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Also, you sound fucking Gross
Why don't you do the usual physician's trick of using her to get by on until you're making the big bucks, and then dump her to trade up to someone who meets your specs for an “ideal partner.”
Sorry for my cynicism, but I've seen this all too often.
The relationship is over and should have been over when you felt abandoned in the hospital.
Finally, it took you long enough to leave. You accept other red flags like having your couple's home invaded by a 3rd party for a weak reason. Since you got up the strength to leave, don't go back.
He’s just showing his true colors now. He only acted sweet to get the girl and now that he did he’s getting comfortable and taking off the mask.
She still sometimes gives me bjs but I have to really ask for it and give her something in exchange.
You have to “really ask for it?” Like are you pleading for her to give you one? If you are, probably stop doing that. She doesn't sound comfortable with you sexually yet, or comfortable with sex in general – especially if she has been assaulted in the past. If you want to be with her for who she is you will need to wait for her to be ready, and in the meantime be empathetic about what she has gone through and how that can shift a person's perspective on any sexual interaction.
You mentioned in another comment that the bj is in exchange for you cooking for her or giving her back rubs? Did I read that correctly? Those sorts of things are things you should just do without it being an exchange type situation. You should do things like that knowing it would make her happy and because you want to look after her. No sort of sexual promises should be exchanged, you need to show you care for her through those acts of services.
I would suggest forgetting about anything sexual for a little while. She doesn't seem ready to talk to you about it for now. You can both satisfy yourself seperately, so focus on other aspects of the relationship to grow closer together emotionally rather than physically. It's only been six months. Learn about each other! You can use websites/articles that have lists of questions to ask your partner to learn more about them as a person. Look up the five 'Love Languages' and find out which one (or more than one) both of you fall under. This will help you understand the ways you can show your affection to her that she will truly appreciate.
There can be multiple reasons why she feels the way she does about sex. Growing closer together emotionally and mentally will help with understanding that. It can be naked to have trusted sex with someone if you are not emotionally connected and you don't feel understood by the other.
I understand that you are a virgin and you have been with her for six months, so you might feel frustrated. If you guys do end up having sex, it will be a much better experience if you guys feel appreciated and cared for by the other. Also, look into the way women's pleasure works and how to properly stimulate a woman (generally – all women are different). Porn is a liar!!
She will disrespect you and probably is already. A cute racist is a racist. You can't stick with her this makes you a racist.
Support your BF, otherwise stay out of it.
Should i wait for her? Should i reach out in February? Will she ever return? Will she change? If we get back together how can i trust her for not leaving me again?
NO do not wait for her…. she clearly had eyes on this other duds for some time and thinks the grass is greener…. let her be with this guy and accept she's lied to you saying random crap like
she lost her “colour”.
This is a malipative lie
She might crawl back once this guy dumps her based on how lazy she sounds
i cooked,cleaned and respected her and everything
If you gey back together (and dont) she will leave you when a “better guy” comes along
I'm sorry your going through this
It's normal to feel like this and be sad
Done dwel on a 5/10 girl who clearly didn't show you any respect when you can do so much better
Get some therapy, eat well, (even if irs eating junk food to make you feel better but ideally good food), exercise and take up a new hobbies
These are good distractions short term and therapy is most suited for long term
Tbh she doesn't sound like she was a good fit for you, what did she bring to relationship? It seems that you did alot and all she did was cry and most how sad she is…. I can't image the emotional and mental exhausting she must have been
Go no contact, block her so you both can
She explained that we need this space to work on ourselves and become better for eachother
But I feel that your trust in her is gone and there's no point of having a relationship with someone if you can't trust them 100%
“my bf/gf is a peace of shit. What do i do?”
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It's not unhealthy control…it's called respect and you are not putting your girlfriend feelings first…because of that it will cause resentment in your relationship if you go.
That hurts, but you're right. It's gonna be extremely difficult but hey, maybe it really is time to let go.
He literally told you he stalked you for years and had impulses/urges to RAPE YOU, that the only reason he didn't do it is because he learned you carry pepper spray and he lacked the opportunity.
I would absolutely leave him. Fuck, I'd leave my ten years long relationship if my boyfriend confessed that shit
No, never either spouse's responsibility
Thank you for sharing. I’m new man just wanted advice didn’t mean to come off rude in the post just never been through the issues and don’t really have anyone to talk to about this because it’s not something I can share with people I know since they know her that’s why I came here anonymously.
You don’t believe this story, do you?
Maybe it’s not about duration but about number of ejaculations for you? At 18 I could go two or three times in the time it takes me for one now.
Man I really put myself out on Reddit don’t I
Okay here’s the thing. Your boyfriend is displaying sexually coercive behaviour and that sucks. That’s not love. That’s not consent. That’s guilting and shaming and having a tantrum like a wee toddler.
Also, I have IBS. My butt is 100% off limits. You know what my partner says about it? Fuck all. Because I told him once and it was a settled matter.
Also, I firmly, firmly believe that if men want to fuck you in the ass, they should take it in the ass first. Most men have no understanding of how different assholes are from vaginas and treat them with so little care.
I don't think this is something summarized as she doesn't respect you. That's part of it but it doesn't sound like it's personal. She doesn't sound like she thinks of much but herself and what she can get/get out of.
I think you need to address this in terms of what she's willing to do to not see her way to you not there in any way. Not just monetary. Parenting, bills, nice things and vacations. Poof. Gone.
Do it privately or do it in a therapist's office but she needs to know you have met the bar for having the life you two currently enjoy. She doesn't and can be replaced. What's going to change to prevent that?
I had major cramping one night, that had me woken from a dead sleep at 3 am. I cried in a tub full of naked water while I waited for the pain to go away. There was no reason for it to happen, nothing was wrong, just uterus being pain in the ass from PCOS. After that me and my bf didn't do anything for quite a few months. We probably only did it 6 times in a 1 year period.
I don’t mean to be harsh but people really need to grow a backbone for themselves. Why would you agree to it when you don’t even want it? That’s not healthy. You don’t want to do it and he doesn’t need to force you into that. It’s weird
You need to keep it simple here; this is beyond her not saving money. She's a financial liability, and it's only getting worse given the fact that she's still spending.
Do yourself a favor and run. This is going to be an absolute nightmare if you don't. Good luck.
Thank you for your response. I see what you are saying with the romantic relationship but she was ready for one until she heard her family news as she didn't want to get into a relationship with that headspace.
How do you suggest not being a passive partner? Should I tell her how I feel even though she said she wasn't ready in this headspace for something more?
Because your right, this last month has been one of the toughest months and I have been overthinking everyday, but I fear that if I bring it up again this soon with her finals coming up, it will come off as annoying and needy. Should I wait a couple of more weeks?
I think I should just leave it be and let her live! her life for a little and if she comes back she comes back.
What does you having two kids have to do with it? You want your children to grow up and learn this kind of behavior?!