and frustration. Good luck. I just read second Edit, and realized we both were thinkng the same thing-attorney.
I assume that's a lot of money to people in their early twenties, but I guess it depends on their income/background.
I'd still be pissed if this happened to me, and if there was no immediate offer to repay me I think we'd breakup, but the amount of money itself wouldn't be a concern.
Thank you for commenting. I’m glad he told me to build our trust but yea ignorance is bliss and kinda wish I didn’t know at the same time. He knew I’d react this way I guess ? anyways I appreciate the advice it’s a very good stance.
Love that film! Especially Janelle Monáe
Did you agree not to watch porn? If so she is probably leaving because you are a liar.
If not then you are not compatible, If she thinks watching porn is cheating she is clearly wrong. However she can still dump you for any reason if she wants to. Dating is not a job you don't need a “just cause'. She either wants to be with you or not.
A 34-year-old convincing a 24-year-old she's obligated to give him blow jobs every day, and making her worry that she'll hurt his feelings if she expresses that she isn't always 100% in the mood to suck him off. This should be in a textbook somewhere.
That’s gross tbh. Why spend time deceiving people just to feed your ego? Is it fun to toy with people? Eh.
I’m not saying it makes her a bad person, I can see how it would be ‘entertaining’ but it’s really just ego ego ego ego ego, and that’s not a good look on anyone.
you know philosophy is not an exact science, right? that is why there is no Nobel for the field.
You're not listening, Op.
Dating is one thing, moving in and living together is an entirely different thing.
I gave you my best advice. I wish you well.
Once a cheater always a cheater, ditch him.
Definitely – she’s the one being disrespectful
8 months is long enough for that to be a weird interaction and thing to suddenly pop up as an argument – you aren't 18 year olds.
I'm sorry, he makes you pay 1/2 for going to visit *his* family? That is rediculous! And if he's going on the trip anyway, then yes it's nice to offer some gas money if you hitch a ride, but it should never be more then you can afford. It's different if it's a trip you two plan for the two of you special, but not something like this were he'll spend the money to go whether or not you are there.
Honestly, I'm more worried by the fact that you think it could be a “red flag” and are so concerned about his rather sweetly and inadvertently, um, expressing love for you, in totally appropriate contexts, that you've taken to Reddit and are asking strangers if you need to be worried. I kind of want to ask if YOU'RE okay.
I mean, yes, two months in is kind of early, which is why he's embarrassed and insisting that it's an accident. And to be clear, it probably IS accidental, in the sense that he's not saying it with any sort of deliberateness or forethought. But the reality is that the guy is falling for you, and his subconscious is throwing it out there.
And of course it's not a red flag, LOL. A red flag would be him love bombing you and making a huge deal out of constantly gushing it at you . . . not him being so genuinely taken with you that in moments of heightened emotion it just keeps slipping out unprompted. Some people fall in love quickly. There's nothing bad or wrong about that unless you have some sort of trauma that makes it difficult for you to be receptive to it, or unless you aren't really developing feelings for him (you don't have to love him yet, to be clear, but you should have a sense of whether that's a direction you're headed in).
So no, it's not a bad thing . . . unless it's a problem for you. And if that's the case, then you need to be gently honest with him. But he's not doing anything wrong by having feelings and being transparent about them. That's kind of the goal.
Don’t know why I’m being downvoted. This really helped in our case. I was not making any judgement.
Of course I did. I had some emergency financial issues due to my car so I’m trying my best.