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But I loveeeeee him ;(
He basically told you he's willing to throw away 15 thousand dollars to not on-line with you. That's a serious bitch slap to your self-esteem.
It's time to move on without him.
I'm so sorry. ?
Last time i was at a Halloween party with him, we barely interacted with each other. I had fun getting to know new people there as well.
But i guess at one point he left to a different party without telling me and i had to find him and join him because everyone else was leaving to a club.
I feel like at most parties, i can talk to new people or befriend them alright.
The Party he’s attending today, i don’t know anyone but the host so i’m not sure if they’re all with their so’s but it was mentioned that they should bring their plus ones.
Nonetheless, we’ve been having rough times in our relationship lately where we’ve been on a month break as well.
Things have been better since then but maybe there are more that hasn’t been resolved that’s causing this. Thanks for your insight.
It might be something deeper than sex. Talk to the girl. Get vulnerable together and be honest. Ask her if she's happy.
It’s not required but you can’t be fully committed to a person if you’re not married. Marriage is the ultimate commitment you make to someone, which is why it’s not easy to break up when you are married.
Do you pay for lots of stuff, or do stuff for her?
You don't have to stay with someone because they say so. Just leave if you're not being treated well.
I agree that this is painful to read.
OP, this woman has horrible deficits of her character. She’s probably cheating already and for a while, but even worse than that (IMO), she’s lying constantly and stringing you along while tanking your life together, and she has some self-righteous justification she uses to help her sleep at night. Even if she hasn’t physically cheated (profoundly unlikely IMO), she’s fully investing in this relationship and leaving you out to dry.
She should grow a spine and make decisions (leave a marriage she’s stepping out on, stop stepping out, whatever it is). Whatever she’s extracting from this situation (security and stability in stringing you along while neglecting you, fun and excitement and a self-esteem boost from him), she’s committed to having her cake and eating it.
This isn’t just neglecting you or just getting too “buddy-buddy” with him. This is tons of lying and manipulation to smooth things over. I’ve never cheated but I can understand the reasons people cheat even when I don’t respect the choice or I hope they grow as people. This… this is too much. And as stated elsewhere, my partner is currently getting his phone blown up by an eager suitor and that’s, like, cool and fun with me.
You know the whole “When people show you who they are, believe them” bit? Sometimes people show you they are devastating, selfish, and cruel. And it forces you to act.
OP, get a therapist for yourself even if you’re also trying to work things out in couples therapy. Just for you. Build your own support network. Make new friends.
Serious relationships are hard to disengage from, but it’s time to disengage even if you’re not ready to leave. I agree with Maximum-Plant that sometimes, it’s easier to invest in yourself first and leave later.
This doesn’t show any signs of being a situation where she’s physically putting you in danger through her misconduct, so if you don’t feel ready to call it and leave right now, maybe take some time to collect yourself, and shift your focus from doting on her and trying to revive a dead horse that is the ability to trust her and put it into your recovery.
This woman could never reasonably be considered a trustworthy partner again— even if she NEVER physically cheated, she’s been lying and manipulating and squeezing every last excuse out of you dishonestly to indulge her wants. Her willingness to divest in your relationship and focus her energy on this “new friend” and put you through all this rejection, neglect and turmoil makes her a lost cause even if they’ve actually never touched.
She has years of personal growth ahead of her to become a reliable and good partner even if she had an epiphany tomorrow, and it’s never worth waiting an epiphany that might never come.
Whatever you need to do for yourself to move on, start now. Reinvest in your education. Start therapy. Hit the gym. Buy a ton of books to read. The love notes won’t ever make her suddenly responsible and not-selfish and committed. Put that in creative hobbies, into your career, your houseplants, your future. I just bought a ton of books to help me train for a new skill in my field and am very excited to dive in. Do things like this. Make these next few months about you.
Even if you’re truly desiring to spend a few more months hoping and praying there’s been some terrible misunderstanding (there hasn’t) and things can improve (they might, but if they do you can count on it only being for her to keep her cake and eating it, not out of care for you)—
You still need to prepare yourself to be the person you want/need to be to walk out of the door. Find some trusted real-life supports and get support making a plan and restarting your life.
Hell, even if you really still want to work things out, this woman doesn’t value or respect you and she’s treating you like trash. Even if you try to sincerely keep her around (pulling for you that you don’t), you still need to fully invest in yourself and prepare yourself to walk out the door. No matter how she responds or if you think there’s a chance staying together, you need to change your life and become independent of this woman who’s acting like a horrible, selfish, lying child and disrespecting everything you two have had to get her ego wet and avoid her responsibility to work on your relationship or leave it.
