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That sounds like a perfectly understandable boundary. Would he be okay with you going off with an ex, like he’s planning to do? What is there to think about? At this point, if you’re his priority, there wouldn’t be anything for him to think about.
Hold the line, Girlfriend. If one is not enough, then you are not the one. If he goes, he’s making his POV loud and clear.
Please !UpdateMe about whatever happens.
Why assume it's false? You don't know him
Wtf, a whole year and a half. That’s not a mistake. I see people who work through a drunken mistake or a one time thing but a whole year and half is another relationship. You deserve better and deserve someone who actually loves you.
Just be honest to continue building trust.
“I didn’t mean to, but I accidentally heard you speaking with your girlfriend. I’d be honored if you wanted to call me dad, but I’ll leave it up to you – either way, I’m glad that I get to be your dad.”
I moved on, no worries.. I have no trust in people anymore anyways.. Just gotta wait every second till my last breath
You older brother is a creepy old dude. Im in Amy side. Cannot imagine seen a child growing up and date them .. he sound like a pervert.
Stop. You're acting like a drama magnet that just wants in on some juicy gossip.
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She lied because she thinks there’s a chance she could be the love of her life. That’s it. No if’s, and’s, or but’s. She had the opportunity to tell her BF the truth when they laid down the law and she purposely didn’t tell him about her history with her BFF. Sure, it’s possible she wanted to keep her friendship, but if it was innocent, it should’ve come up sooner.
Your gut says something is wrong because it is. If you guys break up I’d bet they’d start dating within 6 months.
Source: experience
If she’s the one who suggested the break, why is it on you to reach out when you think it’s time to get back together? Serious question. That’s confusing to me. Is there something she’s asked you to work on about yourself during this break? Feels like the “we were both just stressed and she doesn’t want us to see each other 24/7” thing isn’t the whole story. Either she’s not telling you something or you’re not telling us
first off man i feel for you… thats a horrible thing to have had done to you as a child… im glad you got out… ok now is the time to be honest with her… set her down, you obviously like this girl (2 years dating) and she obviously loves you. she was upset bc she thought “tonight is going to be the night” after how good you treated her.
anyway… sit her down, explain that you are very nervous of what she will think of your body, that you have anxiety of showing her your body because as a child you were hurt. Tell her it all works (as i think it does at least) and that you feel ashamed or are worried that you are not perfect for her. Explain to her what was done to you… explain to her your true feelings on her and your relationship… if she loves you, and it sounds like it, then it wont matter if you have scars… she will love you either way.
I know its nude, i know its a scary position to make yourself vulnerable with someone you love and be so uncertain about yourself but it can and most likely will work. tell her you want to please her and want to have experiences with her but you are nervous… take it slow, you guys will get there. she will understand. I wish the best for you both, stay strong my friend and good luck
All advice I can give in short is to get out.
But that's only the short version it's not always that easy. So the best I can advise is to get all your ducks in a row. Write a list of what needs to be done and make a step-by-step plan to get out. Have all your important documents copied and together to get out on a whim if need be. Have your own bank account where he has no excess to.
Maybe other redditors can link you some resources.
Also, if you don't enjoy being intimate and it hurts, please look out for yourself!!
Sorry, but it's time for you to switch from empathetic, concerned spouse mode to protective mother bear mode. You've said it yourself repeatedly: he's unstable, potentially psychotic and violent. Could you ever live! with yourself if he harmed one of your kids as a result of you allowing him to be in the house he's not allowed to be in? Evict him. Give him money to get himself together if it makes you feel better and can afford it, but make him gone ASAP. Even if you don't love yourself enough to do it for you, you absolutely owe it to your kids.
Being in a relationship can be challenging. But one of the more positive things both me and my partner to do is separate arguments from our life together. We might be fighting and then one of us decides we're going to order food. We'll never leave the other out of it. We're a team.
We'll disagree, we'll have Tiff's. But we're still a partnership and a team. How better to make peace than by making the first move?
Will me fucking your sister stop you from checking in with me?
The problem is that they are extremely ignorant about social issues, and the emotional labour I have put into teaching him to be better is starting to drain me.
He's not ignorant of social issues OP, he just doesn't think they apply to him.
TLDR: My partner treats me extremely well,
No he doesn't. This is not good treatment.
but has been complicit in sexism. Is this a valid reason to leave?
Yes.
How so? Link if ya got it?
