She has told you that you have proven yourself not capable of approaching her in a fashion that isn’t triggering (this is not some grand judgment of you). Leave her alone or break up with her. Also, she won’t be 120 forever. Figure out your comfort level for the future.
We have been in long distance for few months . I am going to the same university as him this fall . I am sure I am going to see him as we have lot of common friends . I hope I can move on your then as I have few more months
This is why I don’t really get saving yourself until marriage. Tbh you’re probably not a great lover because you don’t have experience. Maybe you could bring that up to her. I always think it’s great to explore yourself sexually. It’s a lot more than just sticking it in.
I would distance myself and stop myself from thinking of him anymore. He might still be a good friend overall, but if you have any sort of feelings they would only die down by staying away and focusing elsewhere.
You need couples therapy. You need to develop a healthier way to resolve disagreements so that you don't have to be constantly fighting, which I'm sure is contributing to her anxiety as well as your stress.
Beyond that, any good therapist will first look at improving her lifestyle and then at exposure therapy for specific social anxiety and CBT for general anxiety.
Meditation is great for stress and anxiety as well.
What does he mean by 'money'? Like, he wants to have enough to buy you a ring, or enough to pay for a wedding or enough to buy a house first? What is the specific money goal that needs to be met before he will propose? And what do you see him doing on a regular, consistent basis, to meet that goal?
100% agreed. OP, what would you do if you guys bought a car- any car- together and you end uo breaking up befoere that car is paid off? Who'd get it? Sharing a car when not married and esp with someone in that much debt would defenitely not a smart decision
Friendship is not a binary condition. It ebbs and flows.
You would be better off trying to make new friends, rather than over-analyzing this particular friendship.
You are getting caught up in your expectations for this friendship, rather than accepting it for what it is.
Some “friends” do lie. Sometimes the lies are just harmless little fibs. Sometimes they suggest something more insidious. I don't particularly like lying as a character trait, but I know people are not perfect. When I catch someone lying to me in a way that doesn't really hurt me, I just make a mental note of it. If they are otherwise treating me otherwise well, I will still maintain a friendship.
It's only when a friend asks you for something that involves a lot of trust, like loaning them a big chunk of money, that you have to look back over these past incidents and decide whether you can trust them enough.
From what it sounds like, she hasn't asked anything of you that requires a huge amount of trust. But you have gone out of your way to move to where she is, and live close to her. That means that if the friendship isn't everything you hoped it would be, you really have yourself to blame putting so much faith into it because she didn't ask you to do that.
Don't get hung up on her saying that you are her “best friend”. Even if she means it, this term means different things to different people. You being her best friend may not mean the same thing as her being your best friend.
At the end of the day, the friendship is what is, which may not be what you expect it to be. It sounds like you would like a stronger friendship — or one that is at least stronger in certain ways.
But you can't magically turn the friendship into what you want it to be. You just need to let it naturally evolve. Maybe it will get stronger. Maybe it will not.
And since you can't control this, that's why I'm suggesting that the most pragmatic thing to do in this situation is to try to get more friends. That doesn't mean you abandon the current friendship. It just means that it will naturally grow stronger or fade over time, and you can't completely control that, because you can't control other people. It sounds like you have invested a lot in this friendship, and she has to decide if she wants to put up an equal investment.
Very interesting
Do you really not know the answer to your question?
She has told you that you have proven yourself not capable of approaching her in a fashion that isn’t triggering (this is not some grand judgment of you). Leave her alone or break up with her. Also, she won’t be 120 forever. Figure out your comfort level for the future.
She sounds a bit nuts.
Good question
I think he was raised catholic,
But I’m fairly certain he’s an atheist and jokingly states he’s Muslim. He’s sarcastic 99% of the time tho
Yes, eventually we both feel in love ?
We have been in long distance for few months . I am going to the same university as him this fall . I am sure I am going to see him as we have lot of common friends . I hope I can move on your then as I have few more months
This is why I don’t really get saving yourself until marriage. Tbh you’re probably not a great lover because you don’t have experience. Maybe you could bring that up to her. I always think it’s great to explore yourself sexually. It’s a lot more than just sticking it in.
Was your BF created in a red flag factory
Was your BF created in a red flag factory
My brother in Christ you need to be more concerned here.
I think you need to just tell her you are not interested in being in a relationship with someone who’s more concerned with entertaining someone else.
Good thinking. Good luck!
I would distance myself and stop myself from thinking of him anymore. He might still be a good friend overall, but if you have any sort of feelings they would only die down by staying away and focusing elsewhere.
You need couples therapy. You need to develop a healthier way to resolve disagreements so that you don't have to be constantly fighting, which I'm sure is contributing to her anxiety as well as your stress.
Beyond that, any good therapist will first look at improving her lifestyle and then at exposure therapy for specific social anxiety and CBT for general anxiety.
Meditation is great for stress and anxiety as well.
She did this for her own safety.
Church, grocery stores, volunteer opportunities such as a hospital, community events & local celebrations…
You can meet people anywhere and everywhere. You just need to get out there.
If he wanted to, he would find a way to do it.
What does he mean by 'money'? Like, he wants to have enough to buy you a ring, or enough to pay for a wedding or enough to buy a house first? What is the specific money goal that needs to be met before he will propose? And what do you see him doing on a regular, consistent basis, to meet that goal?
100% agreed. OP, what would you do if you guys bought a car- any car- together and you end uo breaking up befoere that car is paid off? Who'd get it? Sharing a car when not married and esp with someone in that much debt would defenitely not a smart decision
Friendship is not a binary condition. It ebbs and flows.
You would be better off trying to make new friends, rather than over-analyzing this particular friendship.
You are getting caught up in your expectations for this friendship, rather than accepting it for what it is.
Some “friends” do lie. Sometimes the lies are just harmless little fibs. Sometimes they suggest something more insidious. I don't particularly like lying as a character trait, but I know people are not perfect. When I catch someone lying to me in a way that doesn't really hurt me, I just make a mental note of it. If they are otherwise treating me otherwise well, I will still maintain a friendship.
It's only when a friend asks you for something that involves a lot of trust, like loaning them a big chunk of money, that you have to look back over these past incidents and decide whether you can trust them enough.
From what it sounds like, she hasn't asked anything of you that requires a huge amount of trust. But you have gone out of your way to move to where she is, and live close to her. That means that if the friendship isn't everything you hoped it would be, you really have yourself to blame putting so much faith into it because she didn't ask you to do that.
Don't get hung up on her saying that you are her “best friend”. Even if she means it, this term means different things to different people. You being her best friend may not mean the same thing as her being your best friend.
At the end of the day, the friendship is what is, which may not be what you expect it to be. It sounds like you would like a stronger friendship — or one that is at least stronger in certain ways.
But you can't magically turn the friendship into what you want it to be. You just need to let it naturally evolve. Maybe it will get stronger. Maybe it will not.
And since you can't control this, that's why I'm suggesting that the most pragmatic thing to do in this situation is to try to get more friends. That doesn't mean you abandon the current friendship. It just means that it will naturally grow stronger or fade over time, and you can't completely control that, because you can't control other people. It sounds like you have invested a lot in this friendship, and she has to decide if she wants to put up an equal investment.
You got this! Stay strong!
Jesus. Do you really need Reddit to help you figure out what the obvious solution is?
She should dump his ass.