Don’t approach this situation like you’re helpless or treat her like the prize you’re clinging to. She clearly isn’t that, and you need to take some time for yourself to decide what you need next in your life. I’m normally a longposter on reddit (sick in bed !) but this text is ALL driven by hoping you are able to pick up and move all the way on into a much, much better future that you deserve.
It's just letting go of your anger over it. You don't necessarily need to forget something in order to stop letting it upset you.
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Just another possible perspective:
If she doesn’t want to address the issues you can’t make her. You’re getting a lot of flack in here but it sounds to me like she’s probably just ignoring issues instead of tackling them and that’s very likely the way she handles all her problems. If that’s the case then it’s better that you steel your heart and break it off as this approach to problem solving is not conducive to a long term, healthy relationship.
Unfortunately I see this approach more and more often these days as people become less willing to do hard things, control themselves have discipline and sacrifice.
It’s very possible that she does have some medical or emotional issue, and that should be looked into before you up and leave. But Occom’s Razor, the only real issue is the biggest one we face as a culture today: laziness and entitlement.
Sweetie, for every guy who doesn’t care about your needs in sex, there’s another who will go above and beyond.
This guy doesn’t give AF about you
Sorry dude, I would NOT take her back. The fact that she did this and then wanted to come back means that she could decide to do so again at any time. I'm not sure how you could ever trust her again. I think you're better off divorcing and finalizing custody and being the best co-parent while moving on. If I were in your shoes, I just couldn't ever be comfortable in a relationship with someone who would do this.
im talking about you.
And saying what? There doesn't seem to be much to reply there, either.
You're accusing me of having an opinion on a forum? Is that what you're saying about me?
Idk lol.
Then what would you think is different between your behavior and that of a troll?
This is so sad. I'm sorry Op. Pls get this annulled ASAP!
Vagina troll?
Vagina troll?
On her previous posts about this guy and his behavior a year ago, people literally told her.. “He's your boyfriend, not your father”
She married him, said she might be pregnant, the guy is getting mad at her for trying to have a social life and she is being told.. He's your husband, not your father.
A good therapy surely is going to be needed. I'm shocked and have no idea on how to approach the situation too. To me it's sound like he completely lost his mind.
Maybe asking why exactly he got mad, not the fact, but what about it make him feel this way will give a hint, but probably is something deeper.
Is he also getting him expensive sunglasses?
I think his post in itself, is him acknowledging that not enough is happening to prevent his anxiety from affecting his marriage
We're u under the impression he was unaware?
Why would you mention anything about his spouse?
What does she have to do with it?
Was there an implication that's she's somehow responsible for his anxiety? Because she definitely isn't
There are resources to help people in his situation, I get the impression that he's posted on here because he needs help and doesn't know where to turn. We can help him.
It's always a possibility.
I mean, my ex was not a jealous guy, we were together for 6 years…but by the end of the relationship (about the last year), he started to get jealous/suss at me (I was not cheating).
I found out later on after we broke up that he had been cheating on me the last year of our relationship.
The art of deflection is not something uncommon. Since it is a possibility, people on Reddit often say there's that possibility that when a partner is acting so jealous that they're just deflecting.
Absolutely this!!! Why are you with this abuser??? Because that’s exactly what he is. What he’s said to you is inexcusable, but what he said to his cousin is absolutely unforgivable. There is absolutely no justification for his behavior. NONE. Please-have enough self respect to kick him to the curb.
You're “not saying it”, but you are in fact defending her.
Why would OP owe her makeup sex? That's lowkey disgusting. She should apologize to him
Abuse in form of controlling behavior
Annnd sexist.
Break it off
According to her, she just doesn't want me to like anything that she doesn't or is not familiar with.
I would not continue a relationship with someone who felt that way
If all of his ex partners were a disappointment – the disappointment is coming from inside the house.
He will probably just lie some more to justify
She didn't accept the break up and kept ignoring what i was saying basically showing no respect and showed up at my house threatening to break my car
You did this entirely to yourself, you and your husband both are low value partners. I guess your sister should thank you for taking two garbage people off the market in one fell swoop.
People like you who have zero loyalty to family are complete garbage.
No. He has chosen his mother to be his life partner. Move on with your life. He wants you for a concubine and incubator. Run.
Why not donate that money to an organization that supports domestic and sexual violence survivors? I really don't think randomly dropping a couple million dollars on an ex of years ago is a great idea, and could actually make her life more stressful.
You should talk with her, the whole thing sounds very suspicious.