I don't know if “forgive” is the right word, but I think this could potentially cause me to lose my attraction to someone in an irreparable way. Maybe not, but it seemed likely enough to mention
Playing devil's advocate on this one:
A. Where you an official couple at 4 months? Because that matters. Some people assume the other person is dating. If you had a conversation and things were crystal clear with both of you then consider it cheating and, obviously, disrespect.
B. The things she said to her friend are not necessarily disrespectful (unless she used disrespectful language). This was in her phone. This was never meant for his consumption—diary rules apply.
I mean, if she cheated just bounce. That one is easy.
The sex thing…I mean it's up to you. Sex should have gotten better over time so she might not think those things are true anymore. Now it's up to you to decide whether you're fine with the frequency and her desire for you.
Also, just talk to her about all of this. Be open and let nature take it's course.
He didn’t push away my friends, it’s a combination of moving, graduating university, and covid making it difficult to form proper friendships over the past few years.
Thank you for what you said about the other stuff though
Ok
It happens. You meet someone and it's the ex of a friend, or a relative or whatever. You date older guys, eventually one of them was gonna be a dad of someone in your life most likely.
You aren't close with Ethan so in a sense there isn't much loss there. Plus the cat is out of the bag so socially it is what it is as well.
Holy. So, your mother is abusive and your boyfriend is/was abusive. Do you have any friends from healthy families you can talk to?
I strongly recommend you start therapy immediately because no matter who you choose, that person will probably make you miserable and destroy your life. Trapped with an emotionally abusive mom with a mental health disorder? Or trapped with boyfriend who is only a couple months removed from severe alcoholism? Both options are terrible, choose yourself and get into therapy.
Honestly, you don’t even need the text in the post. The title alone is reason enough to end things. If you can’t see a future with someone you should end it and find someone that you can see a future with. 8 years is a long time but it wasn’t a waste of time. You learned and gained life experience.
I would say that you shouldn't be in a relationship with her anymore. She is a walking talking red flag herself. People that cannot cut past relationships from their lives are a walking talking red flag. And I am going to elaborate on that.
1)She says it is platonic but the guy is a guy and when a possibility arises that he can have sex with her again he is going to go for it without a care in the world for their “friendly” relationship. You can break her bumble about it, tell her to call him and say that you 2 had a fight and that she wants to forget you. Then wait for his reaction. He is going to fall for it. That she thinks he is a friend it is not the same case for him. That she considers him a friend is not that he is also considering her as a friend and not a potential future fuck.
2) a person that still has someone that she only fucked in her life is a magnet for future unneeded drama and she is opening every door there is possible. She clearly didn't protect her future relationships because no one needs someone that have the previous sex partners in the present. If they are in the past they should stay there and not be present in the present and the future of that person. It is not that nude.
3) if you have people from your past in your present then they are not in your past anymore and they are your present. It means that you never got truly over them in the first place.
4) don't fall for the crap people are going to say here that it is totally normal, they are never going to speak the truth in the first place because they want to put the mask of a good person while they are not. They are never going to say that in a fight with a relationship they went and fucked the so called “platonic friend” even one time. They are never going to admit that they are keeping them around because of the attention they are getting from that person. Don't let them make you feel that what you are feeling is wrong, it is not. You are not insecure about wanting boundaries. Never back down from them and don't fall for the trap of shaming that most women do.
5) it is too early in the relationship and she already opened a can of worms while you didn't bring drama. She did though. If you want to continue that relationship you have to prove to her that he is not her friend and when that happens she has to put a stop to it. Tell her to call him using that excuse. Then you will both have the answer where this relationship is going to go. In your place I would totally move on though because she wants to play delusion while the reality is totally something else. That person is not a person you need in your life.
Seriously. You just got a home based on both your salaries, have no savings and he thinks $52k will be enough? How would you pay a mortgage, save for college, plan for retirement, because you should start doing both as soon as you can, and support daily living WITH a baby? He’d probably have to take a second job and what kind of family life would that be with him gone all the time? He’s not being practice in his thought on this “ideal” family life.
I’d write down all my concerns and explain that you quitting just isn’t an option. You’d lose more than half your household income. What if something happened to him? People become disabled or worse through accidents. You have no savings, have to pay for your daily living as well as any medical expenses. You’d be screwed.
That's not what they said. They said get a lawyer. If you actually want to be a father to your child, you need to get a lawyer.
I don't know why you would take this guy's word on this and not have an adult conversation with Ciera before nuking the whole thing. Sounds like you later found out he was lying and you still are holding it against her. Also sounds like Judas has ulterior motives. You are letting you pride get in the way.
This is the way
You don't have to reply anything at all. She'll get the message.
This is exactly how I would expect you to respond, very self centered and defensive.